Hm . . . what should I say? Lessee . . . ah, how about, Warning: this includes a few parts that, by my standards, are very dark. What that means compared to the rest of the world, I have no clue.

Big thank yous to all you people who reviewed me. You're the greatest! This is the second edition of this chapter, but not too many changes have been made.

I'm afraid that my name is neither Robert Jordan nor Naoko Takeuchi. If it was, I guarantee things would be quite . . . different. (Moiraine would *not* die, thank you! And maybe she'd turn Lanfear back to the light. *grin* I like Meiran, and it truly is a pity that she has to be Lanfear and evil. And the things I could do with time travel in the Sailor Moon universe . . . forget leaving the Time Gates alone at the end of R!)


Chapter 3

You channeled last night, didn't you. Setsuna regarded her blue-haired friend. I know neither I nor Moiraine put out that fire.

Ami sighed. Not that it did much good for that building. But yes. Why?

I couldn't see it. It's like your weaves were invisible, and you didn't possess a corona. Ami . . . are you absolutely sure it is saidar you touch?

The other girl nodded, a hint of defensiveness in the gesture. Absolutely a hundred percent sure. Don't you think, if I was accessing saidin, I'd be able to feel the taint for what it was? Corona . . . is that that light you and Moiraine had around you when she was teaching you yesterday afternoon?

Setsuna nodded as she sighed in relief. Right. Well, if you can see the corona, even if you don't manifest one yourself, it's a pretty sure bet that you are using saidar. That's a relief. And think of it this way--at least you can channel without any Aes Sedai noticing, as long as they don't notice the effects of your channeling.

Ami smiled. That may come in handy, some day.

A young man came bursting through the door and rushed directly towards the mayor. Setsuna and Ami exchanged glances. He looked to have been up all night, and the shirt and trousers he wore held bloodstains--by the way he held himself, seemingly not injured in any way, he had most likely had a run in with Trollocs as well. One of the three Moiraine has seemed so interested in the previous afternoon. Master al'Vere? It's my father . . .

The mayor jerked his head up. Rand? Tam! Thank the Light, I was afraid you were both dead, when Bela came galloping into town right around the time the last of the Trollocs ran off. His keen eyes took in the litter, and as Setsuna went to see if she could help, Ami dashed upstairs. Surely an Aes Sedai would know something of healing. Come on, let's get your father upstairs. Master Merillin, you go get the Wisdom. He addressed the gleeman.

Rand shook his head. Nynaeve said she couldn't do anything to help him. The gleeman, in the middle of standing, slumped back into his chair, a pensive and sympathetic look in his eyes as he glanced at the young teen.

Setsuna, now close enough to speak quietly and still be heard, smiled encouraging. Well, perhaps Moiraine Sedai can do something for him. Now, if Hotaru were here . . .

Rand's eyes opened wide as they dragged the litter upstairs. he mouthed, just on the edge of audibility. Setsuna mentally slapped herself. Fool. She obviously didn't want other people to know she was Aes Sedai . . . although with all the channelling she did last night, it's hard to imagine that anyone could think of her as anything else, from what Lan said. Oh, but Rand wasn't here last night.

As the others took Rand's father--Tam?--into an empty room, Setsuna stood outside, waiting for Moiraine to show. Fairly soon, Ami shot out of the room that Setsuna had marked mentally as Moiraine's, blushing like mad. She wasn't quite fully dressed . . . the blue-haired girl twitched. and . . . um . . . for obvious reasons wasn't exactly pleased with my presence. Setsuna giggled quietly. Seeing the normally calm Ami flustered was quite a treat.

I . . . *chortle* . . . hope you took the time to deliver the message first. Setsuna gasped out. You should see yourself. If you got any redder, your face would perfectly match Rei's fuku.

Ami glared. Perhaps I should let you walk in on her some morning when she's half-dressed, most of the way asleep, and most definitely not a morning person. Or even better, I'll let you walk in on Lan.

Setsuna continued to snicker. Why Ami, I didn't know you swung that way.

I don't swing. She stated flatly, then finally began to relax, her color receding. I suppose it was kind of funny. She conceded. In a way. Pause. So you can stop snickering now!

Your wish is my command, O wise and noble one. Setsuna swept her a deep bow. You know, I don't think I've felt this young in years.

How many thousand? Ami twitted her. Setsuna stuck her tongue out in a fit of childishness, and Ami returned with her own. But I know what you mean. I'm just too . . . no, happy isn't quite the right word.



Yes, that's it exactly. I feel free. The duty they shouldered was in some ways heavier than any they had ever borne before. Yet, this duty they had chosen freely, knowing they could refuse and no consequences would adversely affect them.

And perhaps, that was what made all the difference.

* * *

As night faded into twilight and twilight faded into the first rays of day, Rei remained unmoving, staring up at the ceiling. I met the Amyrlin Seat . . . in many ways, it still seems a dream. She mulled over her impressions of Siuan Sedai. She rather reminds me of Princess Serenity, though there seems no real reason for that comparison. Besides their positions of power, two people could hardly be much less alike. Yet . . . I would trust her with my life, and with the lives of others, the same way I trust Usagi.

