Wounded
By: *Heather*
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from the show ER.
Author's note: This fic happens right after *the kiss* in "Lockdown". Don't get frustrated if you don't like the way the story goes- I assure you, it IS a carby, I just really, REALLY like angsty Abby...
Chapter 6: Don't stop dancing
*~*~*~*~*
47 hours, 34 minutes, 26 seconds and counting... Every moment seemed to take forever to pass. Never had time run so incredibly slow for John Carter. It was pure torture, plain and simple.
He had taken a week vacation as Kerry had "suggested". Now he was back at work, but only in body. His coworkers could tell his heart and mind weren't in it. Now he sat in the lounge all alone, drowning in that deadly liquid know as depression. He barely even noticed when another human entered and sat beside him.
"How're you holdin' up?" Kerry stared guiltily into her coffee cup and tapped a rhythm on the handle. Carter picked his head up slowly and looked at her. He was so tired... He just didn't feel like playing this game anymore.
"What is wrong with you? I mean seriously, what exactly did I do?!?"
"What do you mean?"
"Oh come on... Why were you so intent on me 'taking a break'? I just don't understand."
Kerry leaned back in her chair and continued to scrutinize her coffee.
"I'm not the only one who noticed it. Almost everyone has. But you just can't see how emotionally unstable you are lately."
Carter stared at her blankly, as though he couldn't quite grasp what she was saying.
"I'm sorry you're angry with me. I just thought it best if you limit stress."
"I'm a big boy now, Kerry. I think I can handle myself."
Kerry sighed and tapped her coffee cup again.
"I know how you must feel..."
"No, I really don't think you do! I can't imagine how you would." Carter's mind was starting to buzz again. "You had no right..."
"Actually Carter, I do have the authority to suspend you as I see fit." Kerry stood up as she interrupted Carter's statement.
"I wouldn't even object if you sought some treatment. And this isn't just about Abby. You've had to take Mark's place as the most experienced doctor here. That's a huge responsibility. I know you're strong enough to handle it, but if you need help..."
Carter laid his head face down on the table again. He really had messed everything up again. How could he let this anger, this misery blind him from what was happening to him? He was destroying himself from the inside out. And he was starting to sit back and watch it destroy everyone around him.
Even Abby.
*~*~*~*~*
She was experiencing the longest bus ride in world history. Had it really been this long on the way there?
Abby looked longingly out the window at hundreds of cars as they sped past her and towards their destinations. An old love song played on the radio, and she tried to distract herself with one of the rehab manuals they had given her. And her mind wandered...
You couldn't say she *started* to think about him, because the thought had been there since the day she left. It had been eating away at her relentlessly for three entire weeks. She had spent many sleepless nights consumed by the thought of reuniting with him. Abby had never known how it felt to truly miss someone before that person became Carter.
Would he look any different? Would she look any different? Would he even want to see her? What if he was angry with her? She didn't know if she could even handle seeing him again without having to break down and cry. She hadn't even begun to realize how badly she had messed up before she got to rehab.
She thought getting sober had been hard three years ago. But this was like nothing she had ever experienced before. This place was bordering on torture. She didn't really want to think about it... All she really knew that she was sober again, and she owed everything to Carter. The thought of hurting him like she had before was unimaginable. She had found a new strength in him, in herself, that hadn't been there before. She was wounded, and she still had a lot of healing to do.
But for the first time, she felt like she had something to fight for.
*~*~*~*~*
"Are you really sure about this?"
Deb was hopelessly trying to hang a banner above the window in the ER lounge. She was looking down at Susan with a questioning look on her face.
"Yes I'm sure. You need some help with that?"
Deb rolled her eyes and stepped down from the chair she was standing on, having successfully hung the banner. The welcome-back party had been Susan's idea. It's not that she wasn't glad she was back, Deb was just wondering if Abby would be as excited as everyone else. Or that she would really want a surprise party.
"Well, I think I'm gonna head down to pick up the cake. Back in a flash..."
Susan had invited everyone in the ER to the party. She only hoped they didn't get hit with some kind of disastrous accident. She knew the little get-together wouldn't last long anyway. Abby was probably very anxious to just go home. It was a miracle she had convinced her to come here at all.
*~*~*~*~*
Well, this was it.
