Warning: The following chapter is totally insane. It was written while the author was drinking several large Coffee Coolatas! If you are looking for something meaningful and full of angst, you are in the wrong place! If you are looking for something very silly and very pointless and want to see adult figures go nuts, well read on.

Friday Freak Out

"Superintendent Harris this is not my fault!" Principal Kelly shouted.

"Of course it's your fault you hired her!" Harris shouted.

"The voices tell me the people need a champion!" Mrs. Jupiter stood on top of a table in the cafeteria while dozens of bewildered students watched. She was dressed in a black hat, mask and cape as well as her regular dress. "I AM EL KABONG!" She shouted as she waved a wooden guitar wildly.

"Hey she was normal when I hired her!" Kelly snapped.

"Toad I told you not to put those spiders in her purse!" Fred whispered to him in the back.

"I was saving them for a snack!" Todd hissed back. "Besides I'm not the one who put a firecracker in her desk!" He glared at Tabitha.

"Hey she gave me a detention!" Tabitha snapped. "What was I supposed to do? Forget about it? Okay maybe I went to far when I also dropped one of my energy bombs when she was in the toilet…"

"Maybe I shouldn't have super-glued her butt to the chair yesterday," Pietro said.

"EL KABONG WILL FIGHT EVIL!" Mrs. Jupiter shouted jumping from table to table.

"Shouldn't that be Ella Kabong or something?" Tabitha asked. "I wish I paid better attention in Spanish."

"Only seven and a half hours to go," Kelly rubbed his temple. "Then this week will be over!"

"That's not all that's gonna be over if you don't catch her!" Harris snapped. He stormed up to her. "Mrs. Jupiter you…"

KA-BONG! She thwacked Harris on the head with the guitar.

"I think we all saw that one coming," Kelly groaned as the other teachers tried to restrain her. "Well at least I won the betting pool. Anybody wanna help me take Superintendent Harris to the Nurse?"

The next thing Harris knew, someone was shoving some scotch between his lips. "What the…?" He sat up sputtering.

"Oh you're awake!" Mrs. Dooney, the school nurse smiled. "Good you won't need this any more!" She took a swig of the scotch.

"Oh my head," Harris groaned. "Got anything to stop the ringing in my ears?"

"Here," The school nurse handed him some pills. "Have some."

"Thanks," Harris swallowed the pills. "I needed some aspirin."

"Aspirin?" The nurse looked at him. "This is the nurse's office, I don't carry aspirin."

"Well what did you give me?" Harris asked.

"I dunno," She shrugged. "But whatever it was it's gotta work, right?"

"Oh no…" Harris gulped as the world around him began to swirl in many different colors.

Not long after the students filed into the auditorium for the assembly. "Man what a day," Pietro chuckled. "A teacher goes nuts and an assembly! It doesn't get any better than this!"

"What is this stupid assembly for anyway?" Lance groaned.

"Some kind of awards/Senior thing," Todd shrugged. "Hey it gets us out of class and lets me get some shut eye."

"Oh don't go to sleep," Pietro smirked. "The entertainment is about to start!"

"What did you do?" Lance looked at him.

"Let's keep it a surprise shall we?" Pietro snickered.

"Good Morning students!" Kelly spoke into the microphone. "Before we begin the awards ceremony I'd like to take a moment to express my congratulations to all you Seniors for your hard work. We've put together a little slideshow presentation to reflect on the past year." He motioned for the lights to go down and the slideshow started. "Please let something go right today!" He prayed softly.

The slideshow started off well. Pictures of Bayville High and its students set to rock music. Students in the halls that were going to class. Students skateboarding in the halls. Students having food fights. Students asleep in class. Half the school's football team in dresses…

"WHAT!" Duncan shouted when he saw himself wearing something in pink chiffon. "HOW DID THAT GET IN THERE?"

"So that's what happened when we passed out the other day," One football player groaned.

More pictures followed. More food fights and students acting silly. Pictures of students and teachers partying in the hallways. Then there was a particularly interesting shot of the inside of the girl's locker room.

"WHOEVER DID THAT IS DEAD!" Taryn shouted. "YOU HEAR ME! DEAD!"

"I told you she stuffed her bra," Tabitha snickered.

"Jean…are those my boxer shorts you're wearing?" Scott gulped.

"Uh…no," Jean turned red.

"Oh man Kurt and Ray are missing the show of a lifetime!" Bobby drooled. He was hit in the head by several objects that were thrown at him. "What did I say?" Several more objects were thrown at him.

Meanwhile Kurt once again was having trouble with his image inducer. "This thing goes on the fritz way too often!" He grumbled to Ray. They were in the Boy's bathroom trying to fix it.

"Well maybe if you didn't play with it so much," Ray groaned. "Here, try a little juice." He gave a brief spark. However, it didn't just hit Kurt's holowatch.

"YEOW!" Kurt yelped. "What are you trying to do? Fry me?"