She will not allow any harm to come to those who follow her if she can possibly avoid it. Very duty-bound, the Amyrlin. Funny, that I find myself willing to trust her so easily. Yet how could I not? There it something in her that calls for such a response. And that, I think, is what reminds me of Princess Serenity.

A cautious knock at her door revealed her new friend, Gwena. And how strange it is, to have a friend that is as perfectly ordinary as anyone in training to become an Aes Sedai could be. Good morning, Gwena.

I came in to see if you're up yet. Normally I can hear you moving around long before this. The blonde frowned. Are you alright, Rei?

Rei nodded. I'm okay. I've just . . . got a lot to think about. She sighed as she got up. The Amyrlin called me to her office last night. To inform me that they've considered raising me to Accepted.

Gwena gaped, then swiftly hugged her. I'm happy for you, truly I am. You deserve it, Rei. You learn twice as fast as the rest of us. But . . . aren't you nervous? I mean, you know what they've said about these tests. You're going to have to face your greatest fears.

Beryl. Rei smiled sadly. Wiseman and Black Lady. Pharoah 90. Neherenia. Yes, especially Neherenia. And Chaos. If the ter'angreal is able to find any fears I have not already faced, she stated quietly, I will be greatly surprised. I have been facing my greatest fears for years now, Gwena. So many people fear their own death. I can't remember mine, really. Only how nice it felt when it stopped hurting.

She pulled a white novice dress on and tied her hair back in a ponytail with a red ribbon that Gwena had given her, after carefully brushing it. I think . . . I am very glad I have not lived your life, Rei. Gwena stated slowly, her eyes on the calm girl who indeed seemed very little bothered. I don't know that I will be able to face even the most simple of my fears--and I don't think I'll have to confront my fear of spiders in order to become Accepted. She laughed weakly.

Rei smiled comfortingly. Don't worry. When your time comes, I'm sure you'll be ready. Now go on and get dressed yourself. We have a long day ahead of us, after all--the days here at the White Tower are always long. Gwena giggled and turned to leave.

Practically as soon as Gwena had left the room, a sister entered, with the shawl that marked her a member of the Blue Ajah around her shoulders. Rei wracked her mind, before finally recognizing the Mistress of Novices. Sheriam Sedai. She curtsied exactly the proper amount. To what do I owe this visit. As if she didn't have a very good idea.

I have come to take you to be tested. Bingo! She eyed the black-haired novice doubtfully. If you are sure you are ready. Rei seemed far too calm for one who knew, if only in part, what she would soon be facing.

Rei nodded. As I told the Amyrlin last night, I am ready whenever you are. Please, lead the way, Sheriam Sedai.

They walked down the hall for a ways in silence. Do you know what is to happen?

The formulas to be spoken and the motions to be made? I believe I know them all. What exactly will happen to me inside the ter'angreal--other than the vague assertion that I will face my greatest fears'--I have no clue. She remembered the last time she had fought her greatest fears, or rather a twisting of her dreams that in many respects turned out to be the same thing, inside the Dead Moon Circus' House of Mirrors. Phobos and Deimos aren't here to help me this time . . . but they will alway be with me in spirit. She smiled sweetly. Even without the power to morph, even without Mars, I am still Sailor Mars. To fight, for my friends and for the world. That is my dream and that is my destiny.

So deeply into her musings, Rei did not even realize that she was in the room that contained the ter'angreal that all the novices whispered, speculated about, and feared until Sheriam stopped and turned toward her. Two things I will tell you now, that no woman hears until she enters this room.

I am ready to listen.

First. Once you begin, you must continue on to the end. Refuse to go on, and no matter how high your potential, you will be put out of the Tower and never allowed to return. Second. To seek, to strive, is to know danger. Some of those who enter do not come back. If you are to survive, you must be steadfast. You may turn back right now, and it will be only one mark against you. You will still have two more chances at refusal.

I will not turn back. I am ready. Her eyes flicked across the room. There were three sisters she did not recognize, each sitting at the meeting points of two of the three silver arches. Their shawls marked them as green, red, and grey. And standing off to the side, one she did recognize. The Yellow sister who had been the first Aes Sedai she met, Laria Sedai.

Whom do you bring with you, Sister? Laria Sedai pronounced in heavy, formal tones, her chocolate eyes as emotionless a mask as her face. Sheriam began walking slowly toward the arches, Rei a careful step or two behind her.

One who comes as a candidate for Acceptance, Sister. Sheriam replied.

Is she ready?

She is ready to leave behind what she was, and, passing through her fears, gain Acceptance.

Does she know her fears? Behind an emotionless mask of her own, Rei smiled wryly. You bet I do. Perhaps not all of them . . . but enough.

She has never faced them, but now is willing.

Then let her face what she fears. Sheriam stopped, and Rei stopped as well, about two paces away from the arch.

Carefully taking off her dress and the rest of her clothes as well, she folded them and laid them off to the side. On top of everything, she laid the red ribbon that Gwena had given her, as her hair flowed freely down her back. She smiled slightly, not allowing the cold to touch her, as she waited.

The first time is for what was. Sheriam said. A part of the ritual that Rei had never heard, but accepted without a change in expression. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.

