A/N :I'm soo sorry for the delay, there was some strange things going on at
FF.N the first time I tried uploading this chapter, and it didn't work. But
now I hope it'll working out fine, because I'm finally finished with
chapter five!! Thanks to Lady Doncaster, and Peep! This one's for you!
Enjoy! And of course... REVIEW!
5: COMPLEX
Lucius Malfoy was very happy. Very self-satisfied. Quite enjoying the moment.
"Boyfriend's locking you out, eh?" He leaned against the cold stonewall and watched Avalon Lambert standing outside Slytherin entrance with great amusement. He would have expected a "sod off", but was given a quite surprising respond.
Avalon turned around in a flash and grabbed Lucius by his shoulders, looking desperate.
"You need to let me in, Lucius! I don't know the password, and Severus is in there, I've GOT to talk to him!" Lucius almost dropped his jaw, but them got an even more self-satisfied look on his pale face.
"Begging me for help, are we? Desperately begging on your knees, are you?" In an instant, Avalon pressed him up against the wall with such force he lost his breath.
"Don't push it!" She growled dangerously. "Either you're gonna let me in, or you'll be leaving with your wand shoved up your arse!"
Lucius looked convinced, he feared Avalon was a "man" of her word as well as Severus…
"Geez, what is with the threatening already…?" He muttered and stepped up to the entrance.
"Dagger blade. Cosy password, eh?" he joked and smiled a little at Avalon. Avalon didn't give a shit about the password; as soon as the door opened she ran over Lucius and flew up the stair to Severus' door.
Then she got a little uncertain of what to say. She knocked softly.
"Severus…?" No answer. God dammit…
"Severus. Open the door… please?" What's the use anyway?
"Alohomora." The door clicked open. A big surprise. Severus always used some extra spell to make the door unbreakable.
She stepped in.
Severus was actually standing up, by the window, his back was turned to her and his hair had fallen over his face. He looked really calm, judging by the way his tall dark figure was standing completely still.
"I…" Avalon started. "I wanted you to know that… I don't blame you. That thing in the courtroom, I just… it was such a shock and…"
She noticed the purple potion stains on the wall and the broken bottles lying on all over the floor. Severus didn't move.
"You know… you never told me your father… was…"
Then he moved. Not much though, the just pressed his hands against his face, wishing he could go under ground.
"I- I guess I should have known…" Avalon continued. "I mean, taking the way he always acted about us, and… I saw what kind of person he was… I know this must be strange for you…"
"He was my father." Severus suddenly snapped. Avalon went quiet.
She could hear Severus was breathing hard in frustration.
"I know he was a Death Eater, and he wasn't the best father ever, and know I know he killed your parents, but he was… he is my father." As he said this, he turned around, facing Avalon with such darkness in his eyes her blood froze. Was he acting defensive? Avalon didn't even dare to think about it.
"I know that, Severus, it's not like you have to remind of how complicated this has turned out to be! But I thought you never… never liked him, did he ever act like a father to you?" She stepped closer to him; trying to make deeper contact than the cold, shallow look he was giving her. "Did he ever love you like a father should?" When she reached out to touch his shoulder, Severus snapped away from her and almost screamed:
"How would you know!? You never knew him! He was a father in other ways! He was the only person I had in my life! When my mother moved away, it was all up to him! You…" Severus turned away again. "You don't know what you're talking about."
Now it was Avalon's turn to loose her temper.
"Don't know what I'm talking about?!" She growled and turned Severus around forcefully. "I WOULDN'T KNOW? I took care of you! You came crawling up on my doorstep every night, beaten to a bloody pulp! I washed that blood from your face, I watched over you and held you in my arms until you fell asleep! You can't possibly tell me that I DON'T KNOW!" Avalon stared into his eyes, and saw nothing but emptiness. She quietly let go of his shirt and lowered her head a bit.
"Would you listen to your self?" Severus said. "Look at us, this is fucking crazy! It's too complex, leave me alone!" Severus got up to leave, but Avalon pleadingly grabbed his wrist.
"I just want to know how feel about this." She said quietly.
Severus stopped and turned his head away.
"I feel like an orphan." Avalon's grip around his wrist tightened a bit.
"That makes two of us." She answered. Severus turned around.
"You see? We obviously bring nothing but pain into each other's life." And with that he tore himself away from her and sunk down on his bed, face turned away.
"Severus, please don't shut me out of your life." Avalon pleaded.
Severus closed his eyes as he forced himself to say the one word he wished he didn't have to utter:
"Leave." A tear trickled down Avalon's face, and she rushed over to his side.
"Severus, please-"
"Don't you see?" Severus whispered. "Can't you see what's happening to us? Your parents, your home, my father, my family-name. Nothing but pain. It couldn't possibly, ever be the same again." Avalon bit her lip. Hard.
