Thursdays are Such Fun Days
The next day Kelly got some visitors. "Superintendent Harris?" He looked at him. "What's this all about?"
"Kelly you reek of scotch! Listen up! Do you remember when you hired a certain Mr. Mulligan?" Harris spoke.
"Three months ago," Kelly nodded. "A fine teacher."
"I'm afraid he's not a teacher," A bearded man spoke. "I'm Doctor Blake. I run the Bayville Hospital for the Bewildered. Mr. Mulligan is one of my patients. I should say he was until four months ago when he escaped."
"Oh no," Kelly gulped. "Is he dangerous?"
"No but he thinks he's certain historical figures from time to time," Dr. Blake told him.
"I never would have guessed," Kelly said. "Are you sure? He's such a nice man."
"A nice man who wears an Attila the Hun costume to work?" Harris snapped.
"Well I always thought he was dressing up as some kind of instructional aide," Kelly said.
"Kelly didn't you think it strange when Mr. Mulligan started having his students dress up like Vikings and 'invade' other classrooms?" Superintendent Harris asked.
"Are you kidding?" Kelly looked at him. "This is Bayville High, capital of Strangeness! We had a teacher turn himself into a monster! Just this morning the football team's mascot was attacked by the chess team's mascot!"
"The chess team has a mascot?" Harris blinked. "Never mind, the thing is Dr. Blake is here to take him back."
"Does he have to?" Kelly asked. "We're running kind of low on teachers around here."
Before Dr. Blake could say anything he noticed someone was hanging outside Kelly's window. "Who is that?"
Kelly opened the window. "Tolensky!" He shouted at the amphibian like boy. "What are you doing out there?"
Todd looked around. "Nothing."
"Get in here!" Kelly dragged him in here. "Why aren't you in class?"
"Would you believe I fell?" Todd looked at him.
"Anybody else no," Kelly groaned. "You definitely."
"Who is this student?" Harris asked.
"This is Todd Tolensky," Kelly pointed. "Dr. Blake how about taking him instead?"
"Take me where?" Todd looked at the doctor.
"Come on, what do you say?" Kelly asked. "He's much more interesting than Mr. Mulligan! Tell him Tolensky! Tell him about the time you let all the frogs loose in the hallways and had a party for them in my office!"
Something told Todd that this would be a very good time to act dumb. "What frogs?"
"The frogs you had the other day!" Kelly shouted. "Remember you sent them to the library because you wanted them to get an education!"
"I did?"
"YES!" Kelly shouted. "Tell them about Bubba!"
"Who's Bubba?" Todd blinked innocently.
"THE FROG THAT TOLD ME I SHOULD HAVE A PIECE OF CAKE!" Kelly shouted grabbing Todd by the shoulders and shaking him.
"Kelly stop that!" Harris and Dr. Blake pulled him away from Kelly.
"He traumatized me!" Todd yelped. "I wanna see a lawyer! I'll sue!"
"Oh good god no," Harris snapped. "Kelly may I have a word with you in private?" He pushed him out of the office, leaving Todd alone with Dr. Blake.
"Are you all right young man?" Dr. Blake asked.
"Oh yeah," Todd nodded. "Hey doc, between you and me I think Kelly needs a vacation. He's a little stressed."
"He's not the only one," Dr. Blake said. "Phew! When's the last time you had a shower?"
"I have one every month," Todd told him. "You're a doctor huh? Wanna see my tongue?" Todd stuck his tongue out at him. Dr. Blake's eyes widened as it went three feet past him. He pulled it back in and smiled.
"I did not see that," Dr. Blake told himself. He called the other two back in. "Kelly, Harris! Check out this boy's tongue!" Todd did, but only did it the 'normal' way like any other student. "I was right. I didn't see that."
"See what?" Kelly asked.
"Nothing," Dr. Blake shook his head. "I've been overworked lately. Yeah. That's it. Stress."
"Tolensky go to class and try not to fall out of the window this time," Kelly groaned. Todd left.
"Why don't you take me to Mr. Mulligan," Dr. Blake asked. So the three men wandered down the hallway.
"I've heard there's a lot of unusual activity at this school," Dr. Blake blanched when he saw several teachers drinking in the teacher's lounge.
"That's one way of putting it," Kelly sighed as he looked up and noticed that someone had glued a toilet seat to the ceiling.
Suddenly a student dressed up as a hawk ran through the halls. A student dressed as a chess piece was chasing him. "COME BACK HERE YOU GIANT CHICKEN!" The chess piece screamed.
A teacher ran after them. "Don't worry I've got the situation in hand!" She shouted. "Boys! Stop it! Can't we all just get along?" They ran down the hall and out of sight.
"No wonder Mr. Mulligan was able to get away with posing as a teacher for so long," Dr. Blake groaned. "He's the only sane one in this nuthouse!" Just then the ground shook. "What was that?"
"Oh just an earthquake," Kelly sighed.
"Earthquake?" Blake gulped.
