New Parking Restrictions
"This is Principal Kelly with a notice about Parking Restrictions. Students are not allowed to park their vehicles in the faculty parking lot. Students are not allowed to park boats, RV's, tanks, tractors, or any other vehicle in the faculty parking lot.
"Students are not allowed to leave animals or livestock of any kind in the faculty parking lot. (Examples: Horses, Elephants, Giraffes, etc…)
Students are not allowed to sell parking spaces in the faculty parking lot.
Due to the unusually high number of incidents, no student is allowed anywhere near the faculty parking lot! EVER!
Drag racing in the parking lot is forbidden.
Students are not allowed to park on the lawn.
Students are not allowed to set off fireworks of any kind in the parking lot.
Students are not allowed to paint extra lines, extra arrows, pictures or murals of any kind in the parking lot.
Students are prohibited from bringing a jackhammer in order to dig up the parking lot. I don't know how that buried treasure rumor got started, but it's obviously a lie!
Students are prohibited from starting bonfires in the parking lot.
Music from car radios will be kept at a low level. Yesterday due to the high decibel levels several car windows were shattered including mine!
Please leave the parking lot in a safe and orderly manner. No cutting each other off or speeding. I do not want a repeat of yesterday's 18-car pile up! Luckily no one was injured.
Failure to do so will result in suspension of parking privileges. Unless you are willing to pay a fine of $500. If so come see me in my office. That is all."