"We just can't give up on each other now, can we? It couldn't end here, this… this can't be it, right?" Severus refused to meet her eyes, nor would he grab her hand in the comforting way he always did.
"Then how come it is?"
Avalon was walking back to Gryffindor Tower. She was cold, her whole body was shivering even though she was well dressed and the castle had been warmed up for the coming winter.
When she stopped outside the portrait whole, a realisation hit her. She hadn't been in the Gryffindor Tower since she found out about her parents. She had spent the night at Severus', gone to court the next day… Avalon stepped into the common room, still and looked around solemnly.
Immediately, Lily Evans got up from a chair near the fire and rushed over to her.
"Avalon? Oh God, have I been worried sick about you! What happened, you weren't in class today, Dumbledore said you had special reasons, and you didn't come to the dorms the night before… Where have you been?" She said all this very fast and in one single breath. Avalon kept staring at the floor.
"Avalon is something wrong, you look so sad?" Lily asked concerned. That was it, she couldn't hold anything in anymore. In front of every Gryffindor in the common room she burst into tears, and she didn't even try to hide it. The sobs shook her whole body, and Lily quickly embraced her, trying to let her relax.
"Oh Jesus, Avy… What has happened to you? C'mon, let's go to our room and we can talk." She led Avalon up the stairs and closed the door behind them. And so Avalon told her everything about her parents' death, which she hadn't even had time to mourn for more than one night, and then the trial and Severus father. And how Severus had burst into an emotional explosion of shame, anger, and fear for her, and how he had rejected her. For ever.
"And I don't know how to handle it, I mean what can I do? I can't do a thing, for Severus made it perfectly clear this was going to be too hard for him. He'd rather be alone for the rest of his life…"
Lily got herself together pretty quickly after hearing the shocking story, and sat down next to Avalon.
"I have no answers for you, Avalon, they're yours to find. All I can tell you is that you have to sleep now, and collect your strength, or you will break apart."
"You mean even more than I already have."
A/N: *big yawn* Oh it's midnight and I've got a school day tomorrow, uuhhh, I'm gonna be a zombie again… Anyway, these kind of chapters always get me tired. Really tired. Really sad actually, really fucking too bad for those two… But just so you know, the story is NOT over yet, you thought I was gonna leave you at this?? Hell no, I'm not that cruel! Even though she's a little confused right now, Avalon is not the girls who takes no for an answer.
Now R.E.V.I.E.W for Christ's sake! If you don't keep me going on this, then you ain't gonna be able to read the ending!
Hugs, J
Enjoy! And of course... REVIEW!
5: COMPLEX
Lucius Malfoy was very happy. Very self-satisfied. Quite enjoying the moment.
"Boyfriend's locking you out, eh?" He leaned against the cold stonewall and watched Avalon Lambert standing outside Slytherin entrance with great amusement. He would have expected a "sod off", but was given a quite surprising respond.
Avalon turned around in a flash and grabbed Lucius by his shoulders, looking desperate.
"You need to let me in, Lucius! I don't know the password, and Severus is in there, I've GOT to talk to him!" Lucius almost dropped his jaw, but them got an even more self-satisfied look on his pale face.
"Begging me for help, are we? Desperately begging on your knees, are you?" In an instant, Avalon pressed him up against the wall with such force he lost his breath.
"Don't push it!" She growled dangerously. "Either you're gonna let me in, or you'll be leaving with your wand shoved up your arse!"
Lucius looked convinced, he feared Avalon was a "man" of her word as well as Severus…
"Geez, what is with the threatening already…?" He muttered and stepped up to the entrance.
"Dagger blade. Cosy password, eh?" he joked and smiled a little at Avalon. Avalon didn't give a shit about the password; as soon as the door opened she ran over Lucius and flew up the stair to Severus' door.
Then she got a little uncertain of what to say. She knocked softly.
"Severus…?" No answer. God dammit…
"Severus. Open the door… please?" What's the use anyway?
"Alohomora." The door clicked open. A big surprise. Severus always used some extra spell to make the door unbreakable.
She stepped in.
Severus was actually standing up, by the window, his back was turned to her and his hair had fallen over his face. He looked really calm, judging by the way his tall dark figure was standing completely still.
"I…" Avalon started. "I wanted you to know that… I don't blame you. That thing in the courtroom, I just… it was such a shock and…"
She noticed the purple potion stains on the wall and the broken bottles lying on all over the floor. Severus didn't move.
"You know… you never told me your father… was…"
Then he moved. Not much though, the just pressed his hands against his face, wishing he could go under ground.
"I- I guess I should have known…" Avalon continued. "I mean, taking the way he always acted about us, and… I saw what kind of person he was… I know this must be strange for you…"
"He was my father." Severus suddenly snapped. Avalon went quiet.
