Okay people, not that anyone reads and or likes this..but I just thought I would inform you that it is going to be in 1^st person again, in favor of Indil. *Feels unloved from the small amount of reviews she received*
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, though I may have made up the character `Indil'. The co-author of this is Aragornrider3791, read her fic as well please!
`Death,' I thought, `the simple answer. The only answer that can solve all problems with one action. This is the answer. I need to resort to the right answer, for there is no other way. Legolas hates me. Everyone will despise me for my true identity and who I am, I have nothing to live for, I might as well die.'
Right after Galadriel had informed me of my true identity, and told me that she had told this to Legolas three days ago. She said that he reacted to this by leaving the heart of Lothlorien and he hadn't returned since. `If Legolas can't even accept me for who I am, how can I expect less understanding people to do that? The only way to keep from drawing evil towards them all by my presence, is to leave this form of existence. I have to die. That is the only option.'
I placidly departed from the area where I had been told to stay, and I roamed around vagrantly searched for the hobbits' campsite. When I found it, all their stuff was there, but luckily, they were not. I took one of the many weapons from the pouch thrown unwarily upon the ground. It was a jagged dagger, which was not hard to get the feel of. I tested the sharpness on my palm, and it easily drew blood at the mere touch of it to skin. I began to enjoy the feeling of the blood draining from my palm, and I knew that if I was to use this weapon to kill myself, I must not fear to use it.
I walked over to where I knew the river Nimrodel to be, knowing not that Legolas had left my destination the day before on his way back to the heart of Lothlorien. I reached the river in an hour's time and I sat along the bank marveling at the beautiful sight and the wondrous area I was enveloped in. `What a wonderful world to have to depart from. If only I wasn't despised so. I might have been able to enjoy my stay here for a time, but alas, things cannot always go as wished,' I thought.
I thought about my life, and how it had been before I encountered the fellowship. I knew not the great world I had been missing out of before then. I would have never met Legolas, and I would have never loved, had it not been for them coming to Earth. I knew I didn't like what had happened in the past few days, but I had accepted it as fate, and I wouldn't take back the time I had sent with all of the fellowship for anything that could possibly be given.
I didn't realize the tears had begun to fall until after they had dropped unto the dagger and my freshly-cut palm where blood was dried there. I couldn't help but hurt so much for what I would be losing by doing this. A love I could never truly have, I would die without ever being sure of what Legolas and I had. We would never know, and I didn't suspect we would know any more if I stayed on this forsaken place where I had learned of my wretched identity for Legolas would most likely never set his beautiful eyes on me again. I am lost without his guidance. I cannot bear to go on.
Now knowing the exact sharpness of the dagger, I knew just how to use it if I wanted to kill myself, then and there, but I knew that I wanted to suffer a little more for putting Legolas through the pain he was probably going through, for he might have fallen in love with a descendant of Sauron. I slowly pressed the dagger to my skin on my wrist, careful not to press deep enough to hit the spot that needed to be driven into for death. I winced at the sudden inflict of pain that this action brought on, yet my hatred for my identity lessened as I watched the blood flow at a constant yet light pace from the wound. The pain felt good, for a strange reason.
Knowing that the more wounds I inflicted upon myself, the more I would feel better about being who I am took over and I knew that after I finished `playing' with the weapon, I would have to finish off the process by not hesitating when the time came to cut deep into my wrist. One slice after another, I made many wounds into my arm and though they were not deep enough for death, they dealt much pain. I watched as the blood dripped off of my arm and landed on the flawless banks of Nimrodel. This would be the perfect time to die, in a perfect place, under the perfect night sky.
I walked along the edge of Nimrodel forquite a while, not caring that the blood ran off my fingers until all the blood from the wounds had dried. I cared not that the night was growing old and the morning was soon to come. I cared not that my body ached from going without rest and that my eyes hurt from staying awake. I cared not about all the sounds around me. I cared about nothing until I reached an area where a tree was right on the edge of the Nimrodel, slightly in the water, and the sun beat down through the trees showing late afternoon. I sat down on the root that stood above the flowing water, and I fell asleep against the base of the tree, waking when it was dark once more.
I continued to walk along the banks from then until there was a fork in the river, and once more the dawn was approaching and I could see the rays of sunlight peering over the horizon though all the trees that blocked the direct sight of it. I then sat down with my feet in the cool water, and I thought about how wonderful, even being alone, it was to be walking in beautiful surroundings such as those for almost three days. I looked around because I thought that I had heard something, but when no other noise came, I resumed my thoughts. I took in my surroundings and said a silent farewell while I pulled out the dagger once more.