Rei stepped forward. One step, then two, and into the arch. Brilliant white light embraced her, poured through her, and she embraced it back. The light filled her, until she could take no more in. And still it continued to fill her. She let herself go, and floated on the light, content to go wherever it decided to take her.

* * *

She looked around, and smiled with delight. This was Phobos-Deimos Palace on Mars, her home. Truly her home, the way no place on Earth could never have been. And yet there were changes. It did not seem quite as she had remembered it. For a moment, a feeling of unease passed over her. The way back will come but once. Back where? This was her home. And how good it felt, to have returned.

Rei-chan. It's good to have you back. A warm voice murmured, as strong arms enwrapped her from behind. For a moment, she allowed herself to fantasize, but the voice was wrong, the arms too strong, the frame of the body she leaned against too large. She turned, and her eyes widened enormously.

Mamoru-san. What are you doing here? This was wrong, all wrong. She felt the urge to cry, to scream, to run as far away as possible as quickly as possible. Yet, at the same time, it felt disturbingly right, a feeling that left her shivering slightly, as if she had been suddenly covered in slime.

Don't tell me you've forgotten your beloved husband.

But . . . what about Princess Serenity? She shivered again and backed away, but for every step back she took, he took one forward towards her. She remembered hating Serenity for being engaged to her beloved, gloating bitterly when she finally won. She remembered loving Usagi more than she had ever loved Mamoru, dying for Usagi many times.

She asked herself, Who is Usagi?

That blonde airhead. I never loved her, not like I love you, my darling Rei-chan. Soon, she and her mother will be exiled someplace they will never again have power, and I will rule the Moon Kingdom, with you as my queen, always by my side.

You would betray one who is as pure and beautiful and kind as Usagi? Rei no longer shivered, was no longer conscious of the fact she was still naked or that Mamoru had yet to comment on that fact. Perhaps she always walked around the palace that way. She was too angry to feel any of those things, a cold, all-consuming anger. You would betray her love and your oaths to always protect her? Be steadfast. Utterly steadfast in her defense of Usagi, of Princess Serenity. Always and forever.

She glared. I always envied you, because she gave wholeheartedly to you her unconditional love, loved you in an all-consuming way we could never match. I always believed you loved her back, the same way she loved you. I . . . I guess I was wrong about you. . . . despise . . . To believe that I would willingly betrayed my vows to the one person I am loyal to above all, and yes, that I truly do love above all others . . . I am disappointed in you, Mamoru, and in myself. I would never betray Usagi. . . . men!

She turned and fled. I have broken my sworn bond with Serenity and the other senshi. I'm married to Mamoru, and now I have irrevocably broken that bond as well, no matter that it was a bond that I never wanted in the first place. Except I did want it. I want it now, yet I don't, and the part of me that abhors myself is greatly the larger portion. Tears slipped down her cheeks. I am alone, and I have no one to blame for it but myself. At least being alone is better than remaining with that man. Anything is preferable to that. Or is it? Yes. And again, in that voice that differed slightly from her own, The way back will come but once. Back where? To go anyplace would be preferable to remaining here.

In a hidden corner of the palace that she was sure only she knew, Rei sat. Mamoru and myself . . . ugh. She shuddered. Now what will I do? I am all alone . . . and I've always feared being alone. Alone, friendless, feared . . . she had no idea where that last part came from. Feared? When had she ever been feared? She remembered, or thought she did, but when she tried to bring up the specific memories, she found . . . nothing.

A soft voice whispered. Except you're not, really, are you.

Rei looked up. So I did have children by . . . him. She spat the pronoun out like a curse. What is your name? She asked gently, softening somewhat towards the shadow with the soft voice.

I'm Kiara. Your eldest daughter. The girl sat down beside her. I heard what you said to father. Do you really love Princess Serenity?

In the way you're asking . . . not really. I love her deeply, yes, more deeply than I would have thought possibly to love any one person, but it is a love that is entirely platonic.

My mother hated Serenity with a passion. I think it was because they both loved the same man--my father. Eventually my mother was the one who won his heart--but her bitterness towards Serenity never changed. She remembered the bitter hatred. She remembered the playful bickering. Which memory was right?

She has her moments. Rei smiled as an image of the two of them fighting over something that clearly belonged to her floated up out of memories she was sure she had never experienced. But when you are in trouble, there is no truer a friend you can have by your side than her. That, she knew.

You had better leave, and soon. Father can be rather volatile at times, and if he catches you after you denounced him so roundly . . . I'm not sure what will happen. Kiara stood along with Rei and hugged the surprised girl. You know, she whispered, I think I like you better than my real mother.

Be steadfast. Her mind whispered. I won't tell if you don't.

The silver portal forming took the attention of both. The way back will come but once.

Did she really want to return to wherever that portal led? There were good things about this place to balance out the bad somewhat. I never got to meet my other children. She could remember those other children now, vaguely. Her son, named Endymion after his father, and her youngest daughter, Ai. Ai had always been her favorite. She understood what her parents were doing, and why. Kiara never had understood, and conversely that made her warm to Kiara.

Kiara pushed her in that direction. I will miss you, but you don't belong here, mama. You don't belong in this cesspit of treason and deception.

