CHAPTER 9
I sat in the church, in the first pew just looking up at the cross. In my mind I asked God, "Was it what I did with Eli? Was it because I just didn't think about what they'd think, or what you thought? Is this all some part of a bigger plan or something? I don't understand. I never really even got to say goodbye to them." I started to cry. With my head in my hands I cried. I felt a tap on my shoulder. "Is, Chad and I will drive you home." I nodded and walked down the aisle with Mary's arm around me. As I got into Chad's car I heard him say to Mary, "Did Eli show?" Mary didn't say anything. Maybe she nodded yes, or no. I just sat in the backseat stunned that at 18 years old, I had just buried my parents. I didn't even know that we'd gotten to to my house until Mary said, "Isabel. Isabel. We're here." I looked up at her. I noticed that it had started to rain again. She opened the door and handed me her umbrella. "Do you want us to come with?" I shook my head and didn't reach for the umbrella. I walked to my front door. I opened my purse, got my keys out and unlocked the door. I turned and waved back to Chad and Mary. I opened the door and stepped inside my empty house.
Like a machine I went upstairs and drew myself a hot bath. I put on my favorite classical cd on and undressed. As I got into the tub I just thought of how I wish I could wash my troubles away. Just for a while. About 20 minutes later I got out, dried off and put on my favorite sweats and a tank top. As I walked downstairs I realized that my artificial night had changed into real night. I turned on the hall light and the light for the stairwell. As I got into the kitchen I turned the light on. I started to make myself some tea. I took among out of the cupboard and filled it with water and put it in the microwave. I turned and looked out the window and saw that the rain had stopped for a bit. The tears started to well up in my eyes again. I was "awakened" by the ding from the microwave. I made the tea and sat at the kitchen table that I sat on with my parents not 3 months ago. I sat and drank my tea and my mind went blank. The next thing I knew the doorbell rang. As I got up to answer it I put the rest of my unfinished tea into the sink. I turned on the outside light and opened the door. Standing there was none other than Eli.
I just stood there. It'd been a week and a half since I'd seen him last. He had lilies in his hand and a suit on. It looked like he'd gone somewhere special. He spoke first. "Is, I'm so sorry. I came to the funeral, but I stayed in the back so I wouldn't bother you. I even called, but Mary said you wouldn't talk to anyone. So, I thought that I'd just come and try my luck in person. Here, I brought you these. I know that they are you favorite." I took them and said, "Thank you, Come in." I put the flowers on the stairs and sat next to them. Eli sat next to me. He put hi arm around me and I started to cry. He stroked my hair and said, "It's okay. I'm here for you. I love you." I sat up wiping my tears. "Eli, we can't see each other anymore." "What do you mean? " "Us, we can't. Not anymore." "You don't know what you're saying Is. You're under a lot of stress. You don't know what you're talking about." I stood up ad walked to the door. "Eli, please go." He walked up to me and said, "Is, why are you pushing me away? I don't understand." "You don't understand? It's perfectly simple. We aren't meant to be." "But, I love you. And you love me." "Yes, I do love you." He cut me off. "See that's all that matters." I opened the door and said, "Eli, we can't be together. No matter how much you or I want it, we can't." "But, that's not fair." "Eli please." He walked out the door and I said, "Who said love was fair." He turned around, but I continued. "Hell, who said life was fair. Id it fair that I fell completely and madly in love with you? Is it fair that when someone follows their heart and not their head they get hurt? The tears started to ewll up in my eyes. "Is it fair that each time I close my eyes I see you? Or feel your arms around me? Is it fair that my parents are gone? My parents dies. And no amount of love can bring them back. The night that we made love, my parents died. Do you know how much guilt I have? Will have?" Eli's voice was soft. "Isabel, you had no control over it. You didn't know that they were coming home early." I walked up to him and said, "It doesn't matter." I turned and was about to walk away when he grabbed my arm. The rain started up again. "Isabel, you can't blame yourself or your love for me. I love you." He kissed me, but I pulled away. "Eli, go away." I went into the house. Eli followe4d me in. "Isabel." I started to go upstairs to my room but tripped. "Isabel." Eli ran to me and held me close. This time I didn't push away. "I'm going to be here for you whether you want me right now or not. I love you." He moved the hair from my face and kissed me. I pulled away and said. "Eli, I love you, but…"
To be continued…
I sat in the church, in the first pew just looking up at the cross. In my mind I asked God, "Was it what I did with Eli? Was it because I just didn't think about what they'd think, or what you thought? Is this all some part of a bigger plan or something? I don't understand. I never really even got to say goodbye to them." I started to cry. With my head in my hands I cried. I felt a tap on my shoulder. "Is, Chad and I will drive you home." I nodded and walked down the aisle with Mary's arm around me. As I got into Chad's car I heard him say to Mary, "Did Eli show?" Mary didn't say anything. Maybe she nodded yes, or no. I just sat in the backseat stunned that at 18 years old, I had just buried my parents. I didn't even know that we'd gotten to to my house until Mary said, "Isabel. Isabel. We're here." I looked up at her. I noticed that it had started to rain again. She opened the door and handed me her umbrella. "Do you want us to come with?" I shook my head and didn't reach for the umbrella. I walked to my front door. I opened my purse, got my keys out and unlocked the door. I turned and waved back to Chad and Mary. I opened the door and stepped inside my empty house.
