A/N: One more chapter to go before the end of The Middle! And…hey! I'm archived! Run on over to Bookends ( http://www.bellalumina.net/bookends/index2.html ) and read the Jess/Rory fanfics posted there!

Standard disclaimers apply. Although they could just hand over the copyrights because I'm just an incredible person…yeah, right!

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There Ain't No Secrets In Town

Or:

Not That They Try Very Hard To Keep The Secrets

For the second time in the last six months, all conversation stopped when Lorelai and Rory entered the diner. Luke looked up and smiled, then began glancing around nervously. The pair drifted their way towards the counter, attempting to ignore the looks they were receiving and play it cool. All eyes focused on Lorelai as she greeted Luke.

"Hi," she said. He returned the salutation. "I, uh, guess they heard?" Lorelai muttered under her breath to him. It was audible throughout the diner, and immediately people began chattering again.

Luke was frowning deeply. "No one said anything to me. Everything was normal until you two walked in."

"Well, aren't we always the center of attention?" Rory asked daintily. "I thought that was our life goal."

Jess came down the stairs just then, and the silence descended again as the town now focused on Jess and Rory. Jess looked at the diner at large out of the corner of his eye, and visibly fought a sardonic grin. "You think this is funny?" Rory hissed at him.

"Well, kinda," he said. He grabbed a coffeepot on his way to them and poured Rory a cup before handing the pot to Luke. "Have at it," he said, gesturing expectantly at the two of them. Then he stepped back and folded his arms, settling in for a show.

"What's he talking about?" Luke asked.

"He's waiting for you to give me coffee." Lorelai held her cup out expectantly.

Chatter in the diner began again, as everyone in town had already witnessed this argument countless times. "I'm not giving you coffee," Luke said, sighing heavily and moving to put the pot down.

"You put down that pot before you've poured me a mug and…I'll do…something really, really…bad…see? I can't function normally without my coffee! Please, Luke? Please?" Lorelai opened her eyes really wide and made an "I'm-as-innocent-as-a-puppy" look.

"No."

"Luke!"

"No."

Lorelai's voice was strident when she spoke again. "Is this what it's going to be like when we're married?" Lorelai clapped a hand over her still-open mouth when for the third time in the space of ten minutes utter silence swept over the diner audience.

Rory stifled a giggle in her coffee, but her shoulders still shook with great amusement. Lorelai had of course told Rory everything last night after she'd returned home and said good-bye to Luke, who was trying to close the front door silently behind him. He'd jumped about a foot, which Rory just smiled at. Then he stammered something about fixing a loose stair…or drawer, or something.

Jess' mouth fell open, but his lips were pulling up at the corners.

Miss Patty stood, and was the first to voice her opinion. "Oh, congratulations, dears," she said warmly while raking her eyes with finality up and down Luke. He squirmed a little, and sent a "help me!" look towards Lorelai.

"Not that we're getting married any time soon," Lorelai said quickly. "Really. It's just…one of those questions you ask about the future without really meaning anything you're saying. It's one of those questions that don't really need answers…Rory?"

"Rhetorical?" she supplied, her voice conveying her amusement admirably.

"Yes! Exactly! It was a rhetorical question! As in, one that doesn't need an answer! Thank you! Now…as you were." She made shooing motions with her hands, and turned back to her stool.

Miss Patty left, but called melodically over her shoulder, "Me thinks the lady doth protest too much."

Slowly, the rest of the crowd followed Miss Patty's lead in congratulating the couple and then paying and leaving. When everyone was gone, Lorelai put her head down on her counter and began banging.

"How long are you going to be doing that?" Luke asked resignedly.

She paused. "How long do you think it'll take for something else of gossip-interest to come along and spare us?"

"I could help with that," Jess spoke up, aiming a mischievous look in Rory's direction.

"No!" Luke, Lorelai and Rory—who was blushing—chorused.

"Don't have to tell me twice," Jess said, mock-pouting. "Hey," he said to Rory. "Don't you have a bus to catch?"

"Ah!" Rory gasped after a look at her watch. "Yes!" she grabbed her coffee, kissed her mother, and blew a kiss to Jess as she ran out the door. "Bye Luke!" she called over her shoulder just before the door closed.