She could hear Severus was breathing hard in frustration.
"I know he was a Death Eater, and he wasn't the best father ever, and know I know he killed your parents, but he was… he is my father." As he said this, he turned around, facing Avalon with such darkness in his eyes her blood froze. Was he acting defensive? Avalon didn't even dare to think about it.
"I know that, Severus, it's not like you have to remind of how complicated this has turned out to be! But I thought you never… never liked him, did he ever act like a father to you?" She stepped closer to him; trying to make deeper contact than the cold, shallow look he was giving her. "Did he ever love you like a father should?" When she reached out to touch his shoulder, Severus snapped away from her and almost screamed:
"How would you know!? You never knew him! He was a father in other ways! He was the only person I had in my life! When my mother moved away, it was all up to him! You…" Severus turned away again. "You don't know what you're talking about."
Now it was Avalon's turn to loose her temper.
"Don't know what I'm talking about?!" She growled and turned Severus around forcefully. "I WOULDN'T KNOW? I took care of you! You came crawling up on my doorstep every night, beaten to a bloody pulp! I washed that blood from your face, I watched over you and held you in my arms until you fell asleep! You can't possibly tell me that I DON'T KNOW!" Avalon stared into his eyes, and saw nothing but emptiness. She quietly let go of his shirt and lowered her head a bit.
"Would you listen to your self?" Severus said. "Look at us, this is fucking crazy! It's too complex, leave me alone!" Severus got up to leave, but Avalon pleadingly grabbed his wrist.
"I just want to know how feel about this." She said quietly.
Severus stopped and turned his head away.
"I feel like an orphan." Avalon's grip around his wrist tightened a bit.
"That makes two of us." She answered. Severus turned around.
"You see? We obviously bring nothing but pain into each other's life." And with that he tore himself away from her and sunk down on his bed, face turned away.
"Severus, please don't shut me out of your life." Avalon pleaded.
Severus closed his eyes as he forced himself to say the one word he wished he didn't have to utter:
"Leave." A tear trickled down Avalon's face, and she rushed over to his side.
"Severus, please-"
"Don't you see?" Severus whispered. "Can't you see what's happening to us? Your parents, your home, my father, my family-name. Nothing but pain. It couldn't possibly, ever be the same again." Avalon bit her lip. Hard.
"We just can't give up on each other now, can we? It couldn't end here, this… this can't be it, right?" Severus refused to meet her eyes, nor would he grab her hand in the comforting way he always did.
"Then how come it is?"
Avalon was walking back to Gryffindor Tower. She was cold, her whole body was shivering even though she was well dressed and the castle had been warmed up for the coming winter.
When she stopped outside the portrait whole, a realisation hit her. She hadn't been in the Gryffindor Tower since she found out about her parents. She had spent the night at Severus', gone to court the next day… Avalon stepped into the common room, still and looked around solemnly.
Immediately, Lily Evans got up from a chair near the fire and rushed over to her.
"Avalon? Oh God, have I been worried sick about you! What happened, you weren't in class today, Dumbledore said you had special reasons, and you didn't come to the dorms the night before… Where have you been?" She said all this very fast and in one single breath. Avalon kept staring at the floor.
"Avalon is something wrong, you look so sad?" Lily asked concerned. That was it, she couldn't hold anything in anymore. In front of every Gryffindor in the common room she burst into tears, and she didn't even try to hide it. The sobs shook her whole body, and Lily quickly embraced her, trying to let her relax.
"Oh Jesus, Avy… What has happened to you? C'mon, let's go to our room and we can talk." She led Avalon up the stairs and closed the door behind them. And so Avalon told her everything about her parents' death, which she hadn't even had time to mourn for more than one night, and then the trial and Severus father. And how Severus had burst into an emotional explosion of shame, anger, and fear for her, and how he had rejected her. For ever.
"And I don't know how to handle it, I mean what can I do? I can't do a thing, for Severus made it perfectly clear this was going to be too hard for him. He'd rather be alone for the rest of his life…"
Lily got herself together pretty quickly after hearing the shocking story, and sat down next to Avalon.
"I have no answers for you, Avalon, they're yours to find. All I can tell you is that you have to sleep now, and collect your strength, or you will break apart."
"You mean even more than I already have."
A/N: *big yawn* Oh it's midnight and I've got a school day tomorrow, uuhhh, I'm gonna be a zombie again… Anyway, these kind of chapters always get me tired. Really tired. Really sad actually, really fucking too bad for those two… But just so you know, the story is NOT over yet, you thought I was gonna leave you at this?? Hell no, I'm not that cruel! Even though she's a little confused right now, Avalon is not the girls who takes no for an answer.
Now R.E.V.I.E.W for Christ's sake! If you don't keep me going on this, then you ain't gonna be able to read the ending!
Hugs, J