I pressed it unto my wrist softly. When it broke through the skin, I began to press harder and I felt it reach a point where most of my other wounds that I had inflicted upon myself had ended. Then I confirmed my later suspicions as someone jumped out and grabbed the dagger away from me. Someone I never thought I would see again in my living hours. Someone who I thought only existed with me in dreams. Legolas had come for me.
"Indil!?! What are you doing? Please don't tell me you were trying to kill yourself, Indil!" Legolas pleaded.
I could do nothing but look down. That obviously answered all his questions other than one.
"Why? Why would you attempt this? Knowing who you are is one thing, but just because you don't exactly have a wonderful family past, it doesn't mean you deserve death! Pray tell, why would you do this?!?" He begged, on the verge of tears himself.
"I am not wanted here, my lord, and you know that. Once you learned of whom I was, you fled the expanses near me. Once everyone knew my identity, I was despised by all, even you of whom I thought I had loved. I have no purpose to live if no one wants to be in the presence of me. There is no reason for me to remain here. Yes, eternity in a place like this would be nice, but only if I wasn't who I am. Hand me the dagger, my lord, I need to commence my actions." I said, not even realizing that the blood from my deepest cut had run down my elvish dress, and it had begun to drip lightly upon the ground. I also hadn't realized that Legolas had begun to weep, knowing not why I would accuse him of not caring for me just because he had balked on his way to falling in love.
"Indil, I will not give you the dagger. Pray tell, why would I be here trying to prevent you from taking your life if I despised you so? Why wouldn't I be sitting and waiting for you to do so? If you can honestly admit to me that trying to save your life is an example of despising, then I will gladly go away and leave you to your doings. Indil, you know that only one who sees you for who you truly are would help you when you falter on your way to wherever your life may take you. You may not realize it, Indil, but there are many who truly love you. I am one of those many, and I know the rest of the fellowship is as well. Don't let your identity bar your mind from being yourself. Don't let who you just found out you are convince you that you need not be here. Indil, if you kill yourself, I will kill myself, and people will not think of us likely for we would both be dead and no one but us would have known what had happened."
"I cannot explain your doings, my lord. There could be other reasons for your presence here. A noble act could be one of them. I cannot force myself to believe the unbelievable. It is impossible for someone like yourself to love someone who will always be unloved because of identity. Would you rather live eternity of being despised, or a short life of knowing that you thought that you had once loved? "
"If you are referring to yourself in that statement, my lady, I highly doubt that you will ever be unloved. Why sacrifice yourself to your beliefs of the ones such as those, if they have not yet been proven true? If you are not loved, then tell me how you would explain my feelings towards you. If that is not love, it must be something much more because it certainly isn't anything less."
At this I looked down. The blood from my wrist had dried. I would not be able to meet the prince's gaze for quite a while, or so I believed.
Does he really love me or is he just trying to make me think so, so he can spare himself from watching me die? But the way he looked at me when he said he loved me...that just might be the truth. I love him, but I am not sure if he loves me for real. I cannot help but think I am but a game to him.
"Indil, promise me you won't try to kill yourself. Promise me you will find something to live for, even if it isn't me."
"My lord, I cannot promise anything to someone who I know not to be telling the truth. I will try to find a reason to exist, only if you prove to me that you are indeed telling the truth."
"How would you have me do so, my lady?"
"It won't be so hard to think up something after you are less troubled. I love you, my lord, but I fear that you do not return that because you may have only said so t prevent yourself from watching me die."
"You think so lowly of me as that?" He asked, while wrapping his arms around me. Is he doing this for amusement to see my reaction, or because he truly does love me? I want to believe he does love me, but after hearing that he fled from my identity, it will be hard for me to convince myself.
We started walking back and it seems that I hadn't wandered farther than one and one half days journey from the heart of Lothlorien, and when we halted for that night, I was pretty tired from all the walking. I could only hope the next day didn't involve any rough paths because I really didn't feel like getting my cuts reopened by falling down or thorns...
After we had gathered enough wood for a fire and it was lit, we both lay down. I was on one side of the fire, while he was on the other. If he saved my life, and has protected me so far, could that possibly mean that he was telling the truth when he said he loved me?
My thoughts were interrupted by a noise behind me and I cringed at hearing it. Orcs. Only they could make noises such as that. I didn't know that they had gotten that close because I was lost in my mind, and I guess that Legolas was thinking as well because we only both realized that the orcs were there when we heard the noise. I didn't take time to think after that. I jumped up from where I had been sitting as did Legolas. He took out his bow and began looking around the edges of the small clearing. If only I had my bow with me...unfortunately I forgot to retrieve it on my departure...