"It's fun to watch her panic like that," Jess remarked almost to himself.

"Ah, yes, but be careful," Lorelai warned. "Don't push her too far. She's libel to snap and beat you to death with her backpack if you go even just a little over the line."

"It's still fun," Jess said.

"I can agree with that, actually. Remember, 'So, what's the problem?'"

"Ugh," Lorelai said, making a face.

"'Make it not tilt,' she must have said a thousand times to me," Luke explained to Jess. "There was this stage for a fashion show with some club she had to join from Chilton—"

"Luke."

"And she looked at the catwalk and the guy had put it together all wrong, and it was thirty degrees from the floor. And all she said to me for about fifteen minutes was 'Make it not tilt.' It was very funny."

"I bet," Jess said, and noticed Lorelai simmering.

"Okay," she said warningly. "Now you owe me coffee. Otherwise I'll tell you exactly what Ava told me in the dressing room. That woman really does have quite an imagination." Luke immediately poured Lorelai coffee, feeling the heat start to rise in his neck.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Jess said, smirking. "Who is this 'Ava'?"

"Lorelai," Luke said warningly.

"This woman in booster club."

"Not—"

"And she thought Luke was hot. Let me tell you, that woman almost made me blush with the things she said she wanted him to do with his—"

"Lorelai!" Luke growled, startling both Jess and Lorelai.

"Payback," Lorelai said, smiling into her coffee.

**********

Rory climbed off the bus that morning and made her way to Luke's, as had become her habit. As she was walking, she stopped to say hi to Taylor. "Just the girl I wanted to see!" Taylor said.

Rory stopped and looked at him quizzically. "Really? About what?"

"I heard about you and Jess…well, being an item, as you might say. Are you sure that's such a good idea?" Taylor looked solemn.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean Jess isn't the most dependable sort of boy. He's wild, he's got big hair, and he's…from New York. You don't know what city boys are like, Rory. They're wild, and they smoke, and they do all sorts of stuff that you don't even want to know about."

Rory frowned at him. "Well, thanks for your input," she said, managing not to snap at him. Barely, she restrained herself from telling him to mind his own business for once. She started walking again, and sighed when she saw Miss Patty coming, knowing that she would find an excuse to talk about something.

"Rory, dear," Miss Patty said. "I'm so happy about your mother and Luke. They've been dancing around each other for years now, and it's so good to see them finally get together. But I wanted to talk about you," she added, making Rory's fledgling hopes die a painful death. "Are you sure about that Jess boy? I know there's something darkly…intriguing about the bad boys, but—and believe me when I say this—it will all end in heartbreak and misery. Those types of boys never stay with one girl very long. They're the loner-types, and they like their mysterious air."

"Miss Patty," Rory sighed, grappling with her temper. "I know Jess. I trust Jess. You don't know him, or trust him, and I understand that. You're just looking out for my well-being, but…I won't say I know what I'm doing because I don't, but…don't worry about me."

"I can't help it, dear," Miss Patty said. "No one can. Everyone worries about you."

*I know,* Rory thought in frustration. *And it is seriously grating on my nerves about now.* She smiled tightly at Miss Patty and again began her trip towards the diner and coffee and Jess.

Babbette stopped her with a shouted, "Yoo-hoo! Rory honey!"

"Hi, Babbette," Rory said wearily.

"Oh, what's wrong, honey?"

"It's just been a long day. What's up?"

Babbette pulled her towards a bench, and they sat. "I wanted to tell you something, honey. I worry about you, and that boy. Are you sure about him?"

Rory resisted the urge to scream, and instead sighed. "As sure as I'm going to get," she said. "Really."

"I know, I know," Babbette said. "You're old enough to make your own decisions, and that just kills me 'cause I can remember when you were just a baby and your mother and you had just come to town. But, I wanted to warn you that boys like Jess, well…they know things. They can make you want things you wouldn't normally want on your own. They can make you crazy. It happens to every woman at one time or another. I just wanted you to have the benefit of my experience."