Abby stood and fidgeted uncomfortably outside the ER's sliding doors. She took one last deep breath and pushed herself through.
It was exactly as she had remembered it. Not one thing had changed, but something still felt different. Maybe she was the one who changed...
She walked towards the lounge with all the confidence she could muster. She reminded herself to act surprised one more time and turned the doorknob.
A chorus of "Surprise!" and "Welcome back, Abby!" bombarded her from all angles. She smiled wide and proceeded to give everyone hugs and tell them how she had missed them all. Everyone was there, Deb, Susan, Pratt, Gallant, Kerry, Luka, and nearly all the other nurses... Everyone...
Abby was presented with the honors of cutting her cake. As she handed everyone a piece, she talked and giggled happily. She really had missed them.
But soon, reality dawned on the party, and people started going back to work. She thanked everyone, and they told her not to open her presents until they could return to watch her. Kerry patted her hand just before she left, and Susan gave her a hug. No one seemed to want to mention Carter, and Abby didn't want to ask.
She sat alone at the little table and picked at her cake. She became so completely lost in thought, she didn't even look up when someone quietly entered.
He looked at her and felt his breathing stop short. He had imagined this moment a thousand times, but the actual event was entirely different. He couldn't believe he was finally living it.
Somewhere her thoughts had ceased, and she became incredibly aware of someone standing in front of her. She would never forget the moment her eyes met his. Time was expanding again...
She stood up and had to lean against the table for support. She was so scared... She didn't know if she was strong enough to walk, but she headed for the door regardless. She didn't look at him as she grabbed her bag and reached for the door.
Carter grabbed her arm.
The touch of his skin against hers was electric. Her heart was beating so fast she was sure he could hear it. She turned around so their bodies were facing each other. He looked right through her eyes, straight to her soul. Hours seemed to pass before anyone spoke.
"Hi," he said. Abby couldn't help herself from breaking into a grin, forcing Carter to smile back at her.
"You can't imagine how much I missed this smile..." Carter gently brought his hand to Abby's cheek, but, catching the fear in her eyes, brought it slowly away. Abby looked down at the floor, but was surprised when Carter spoke up again.
"Here," he said as he handed her a small, square-shaped present. Abby looked at him skeptically.
"What is it?"
"Open it."
She obliged. After tearing away the wrapping, she found a CD, the kind you record over to create your own mixes.
"What's on this?" she asked with a smile.
"Play it."
She walked over to the CD player that sat on the counter. The CD started playing, but she noticed nothing special about the music. It was just some typical slow song. She looked at him with a strange look on her face. He understood immediately. He walked slowly over to her and took her hand.
"It's not about the song, Abby. It's about the dance..."
Carter took her in his arms and they slowly started swaying back and forth to the music. He looked directly into her eyes once again, that look that went so much deeper than anything she had experienced before.
"The last three weeks have been the longest I've ever suffered. The thought of finally seeing you again was the only thing that kept me going. Now, you're here, and I'm not gonna let you go again. Please Abby; let me be the one to rescue you."
Abby's cheeks were soaked with her own tears. She couldn't do this anymore. She was finally realizing how badly she was hurting Carter by pushing him away. She wasn't protecting him at all...
"I don't want to fight this alone anymore..." Abby fell into Carter's arms and cried desperately on his shoulder. Carter stroked her hair and kissed away her tears.
"I'm so sorry, John... Please... I need you; I really do... I've needed you from the very beginning..."
They were holding on to each other as though they were the only thing they had left to hang on to. Carter leaned down and kissed Abby's ear.
"You will never have to face this alone again; I promise you, Abby..."
Carter stopped and looked down at her with that fiery intensity that she loved so much about him. She could feel that intensity pulsate throughout her entire body as his lips met hers. She never wanted this to end; this was finally her moment. This was her heaven...
"Don't stop dancing..."
T*H*E E*N*D
*~*~*~*~*
Author's note: Thank-you to everyone who has supported my story! You have no idea how wonderful you've made me feel. I'm sorry for getting so upset over one flamer, but they just really piss me off. Not just on my fic, but for everyone. It totally ruins the purpose.
I would like to especially thank coffeeandpie for your amazingly supportive review. Your words truly inspire me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
And about the sequel... It's still a work in progress. I will try to post it as soon as possible. Thanks again, and I love you all!!!
