Forgotten Roads
by Ani Ledger







[Chapter Ten]

The summer seemed to go on forever. Diamond was still in Long Cleeve, and I hadn't heard from her in a while. I supposed she was too busy spending all her time with her Mum to get a chance to write, and I wouldn't have minded so much, except that the day we would leave the Shire was quickly approaching. We'd be leaving on the 22nd--Frodo's fiftieth birthday.

Things were happening in Hobbiton and Buckland. Merry had found Frodo the house that he'd be moving to at Crickhollow. On September 22nd, Merry and I were to go to Hobbiton to celebrate Frodo's fiftieth birthday. I would stay the night at Bag End, and Merry would go to prepare the house at Crickhollow--at least, that was the story. Frodo still had no idea Sam told us the truth, so we had to pretend to actually believe Frodo was moving to Buckland.

The week preceding September 22nd was the longest week of my life, it seemed. Chances were slim that I'd see Diamond before we left the Shire, or, I feared, anytime soon. With a heavy heart, I sat down to write one of the hardest letters of my life.

Dear Diamond,
. I was sitting up on the hill last night, thinking of you. The stars were so bright last night, making me miss you even more. I've been thinking a lot lately about how to write this letter, for it won't be easy.
. I truly don't know what to write. I hoped you'd return before I had to write this letter, but hope has failed me and you are still at home with your family where you belong. There is no easy way to say this, as I said, so I suppose I must just come out and say it: Merry and I are leaving the Shire. I can't tell you the reason, because I honestly don't completely know why, nor may I speak of what I do know. If you return to Buckland anytime after September 22nd, I won't be here. I have no idea when we will see each other again, and until we do, I will miss you with all of my heart.
. I couldn't sleep last night, and sat on the hill until the sun rose and the stars faded away. I don't want you to fade away, Diamond. I will see you when I return, I hope, and I will return as soon as I am able.
. I love you.
Pippin

I reread the letter, making sure it all made sense, and that it said all that I needed to say. I mailed it, hoping it would reach her quickly.

--

To everyone's surprise, as the summer went on, Mum seemed to regain her strength. I still rarely left her side, but things were starting to look much better. It was a miracle. In May, and June, we'd all been so worried about her. But now she seemed much better. It didn't make any sense--she should've died a long time ago--but she seemed healthier now, in September, than she'd been in ages. She always wore a smile, and had regained enough strength to walk unaided.

We were preparing dinner one day when Mum brought Pippin up. When was the last time you wrote to him? she asked.

I thought for a moment. I don't even remember. Perhaps I will tonight.

she replied.

I really miss him.

Mum was silent for a moment, stirring the soup she was preparing thoughtfully. I think you should go back to Buckland.

I stared at her in disbelief. But Mum--

Don't you but Mum' me. Four months ago when you came home, you didn't expect to be here for more than a few weeks. You know this, and don't tell me you didn't. I was sick. Things didn't look good at all. When Rosemary wrote to you, she was sure that I wouldn't last more than a few weeks. But I'm still here. I don't know why, or how, but I've gotten better.

I nodded, holding my breath. I couldn't decide which was more important to me: being with my Mum, or going back to Pippin.

Maybe it's your being here that's helped me. I missed you so much while you were away--maybe it was enough to make me sick. You've been here four months though, Diamond, and my health has improved. If you went back now, I believe everything would be fine. You'd be happy, and I'd be happy knowing that you were with Pippin. I know you want to be with him. If it's me that's keeping you here, believe me--if you want to go, I won't stop you. I encourage it.

I didn't know what to say. I feared that the moment I left would be the last time I'd ever see my mother. I--I'd write you all the time, I promised.

Mum nodded, her eyes shining. If I get sick again I'll make sure word gets to you. Diamond, I don't want to keep you away from the people you love. I know it's hard to have the people you love so far away from each other, but it's only a day's ride from here to Buckland. If anything happens, you can be home the next day. Please don't worry.

I nodded once more, and smiled at my mother. Oh, Mum, I said, hugging her. Thank you. I can't tell you how glad I am that you aren't so sick anymore.

So am I. And thank you for being here while I was.

You're welcome. I paused. I'll stay a few days longer. What is today's date? I asked.

The twentieth.

I will stay another week, and leave on the twenty-seventh.

--

The day after Frodo's birthday party, I woke up alone at Sam's house. I'd stayed there, because Bag End had been emptied out. The Sackville-Bagginses would own it once Frodo left.

During the night, I'd had a dream that Diamond returned and was angry that I was leaving. She never wanted to see or speak to me again. I woke up, scared to death, but calmed down--it was only a dream. Right?

We left Bag End the next morning, heading for Buckland. I wondered when I'd see any of this again--the rolling hills, the farms, mushrooms... and Diamond. I hoped this journey wouldn't be as ominous as it seemed, but something told me it would be.

--

I left home the morning of the twenty-seventh of September with a grin on my face. Mum bid me farewell with Rosemary and Daisy. I hugged everyone goodbye, and made Mum promise to send word if her health deteriorated again. I was worried about her, but she practically pushed me out the door.

Tell Pippin hello for me! Rosemary said with a giggle.

We love you, darling, Mum called as I waved goodbye.

I love you too! I replied, steering my cart down the road and out of Long Cleeve.

The journey seemed considerably shorter than it had been on the way home. A great weight had been lifted from my shoulders: Mum had been given life when it seemed that all hope was lost, and in a few short hours I'd be back in Pippin's arms. Everything was right. Perfect, even.

I rode into Buckland singing quietly to myself. I rode straight to Lily's, barely noticing that the streets themselves seemed unusually quiet and mysterious. I let myself into Lily's house. Lily! Lily, are you here? I called.

A moment passed in silence. Something was wrong.

She emerged from her bedroom, a look of shock on her face. She'd been crying. Oh, Diamond, dear cousin, she breathed.

What is it? I asked. What's happened?

They're gone, she said, her voice trembling. They've left.

I knew full well what she was going to say. I didn't want to hear it. Time seemed to freeze.

Merry and Pippin. They've left the Shire with Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee, she cried. He didn't even say goodbye... She burst into tears, and I ran to her, hugging her. Silent tears coursed down my own face as we stood there in the front room, crying. I shared in her grief, her pain, and felt it tenfold. Not only had I not seen Pippin in over four months, but now he was gone. He hadn't even sent word. I had returned to Buckland for him, leaving my beloved mother back home, and now he was gone. I didn't even get to say goodbye.

--

As we crossed through the Old Forest, reaching Bree, I stopped walking. It was pouring rain, and Merry, Frodo, and Sam continued on toward the gates to the town. I turned, looking back through the forest. It had only been a few days, but I wanted so badly to turn back, to run home to Diamond. Something told me I'd made a huge mistake, and that she had returned. I missed her so much. I started crying, silently, my tears blending in with the raindrops that covered my face, my hair, my clothes. Merry turned, noticing that I'd stopped. Come on, Pip, he said, pulling my arm. We have to go.

I stared at the forest, wishing I could see through it, see past all the miles we'd already journeyed. I wanted to see Diamond so badly.

I hesitated for a moment, and then turned to follow Merry. I could tell he was upset about leaving Lily behind also, but we had to keep going. Frodo and Sam waited for us before continuing to Bree. We had an even longer journey ahead of us, I feared, and I couldn't go on plaguing myself with thoughts of Diamond and home. I had to think of other things now--more important things. I put Diamond out of my mind as best I could, and followed Merry, Frodo, and Sam up to the Inn of the Prancing Pony.