An orc jumped out from behind me followed by others while Legolas was looking the other way. The one that jumped out first grabbed me and held my hands behind my back. I could feel the dirt from those disgusting hands of that one orc's rubbing off against my fairly clean hands. I let out a cry and Legolas immediately turned around. He shot off the majority of the orcs until the one holding me captive took out a knife and held it against my neck. The blade was wrought of cold steel, dwarven-made, and sharp. It made a tiny slit on my neck, almost like a thicker papercut, just by pressing it lightly against my skin. Legolas immediately stopped shooting his deadly arrows and looked at the foul creature.
"Why look what we have here..." Growled the ugly voice of the orc while the others laughed, "It's prince Legolas, with the dark maiden. I never thought I would see the day when a prince would accompany a descendant of Sauron. Yes, lady Indil, we know who you are, and we were sent to retrieve you and bring you to your great-grandfather, Sauron. You will bow unto him as your mother and grand mother did not."
"Let her go, or you will soon regret it." Was all Legolas had to say.
"Regret what? If you try to set her free or hurt any of my remaining company, then I shall slay her right before your very eyes."
Legolas strung his bow and let go, sending a poisoned arrow right into the heart of the creature. The orc feel down right away, and the knife fell with him. I collapsed in fear, while the prince shot down the remaining orcs. When they were all dead, Legolas came over and helped me up.
"Thank you, my lord. Once more, you have saved my life."
"You're welcome, Indil. But there is no need for formalities here or now. Please, call me Legolas. You used to do so...but once you learned of who I was, you started addressing me formally. And besides, though you might not like the truth, you yourself (since there is no other left who possibly could fill the ranks being as they have already lived in Lothlorien as to prove it untrue) are of royalty in a way. Sauron is the lord or king of Mordor. Your great grandmother was the Queen of Rivendell. That would have made your grandmother a princess, but she grew up in Lothlorien, so she cannot be a princess to Sauron. Your mother has yet to enter this world, and when she does she will be living in Lothlorien as well. You are the rightful princess of Mordor and Rivendell, and because you have not truly entered this world yet, you will not age until it has been time for you to bee like you are now."
"I...I didn't quite realize that until now, my lord--I mean, Legolas." I replied.
"We must hurry back to the heart of Lothlorien now, where no orcs could possibly enter. You are not safe for now, nor will you be until you are dressed in a mild disguise, and until you are out of Lothlorien." He then took my hand, and we started back from whence we both came.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, though I may have made up the character `Indil'. The co-author of this is Aragornrider3791, read her fic as well please!
`Death,' I thought, `the simple answer. The only answer that can solve all problems with one action. This is the answer. I need to resort to the right answer, for there is no other way. Legolas hates me. Everyone will despise me for my true identity and who I am, I have nothing to live for, I might as well die.'
Right after Galadriel had informed me of my true identity, and told me that she had told this to Legolas three days ago. She said that he reacted to this by leaving the heart of Lothlorien and he hadn't returned since. `If Legolas can't even accept me for who I am, how can I expect less understanding people to do that? The only way to keep from drawing evil towards them all by my presence, is to leave this form of existence. I have to die. That is the only option.'
I placidly departed from the area where I had been told to stay, and I roamed around vagrantly searched for the hobbits' campsite. When I found it, all their stuff was there, but luckily, they were not. I took one of the many weapons from the pouch thrown unwarily upon the ground. It was a jagged dagger, which was not hard to get the feel of. I tested the sharpness on my palm, and it easily drew blood at the mere touch of it to skin. I began to enjoy the feeling of the blood draining from my palm, and I knew that if I was to use this weapon to kill myself, I must not fear to use it.
I walked over to where I knew the river Nimrodel to be, knowing not that Legolas had left my destination the day before on his way back to the heart of Lothlorien. I reached the river in an hour's time and I sat along the bank marveling at the beautiful sight and the wondrous area I was enveloped in. `What a wonderful world to have to depart from. If only I wasn't despised so. I might have been able to enjoy my stay here for a time, but alas, things cannot always go as wished,' I thought.
I thought about my life, and how it had been before I encountered the fellowship. I knew not the great world I had been missing out of before then. I would have never met Legolas, and I would have never loved, had it not been for them coming to Earth. I knew I didn't like what had happened in the past few days, but I had accepted it as fate, and I wouldn't take back the time I had sent with all of the fellowship for anything that could possibly be given.
I didn't realize the tears had begun to fall until after they had dropped unto the dagger and my freshly-cut palm where blood was dried there. I couldn't help but hurt so much for what I would be losing by doing this. A love I could never truly have, I would die without ever being sure of what Legolas and I had. We would never know, and I didn't suspect we would know any more if I stayed on this forsaken place where I had learned of my wretched identity for Legolas would most likely never set his beautiful eyes on me again. I am lost without his guidance. I cannot bear to go on.