Neither do you, my beloved daughter. For she was beloved. And despised. The continuing dichotomy of her emotions on nearly every subject worried her. Had she always been like this? No. The stalking footsteps coming down the seldom used hall were easily identifiable. You deserve something better. She stepped toward the portal, then turned back. Are you sure you don't want me to stay? I will. I am a mother, with children who need me, no matter what I think of their father. My duty, and no small portion of my heart, bids me to stay. Sense and the rest of my heart bids me go. But to where? I believed before that any place but this would be preferable, but that was before I met Kiara. My daughter.

Tears in her eyes, Kiara shook her head. No. Go now, before I change my mind. Go, mama.

With a final, sad nod, Rei stepped through the portal. It wavered a moment, then stayed, beckoning.

The voice was a roar. Endymion rounded the corner, and his face twisted. Kiara, my ever disobedient daughter. It seems you've finally corrupted your mother. Come here.

The girl looked between her angry father and the silvery portal that seemed to be reconsidering its decision to stay just a little longer. The portal represented an unknown world that could hardly be that much worse than what she currently lived. And a woman who was the person she had always imagined her mother could be. She smiled, decision made. I am disobeying you for the last time, Father. She turned and stepped through the portal. Mother . . . I'm coming!

* * *

Rei whispered. I'm sorry. So sorry. She felt she had abandoned the daughter she had never known until that brief five minutes or so. She looked around. Until I visited that place, I had forgotten how clear everything is here. It makes everything else seem a pale shadow. If I let myself, I could easily become addicted to staying here. Or could I? I am needed back home and that, I think, when all is said and done, would draw me back to the place where I belong.

Laria Sedai, resplendent in her goldenrod dress, of the same simple cut everything of hers seemed to be made, and yellow-fringed shawl raised one of the silver chalices of water from the nearby table and poured it over her head. You are washed clean of what sin you may have done, and of those done against you. You are washed clean of what crime you may have committed, and of those committed against you. You come to us washed clean and pure, in heart and soul.

Rei shook her head slowly, black hair dripping. I doubt I will ever be clean. She looked up at Sheriam Sedai, an unspoken question in her eyes.

No one knows whether what you experience in there is real or not. The ancients said there were many worlds, and perhaps this takes you to some of them. I, however, do not believe they are real--there are very stringent rules, for something that is postulated to have merely taken you from one world to another.

Suddenly, the green sister cried out and recoiled as the arch Rei had just exited shimmered once more. Rei broke free of Sheriam's hold and rushed back over to the arch, embracing the Source as easily as morphing. If Endymion came out . . .

I didn't know your hair was violet. She let go of the power with a grin that stretched from one ear to the other as she dived in to hug Kiara. What were you thinking, following me?

I didn't know you were my age, mama. Kiara retorted with a smile hardly any smaller.

I'll tell you the entire story later, daughter. I promise.

Kiara looked around. This place is amazing. It's like . . . from here, every other world stemmed. That whatever happened here would affect everywhere else. I can see why you wanted to return.

I nearly didn't. Rei wiped her eyes of the tears of joy that had sprung up. She turned back to Sheriam. I am ready to continue on. Don't worry, Kiara. I'll be back.

Sheriam looked pale. Perhaps the worlds visited are real after all. But that would mean . . . From the faces of the other Aes Sedai in the room, they were entertaining similar thoughts. She shook her head and cleared her throat. The second time is for what is. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.

* * *

Hikawa Jinja. Rei traced the writing on the great stone pillars that formed the archway leading to the temple that had been home to her ever since she was tiny. Like the Phobos-Deimos Castle on Mars, this was her home on Earth, and held a special place in her heart for that.

She called joyously. Deimos! I'm back!

The two crows settled near her kneeling figure. It's good that you are back, mistress. Your assistance has been sorely needed these past few weeks. Phobos stated, her voice solemn.

A shiver passed through Rei. What had happened while she was gone?

Deimos launched herself into the air and flew off while Phobos remained. A new enemy has come. One that can be affected only by spiritual energy such as your spirit wards. All the senshis' attacks barely scratch them. The only reason any of us remain alive is through Saturn's healing, your grandfather's assistance, and the fact that these beings seem to only be toying with us. We need you back.

Rei's hands flew to her mouth. I . . . I'm so sorry that I wasn't here to help. I should have been here to guard the Princess and my fellow senshi. I should have been here. Where was I? I ought to remember, yet I don't. Why? She stood up, determined. Well, at least I'm here now. The way back will come but once. She shrugged the foreign thought to the side. Why would she want to go anywhere? Her friends, in all respects but biologically her family was in trouble. And her Princess. That took precedence over anything and everything.

Another enemy comes! Deimos called from high overhead. About a block to the left. You better hurry, mistress. The enemy seems serious this time.

Mars Crystal Power, Make Up! Sailor Mars ran.

* * *

The silver arches flashed the deepest of reds before slowly fading back to their original color, leaving all the Aes Sedai in the room staring in astonishment.

They've never done that before. Sheriam murmured. I hope Rei is all right.

