Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or anything else mentioned about
Final Fantasy 8 and they belong to their rightful owners.
Okay, this fanfic is not supposed to be entirely serious, so think in more of a sarcastic, unrealistic way sometimes as you read it. You'll like it better that way I promise you. I'm not that good at writing funny fanfiction, but I thought I might put some humor into this one. :1 Also, it's kinda sappy... no... really sappy.
The More Serious Part, how it began
Selphie jumped roped back and forth in front of her teddy bear that she had resting against a large gray stone for an audience.
"That's fifty, Teddy," she said to him and turned the other way in her jumping. When she turned back to look at the bear, she saw an empty stone rock between a pair of black shoes. She dropped her jump rope, and looked up slowly at Seifer's evil grin. He grabbed teddy tightly in his fist; then, with a cackling laugh he wrapped his hand over the head, and with a slow, dramatic effect ripped his head cleanly from his shoulders.
Selphie screamed and tired to attack, but Seifer was too big, and she ended up falling to the ground with the teddy, skinning her knee. Matron had gone into the house to fix their lunch, so Seifer's act would go unpunished.
"Don't cry Sephy," she heard a quiet voice say to her. She looked up into the sad eyes of her friend Irvine and he looked away, his auburn hair falling sloppily in his face as he gathered up the pieces of her favorite toy.
"What are you doing Irvine?" Seifer said and ripped the pieces from his hand, pulling off the limbs and throwing it back at Irvine. Slephie's tears only increased, and she tried to attack him again, all her energy going into it.
Seifer laughed at her and pushed her back to the ground and then pushed Irvine even harder, so he fell on the cement and skinned his elbows. The bully continued to laugh a few seconds and then he heard the door to the house open, and he ran so he wouldn't be caught.
"Seifer! Come back here you meany!" Selphie yelled at him, and started to run and tell Matron.
"Selphie wait!" Irvine said and caught her arm.
"Come on Ivy. Let's tell on him!" she said.
"No, then we'll get in trouble for fighting," Irvine. "Just let me handle it," Irvine said and he looked hatefully in the direction Seifer had gone, but Selphie didn't see him do it.
"But, what about my Teddy?" she asked, picking up the pieces and holding them out to him.
"I think I can fix him," Irvine took the pieces.
"Thanks Irvy!" Selphie cried and hugged him before she ran off to go play on the swings.
Irvine was a shy kid usually, and didn't always cause much trouble... but... revenge would be his this day.
THE PLAN
"Okay, Zell, listen closely," Irvine whispered as they hide behind a tree.
"What?" Zell questioned.
"Seifer is mean to you right? You hate him right?" Irvine asked.
"He called me chicken-wuss," Zell pouted.
"Then listen," Irvine paused and put his arm around Zell's neck, pulling him close to whisper the plan in his ear. "This is what we'll do. You know the ditch? Well, were going to like use the hose and make it a mud puddle, pretending it's a castle mot. Then we'll put garbage and stuff in it, make it real gross."
"Why?" Zell asked, confused.
"We're going to push Seifer in it!" Irvine said deviously.
"Woo-hoo!" Zell yelled and Irvine quickly put his hand over his mouth.
"Shut up dummy," Irvine said and continued. "We have to make it look like an accident so this is what you'll do. I'll lure Seifer to the mot while you swing on a rope that we will tie to the tree. Then, right when he's by the mot, you'll swing in to him and knock him in!"
"Why do I have to be the one on the rope?" Zell asked.
"Because... you're arms are stronger than mine. You can do it better," he schemed.
"That's true," Zell answered proudly.
" Okay, I'll go get the rope. You get the hose and start making the mot."
Irvine left in a hurry for the rope he saw in a shed, and on the way he stopped to see what Selphie was doing. He was troubled to notice Selphie is tears again, complaining to Matron, and Squall standing next to them, his arms crossed impatiently.
"But, I had it first Matron. Squall took it from me!" Selphie cried and Squall denied it. Irvine didn't know what was going on, but he added Squall to the list.
In the shed Irvine found the rope, and a small garbage can that contained the remains from previous lunches, and a dead mouse or two that Matron had found. He brought that with him to the tree unnoticed and dumped it in the mot. He gave the rope to Zell who climbed the tree and started swinging around like a monkey. Then he headed out.
He approached Seifer, who conveniently was already arguing with Squall.
"What do you want?" Seifer asked when he noticed Irvine standing there, staring at them.