Now knowing the exact sharpness of the dagger, I knew just how to use it if I wanted to kill myself, then and there, but I knew that I wanted to suffer a little more for putting Legolas through the pain he was probably going through, for he might have fallen in love with a descendant of Sauron. I slowly pressed the dagger to my skin on my wrist, careful not to press deep enough to hit the spot that needed to be driven into for death. I winced at the sudden inflict of pain that this action brought on, yet my hatred for my identity lessened as I watched the blood flow at a constant yet light pace from the wound. The pain felt good, for a strange reason.
Knowing that the more wounds I inflicted upon myself, the more I would feel better about being who I am took over and I knew that after I finished `playing' with the weapon, I would have to finish off the process by not hesitating when the time came to cut deep into my wrist. One slice after another, I made many wounds into my arm and though they were not deep enough for death, they dealt much pain. I watched as the blood dripped off of my arm and landed on the flawless banks of Nimrodel. This would be the perfect time to die, in a perfect place, under the perfect night sky.
I walked along the edge of Nimrodel forquite a while, not caring that the blood ran off my fingers until all the blood from the wounds had dried. I cared not that the night was growing old and the morning was soon to come. I cared not that my body ached from going without rest and that my eyes hurt from staying awake. I cared not about all the sounds around me. I cared about nothing until I reached an area where a tree was right on the edge of the Nimrodel, slightly in the water, and the sun beat down through the trees showing late afternoon. I sat down on the root that stood above the flowing water, and I fell asleep against the base of the tree, waking when it was dark once more.
I continued to walk along the banks from then until there was a fork in the river, and once more the dawn was approaching and I could see the rays of sunlight peering over the horizon though all the trees that blocked the direct sight of it. I then sat down with my feet in the cool water, and I thought about how wonderful, even being alone, it was to be walking in beautiful surroundings such as those for almost three days. I looked around because I thought that I had heard something, but when no other noise came, I resumed my thoughts. I took in my surroundings and said a silent farewell while I pulled out the dagger once more.
I pressed it unto my wrist softly. When it broke through the skin, I began to press harder and I felt it reach a point where most of my other wounds that I had inflicted upon myself had ended. Then I confirmed my later suspicions as someone jumped out and grabbed the dagger away from me. Someone I never thought I would see again in my living hours. Someone who I thought only existed with me in dreams. Legolas had come for me.
"Indil!?! What are you doing? Please don't tell me you were trying to kill yourself, Indil!" Legolas pleaded.
I could do nothing but look down. That obviously answered all his questions other than one.
"Why? Why would you attempt this? Knowing who you are is one thing, but just because you don't exactly have a wonderful family past, it doesn't mean you deserve death! Pray tell, why would you do this?!?" He begged, on the verge of tears himself.
"I am not wanted here, my lord, and you know that. Once you learned of whom I was, you fled the expanses near me. Once everyone knew my identity, I was despised by all, even you of whom I thought I had loved. I have no purpose to live if no one wants to be in the presence of me. There is no reason for me to remain here. Yes, eternity in a place like this would be nice, but only if I wasn't who I am. Hand me the dagger, my lord, I need to commence my actions." I said, not even realizing that the blood from my deepest cut had run down my elvish dress, and it had begun to drip lightly upon the ground. I also hadn't realized that Legolas had begun to weep, knowing not why I would accuse him of not caring for me just because he had balked on his way to falling in love.
"Indil, I will not give you the dagger. Pray tell, why would I be here trying to prevent you from taking your life if I despised you so? Why wouldn't I be sitting and waiting for you to do so? If you can honestly admit to me that trying to save your life is an example of despising, then I will gladly go away and leave you to your doings. Indil, you know that only one who sees you for who you truly are would help you when you falter on your way to wherever your life may take you. You may not realize it, Indil, but there are many who truly love you. I am one of those many, and I know the rest of the fellowship is as well. Don't let your identity bar your mind from being yourself. Don't let who you just found out you are convince you that you need not be here. Indil, if you kill yourself, I will kill myself, and people will not think of us likely for we would both be dead and no one but us would have known what had happened."
"I cannot explain your doings, my lord. There could be other reasons for your presence here. A noble act could be one of them. I cannot force myself to believe the unbelievable. It is impossible for someone like yourself to love someone who will always be unloved because of identity. Would you rather live eternity of being despised, or a short life of knowing that you thought that you had once loved? "
"If you are referring to yourself in that statement, my lady, I highly doubt that you will ever be unloved. Why sacrifice yourself to your beliefs of the ones such as those, if they have not yet been proven true? If you are not loved, then tell me how you would explain my feelings towards you. If that is not love, it must be something much more because it certainly isn't anything less."