Kiara smiled. Mother is more than all right. Unless I miss my guess, she has regained a power that most likely, she lost when she first came here. Not that she would remember having lost it, under the spell those rings cast. She shivered. But the situation she must be in for her to be forced to call upon that power . . . Kiara regarded the silver arches with a frown, all traces of her smile gone. I hope she doesn't get herself killed. Or decide to stay wherever she has gone. Come back to me, Mother . . . please, come back . . .

* * *

The youma, like many before it, looked vaguely humanoid and vaguely feminine. It wore a strange mockery of the uniform Rei always wore when she worked around the shrine, in red and black, and had black skin and long, wicked-looking claws. As Rei came up, it casually batted a World Shaking out of the way like a pebble, straight into the path of Jupiter and fast enough that the auburn-haired senshi was given no time to dodge.

Akuryo Taisan! The spirit ward attached itself to the youma's forehead, and it immediately screamed and crumbled to dust, unable to withstand that of all attacks. Rei rushed to Jupiter's side.

Don't worry, Rei. Tired and drained, Saturn looked up. She'll be fine in a couple of days. It's good that you're back, though. I don't know how much longer we could have made it without you. Rei felt a twinge of guilt, though she couldn't really understand why. It's not like she was planning on leaving. Be steadfast . . .

Saturn stood, then collapsed in the act of standing. Rei knelt at her side, reaching beyond the everpresent power of Mars to something . . . else. Something that she knew how to use somehow. Spirit, she felt. Air and Water, each shimmering strand woven precisely and applied to Saturn, to Jupiter, to all the rest of the senshi as their wounds, minor or otherwise, their weariness, all was healed. All the other senshi stared at her in astonishment, and truth be told she was rather astonished herself. She had never known she could heal. Now . . . it was just another thing she could do to defend her princess.

So, the game finally begins. She looked up, into a face that seemed strangely familiar. Lithe and strikingly beautiful, her shimmery black hair lacked the violet highlights of Hotaru's and her own, and her blue eyes were fully as bright as Usagi's--though the source of that brightness was entirely different, a source based in others' pain, not their happiness. She wore all white, with only a few silver decorations such as the chain around her waist. A very incongruous picture of evil. Nice to see you at last. I hope you realize that this is your doom--though if you intend to struggle, that will just make victory all the sweeter. The being waved and . . . giggled. Goodbye, Rei. I'll see you after you die . . . for you see, my Lord is the Lord of Death. As such, we will soon have dominion over you. She giggled once more, a sinister sound, before disappearing completely.

In her place, the being left a legion of youma. Akuryo Taisan! Beside her, so near she could almost touch, a silver gateway. The way back will come but once. The gate began to move away, though it did not yet start to disappear. One of the youma turned and jumped through the gate, as Rei determinedly turned away. Akuryo Taisan! Her place was here, by the side of her princess.

* * *

It was large. And ugly. And red and black with sharp claws. It was even more intimidating than Trollocs, if only because they had no idea what it was, or what it could do.

Sheriam and Laria seized the Source, directing strikes of lightning, of fire, of ice, bonds of air, anything to stop it. Yet each and every attempt was turned aside, shrugged off as if it were nothing. Slightly behind them, Kiara made a disgusted sound and stepped forward. Between her fingers, a strip of paper with foreign writing on it. What did she plan to do? How could she possibly help, untrained as this manifestation of a different universe must be.

Akuryo Taisan! She tossed the strip, which seemed to burn with an inner, unseen fire. The strip attatched itself to the forehead of the creature, which shrieked, a horrifying sound, before dissipating. Literally. Kiara walked up, fearlessly, and kicked the pile of dust. Filthy creatures, youma. Not that I've ever seen one myself, mind you. But I've read about them in the library. I wonder that this one died so easily, though. From what I've read, they usually don't.

What book is this? Sheriam asked, staving off incipient hysteria with superficial curiousity. She was Aes Sedai. Aes Sedai are calm, cool, and collected. If any library had a book on such creatures, surely the one in the White Tower would. Yet she had never found anything having to do with these . . . creatures. Perhaps Leane would know. Or maybe Verin would--she surely read more than any other two sisters combined.

Kiara looked up from where she studied the gate, a disturbed expression on her face. Hm? Oh, nothing here. I meant the royal library at home. I doubt anything here would talk about youma. Her attention returned to the gateway. And if one made it through here, how many must Mother be facing? Please . . . come back.

* * *

In a blinding flash of insight, she knew what the gate meant. She now recognized what power it was that she had touched in order to heal the other senshi, although she wondered at being able to find it here, where the magical aura of the planets held sway. Be steadfast. She had made her decision to stay, to help here where her aid was needed. The way back . . . It could disappear right now, for all she cared.

A new voice interrupted. . . . from here, every world stemmed. No. She would not listen. Her place was here, by the side of her fellow senshi. Whatever happened here would affect everywhere else. Where did her duty lie? Where did her heart lie? She was so confused now. Soon, the gate would disappear, and her decision would be made for her. I can see why you wanted to return. She didn't. With all her heart, she didn't want to return. This was her place. Here. But when she had walked through the Sacred Fire's portal, she had accepted a new duty.

