Wounded
By: *Heather*
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from the show ER.
Author's note: This fic happens right after *the kiss* in "Lockdown". Don't get frustrated if you don't like the way the story goes- I assure you, it IS a carby, I just really, REALLY like angsty Abby...
Chapter 2: Love, impulse, tragedy
*~*~*~*~*
"...And thank you all again for a superior job handling the situation."
The man from Disease Control stepped down from the chair he was standing on and walked towards the exit with heavy shoulders. It had been a long, hot 63 hours since anyone unlucky enough to have come to work that fatal day had seen daylight. Now they were being sent home with nothing more than a pat on the back and a puncture in their arm from the vaccine.
"A superior job handling the 'situation' my ass..."
Pratt's sarcasm was mutually felt throughout the ER as the irritable patients and exhausted doctors crowded the exit. One by one, every person left or was replaced by someone anxiously waiting outside. Families were reunited after days of worrying, and the ER was again "open for business". Things were almost starting to seem normal...
*~*~*~*~*
She knew she was wrong. She knew all too well that anything and everything she had done in the last two and a half days had been terribly, terribly wrong. She deserved to be punished. She deserved the waterfall of self- hate that drowned her over and over.
Abby walked slowly, staring straight ahead, looking at nothing in particular. Her mind had been buzzing for almost 3 days and all she wanted was peace.
The little boy, Adam, who had been critical just 1 night before, was going to make a full recovery. Deb and Pratt had also recovered, and went home with nothing more than a mild flu. No one else got sick.
That was the good news.
The bad news was having to spend 2 nights in a hospital room with no ventilation and no AC, and positively drowning in the unbearable heat with no relief and no breaks.
And then there was the fact that Abby had ripped Carter's heart out with a blunt stick, tore it into a million pieces and stomped whatever love it still held for her to death with the bottom of her shoe (to put it gently...).
But the worst part was the fact that Carter had acted completely normal, as if nothing had happened at all. And it was all her fault...
Abby was slowly but steadily nearing her own building. Her feat were like lead weights as she desperately tried to climb the stairs to her own apartment. She actually had to stop and think about which key to use to enter. Abby never even stopped to remove her coat as she fell fatigued on her bed.
Dreamless sleep is a welcomed reward.
*~*~*~*~*
A wave of steam wove itself around the doorframe of Carter's bathroom as he walked slowly out. As he had promised, he treated himself to a 2 hour shower. But he had so much more to wash away than sweat and weariness. He wished he could simply wash away the entire 2 days...
He entered his bedroom and pulled on a pair of boxers. His walk was different now; he walked with the weight of the world on his shoulders. Sure, he had correctly diagnosed two cases of a life-threatening disease, made an incredible save on the little boy, and stopped the virus from spreading to the entire city, preventing a fatal epidemic... Hell, he was a hero in every regard.
But his heart was completely void of all feeling. It didn't seem possible for one person to hurt this much. The pain he felt was unlike anything he had ever experienced. He felt his soul dying within him, like every single moment he lived without Abby brought him closer and closer to an undeniable and tragic end. It was so unfair. It wasn't fair that he had to love her this much, that she could tear his world down with only two words. While he was kissing her, the room just melted away, and he finally felt at ease. He felt he had reached the end of a long (but worthwhile) journey. He felt safe and secure and truly happy for the first time in what seemed like forever. He thought she felt the same way; he thought he knew. But then it was over. And just like that, here he was- Alone.
*~*~*~*~*
Bright red numbers blinked to 12:32 a.m. on Abby's alarm clock. She knew she was awake, she just didn't want to admit it to herself. She wanted to stay in the numb, dreamless world where she never had to think. But all too soon the memories came rushing back, and she was left with a dull, throbbing headache.
Abby got up slowly, and with a deep groan, dragged herself towards the kitchen. She rummaged around in a cupboard until she found a bottle of aspirin. Then she proceeded to the refrigerator and searched for some bottled water. As she was grabbing for one, her eyes landed on a very different bottle hiding far behind the old jar of mayonnaise. She pushed things aside until she could see it clearly. The syrupy brown liquid beckoned to her with an irresistible lure. The cold air radiating from the icy box made her completely aware of what she was contemplating. It took every last ounce of her self-control to even peel her eyes away from the intoxicating drink. It was then that she knew she didn't have the strength to stop herself this time.
She should have thrown it out. She should have emptied it. She should have done the same with the six-pack she had hidden in the vegetable crisper. The guilt was so overwhelming, so suffocating...
Abby jabbed three aspirin in her mouth and chugged half the bottle of beer in two swallows. As soon as she had finished, she broke out into violent tears and shook with a vigor that scared her. She was gasping between cries, trying desperately to breathe, but the tears wouldn't stop. And neither would Abby...