"Do you want to see our mot?" he asked nicely.
"No," Squall answered.
"Go away before I punch you in the head!" Seifer threatened.
"Okay then..." Irvine said and started to turn away. Then, quickly he turned around and swiftly kicked them both in the shin before running for his life. They followed, both of them side by side, and then unexpectedly Quitis followed to try and stop them, and to see what was going on. When they were approaching the mot, Irvine suddenly turned, but the others weren't expecting it and went a little farther.
A sudden tarzan scream ripped through the air and Zell swung down from the tree, crashing into Seifer with all his weight. Seifer grabbed Squall's shirt as he fell, Squall pulled on Quitis's skirt, and then Quitis clung desperately to Zell's legs. All four plummeted in the stinking mess, Zell not able to hold their weight, and Irvine just watched his plan take a turn for the worse. They stared up at him, covered in the thick mud and rot.
"You're dead Irvine!" Seifer was the first to yell and leaped up to chase him.
Irvine started running again, and all four were chasing him. Matron rushed to see what was happening and Selphie came off the steps where she was eating cookies and milk to see what was happening. Irvine rushed behind Matron who quickly stayed the others by holding out her hand.
"What's going on here?" she asked and they all started talking at once, expect Irvine who only hide shyly behind her.
"Zell?" Matron asked after she silenced them. Zell poured out the truth (except his involvement), and Matron sent Irvine to his room for the rest of the day, while taking the others to get cleaned. Selphie laughed at the four when she saw their angry, mud-covered faces, and Seifer growled at her, making her laugh even more.
COOKIES AND MILK
When everyone was inside she went back to her cookies on the porch. Her little carton of milk was half full, and she still had two cookies left. She closed up the milk and put it in one of the pockets on her yellow sundress before she put the two large cookies in the big pocket on her chest.
"Irvy didn't get a snack," she said aloud. "I bet he's hungry." Zell was the first to be washed, so Selphie waited a little while for him and then asked for help.
"But Matron said we weren't aloud to bother him," Zell whined.
"You won't be doing anything, just boost me up to the window and I'll climb in," Selphie said, already setting a tall stool by the open window.
"But..." Selphie looked up at him with big watery eyes and stuck out her bottom lip. "Oh, all right... just don't tell Matron I was the one who helped you."
"Thanks! I love you Zell!" Selphie said and kissed him on the cheek.
"Ick! Girl cooties!" he screamed and wiped them off.
Selphie climbed the stool and then Zell followed. He picked her up and she managed to climb up on to his shoulders. The stool wobbled beneath them, but Selphie paid no attention. She looked in the window to see Irvine sitting on his bed, head bent, but she couldn't see what he was doing.
"Man Selphie! You're so freaking fat! You're crushing my shoulders!" Zell complained and she looked down at him hatefully.
"Looks who's talking chub. Now push me up into the window," she demanded and Zell pushed her up.
She got her small hand around the edge and pulled herself forward. Suddenly she was falling through the air, before she landed on something not quiet as soft as the bed. The milk had fallen out of her pocket, and when she looked up from where she'd fallen, an irked looking Irvine stared back at her. Milk ran through his hair and down his cheek as the carton sat atop his head like a little white hat.
"Hi, Sephy," he said grimly.
"Sorry, Irvy," she said but couldn't help but bust out laughing. Irvine laughed with her and took the carton from his head, before wiping some of the milk out with his hands.
"What are you doing in here Selphie, you'll get in trouble," he asked her.
"Oh, who cares," she said cheerfully and snuggled herself into the spot next to him. "I brought you something." She held out the cookies for him and he smiled at her before taking only one. "They're both for you!" She put the other in his lap.
"No, I want you to eat it." He gave it back to her.
"No, you!" she growled and gave it back.
"Fine then," he took it and started to eat the first cookie. Selphie watched him, her mouth almost drooling, and he gave her the other cookie. She devoured it quickly and then smiled at him with big gerbil like cheeks full of cookies.
"Thanks Irvy!" she said through chews.
"You're welcome. Oh, and I have something for you." From beside him he pulled out her bear, with the head and limbs sown back on crudely with large pieces of dark blue thread.
"Teddy! You're alive! Thank you Irvy!" Selphie practically squealed and hugged him. "I love you!" she said and kissed his cheek, but Irvine didn't scream and complain like Zell.
"You're welcome Selphie," he said and blushed.