Like a machine I went upstairs and drew myself a hot bath. I put on my favorite classical cd on and undressed. As I got into the tub I just thought of how I wish I could wash my troubles away. Just for a while. About 20 minutes later I got out, dried off and put on my favorite sweats and a tank top. As I walked downstairs I realized that my artificial night had changed into real night. I turned on the hall light and the light for the stairwell. As I got into the kitchen I turned the light on. I started to make myself some tea. I took among out of the cupboard and filled it with water and put it in the microwave. I turned and looked out the window and saw that the rain had stopped for a bit. The tears started to well up in my eyes again. I was "awakened" by the ding from the microwave. I made the tea and sat at the kitchen table that I sat on with my parents not 3 months ago. I sat and drank my tea and my mind went blank. The next thing I knew the doorbell rang. As I got up to answer it I put the rest of my unfinished tea into the sink. I turned on the outside light and opened the door. Standing there was none other than Eli.
I just stood there. It'd been a week and a half since I'd seen him last. He had lilies in his hand and a suit on. It looked like he'd gone somewhere special. He spoke first. "Is, I'm so sorry. I came to the funeral, but I stayed in the back so I wouldn't bother you. I even called, but Mary said you wouldn't talk to anyone. So, I thought that I'd just come and try my luck in person. Here, I brought you these. I know that they are you favorite." I took them and said, "Thank you, Come in." I put the flowers on the stairs and sat next to them. Eli sat next to me. He put hi arm around me and I started to cry. He stroked my hair and said, "It's okay. I'm here for you. I love you." I sat up wiping my tears. "Eli, we can't see each other anymore." "What do you mean? " "Us, we can't. Not anymore." "You don't know what you're saying Is. You're under a lot of stress. You don't know what you're talking about." I stood up ad walked to the door. "Eli, please go." He walked up to me and said, "Is, why are you pushing me away? I don't understand." "You don't understand? It's perfectly simple. We aren't meant to be." "But, I love you. And you love me." "Yes, I do love you." He cut me off. "See that's all that matters." I opened the door and said, "Eli, we can't be together. No matter how much you or I want it, we can't." "But, that's not fair." "Eli please." He walked out the door and I said, "Who said love was fair." He turned around, but I continued. "Hell, who said life was fair. Id it fair that I fell completely and madly in love with you? Is it fair that when someone follows their heart and not their head they get hurt? The tears started to ewll up in my eyes. "Is it fair that each time I close my eyes I see you? Or feel your arms around me? Is it fair that my parents are gone? My parents dies. And no amount of love can bring them back. The night that we made love, my parents died. Do you know how much guilt I have? Will have?" Eli's voice was soft. "Isabel, you had no control over it. You didn't know that they were coming home early." I walked up to him and said, "It doesn't matter." I turned and was about to walk away when he grabbed my arm. The rain started up again. "Isabel, you can't blame yourself or your love for me. I love you." He kissed me, but I pulled away. "Eli, go away." I went into the house. Eli followe4d me in. "Isabel." I started to go upstairs to my room but tripped. "Isabel." Eli ran to me and held me close. This time I didn't push away. "I'm going to be here for you whether you want me right now or not. I love you." He moved the hair from my face and kissed me. I pulled away and said. "Eli, I love you, but…"
To be continued…