Two, three, four down... After a while, the guilty, painful, desperate love she felt became a problem she couldn't quite touch, and the way she had destroyed Carter became a memory that was somewhere outside of herself.
But somewhere inside she knew the pain would return all too soon, and it would be worse than ever imaginable. She, Abby Lockhart, was the one solely responsible for killing the spirit of John Carter. She had completely mutilated the one and only man who had never done anything more for her than simply be there. And for what selfish reason? Because she didn't want him to be sucked into her sick and demented world of pain. It was all for her own well-being. If Abby didn't let Carter in, she wouldn't have to deal with him leaving her when he found out what a mental case she was. She didn't deserve to love anybody, especially not someone as genuinely good as Carter.
But that fact didn't really stop her.
Abby nearly toppled over when she rose too quickly from her chair. She regained her balance and walked quickly towards the door. She yanked it open and slammed it shut with a deadly force. She kept veering sideways as she walked, but she continued relentlessly. She had no idea where she was going, she only knew she had to get away from that puddle of self-pity where thinking was the only thing she had to do. She just had to stop her mind from thinking...
Abby burst onto the sidewalk and walked about 20 feet until she crashed herself into a rusty blue car. She yanked on the handle- locked. She continued to the next and the next, until finally, one gave in. The keys lay on the passenger seat with a mischievous, inviting glow. Abby didn't even stop moving to think, she only slid over to the driver's seat and inserted the key into the ignition. Hot, fiery tears flowed over her face as she pulled violently away...
*~*~*~*~*
The sound of a ringing phone woke Carter from his troubled, uneasy slumber. He groggily reached over to the cordless on his nightstand. A voice he barely even recognized called out over the line.
"Carter? Carter, are you there?"
"Ya, ya I'm here, Kerry..."
"Sorry to wake you, but we really need you down here... I can't get a hold of anyone else... Can you make it over at all?"
Carter barely stopped the groan from surfacing to the mouthpiece.
"Kerry, I just got off like, 6 hours ago..."
"I know, I know... I'm sorry... But we NEED you down here! Please, just as soon as you can... I have to go..."
The line clicked and Carter was left with dead air. He sighed deeply and lay back down for a little while before he got up and pulled on a semi- clean shirt with serious unenthusiasm.
As he was leaving his apartment, he looked at the clock- 12:53 a.m. When he did this, he was hit with a strange feeling that something was terribly, terribly wrong. He tried to dismiss it, but it only got stronger as he neared Country General. He had never felt anything like this before.
By: *Heather*
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from the show ER.
Author's note: This fic happens right after *the kiss* in "Lockdown". Don't get frustrated if you don't like the way the story goes- I assure you, it IS a carby, I just really, REALLY like angsty Abby...
Chapter 2: Love, impulse, tragedy
*~*~*~*~*
"...And thank you all again for a superior job handling the situation."
The man from Disease Control stepped down from the chair he was standing on and walked towards the exit with heavy shoulders. It had been a long, hot 63 hours since anyone unlucky enough to have come to work that fatal day had seen daylight. Now they were being sent home with nothing more than a pat on the back and a puncture in their arm from the vaccine.
"A superior job handling the 'situation' my ass..."
Pratt's sarcasm was mutually felt throughout the ER as the irritable patients and exhausted doctors crowded the exit. One by one, every person left or was replaced by someone anxiously waiting outside. Families were reunited after days of worrying, and the ER was again "open for business". Things were almost starting to seem normal...
*~*~*~*~*
She knew she was wrong. She knew all too well that anything and everything she had done in the last two and a half days had been terribly, terribly wrong. She deserved to be punished. She deserved the waterfall of self- hate that drowned her over and over.
Abby walked slowly, staring straight ahead, looking at nothing in particular. Her mind had been buzzing for almost 3 days and all she wanted was peace.
The little boy, Adam, who had been critical just 1 night before, was going to make a full recovery. Deb and Pratt had also recovered, and went home with nothing more than a mild flu. No one else got sick.
That was the good news.
The bad news was having to spend 2 nights in a hospital room with no ventilation and no AC, and positively drowning in the unbearable heat with no relief and no breaks.
And then there was the fact that Abby had ripped Carter's heart out with a blunt stick, tore it into a million pieces and stomped whatever love it still held for her to death with the bottom of her shoe (to put it gently...).
But the worst part was the fact that Carter had acted completely normal, as if nothing had happened at all. And it was all her fault...
Abby was slowly but steadily nearing her own building. Her feat were like lead weights as she desperately tried to climb the stairs to her own apartment. She actually had to stop and think about which key to use to enter. Abby never even stopped to remove her coat as she fell fatigued on her bed.
Dreamless sleep is a welcomed reward.
*~*~*~*~*
A wave of steam wove itself around the doorframe of Carter's bathroom as he walked slowly out. As he had promised, he treated himself to a 2 hour shower. But he had so much more to wash away than sweat and weariness. He wished he could simply wash away the entire 2 days...