When Matron came in to get Irvine for dinner, Selphie was sleeping with her head on his stomach, clutching her teddy bear and sucking her thumb. Irvine was sleeping too with a half-eaten cookie in his hand, which rested right next to Selphie's head.
Knowing they'd be up all night if she let them sleep, Matron reluctantly woke them and took them to the dinner table with the others
THE FUTURE
"I'm hungry," Irvine complained as he sat on Selphie's couch in her room. He looked at her bed, with its stuffed animals and smiled devilishly. His perverted thoughts faded when he noticed the beat up old teddy bear by her pillow. It was very old and had a scorched ear from when it was almost lost at Trabia Garden after it exploded. Irvine recognized the crude blue stitches, and he picked it up, turning it over as if it weren't real.
"Irvine where are you?" he heard Selphie looking for him.
"In your bedroom," he said.
"Wha, why are you in here?" she answered and blushed when she came in and stood next to him.
"I can't believe you still have this thing," Irvine ignored her question and held up the bear.
"Well," she smiled at took it from him. "It is my favorite."
Selphie took Irvine's hand and pulled him out of her bedroom and all the way out in to the main hall before she let go. Then they started to walk to the cafeteria, where the others would also be.
"I'm hungry," Irvine said again.
"Want a cookie?" Selphie said and pulled out a small animal cracker shaped like a Chocobo.
"Woo-hoo!" Irvine said and was about to eat the whole cookie, but he thought about if and he broke it before giving half back.
"You're silly Irvy!" Selphie laughed at him and pulled a whole bag out from her pocket, giving them to him.
Irvine was going to say something, going to "make a move" but the others showed up from behind. He grumbled something to Squall about always showing up at the wrong moments, and together they all went to the cafeteria.
"Irvine is the best friend I could ever have," Selphie thought, staring at him as he read. She reached over the school book and pulled the magazine he was actually reading from his grasp.
"Hey, give that back!" he said and tried to get it back.
"Is it a dirty magazine?" Selphie asked suspiciously, but it was only a gun catalog.
"Naw, I only read those at home," Irvine joked and stole it back.
"You're a pervert, Irvine," Selphie laughed at him.
"I could be worse," he laughed with her.
"That's true," she laughed still, stole his cowboy hat, and put it on.
THE END
Okay, this fanfic is not supposed to be entirely serious, so think in more of a sarcastic, unrealistic way sometimes as you read it. You'll like it better that way I promise you. I'm not that good at writing funny fanfiction, but I thought I might put some humor into this one. :1 Also, it's kinda sappy... no... really sappy.
The More Serious Part, how it began
Selphie jumped roped back and forth in front of her teddy bear that she had resting against a large gray stone for an audience.
"That's fifty, Teddy," she said to him and turned the other way in her jumping. When she turned back to look at the bear, she saw an empty stone rock between a pair of black shoes. She dropped her jump rope, and looked up slowly at Seifer's evil grin. He grabbed teddy tightly in his fist; then, with a cackling laugh he wrapped his hand over the head, and with a slow, dramatic effect ripped his head cleanly from his shoulders.
Selphie screamed and tired to attack, but Seifer was too big, and she ended up falling to the ground with the teddy, skinning her knee. Matron had gone into the house to fix their lunch, so Seifer's act would go unpunished.
"Don't cry Sephy," she heard a quiet voice say to her. She looked up into the sad eyes of her friend Irvine and he looked away, his auburn hair falling sloppily in his face as he gathered up the pieces of her favorite toy.
"What are you doing Irvine?" Seifer said and ripped the pieces from his hand, pulling off the limbs and throwing it back at Irvine. Slephie's tears only increased, and she tried to attack him again, all her energy going into it.
Seifer laughed at her and pushed her back to the ground and then pushed Irvine even harder, so he fell on the cement and skinned his elbows. The bully continued to laugh a few seconds and then he heard the door to the house open, and he ran so he wouldn't be caught.
"Seifer! Come back here you meany!" Selphie yelled at him, and started to run and tell Matron.
"Selphie wait!" Irvine said and caught her arm.
"Come on Ivy. Let's tell on him!" she said.
"No, then we'll get in trouble for fighting," Irvine. "Just let me handle it," Irvine said and he looked hatefully in the direction Seifer had gone, but Selphie didn't see him do it.
"But, what about my Teddy?" she asked, picking up the pieces and holding them out to him.
"I think I can fix him," Irvine took the pieces.