"Yes we seem to get them at least twice a week," Kelly said. "Here we are, room 122." He opened the door. "Oh my…"
The entire class was sitting in a boat in the middle of the classroom. Mr. Mulligan was wearing a blue cape, a white wig and a tri-cornered hat. "Stroke!" He shouted to the students who where 'paddling' the boat. "Stroke! We have to Cross the Delaware if we are to invade!"
"You got it General Washington!" One of the students saluted.
"Need any further proof?" Dr. Blake asked.
Mr. Mulligan looked up and frowned when he saw them. "Um, take care troops, I have to confer with my generals over here." He walked over to them. "Dr. Blake…"
"Mr. Mulligan," Dr. Blake looked at him. "We've been busy haven't we?"
"Uh I can explain," Mr. Mulligan gulped. "It's really kind of funny."
"Yeah so funny we're all gonna get sued when this gets out," Harris moaned.
One of the students came up to them. Dr. Blake could have sworn that the student looked…blurry? "Uh, Mr. Mulligan," Kurt gulped. "I uh, need to use the bathroom!"
"Oh go ahead Kurt," Mr. Mulligan waved. The boy left for the bathroom down the hallway. "Now is there a problem gentlemen?"
"On no," Harris said. "Other than the fact that a person has been teaching at this school without proper certification. And that this said person is an escapee from a mental institution. Nothing wrong. Just peachy keen!"
As Harris was haranguing Mulligan, Dr. Blake happened to look outside the window. To his shock he saw Todd crawling along the side of a building. "WHAT THE HECK!" He shouted. Just before the others looked at what he was shouting at, Todd hopped out of sight.
"What is it Dr. Blake?" Kelly asked.
"That boy!" Dr. Blake ran to the window. "I saw a student crawling along the side of the building!"
"Dr. Blake, we had this conversation once," Mr. Mulligan said. "You told me that people flying and crawling on the ceiling did not exist anywhere but the comics and movies."
"I know that but I know what I saw!" The doctor shouted. "It was that weird looking kid that fell out the window!"
"What you're saying Tolensky has some kind of super powers?" Kelly looked at him.
"And you think I'm nuts?" Mulligan told him.
"The only power that kid has is the power to annoy," Harris grumbled. "And to knock people unconscious with his body odor."
"Doctor obviously you were seeing things," Kelly said.
"DON'T PATRONIZE ME!" Dr. Blake shouted. "I KNOW WHAT I SAW!" He grabbed a walkie-talkie. "Stephen, Robert! Be on the look out for a kid climbing the walls!"
"What somebody's on drugs there?" A voice cracked into the walkie-talkie.
"NO YOU IDIOT! Someone is actually climbing the walls of the school!" Dr. Blake shouted.
A pause. Then the voice said. "We'll be right over."
"Maybe you should come outside in the hallway," Kelly said, gently guiding Dr. Blake outside.
"What a wacko," One student snickered.
"I heard that!" Dr. Blake glared at the kid. Kelly took him outside. "What kind of place is this Kelly?" He asked when he, Mulligan, Kelly and Harris were outside.
"There is nothing abnormal about this school Dr. Blake," Harris began. Then they all heard a strange boinging sound. "What's that noise?"
Something small and black was bouncing down the hallway. It bounced past them. "Is that…a muffin?" Dr. Blake looked as the bouncing object disappeared down the hall.
"Actually it's a scone," Kelly gulped. "They're doing muffins in Home Ec next week."
"OW!" Someone shouted. They looked and saw two men in white coats coming down the hallway. "What the heck hit me in the leg?"
"It was a scone," Dr. Blake said testily.
"Doc have you been sampling your pills again?" One of the orderlies from the hospital looked at him.
"No I haven't!" Dr. Blake glared at him. "I need you men to take this man back to the asylum!"
"I am not crazy," Mr. Mulligan snipped. "I was dressing like this to teach my students about history. I'm a teacher."
"Well being crazy is a requirement for the job," Kelly muttered.
"This better not be another false alarm," One of the orderlies grumbled. "We can't afford another lawsuit."
"Lawsuit?" Mr. Mulligan perked up. "Anybody know a lawyer?"
"Excuse me please I just need to use the bathroom," Dr. Blake mopped his forehead and went into the bathroom. Ten seconds later….
"MONSTERS!" Dr. Blake screamed as he ran out. "I saw a blue demon! I swear! In the bathroom!"
"It's not there now," One of the orderlies looked in.
"Well of course not," Dr. Blake snapped. "It disappeared in a puff of smoke! Hey! What are you doing? Let go of me!" The orderlies grabbed him by the arms and marched him off. "HE'S THE NUTCASE! NOT ME!"
"Sorry to bother you sir," One of them said to Mr. Mulligan. "He's been on edge lately."
"I told you he'd snap one day," The other one said. "You owe me five bucks." They dragged him away. Kelly and Harris looked at each other, then at Mr. Mulligan.
"Mulligan I'll make a deal," Harris looked at him. "We won't tell anyone about this if you won't!"
"Okay," Mr. Mulligan smiled. "Well if you'll excuse me, I have to finish crossing the Delaware and invade!" He saluted and marched off to his classroom.
"Kelly," Harris asked. "Do you have any more of that scotch in your office?"