He entered his bedroom and pulled on a pair of boxers. His walk was different now; he walked with the weight of the world on his shoulders. Sure, he had correctly diagnosed two cases of a life-threatening disease, made an incredible save on the little boy, and stopped the virus from spreading to the entire city, preventing a fatal epidemic... Hell, he was a hero in every regard.
But his heart was completely void of all feeling. It didn't seem possible for one person to hurt this much. The pain he felt was unlike anything he had ever experienced. He felt his soul dying within him, like every single moment he lived without Abby brought him closer and closer to an undeniable and tragic end. It was so unfair. It wasn't fair that he had to love her this much, that she could tear his world down with only two words. While he was kissing her, the room just melted away, and he finally felt at ease. He felt he had reached the end of a long (but worthwhile) journey. He felt safe and secure and truly happy for the first time in what seemed like forever. He thought she felt the same way; he thought he knew. But then it was over. And just like that, here he was- Alone.
*~*~*~*~*
Bright red numbers blinked to 12:32 a.m. on Abby's alarm clock. She knew she was awake, she just didn't want to admit it to herself. She wanted to stay in the numb, dreamless world where she never had to think. But all too soon the memories came rushing back, and she was left with a dull, throbbing headache.
Abby got up slowly, and with a deep groan, dragged herself towards the kitchen. She rummaged around in a cupboard until she found a bottle of aspirin. Then she proceeded to the refrigerator and searched for some bottled water. As she was grabbing for one, her eyes landed on a very different bottle hiding far behind the old jar of mayonnaise. She pushed things aside until she could see it clearly. The syrupy brown liquid beckoned to her with an irresistible lure. The cold air radiating from the icy box made her completely aware of what she was contemplating. It took every last ounce of her self-control to even peel her eyes away from the intoxicating drink. It was then that she knew she didn't have the strength to stop herself this time.
She should have thrown it out. She should have emptied it. She should have done the same with the six-pack she had hidden in the vegetable crisper. The guilt was so overwhelming, so suffocating...
Abby jabbed three aspirin in her mouth and chugged half the bottle of beer in two swallows. As soon as she had finished, she broke out into violent tears and shook with a vigor that scared her. She was gasping between cries, trying desperately to breathe, but the tears wouldn't stop. And neither would Abby...
Two, three, four down... After a while, the guilty, painful, desperate love she felt became a problem she couldn't quite touch, and the way she had destroyed Carter became a memory that was somewhere outside of herself.
But somewhere inside she knew the pain would return all too soon, and it would be worse than ever imaginable. She, Abby Lockhart, was the one solely responsible for killing the spirit of John Carter. She had completely mutilated the one and only man who had never done anything more for her than simply be there. And for what selfish reason? Because she didn't want him to be sucked into her sick and demented world of pain. It was all for her own well-being. If Abby didn't let Carter in, she wouldn't have to deal with him leaving her when he found out what a mental case she was. She didn't deserve to love anybody, especially not someone as genuinely good as Carter.
But that fact didn't really stop her.
Abby nearly toppled over when she rose too quickly from her chair. She regained her balance and walked quickly towards the door. She yanked it open and slammed it shut with a deadly force. She kept veering sideways as she walked, but she continued relentlessly. She had no idea where she was going, she only knew she had to get away from that puddle of self-pity where thinking was the only thing she had to do. She just had to stop her mind from thinking...
Abby burst onto the sidewalk and walked about 20 feet until she crashed herself into a rusty blue car. She yanked on the handle- locked. She continued to the next and the next, until finally, one gave in. The keys lay on the passenger seat with a mischievous, inviting glow. Abby didn't even stop moving to think, she only slid over to the driver's seat and inserted the key into the ignition. Hot, fiery tears flowed over her face as she pulled violently away...
*~*~*~*~*
The sound of a ringing phone woke Carter from his troubled, uneasy slumber. He groggily reached over to the cordless on his nightstand. A voice he barely even recognized called out over the line.
"Carter? Carter, are you there?"
"Ya, ya I'm here, Kerry..."
"Sorry to wake you, but we really need you down here... I can't get a hold of anyone else... Can you make it over at all?"
Carter barely stopped the groan from surfacing to the mouthpiece.
"Kerry, I just got off like, 6 hours ago..."
"I know, I know... I'm sorry... But we NEED you down here! Please, just as soon as you can... I have to go..."
The line clicked and Carter was left with dead air. He sighed deeply and lay back down for a little while before he got up and pulled on a semi- clean shirt with serious unenthusiasm.
As he was leaving his apartment, he looked at the clock- 12:53 a.m. When he did this, he was hit with a strange feeling that something was terribly, terribly wrong. He tried to dismiss it, but it only got stronger as he neared Country General. He had never felt anything like this before.