*Oh, Babbette, not you, too,* Rory thought in dismay. "Thank you, Babbette," she said with an edge to her voice none save her mother would recognize. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to be getting my homework started."

"Oh, of course, honey," Babbette said. "I won't keep you a moment longer."

Rory walked very quickly towards the diner, and was relieved to see that there were only a few patrons in the bar. Luke was behind the counter as usual, and looked up and smiled when she came in, until he saw the look on her face.

Without waiting for the words, he poured her a huge cup of coffee. "Bad day?" he asked sympathetically.

"It wasn't until fifteen minutes ago," Rory muttered bitterly into her coffee. She sat in silence for a few minutes while the coffee kicked in. "How'd you know?" she asked, making a vague gesture with her free hand to the coffee.

"You are your mother's daughter," Luke said. "You come in here with storm clouds over your head, I figure there's got to be a reason for it. Jess is upstairs. He's doing his homework, if you can believe that."

"I can believe it," Rory said. "I think I'll go up and talk to him. Thanks for the coffee, Luke."

"No problem, Rory," Luke said.

She went up the stairs to the apartment, and found Jess sitting on his bed, Megadeath on the stereo, his books spread out all around him. He looked very disgruntled.

"You want to know what they have us doing?" he demanded without looking up at her, but reaching over to turn down the stereo. He picked up a huge textbook on the way back, then looked up at her.

"What?"

"They're having us write at-least-two-sentence answers to questions in the margins of this textbook. There's at least five a chapter, and there's only three pages a chapter! It's such a waste of time."

Rory smiled. She dropped her bag by the door and went to take the textbook from his hands. She flipped it open to a random page. She read a few of the questions. "Well, I imagine some people might find this useful," she said, trying to be fair. "But it turns into busy work for people like you who retain everything they've ever read."

"I do not. I forget every hundredth word or so," Jess said, and Rory could hear him fighting a smile.

"My mistake," Rory said. "But, I'll make you a deal. For every class you get an 'A' in by the end of this semester, I'll read a Hemingway book."

"Really?" Jess asked, arching an eyebrow. "And what's in it for you?"

*People stop bothering me about you being a hoodlum and not good for me,* Rory thought, but didn't voice the thought. "It gives me the satisfaction of knowing that my boyfriend is living up to his potential. Plus, I would need you to help me understand the stupid man who everyone claims is brilliant, so that would lead to a lot of reading time for the both of us…" She trailed off, leaving the rest to be filled in.

"You present me with an intriguing proposal, woman," Jess said loftily. "Let me mull it over while I write out how Hoover was to blame in the eyes of Americans for the Great Depression."

"Okay," Rory said. She fetched her bag and took out her homework. "Ooh, where's your phone? I'm gonna call my mom at work and tell her to swing by here on her way home so we can watch movies tonight."

"Fine," Jess said, and pointed out the black handset. "Call. But go out into the kitchen."

Rory stuck her tongue out at him as she took the phone. "Mom?"

"I sometimes answer to that moniker, yes, but it's usually from my daughter."

"And it's still from your daughter," Rory said. "I'm at Luke's. Jess and I are doing homework. You should pick me up here after work and then we can go to the video store and…yeah, you know the drill."

"'Nudge-nudge, wink-wink, say no more' homework?"

"None of your dirty little mind games here, missy," Rory said. "It's literal homework. I've got it and so does Jess, and we're going to be doing it."

"I'll just bet," Lorelai said smugly.

"Eew," Rory said. "Gross. Love you."

"Love you, too. Bye."

"Your mother being her typically prudish self?"

"Go back to your homework, Jess," Rory said, feeling her face heating.

"All right. Just get your mind out of the gutter."

Rory hit him on the shoulder with the paperback book.

**********

A/N2: "The introduction of fanfic points into a series."…"Um, what is PKNight doing in this authors note?"…"Correct!"…wow I'm weird late at night. Okay, today's fanfic points will be rewarded to whoever can name the folk artist who sings the song, "There Ain't No Secrets In Town." I don't expect a whole lot of people to know this. Please review…I need reviews! They're what keeps me going! Stay tuned for the last exciting chapter to The Middle, coming to an FF.Net board near you! …yeah, again with that late-at-night thing…