"Thanks Irvy!" Selphie cried and hugged him before she ran off to go play on the swings.
Irvine was a shy kid usually, and didn't always cause much trouble... but... revenge would be his this day.
THE PLAN
"Okay, Zell, listen closely," Irvine whispered as they hide behind a tree.
"What?" Zell questioned.
"Seifer is mean to you right? You hate him right?" Irvine asked.
"He called me chicken-wuss," Zell pouted.
"Then listen," Irvine paused and put his arm around Zell's neck, pulling him close to whisper the plan in his ear. "This is what we'll do. You know the ditch? Well, were going to like use the hose and make it a mud puddle, pretending it's a castle mot. Then we'll put garbage and stuff in it, make it real gross."
"Why?" Zell asked, confused.
"We're going to push Seifer in it!" Irvine said deviously.
"Woo-hoo!" Zell yelled and Irvine quickly put his hand over his mouth.
"Shut up dummy," Irvine said and continued. "We have to make it look like an accident so this is what you'll do. I'll lure Seifer to the mot while you swing on a rope that we will tie to the tree. Then, right when he's by the mot, you'll swing in to him and knock him in!"
"Why do I have to be the one on the rope?" Zell asked.
"Because... you're arms are stronger than mine. You can do it better," he schemed.
"That's true," Zell answered proudly.
" Okay, I'll go get the rope. You get the hose and start making the mot."
Irvine left in a hurry for the rope he saw in a shed, and on the way he stopped to see what Selphie was doing. He was troubled to notice Selphie is tears again, complaining to Matron, and Squall standing next to them, his arms crossed impatiently.
"But, I had it first Matron. Squall took it from me!" Selphie cried and Squall denied it. Irvine didn't know what was going on, but he added Squall to the list.
In the shed Irvine found the rope, and a small garbage can that contained the remains from previous lunches, and a dead mouse or two that Matron had found. He brought that with him to the tree unnoticed and dumped it in the mot. He gave the rope to Zell who climbed the tree and started swinging around like a monkey. Then he headed out.
He approached Seifer, who conveniently was already arguing with Squall.
"What do you want?" Seifer asked when he noticed Irvine standing there, staring at them.
"Do you want to see our mot?" he asked nicely.
"No," Squall answered.
"Go away before I punch you in the head!" Seifer threatened.
"Okay then..." Irvine said and started to turn away. Then, quickly he turned around and swiftly kicked them both in the shin before running for his life. They followed, both of them side by side, and then unexpectedly Quitis followed to try and stop them, and to see what was going on. When they were approaching the mot, Irvine suddenly turned, but the others weren't expecting it and went a little farther.
A sudden tarzan scream ripped through the air and Zell swung down from the tree, crashing into Seifer with all his weight. Seifer grabbed Squall's shirt as he fell, Squall pulled on Quitis's skirt, and then Quitis clung desperately to Zell's legs. All four plummeted in the stinking mess, Zell not able to hold their weight, and Irvine just watched his plan take a turn for the worse. They stared up at him, covered in the thick mud and rot.
"You're dead Irvine!" Seifer was the first to yell and leaped up to chase him.
Irvine started running again, and all four were chasing him. Matron rushed to see what was happening and Selphie came off the steps where she was eating cookies and milk to see what was happening. Irvine rushed behind Matron who quickly stayed the others by holding out her hand.
"What's going on here?" she asked and they all started talking at once, expect Irvine who only hide shyly behind her.
"Zell?" Matron asked after she silenced them. Zell poured out the truth (except his involvement), and Matron sent Irvine to his room for the rest of the day, while taking the others to get cleaned. Selphie laughed at the four when she saw their angry, mud-covered faces, and Seifer growled at her, making her laugh even more.
COOKIES AND MILK
When everyone was inside she went back to her cookies on the porch. Her little carton of milk was half full, and she still had two cookies left. She closed up the milk and put it in one of the pockets on her yellow sundress before she put the two large cookies in the big pocket on her chest.
"Irvy didn't get a snack," she said aloud. "I bet he's hungry." Zell was the first to be washed, so Selphie waited a little while for him and then asked for help.
"But Matron said we weren't aloud to bother him," Zell whined.
"You won't be doing anything, just boost me up to the window and I'll climb in," Selphie said, already setting a tall stool by the open window.
"But..." Selphie looked up at him with big watery eyes and stuck out her bottom lip. "Oh, all right... just don't tell Matron I was the one who helped you."