A duty, a quest that transcended even the protection of Usagi, much as she hated the thought. Much as she rebelled against it, tried vainly to convince herself that she had no higher duty. She did not want to go back. With all her heart, she did not want to go back to an undefined quest. Yet she must. Reluctantly, she turned away from the fight, towards the portal.

Step. Uranus' voice. Where are you going, Mars? You're not leaving us again, are you? It wasn't in Haruka's nature to beg, to despair. But she came close.

Step. Neptune, softly. Please stay. Without you, we don't have a chance of success. A pause, a sickening sound that almost made Rei turn back. A higher duty. A quest, upon which the existence of all continuum might rest. Yet, did it matter if all continuum died, as long as she prevented the death of this one? Frantic, now. NO!!! URANUS!

Wavering step. Saturn. I can't heal the others forever. Even if I did, what else could I do? Would even destroying the world destroy these invaders? She cried, Rei could tell. No one can heal Uranus now. It did matter. She told herself that. She had to believe it, for her own sake. For the sake of her sanity.

Step. Uranus lying on the ground, impaled through the heart by the claws of the youma, Neptune kneeling, uncaring by her side. Saturn standing nearby, looking lost leaning on her glaive, Usagi and Jupiter supporting each other in their grief. Her eyes locked on the silvery portal, Rei nevertheless knew exactly what was happening with a kind of morbid foresight. Neptune impaled, almost absentmindedly, making no move to avoid the strike she knew was coming. Saturn falling to her knees as the last of her parents abandoned her, as the only hope for her future turned and walked away.

Step. Jupiter, grief making her harsh. So you're just going to walk away? I guess that portal is more important than our lives. As long as you live, I suppose it's okay that we die. Threw off another attack, having no more effect than any of the others, neatly sidestepped one youma only to have her lung impaled by another that she didn't see coming. Jupiter collapsing, Saturn rushing over to heal someone she still had a chance of saving, both being shredded as several youma converged on their position. Saturn could have avoided it, but she refused to stop healing Jupiter until it no longer mattered.

Step. She was almost to the portal now. Usagi, sad yet determined, and above all understanding. Usagi was always understanding when it really counted. I'm all alone now. I suppose I'll die soon, too. Unless you stay. But you won't. A shimmering light. She drew out the ginzuishou, intending to use it on the youma, but it was knocked out of her hand to fall crashing to the ground, detransforming as she searched frantically for it. She held it in her hands now. A soft voice, begging now. The one voice, the one person Rei wanted never to have to feel any sort of hurt or sadness. Rei? Don't leave me alone, Rei, please?



Closing her ears, closing her eyes, closing her heart, she stepped through the portal.

* * *

The mask remained as she stepped back out into that small room, as her full memories returned. Belatedly, she let go of the tranformation that no longer had any planetary magic to support it, the bloodstained fuku--others' blood, none her own. She looked down at her hands. Funny that they should have remained so clean, when they ought to be black with blood. She barely felt the water poured over her head, barely heard the words spoken by Laria Sedai. Heart? Soul? What are those? They are black, as black as my hands ought to be. Uranus. Neptune. Jupiter. Saturn. Usagi . . . I will never forget the lives you sacrificed. It does not matter that you were not my own, because you still were.

I dearly hope being Aes Sedai is worth it. Rei's voice rang out quietly, yet still clearly audible in the silent room, as cold as her face.

Sheriam looked solicitous. To Rei's grief-maddened world, falsely so. The second time is always worse, and the third the worst of all. This ter'angreal weaves traps out of your own mind, and they are all the more deadly and hard to escape for that. To win through, you must want to be Aes Sedai more than anything else in the world. The White Tower cannot accept less.

A test. Rei hissed, contemptuous. Aes Sedai? I could not care less whether I become Aes Sedai. I need to learn to use this power to it's fullest so that I can complete my mission. She shrugged away from Sheriam's helping hand, ignoring the Blue sister's expression, bordering on appalled, as a contemplative look came to her face. We've all died before. She murmured, nearly too quietly for Sheriam to hear. Indeed, Sheriam was not entirely sure she had heard correctly. After all, if she had died, she would hardly be alive now, would she?

The black-haired girl looked up, eyes cold chips of violet ice. But this time, there was no one to bring them back. Because of this test. If I had not been there, maybe I would have been there, would have stayed. She shook her head, gazing at the ter'angreal. What right does it have, to so wantonly destroy entire realities in order for one person to face her fears? She smiled, a twisted grin. Love. Failure. I wonder what my greatest fear will be? Entirely free of all hands, she walked through the last arch, head held high.

* * *

She stood in a small room, rather unassuming. In her hands, she could feel a long staff, one she knew instinctively was topped with the white Flame of Tar Valon. The badge of office of the Keeper of Chronicles. She made the title into a question as she peered around the darkened room. Egwene? Are you here? She knew, the way she knew she was Keeper, that the Amyrlin Seat belonged to a girl named Egwene al'Vere who was about her age--the youngest Amyrlin raised in the history of the White Tower. The way back will come but once. Back where? Back home, she supposed . . . but they could return home at any time now that they had completed their duty here.

She stepped further into the room, quietly, laying the staff down beside the door and folding her stole beside it. There, by the window, a sad silhouette. You're thinking about . . . them again. Aren't you. Be steadfast.

