Gray sat on the end of his bed, his head in his hands. In his mind he kept replaying the mission; looking for something that they had done wrong; something he could have done better. But it was no use; there was not an explanation. There was no reason Mark Sutton, Gray's best friend, had died. He had just died. Gray tried desperately to reconcile his feeling. Pull yourself together, Edwards, he kept telling himself. He hadn't been this upset since…since his sister had died.
Gray jumped as the buzzer to his room rang. Gray glanced at the door, knowing it was Aki. She had seen his face as the transport had flown back into the barrier. Gray smiled as he walked towards the door. As he opened the door, Gray smile faded; Colonel Hobbs stood in the hallway.
"Expecting someone?" Hobbs asked curiously, noting Gray demeanor.
"No, sir." Gray responded flatly.
Hobbs nodded his head, glanced up, "May I come in?"
Gray opened the door wider, allowing Hobbs to enter. Hobbs noted the neatness of the room, and chuckled to himself.
"Boy, now if I could keep my things this tidy, I'd probably be a general right now. Living large up there with the council." Hobbs announced as he sat in the only chair in the room. Gray stood "at ease" as Hobbs took out a cigar and lit it. Gray glanced down; slightly annoyed that Hobbs was smoking in his room.
"Does this bother you?" Hobbs asked indicating the cigar.
"No, sir." Gray responded again, flatly.
Hobbs jumped up from his seat, into Gray's face, "Don't bullshit me, boy! I can see it. I can see it in your eyes! You're mad as hell, but you don't have the balls to say anything. Tell me something, is it because you're worried about losing you're oh-so-precious DEEP EYES assignment? OR are you just plain chick shit!"
Gray glanced directly into Hobbs' eyes for a moment, and then looked away.
"I'm not you're boy, sir." Gray countered, rage simmering within Gray's eyes.
Hobbs' face relaxed and a half smile appeared on his face. Hobbs was satisfied with Gray's response. Hobbs sat back into the chair.
"Sit down, Edwards." Gray sat down on the edge of the bed looking very dangerous as Hobbs puffed on his cigar.
"Do you think this will be the last time you see someone die?" Hobbs inquired. "Do you think that you'll never lose? Being able to overcome tragedy is what makes a soldier great." Hobbs looked directly at Gray as he continued to speak.
"Do you think Patton always won the battle?"
"Losing friends, family, lovers is part of game. Teaching yourself that you will go on to make other friends, ones even closer than the ones before, will help lessen the pain. I can teach you all about that."
"Teach us about what!! About how to be inhuman! My very best friend is gone!! Can't I just…." Gray yelled picked up his helmet and threw it across the floor in frustration.
Hobbs smiled ironically, seeing himself in Gray 30 years ago. "It's okay to feel the pain. But don't let it eat you up from the inside. Sutton died an honorable death. He had great courage."
"Yeah and look what it got him." Gray replied mockingly.
"Yeah, look what it got him. The respect of colonel and the love of a best friend. Its more than most people have in a lifetime." Hobbs got up and walked towards the door as Gray contemplated what he had just said. Gray put his head back into his hands.
"You know, courage isn't the absence of fear. But rather the judgment that there is something out there more important that fear. The brave don't live forever, but the cautious don't live at all."
Gray's head came up from its dejected position, staring curiously at the colonel as he continued.
"From here on out you will be traveling the road between who you think you are and who you can be. The key is having the courage to allow yourself to make the journey."
1800 hours – Sector 1 Mess Hall
Aki walked apprehensively towards the half empty round table set off away from the other tables. The other members of the team, those who survived anyway, were seated around the table. No one was talking as she reached the table, most didn't even look up from the table as she sat. "Where's Gray?" Aki wondered. She had wanted desperately to go to him, knowing that he was upset about loosing Mark. She wasn't quite sure what she could have done, or could have said to him, to help him. All she knew is that she wanted to see him. Hobbs had ordered them to have dinner together tonight, and Aki knew Gray would be here. She just didn't know when.
Aki was so engrossed in her thoughts that she didn't notice that the person she was thinking about had just walked in. Gray didn't want to be here, but Hobbs had said that he had to be here. Gray had thought a long time about what Hobbs said. He didn't understand all of what the colonel had said. Was he telling Gray that he had to 'live' more? What did that mean? Living in this time was just surviving day to day, hoping the barrier didn't fail. No ties, no relationships, no future. Gary paused in the food line as the thought ran though his mind. No future? Is that how he was? He looked over his shoulder at were Aki was sitting. No future. If he really thought there was no future, why did the thought of losing Aki, and for that matter Mark, scare the hell out of him.
Gray moved directly towards the table. The atmosphere was oppressive. He looked around the table, four empty chairs sat in a row across from him. The empty chairs seem to declare his failure to save his teammates. Gray took a deep breath and sat between Aki and Santano.