"Thanks! I love you Zell!" Selphie said and kissed him on the cheek.
"Ick! Girl cooties!" he screamed and wiped them off.
Selphie climbed the stool and then Zell followed. He picked her up and she managed to climb up on to his shoulders. The stool wobbled beneath them, but Selphie paid no attention. She looked in the window to see Irvine sitting on his bed, head bent, but she couldn't see what he was doing.
"Man Selphie! You're so freaking fat! You're crushing my shoulders!" Zell complained and she looked down at him hatefully.
"Looks who's talking chub. Now push me up into the window," she demanded and Zell pushed her up.
She got her small hand around the edge and pulled herself forward. Suddenly she was falling through the air, before she landed on something not quiet as soft as the bed. The milk had fallen out of her pocket, and when she looked up from where she'd fallen, an irked looking Irvine stared back at her. Milk ran through his hair and down his cheek as the carton sat atop his head like a little white hat.
"Hi, Sephy," he said grimly.
"Sorry, Irvy," she said but couldn't help but bust out laughing. Irvine laughed with her and took the carton from his head, before wiping some of the milk out with his hands.
"What are you doing in here Selphie, you'll get in trouble," he asked her.
"Oh, who cares," she said cheerfully and snuggled herself into the spot next to him. "I brought you something." She held out the cookies for him and he smiled at her before taking only one. "They're both for you!" She put the other in his lap.
"No, I want you to eat it." He gave it back to her.
"No, you!" she growled and gave it back.
"Fine then," he took it and started to eat the first cookie. Selphie watched him, her mouth almost drooling, and he gave her the other cookie. She devoured it quickly and then smiled at him with big gerbil like cheeks full of cookies.
"Thanks Irvy!" she said through chews.
"You're welcome. Oh, and I have something for you." From beside him he pulled out her bear, with the head and limbs sown back on crudely with large pieces of dark blue thread.
"Teddy! You're alive! Thank you Irvy!" Selphie practically squealed and hugged him. "I love you!" she said and kissed his cheek, but Irvine didn't scream and complain like Zell.
"You're welcome Selphie," he said and blushed.
When Matron came in to get Irvine for dinner, Selphie was sleeping with her head on his stomach, clutching her teddy bear and sucking her thumb. Irvine was sleeping too with a half-eaten cookie in his hand, which rested right next to Selphie's head.
Knowing they'd be up all night if she let them sleep, Matron reluctantly woke them and took them to the dinner table with the others
THE FUTURE
"I'm hungry," Irvine complained as he sat on Selphie's couch in her room. He looked at her bed, with its stuffed animals and smiled devilishly. His perverted thoughts faded when he noticed the beat up old teddy bear by her pillow. It was very old and had a scorched ear from when it was almost lost at Trabia Garden after it exploded. Irvine recognized the crude blue stitches, and he picked it up, turning it over as if it weren't real.
"Irvine where are you?" he heard Selphie looking for him.
"In your bedroom," he said.
"Wha, why are you in here?" she answered and blushed when she came in and stood next to him.
"I can't believe you still have this thing," Irvine ignored her question and held up the bear.
"Well," she smiled at took it from him. "It is my favorite."
Selphie took Irvine's hand and pulled him out of her bedroom and all the way out in to the main hall before she let go. Then they started to walk to the cafeteria, where the others would also be.
"I'm hungry," Irvine said again.
"Want a cookie?" Selphie said and pulled out a small animal cracker shaped like a Chocobo.
"Woo-hoo!" Irvine said and was about to eat the whole cookie, but he thought about if and he broke it before giving half back.
"You're silly Irvy!" Selphie laughed at him and pulled a whole bag out from her pocket, giving them to him.
Irvine was going to say something, going to "make a move" but the others showed up from behind. He grumbled something to Squall about always showing up at the wrong moments, and together they all went to the cafeteria.
"Irvine is the best friend I could ever have," Selphie thought, staring at him as he read. She reached over the school book and pulled the magazine he was actually reading from his grasp.
"Hey, give that back!" he said and tried to get it back.
"Is it a dirty magazine?" Selphie asked suspiciously, but it was only a gun catalog.
"Naw, I only read those at home," Irvine joked and stole it back.
"You're a pervert, Irvine," Selphie laughed at him.
"I could be worse," he laughed with her.
"That's true," she laughed still, stole his cowboy hat, and put it on.
THE END