By: *Heather*
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from the show ER.
Author's note: This fic happens right after *the kiss* in "Lockdown". Don't get frustrated if you don't like the way the story goes- I assure you, it IS a carby, I just really, REALLY like angsty Abby...
Chapter 6: Don't stop dancing
*~*~*~*~*
47 hours, 34 minutes, 26 seconds and counting... Every moment seemed to take forever to pass. Never had time run so incredibly slow for John Carter. It was pure torture, plain and simple.
He had taken a week vacation as Kerry had "suggested". Now he was back at work, but only in body. His coworkers could tell his heart and mind weren't in it. Now he sat in the lounge all alone, drowning in that deadly liquid know as depression. He barely even noticed when another human entered and sat beside him.
"How're you holdin' up?" Kerry stared guiltily into her coffee cup and tapped a rhythm on the handle. Carter picked his head up slowly and looked at her. He was so tired... He just didn't feel like playing this game anymore.
"What is wrong with you? I mean seriously, what exactly did I do?!?"
"What do you mean?"
"Oh come on... Why were you so intent on me 'taking a break'? I just don't understand."
Kerry leaned back in her chair and continued to scrutinize her coffee.
"I'm not the only one who noticed it. Almost everyone has. But you just can't see how emotionally unstable you are lately."
Carter stared at her blankly, as though he couldn't quite grasp what she was saying.
"I'm sorry you're angry with me. I just thought it best if you limit stress."
"I'm a big boy now, Kerry. I think I can handle myself."
Kerry sighed and tapped her coffee cup again.
"I know how you must feel..."
"No, I really don't think you do! I can't imagine how you would." Carter's mind was starting to buzz again. "You had no right..."
"Actually Carter, I do have the authority to suspend you as I see fit." Kerry stood up as she interrupted Carter's statement.
"I wouldn't even object if you sought some treatment. And this isn't just about Abby. You've had to take Mark's place as the most experienced doctor here. That's a huge responsibility. I know you're strong enough to handle it, but if you need help..."
Carter laid his head face down on the table again. He really had messed everything up again. How could he let this anger, this misery blind him from what was happening to him? He was destroying himself from the inside out. And he was starting to sit back and watch it destroy everyone around him.
Even Abby.
*~*~*~*~*
She was experiencing the longest bus ride in world history. Had it really been this long on the way there?
Abby looked longingly out the window at hundreds of cars as they sped past her and towards their destinations. An old love song played on the radio, and she tried to distract herself with one of the rehab manuals they had given her. And her mind wandered...
You couldn't say she *started* to think about him, because the thought had been there since the day she left. It had been eating away at her relentlessly for three entire weeks. She had spent many sleepless nights consumed by the thought of reuniting with him. Abby had never known how it felt to truly miss someone before that person became Carter.
Would he look any different? Would she look any different? Would he even want to see her? What if he was angry with her? She didn't know if she could even handle seeing him again without having to break down and cry. She hadn't even begun to realize how badly she had messed up before she got to rehab.
She thought getting sober had been hard three years ago. But this was like nothing she had ever experienced before. This place was bordering on torture. She didn't really want to think about it... All she really knew that she was sober again, and she owed everything to Carter. The thought of hurting him like she had before was unimaginable. She had found a new strength in him, in herself, that hadn't been there before. She was wounded, and she still had a lot of healing to do.
But for the first time, she felt like she had something to fight for.
*~*~*~*~*
"Are you really sure about this?"
Deb was hopelessly trying to hang a banner above the window in the ER lounge. She was looking down at Susan with a questioning look on her face.
"Yes I'm sure. You need some help with that?"
Deb rolled her eyes and stepped down from the chair she was standing on, having successfully hung the banner. The welcome-back party had been Susan's idea. It's not that she wasn't glad she was back, Deb was just wondering if Abby would be as excited as everyone else. Or that she would really want a surprise party.
"Well, I think I'm gonna head down to pick up the cake. Back in a flash..."
Susan had invited everyone in the ER to the party. She only hoped they didn't get hit with some kind of disastrous accident. She knew the little get-together wouldn't last long anyway. Abby was probably very anxious to just go home. It was a miracle she had convinced her to come here at all.
*~*~*~*~*
Well, this was it.
