Uh, if you're reading this, it means ff.net FINALLY let me upload… I
actually finished this a couple weeks ago, but fanfiction.net was being
VERY MEAN and wouldn't let me upload it… gomen! ^_^ Enjoy…
Suddenly, the blackness that enveloped Nagi began to grow lighter around the edges. It swirled into a dizzying dance of black and white, then began to spin faster and faster until Nagi could make out first the slightest tinge of purple, then a bit of blue, next red, until every shade of every color imaginable churned in front of his eyes. His stomach twisted slightly. Some remotely logical part of his mind wondered what was happening. He had fainted before, but he had always woken peacefully, blinking his eyes gently a few times until his vision cleared. What was this whirling kaleidoscope of color that now danced before him?
But even as he pondered his condition, the dizzying spirals slowed down, almost imperceptibly at first, then markedly, until the swirls that had overwhelmed his consciousness finally faded away to nothing and his vision cleared. The moment his vision returned, Nagi wished for the return of the mad swirling. Perhaps this time, it would speed up and lose color until all that would be left would be a black comforter to wrap around himself and he could surrender again to nothingness. He could sleep forever and never have to worry about the thing above him, the thing that was even now raising its hand to hit him. Nagi was prepared for the slap when it came. It connected with his right cheek and sent liquid fire racing through his face. His skin warmed.
Bradley Crawford drew back his hand quickly, as though loathe to remain in contact with Nagi's body any longer than necessary. He stalked out of the room without a word, as always. He usually left Schuldich to do the talking for him. Sure enough, the fiery-haired German sauntered oh-so- casually to Nagi's bedside, pulling up a comfortable chair as he approached. He spoke directly to Nagi's mind, as he was wont to do when the situation was very bad. It wouldn't do to have the neighbors complain of child abuse, now would it? It wasn't as though Schwarz could not take care of any police force foolhardy enough to interfere in their lives, but it was terribly inconvenient. Much easier all around to simply speak mind-to- mind.
/Well, Nagi, I'll start, shall I? Would you like me to take the part of an angry man? I can do that…/ the mental voice took on a harsh tone of rage.
/What the hell do you think you're doing, boy? I ought to take a belt to you and make you remember not to mess with our plans again. Who do you think you are? Do you think you're more important than me? Than Brad? Keep dreaming, boy, because the truth is, you're nothing. You're scum. You're lower than scum. You have no business trying to mess with the plans of people smarter than you. /
/Or, if you wish, it can be the aggrieved father./
/Nagi, what's wrong? After all we've done for you, why would you do such a stupid thing? Now we're going to have to punish you, and we hate to have to do that. However, you leave us no choice…/
Schuldich lit a cigarette, cupping his hands around the flame until the tip began to glow, then placing it between his teeth and continuing.
/So, Nagi, take your pick. I've got a thousand others, and in reality, I don't give a fuck which one I use. Because in reality, I don't care about you. You wanna run off and cry about your Weiss bitch in some hotel somewhere? Fine. You just go ahead and do that. But I promise you; you're the only one crying. Even the rest of the kittens have gotten over him by now. Still, if you want to cry about him, go ahead. It's your life. Just don't let it interfere with your duties as Schwarz./
Nagi blinked. He couldn't comprehend Schuldich's words. Was it possible that he wasn't in trouble? That nobody cared about his relationship with Omi? That he would be allowed to grieve as long as…
But the German smirked as he listened to the young telekinetic's thoughts. He continued his monologue.
/See, Nagi, that's what I would be saying if I were your doting father, or maybe just if I were a decent person. But, unfortunately, I'm neither. And the problem with that heart-warming little statement there is that your life isn't your own. It hasn't been your own since Esset found you. And it's been the property of me and Brad since you joined Schwarz. So there's the little problem with that perfect speech. It requires that there be people involved. And you, as we all know, are not a person. You are a murderer. And you are a servant to Schwarz. Unfortunately, you seem to have forgotten that. Somewhere along the line, you seem to have gotten the idea that you are a person. That you are free to do what you want, that you have the ability to make choices for your own benefit!
This is bad enough, but you also got the idea somewhere that you could fall in love. Now this is almost a laughable proposition. You, Nagi, in love! If you had fallen in love with just anyone, this could have been dealt with easily. We might not even have had to resort to death. However, you weren't satisfied with being in love with just anyone. You had to fall in love with, of all people in the entire world, Omi Tsukiyono!
You can, I'm sure, see why this was unacceptable. We can't have Schwarz dating Weiß. It's simply impossible, as I'm sure you'll agree. You'll understand, then, why we had to take… measures to ensure our safety. This is all perfectly straightforward, right? Nothing too hard to understand. However, you seem to harbor the idea that we have done something wrong in this situation. Something so wrong that you had to run away! Now this was really a very stupid thing to do, Nagi. It will only be harder on you, and it didn't solve a thing. The only way you will get out of Schwarz is when we want you out.