The Great Purge . . . there should be no more Black Ajah left. Yet I can feel it in my bones, that they're still out there. Waiting patiently. Egwene turned, pinned her with her dark eyes. Rei? What do you See?

She walked over and put her hands on the top of the chair, staring out into the distance. I See nothing. You know I've never been able to Foresee the taint . . . and after a while, even my ability to sense evil in a person slowly degraded. No, all I see is a lonely woman who takes upon herself too many burdens for fear of trust. Who do you trust, Egwene?

I trust you, Nynaeve, Elayne, Aviendha, Min . . . Gawyn, Rand, Lan . . . there are others, I'm sure. She smiled slightly. But in my position, can I really afford to trust? She reassumed the calm face of an experienced Aes Sedai. I know you, Rei. There's something else.

Rei nodded quietly. I . . . I'm leaving. Going home. Tarmon Gaidon has come and gone, strange how these words she had not even known she knew rolled off her tongue as if they were meant to be there. and the Dark One has been sealed back in his prison until the Wheel turns again to let him free once more. There is really no need for me to remain . . . and I have been sadly remiss in my duty to my princess.

Egwene nodded slowly, sadly. I won't try to stop you--I know that nothing I do or say will make any difference. I'm going to hate having to find a new Keeper, though. She sniffed and wiped her eyes like the youngest novice, no longer the self-possessed Amyrlin Seat, and her voice wavered. Oh, why can't I say what I mean for once? I'm going to miss you, Rei!

Rei looked around. This has been my home for so long . . . and you've always been like a sister to me. But I have other duties.

I suppose Setsuna and the others will be leaving as well? A small corner at the back of Rei's mind expressed surprise. So Setsuna and other of the senshi were here as well? Another part, the largest part, scoffed. Of course they were.

Rei nodded. We got together and decided it's time. She laughed. As it is, we'll be more than fifty years older than the ones who remained behind, no matter that we look only five. I will never forget what I've learned here, Egwene. And hey, maybe Setsuna will lend me one of her time keys some day and I can come back for a visit. See how you're doing breaking in that new Keeper of yours, whoever you decide on.

Egwene laughed. I'm going to miss you, Rei. You always know what to say to cheer me up. She stood. Now go, before I order you to remain.

Rei smiled sadly. If I could split myself in two . . . She bowed. By your leave, Amyrlin?

Egwene nodded. You are dismissed. But if you don't come visit one of these days . . .

Rei, at the door, turned and smiled. I'm going to miss you too.

Walking down the hall, Rei ran into her oldest friend. I heard you were leaving. The blonde said, unconsciously pulling her brown shawl closer around herself.

I meant to come say goodbye, but I couldn't find you.

Gwena smiled in an abstracted sort of way. Oh . . . I had other things going on, I guess. Sorry.

A few more words were exchanged, but the sad truth of the matter was, the two of them had grown greatly apart. Especially since . . . since when? She couldn't quite remember. Definitely since they had become parts of different Ajahs. She couldn't quite remember her own Ajah, either. Of course she knew which Ajah she was a part of. To accuse her of anything else would be frankly absurd. Just because she couldn't recall it this moment didn't mean she had forgotten. After all, the Keeper, like the Amyrlin, was supposed to be of all Ajahs and none. Still, she was sure it wasn't Brown.

Still, Rei would always remember with fondness the lonely young formerly Tuatha'an novice who had slept in the room right beside her own. Her first real friend outside of the senshi. She reached the room where they had arranged to meet, looked around at the faces. They all, despite the fifty or so years that had passed since their appearance in this world, looked at most five years older. Setsuna had not changed a bit.

Are we ready? The green-haired Aes Sedai asked. Each of them nodded, hiding away their doubts about this being the right course of action. Here might be home now, No! Home is where Usagi is. Home is Earth, and Mars. Home is . . . This was their home now. They all felt that way. But they had to return, because it was their duty. Duty is as heavy as a mountain . . . There was more to the saying than that, if only she could remember where she had heard it.

Rei spoke, along with the others. Then, her vision flashed. She could See . . .

Egwene, backed up against the wall by a shadow.

Egwene, stilled, dead, mangled, unharmed.

DANGER!

Not ready! Rei yelled. Go on without me. I have my duty to fulfil here, first.

She ran down the hall, ran to the Amyrlin's quarters, banged in through the door with no fanfare, to find Egwene confronting . . . Gwena?

Egwene, Gwena, there's danger! Words tumbled over themselves in their haste to leave her mouth.

What a pity. The voice, though it came from the blonde's mouth, bore only minimal resemblance to Gwena's actual voice. You remained. I suppose I'll have to dispose of you myself, then. A waste of resources, when you could have just as easily been taken care of after you left. Gwena then became . . . not Gwena.

Drawing from her memories, slowly fading, of pre-Tarmon Gaidon years, Rei gasped. Black hair, white dress, silver ornaments . . . black and red youma? Why did I think that? But, you died!

The Great Lord of the Dark is Lord of Death as well. The black-haired woman smirked. Now, did you really think I'd stay dead? Rei reached for the One Power . . . only to find it not there. She shielded me, without my noticing?! How? I am many times more powerful than before now, without the interference of the others. She laughed. I am now the true Nae'blis!