"Oh what a beautiful morning," Harris walked into the bathroom singing with a goofy grin. "Oh what a beautiful day! I've got a beautiful feeling! Everything's going my way! Oh good morning students! What are you doing here on such a nice day? You should be in class. Forget that. Skip school! It's too nice a day to be inside!"

"Uh are you feeling okay sir?" Kurt asked.

"I feel great!" Harris said. "Wanna see me do some push ups?" He dropped to the floor and did several.

"What's wrong with him?" Kurt whispered to Ray.

"Dude he's high as a kite," Ray whispered back. "So much for all those 'Just Say No' lectures."

"High?" Kurt looked at him. "You mean he's on drugs?"

"Okay now let's see how fast I can jump rope!" Harris got up a little too quickly and stumbled toward them. "Oops! Who put that floor there? What was I gonna do? Oh yeah! Hopscotch!" He began to hop around on one foot.

"Yup," Ray waved his hand in front of his face. "He's gone all right. And that's not all he's on! Whew! How much does this guy drink?"

Before Kurt could say something else, his image inducer shorted out. Harris looked at him and started laughing. "Ohhh! A demon!" He giggled. "I am soooooo scared! Well Mr. Demon…Boo! Nyah Nyah!" He stuck his tongue out at him and made faces. "You don't fool me one bit! You're not a demon at all! You're Merlin the Happy Pig! Ha Ha!" Harris kept laughing as he went outside.

"Okay that was too weird," Kurt gulped.

"Well at least no one will believe him," Ray said. "I mean he's totally out of it. But just in case I think you'd better head back home. And I'll go see the school nurse…"

"Are you nuts? Have you met our school nurse?" Kurt told him. "Trust me, we're better off on our own! You'd better tell Principal Kelly."

"Good idea," Ray nodded. "He should be in the auditorium by now. I'll go tell him what's going on and you go home! Hurry before anybody misses you!"

As it turned out no one was missing him. They were too busy staring at all the pictures from the locker rooms. Tabitha had taken a few pics from the boy's locker room as well. "I didn't know Duncan had a tattoo there," She smiled.

"I didn't want to know that!" Todd snapped. "Way too much information!"

"Okay that is enough!" Kelly waved frantically trying to get the person running the slideshow to stop. "I mean this is so juvenile! I am appalled. I am shocked! I am…HOW THE HELL DID THAT GET UP THERE?" He screamed as he saw himself kissing his secretary on the screen.

"Hey is Kelly married?" Fred asked.

"If he is, he won't be for long," Todd told him.

"TURN THAT OFF!" Kelly shouted, tacking the slideshow. The entire auditorium was hooting and hollering. "My career is going to be ruined. This day can't get any worse!"

"BE FREE! BE FREE!" Harris screamed as he ran across the stage. He was wearing butterfly wings strapped to his back. "FREE ALL THE FURRY DEMONS! THEY'RE PEOPLE TOO! WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

Kelly's jaw fell open as he watched Harris dance across the stage. "Stupid response," He muttered. "This is Bayville. Of course things can get worse around here!"

"Principal Kelly!" Ray came into the auditorium. "Superintendent Harris is acting really weird! And…" He looked at the stage. Harris had removed his shirt and jacket and was now trying to do some type of interpretive ballet. Either that or he had a seizure and liked it.

"Oh really," Kelly snapped at him. "I didn't notice!"

"I don't know what he's on," One of the teachers remarked. "But I hope that there's more left."

"You'd better call the hospital or something," Mrs. Hawkins blinked.

"Don't worry," Kelly sighed. "I have it on speed dial. This is the second Superintendent that's gone insane this month!"

"EL KABONG LIVES! AAAAHHAHHAHAHA!" Mrs. Jupiter swung in on a rope towards the stage. Three orderlies burst into the auditorium and started to try and catch her.

"Sorry about this sir," One of them said. "She got away from us."

"Well you can take Superintendent Harris as well," Kelly groaned.

"This is the coolest school I was ever in!" Fred laughed. "Hey look at that! Now Harris and Jupiter are having some kind of kickboxing match! I'd never thought I'd say this but I love school! It's about time they made it more interesting!"

"Five bucks says that she'll take out an orderly with that guitar of hers," Todd said.

"You're on!" Lance shouted.

"This is not my life!" Kelly groaned. "This is not my life! This can't be my life!"

"Hey Kelly," Another orderly came up to him. "Did you know your school's nurse is passed out drunk on the front lawn?"

"Oh god!" Kelly moaned. "If this keeps up I'll end up in the nuthouse as well as half the staff! Maybe I should just reserve a room right now to avoid the rush."

Disclaimer: The author in no way condones driving teachers insane or putting up revealing slideshows. The author does not imply that all teachers, school nurses or anyone else in the educational system are drug addicted alcoholic lunatics, so don't sue me! (Of course in my experience some of them may be better off if they were…) This is fantasy people, see? So you can't blame me if your school's principal goes insane! Ha Ha!