But back to the original issue. You think we've done something wrong, is that it? Tell me, Nagi, what was that, eh? What should we have done differently?/
Nagi stared stonily ahead. He refused to stoop to the other man's level. He would not be trapped into an argument with the German, since there was no way he could win. But though it is entirely possible to stop yourself from saying something aloud, there is really no way to avoid thinking the answer to a question, especially when the question deals with the death of your lover. Immediately, treacherously, his thoughts obeyed the telepath's silent command.
/You killed him. You killed him for no reason but the fact that he was in love./
Schuldich laughed. He did not laugh hysterically, he did not laugh evilly, he simply laughed. As though Nagi had made a rather amusing joke. Nagi hated him all the more for not even making that laugh cruel. Bound in that easy laugh were all of the man's arguments, all of his rebuttals. Bound up in that single expression of emotion was the man's utter disdain towards life. He found no difficulties with murdering an innocent. It was no different from swatting a bug. If it was in the way, squash it. And laugh. Laugh later, as though all the pain in the world meant nothing. And he didn't even bother to make the laugh cruel. Nagi hated him with his entire being. Because he was cruel. Because he had been the one who pulled the trigger and left Omi lying on the shiny black floor bathed in his own blood. Because he laughed.
Schuldich listened to these thoughts run through Nagi's head, and he laughed again. That same easy, innocent laugh.
/But Nagi, I was not the one who killed your boyfriend. That was you. You killed him by loving him. I know it. Brad knows it. Even Omi knew it. It was the last thought that ran through his brain as the life seeped out of him. Isn't that nice? He died thinking of you. Of course, they were not happy thoughts, but still…/
Nagi shut his eyes. He would not listen to this. It was not true. He had not killed Omi. It couldn't be true. Schuldich smiled.
/Shall I show you?/
At last, Nagi spoke. "It is not true. I did not kill him. That was you!"
/So you think, boy. But the rest of the world knows the truth. Would you like to see? Would you like to visit the last moments of your boyfriend's life? Or are you too afraid of what you will find?/
Nagi knew that the last thought was a cheap dare, a clumsy attempt to convince him of something he knew was false. But he knew that Schuldich would show him the thought nonetheless, and as long as he knew it was a deception, he would be able to see it. He would not be fooled. So he gathered his courage and spoke one last time.
"Show me"
Schuldich did not laugh. He simply leaned closer to Nagi and said quietly: "Then let the show begin"
Nagi stared into Schuldich's eyes, afraid despite himself of what he would see.
************************************************
A/N Hey people! *sniff* sorry about the bastardizing of the rest of Schwarz… I don't like it either, but the story has a mind of its own! I also apologize for the shameless cliffhanger… as you may have guessed; the next chapter is an Omi POV. Tell me what you think… feedback makes me very happy! Really, it does…
Suddenly, the blackness that enveloped Nagi began to grow lighter around the edges. It swirled into a dizzying dance of black and white, then began to spin faster and faster until Nagi could make out first the slightest tinge of purple, then a bit of blue, next red, until every shade of every color imaginable churned in front of his eyes. His stomach twisted slightly. Some remotely logical part of his mind wondered what was happening. He had fainted before, but he had always woken peacefully, blinking his eyes gently a few times until his vision cleared. What was this whirling kaleidoscope of color that now danced before him?
But even as he pondered his condition, the dizzying spirals slowed down, almost imperceptibly at first, then markedly, until the swirls that had overwhelmed his consciousness finally faded away to nothing and his vision cleared. The moment his vision returned, Nagi wished for the return of the mad swirling. Perhaps this time, it would speed up and lose color until all that would be left would be a black comforter to wrap around himself and he could surrender again to nothingness. He could sleep forever and never have to worry about the thing above him, the thing that was even now raising its hand to hit him. Nagi was prepared for the slap when it came. It connected with his right cheek and sent liquid fire racing through his face. His skin warmed.
Bradley Crawford drew back his hand quickly, as though loathe to remain in contact with Nagi's body any longer than necessary. He stalked out of the room without a word, as always. He usually left Schuldich to do the talking for him. Sure enough, the fiery-haired German sauntered oh-so- casually to Nagi's bedside, pulling up a comfortable chair as he approached. He spoke directly to Nagi's mind, as he was wont to do when the situation was very bad. It wouldn't do to have the neighbors complain of child abuse, now would it? It wasn't as though Schwarz could not take care of any police force foolhardy enough to interfere in their lives, but it was terribly inconvenient. Much easier all around to simply speak mind-to- mind.
/Well, Nagi, I'll start, shall I? Would you like me to take the part of an angry man? I can do that…/ the mental voice took on a harsh tone of rage.
/What the hell do you think you're doing, boy? I ought to take a belt to you and make you remember not to mess with our plans again. Who do you think you are? Do you think you're more important than me? Than Brad? Keep dreaming, boy, because the truth is, you're nothing. You're scum. You're lower than scum. You have no business trying to mess with the plans of people smarter than you. /
/Or, if you wish, it can be the aggrieved father./
/Nagi, what's wrong? After all we've done for you, why would you do such a stupid thing? Now we're going to have to punish you, and we hate to have to do that. However, you leave us no choice…/
Schuldich lit a cigarette, cupping his hands around the flame until the tip began to glow, then placing it between his teeth and continuing.