Abby stood and fidgeted uncomfortably outside the ER's sliding doors. She took one last deep breath and pushed herself through.
It was exactly as she had remembered it. Not one thing had changed, but something still felt different. Maybe she was the one who changed...
She walked towards the lounge with all the confidence she could muster. She reminded herself to act surprised one more time and turned the doorknob.
A chorus of "Surprise!" and "Welcome back, Abby!" bombarded her from all angles. She smiled wide and proceeded to give everyone hugs and tell them how she had missed them all. Everyone was there, Deb, Susan, Pratt, Gallant, Kerry, Luka, and nearly all the other nurses... Everyone...
Abby was presented with the honors of cutting her cake. As she handed everyone a piece, she talked and giggled happily. She really had missed them.
But soon, reality dawned on the party, and people started going back to work. She thanked everyone, and they told her not to open her presents until they could return to watch her. Kerry patted her hand just before she left, and Susan gave her a hug. No one seemed to want to mention Carter, and Abby didn't want to ask.
She sat alone at the little table and picked at her cake. She became so completely lost in thought, she didn't even look up when someone quietly entered.
He looked at her and felt his breathing stop short. He had imagined this moment a thousand times, but the actual event was entirely different. He couldn't believe he was finally living it.
Somewhere her thoughts had ceased, and she became incredibly aware of someone standing in front of her. She would never forget the moment her eyes met his. Time was expanding again...
She stood up and had to lean against the table for support. She was so scared... She didn't know if she was strong enough to walk, but she headed for the door regardless. She didn't look at him as she grabbed her bag and reached for the door.
Carter grabbed her arm.
The touch of his skin against hers was electric. Her heart was beating so fast she was sure he could hear it. She turned around so their bodies were facing each other. He looked right through her eyes, straight to her soul. Hours seemed to pass before anyone spoke.
"Hi," he said. Abby couldn't help herself from breaking into a grin, forcing Carter to smile back at her.
"You can't imagine how much I missed this smile..." Carter gently brought his hand to Abby's cheek, but, catching the fear in her eyes, brought it slowly away. Abby looked down at the floor, but was surprised when Carter spoke up again.
"Here," he said as he handed her a small, square-shaped present. Abby looked at him skeptically.
"What is it?"
"Open it."
She obliged. After tearing away the wrapping, she found a CD, the kind you record over to create your own mixes.
"What's on this?" she asked with a smile.
"Play it."
She walked over to the CD player that sat on the counter. The CD started playing, but she noticed nothing special about the music. It was just some typical slow song. She looked at him with a strange look on her face. He understood immediately. He walked slowly over to her and took her hand.
"It's not about the song, Abby. It's about the dance..."
Carter took her in his arms and they slowly started swaying back and forth to the music. He looked directly into her eyes once again, that look that went so much deeper than anything she had experienced before.
"The last three weeks have been the longest I've ever suffered. The thought of finally seeing you again was the only thing that kept me going. Now, you're here, and I'm not gonna let you go again. Please Abby; let me be the one to rescue you."
Abby's cheeks were soaked with her own tears. She couldn't do this anymore. She was finally realizing how badly she was hurting Carter by pushing him away. She wasn't protecting him at all...
"I don't want to fight this alone anymore..." Abby fell into Carter's arms and cried desperately on his shoulder. Carter stroked her hair and kissed away her tears.
"I'm so sorry, John... Please... I need you; I really do... I've needed you from the very beginning..."
They were holding on to each other as though they were the only thing they had left to hang on to. Carter leaned down and kissed Abby's ear.
"You will never have to face this alone again; I promise you, Abby..."
Carter stopped and looked down at her with that fiery intensity that she loved so much about him. She could feel that intensity pulsate throughout her entire body as his lips met hers. She never wanted this to end; this was finally her moment. This was her heaven...
"Don't stop dancing..."
T*H*E E*N*D
*~*~*~*~*
Author's note: Thank-you to everyone who has supported my story! You have no idea how wonderful you've made me feel. I'm sorry for getting so upset over one flamer, but they just really piss me off. Not just on my fic, but for everyone. It totally ruins the purpose.
I would like to especially thank coffeeandpie for your amazingly supportive review. Your words truly inspire me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
And about the sequel... It's still a work in progress. I will try to post it as soon as possible. Thanks again, and I love you all!!!