A silver doorway formed. The way back will come but once. Lanfear glanced in that direction, and laughed again. So, you think to escape? I will get you, one way or the other. If you want to leave your pitiful Amyrlin to her fate in order to gain yourself a few more days, go ahead. I will find you eventually.

Rei rushed Lanfear. She may no longer have the Source to draw from, but she had other resources. With the staff of office of the Keeper of Chronicles, she bashed Lanfear over the head. There was no finesse to the blow, just a strike to the head. She raised her eyes to Egwene. Go. Now.

Is that . . . the doorway for the test of an Accepted? Egwene asked, betrayal growing in her eyes.

Rei bowed her head, as memories flowed back. I'd like to hope that I did your Rei proud. And I promise you . . . I will prevent Lanfear from returning, if I can. This time, there was something she could do for the people forced to become pawns by that ter'angreal. She saluted, a smile on her face. Long live Egwene al'Vere Aes Sedai, Amyrlin Seat of the White Tower. She gently laid the staff of office on the ground and, corona blazing around her, head held tall and proud, she stepped towards the doorway.

Behind her, Lanfear stirred. Whirling, she attempted to slam a shield between the Forsaken and the Source. Too late. The black-haired Forsaken laughed, building a weave of Fire that she sent towards Egwene. Try, Rei. Try to prevent my return! Too late, the corona sprang up around Egwene, as Rei jumped, careless of her future, to push her out of the way.

It's too late for me. Egwene reached up and touched her face, in thanks and in infinite tenderness. Go now, Rei. Go back to the place you belong, and work to create a happy future of your own instead of being stuck in mine.

Both hands raised and arms crossed, on her knees, Rei blocked another fiery blast and pulled out her only real remaining manifestation of her senshi power. Although she no longer had any real need for trigger words, she said them anyway. Mars Flame Sniper! From the red mahogany bow a fire arrow sprang, and as Lanfear attempted to block it she stood and, in a single jump, jumped through the portal.

* * *

On the other side of the portal, she rolled to her feet, reluctantly putting away the bow that she now knew she could call upon whenever she needed it. She caught Kiara's inquisitive glance and nodded slightly. Her daughter had, not unexpectedly, recognized what could be considered the Talisman of Mars.

Belatedly, Rei released her hold on the power, as she took in the expanded group of people that stood, waiting to see if she would make it through that last test. She recognized the Amyrlin, although now the striped stole looked wrong around the dark-haired woman's shoulders. It belonged to another dark-haired young woman, one who was not yet even a novice, yet would become Amyrlin within the next few years.

She shook her head slightly. What would happen to Siuan Sedai, she wondered, to cause Egwene to be raised? Only time, or another vision, would tell.

Slowly, she walked forward and knelt at the feet of the Amyrlin. A small voice in the back of her head chattered on, analyzing her previous experience. Fear of . . . conflicting duties, perhaps? Fear of losing the few friends I have? Fear . . . of trust? Do I really fear trust that much? She tuned in to the Amyrlin's voice, as the last silver chalice of water was poured over her head. You are washed clean of Rei Hino of . . . she faltered, and Rei looked up, smiling.

She could have said Tokyo, or Japan, or even Earth. No one would have recognized any of those names. But Mars seemed to fit best. Off to the side, she could see Kiara's startled, then approving smile.

. . . of Rei Hino of Mars. You are washed clean of all ties that bind you to the world. But only those that bind me to this world. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul. Will I ever be entirely clean? At least I know there are some people that won't mind how unclean I feel. Who are willing to see me as better than I am. I just hope I can fulfill their expectations, instead of falling to my own, infinitely lower expectations of myself. You are Rei Hino, Accepted of the White Tower. I am Hino Rei, senshi of Mars. Where does my duty lie? Until after Tarmon Gaidon . . . here. You are sealed to us, now. After that . . . who can tell?


End Notes: In the test for Accepted, one ring shows what was, one ring shows what is, and one ring shows what will be. It is my theory that the third ring shows a glimpse of the actual future, in terms that the present is likely to understand.

Proof? Egwene: Sees herself as Amyrlin Seat. A friend of mine also holds up as evidence the fact that she remembered having never sworn the Three Oaths. Due to the unusual circumstances of her raising, she hasn't held the Oath Rod yet. However, that could also be attested to the fact that the mind directing future-Egwene's body--that of the Egwene taking the test for Accepted--had not yet sworn the Three Oaths.

Also, Nynaeve: She sees herself married to Lan. Also, her Aes Sedai advisor is mentioned, though she does not actually appear: Sharina Sedai. Supposedly, at some point during Winter's Heart, a new novice appears . . . named Sharina. Too coincidental to be coincidence.

Ergo, I added some truth into Rei's as well. As to whether or not she actually will become Keeper--probably not at first, but certainly at some point. And Egwene as Amyrlin Seat . . . that much is self-evident.

A question. What Ajahs do you think the senshi should become a part of? Any or all of them may become Aes Sedai, yet they may not. So. Ami, Minako, Setsuna, and of course Rei. What do you think?