/So, Nagi, take your pick. I've got a thousand others, and in reality, I don't give a fuck which one I use. Because in reality, I don't care about you. You wanna run off and cry about your Weiss bitch in some hotel somewhere? Fine. You just go ahead and do that. But I promise you; you're the only one crying. Even the rest of the kittens have gotten over him by now. Still, if you want to cry about him, go ahead. It's your life. Just don't let it interfere with your duties as Schwarz./
Nagi blinked. He couldn't comprehend Schuldich's words. Was it possible that he wasn't in trouble? That nobody cared about his relationship with Omi? That he would be allowed to grieve as long as…
But the German smirked as he listened to the young telekinetic's thoughts. He continued his monologue.
/See, Nagi, that's what I would be saying if I were your doting father, or maybe just if I were a decent person. But, unfortunately, I'm neither. And the problem with that heart-warming little statement there is that your life isn't your own. It hasn't been your own since Esset found you. And it's been the property of me and Brad since you joined Schwarz. So there's the little problem with that perfect speech. It requires that there be people involved. And you, as we all know, are not a person. You are a murderer. And you are a servant to Schwarz. Unfortunately, you seem to have forgotten that. Somewhere along the line, you seem to have gotten the idea that you are a person. That you are free to do what you want, that you have the ability to make choices for your own benefit!
This is bad enough, but you also got the idea somewhere that you could fall in love. Now this is almost a laughable proposition. You, Nagi, in love! If you had fallen in love with just anyone, this could have been dealt with easily. We might not even have had to resort to death. However, you weren't satisfied with being in love with just anyone. You had to fall in love with, of all people in the entire world, Omi Tsukiyono!
You can, I'm sure, see why this was unacceptable. We can't have Schwarz dating Weiß. It's simply impossible, as I'm sure you'll agree. You'll understand, then, why we had to take… measures to ensure our safety. This is all perfectly straightforward, right? Nothing too hard to understand. However, you seem to harbor the idea that we have done something wrong in this situation. Something so wrong that you had to run away! Now this was really a very stupid thing to do, Nagi. It will only be harder on you, and it didn't solve a thing. The only way you will get out of Schwarz is when we want you out.
But back to the original issue. You think we've done something wrong, is that it? Tell me, Nagi, what was that, eh? What should we have done differently?/
Nagi stared stonily ahead. He refused to stoop to the other man's level. He would not be trapped into an argument with the German, since there was no way he could win. But though it is entirely possible to stop yourself from saying something aloud, there is really no way to avoid thinking the answer to a question, especially when the question deals with the death of your lover. Immediately, treacherously, his thoughts obeyed the telepath's silent command.
/You killed him. You killed him for no reason but the fact that he was in love./
Schuldich laughed. He did not laugh hysterically, he did not laugh evilly, he simply laughed. As though Nagi had made a rather amusing joke. Nagi hated him all the more for not even making that laugh cruel. Bound in that easy laugh were all of the man's arguments, all of his rebuttals. Bound up in that single expression of emotion was the man's utter disdain towards life. He found no difficulties with murdering an innocent. It was no different from swatting a bug. If it was in the way, squash it. And laugh. Laugh later, as though all the pain in the world meant nothing. And he didn't even bother to make the laugh cruel. Nagi hated him with his entire being. Because he was cruel. Because he had been the one who pulled the trigger and left Omi lying on the shiny black floor bathed in his own blood. Because he laughed.
Schuldich listened to these thoughts run through Nagi's head, and he laughed again. That same easy, innocent laugh.
/But Nagi, I was not the one who killed your boyfriend. That was you. You killed him by loving him. I know it. Brad knows it. Even Omi knew it. It was the last thought that ran through his brain as the life seeped out of him. Isn't that nice? He died thinking of you. Of course, they were not happy thoughts, but still…/
Nagi shut his eyes. He would not listen to this. It was not true. He had not killed Omi. It couldn't be true. Schuldich smiled.
/Shall I show you?/
At last, Nagi spoke. "It is not true. I did not kill him. That was you!"
/So you think, boy. But the rest of the world knows the truth. Would you like to see? Would you like to visit the last moments of your boyfriend's life? Or are you too afraid of what you will find?/
Nagi knew that the last thought was a cheap dare, a clumsy attempt to convince him of something he knew was false. But he knew that Schuldich would show him the thought nonetheless, and as long as he knew it was a deception, he would be able to see it. He would not be fooled. So he gathered his courage and spoke one last time.
"Show me"
Schuldich did not laugh. He simply leaned closer to Nagi and said quietly: "Then let the show begin"
Nagi stared into Schuldich's eyes, afraid despite himself of what he would see.
************************************************
A/N Hey people! *sniff* sorry about the bastardizing of the rest of Schwarz… I don't like it either, but the story has a mind of its own! I also apologize for the shameless cliffhanger… as you may have guessed; the next chapter is an Omi POV. Tell me what you think… feedback makes me very happy! Really, it does…