Aki started as Gray quickly sat down. She was so engrossed in her thoughts; she hadn't known he was there. Gray glanced around the table, then at her. She must have been openly gaping at him, because Gray cocked a half smile and winked quickly in her direction. Aki silently gasped at his display, looking casually around to she if anyone had noticed. Everyone else was looking straight down at his or her plate staring at his or her food.
No one said a word, the minutes ticked by. Aki didn't have an appetite, nor did most of the others. Everyone started as the colonel slapped down his food tray on the table and sat.
"Good evening!" Hobbs announced loudly. Everyone stared as he actually smiled at everyone, nodding to each, acknowledging each and everyone at the table.
"I'm starved! I could eat out the ass end of a dead rhino!" Hobbs rubbed his hands together enthusiastically, gabbing his fork and diving into his food.
They didn't know if they should be more amazed by his appetite, or the fact that he was in the mess hall eating dinner with the troops. Most CO's eat privately in their office or in a separate area. Hobbs continued to wolf his food down with gusto. Hobbs glanced up, his fork mid way between his plate and his mouth. He looked around curiously. He put his fork down and wiped his mouth with the paper napkin from his lap.
"Is the food not to your liking?" He asked everyone as he took a sip from his water bottle. "I wish this was bourbon" Hobbs mused as he swallowed. His gazed settled on Gray, almost daring him to speak. It was like to bulls in the same corral; Each staring the other down, seeing which was going to make the first move.
"The food's fine, sir. But I don't think that we have much of an appetite this evening." Aki answered tentatively, the only one at the table who recognized the battle being waged between Hobbs and Gray.
"So, he's going to let his girlfriend save him." Hobbs thought to himself as he glanced at Aki.
"And do you speak for everyone, Dr. Ross?" Hobbs countered, see how far Gray would remain silent.
"I, huh, believe I do, sir." Aki answered cautiously, looking around for anyone to counter her statement.
"Well. I guess we're just all going to pretend that what happened today, didn't really happen, huh? Is that it? Are you afraid of what you're feeling?" Hobbs stared pointedly at each and everyone as they looked up at his comments.
"Feelings are strengths. But you need to understand and control them. It's okay to feel grief, sadness, failure, and guilt. It's even okay to feel joy, happiness, and love. Otherwise what the hell are we risking our lives for?" Hobbs looked back at Gray, the tension gone from his posture.
"Now, everyone better eat because I need each and everyone of you at 110%." Hobbs took another mouthful of food. Everyone picked up their forks again, and began to eat slowly.
0800 hours - Six months later
The days had started to have a routine. After that first horrible mission, Hobbs had begun to retrain each team members. The days were filled with combat simulations, discussions and arguments. Hobbs was very impressed with the progress each team member was making. The missions were running smoothly, but not without a few causalities. But the team didn't view it as personal failure any longer, more like team failure. The team was beginning to retrain the other soldiers in Sector 1. Slowly but surely the Sector was making progress clearing the area of phantoms. A new barrier was in place and construction had begun on civilian living quarters. Why civilians wanted to come to this sector, Hobbs was completely clueless.
Aki and Gray's relationship continued. Both of them worried they would get caught, but neither wanted to end it. Hobbs had known for months about Gray and Aki's relationship. Anyone would be blind to not see it. But, most of the higher brass was blind and Hobbs could care less. He watched carefully to make sure that their relationship didn't hamper their abilities. And from what Hobbs had seen so far, it hadn't.
With everything going so well in Sector 1 Hobbs knew that it wouldn't be long before the council would move him to the next command. Secretly Hobbs had hoped that he could finally stop moving. He had hoped that the council would see fit to give him command of the entire DEEP EYES. Most of the council had expressed their desire to give him the command of the DEEP EYES, but Hobbs wasn't a politician. He wouldn't cater to anyone, which made it unlikely that the council choose him – even though they thought he was the best man for the job. Hobbs smiled inwardly as he sat at his little used desk, puffing at the newly lit cigar. He glanced at the monitor on his desk, smirking at what it said.
To: Colonel AJ Hobbs, Commanding Officer Sector 1
From: Strategic Military Command
Classified Secret
The council is please to announce that Major Hein has been selected a commander of the DEEP EYES squadrons. The council is certain that Major Hein will contribute to the development and enhancement of the DEEP EYE teams. His courage, bravery and willingness to do whatever it takes for the safety of the human race makes him the ideal commander of this elite group of soldiers. Major Hein will be touring each sector in the next few weeks, please prepare your commands accordingly for his arrival.
Hobbs hit the delete key in disgust. "There goes the fucking neighborhood!" Hobbs grumbled to himself as he rose from him chair. Hobbs took a deep calming breath.
"You're a solider, old man. Not a politician. You shouldn't care who got command of the DEEP EYES." Hobbs thought to himself. But he did care and he wanted to say something about it. Maybe it was time for him to stop fighting. Maybe he was getting too old for all this.
"Yeah, it's time, old man." Hobbs announced to himself, seemingly satisfied and dissatisfied at the same time.