At this I looked down. The blood from my wrist had dried. I would not be able to meet the prince's gaze for quite a while, or so I believed.
Does he really love me or is he just trying to make me think so, so he can spare himself from watching me die? But the way he looked at me when he said he loved me...that just might be the truth. I love him, but I am not sure if he loves me for real. I cannot help but think I am but a game to him.
"Indil, promise me you won't try to kill yourself. Promise me you will find something to live for, even if it isn't me."
"My lord, I cannot promise anything to someone who I know not to be telling the truth. I will try to find a reason to exist, only if you prove to me that you are indeed telling the truth."
"How would you have me do so, my lady?"
"It won't be so hard to think up something after you are less troubled. I love you, my lord, but I fear that you do not return that because you may have only said so t prevent yourself from watching me die."
"You think so lowly of me as that?" He asked, while wrapping his arms around me. Is he doing this for amusement to see my reaction, or because he truly does love me? I want to believe he does love me, but after hearing that he fled from my identity, it will be hard for me to convince myself.
We started walking back and it seems that I hadn't wandered farther than one and one half days journey from the heart of Lothlorien, and when we halted for that night, I was pretty tired from all the walking. I could only hope the next day didn't involve any rough paths because I really didn't feel like getting my cuts reopened by falling down or thorns...
After we had gathered enough wood for a fire and it was lit, we both lay down. I was on one side of the fire, while he was on the other. If he saved my life, and has protected me so far, could that possibly mean that he was telling the truth when he said he loved me?
My thoughts were interrupted by a noise behind me and I cringed at hearing it. Orcs. Only they could make noises such as that. I didn't know that they had gotten that close because I was lost in my mind, and I guess that Legolas was thinking as well because we only both realized that the orcs were there when we heard the noise. I didn't take time to think after that. I jumped up from where I had been sitting as did Legolas. He took out his bow and began looking around the edges of the small clearing. If only I had my bow with me...unfortunately I forgot to retrieve it on my departure...
An orc jumped out from behind me followed by others while Legolas was looking the other way. The one that jumped out first grabbed me and held my hands behind my back. I could feel the dirt from those disgusting hands of that one orc's rubbing off against my fairly clean hands. I let out a cry and Legolas immediately turned around. He shot off the majority of the orcs until the one holding me captive took out a knife and held it against my neck. The blade was wrought of cold steel, dwarven-made, and sharp. It made a tiny slit on my neck, almost like a thicker papercut, just by pressing it lightly against my skin. Legolas immediately stopped shooting his deadly arrows and looked at the foul creature.
"Why look what we have here..." Growled the ugly voice of the orc while the others laughed, "It's prince Legolas, with the dark maiden. I never thought I would see the day when a prince would accompany a descendant of Sauron. Yes, lady Indil, we know who you are, and we were sent to retrieve you and bring you to your great-grandfather, Sauron. You will bow unto him as your mother and grand mother did not."
"Let her go, or you will soon regret it." Was all Legolas had to say.
"Regret what? If you try to set her free or hurt any of my remaining company, then I shall slay her right before your very eyes."
Legolas strung his bow and let go, sending a poisoned arrow right into the heart of the creature. The orc feel down right away, and the knife fell with him. I collapsed in fear, while the prince shot down the remaining orcs. When they were all dead, Legolas came over and helped me up.
"Thank you, my lord. Once more, you have saved my life."
"You're welcome, Indil. But there is no need for formalities here or now. Please, call me Legolas. You used to do so...but once you learned of who I was, you started addressing me formally. And besides, though you might not like the truth, you yourself (since there is no other left who possibly could fill the ranks being as they have already lived in Lothlorien as to prove it untrue) are of royalty in a way. Sauron is the lord or king of Mordor. Your great grandmother was the Queen of Rivendell. That would have made your grandmother a princess, but she grew up in Lothlorien, so she cannot be a princess to Sauron. Your mother has yet to enter this world, and when she does she will be living in Lothlorien as well. You are the rightful princess of Mordor and Rivendell, and because you have not truly entered this world yet, you will not age until it has been time for you to bee like you are now."
"I...I didn't quite realize that until now, my lord--I mean, Legolas." I replied.
"We must hurry back to the heart of Lothlorien now, where no orcs could possibly enter. You are not safe for now, nor will you be until you are dressed in a mild disguise, and until you are out of Lothlorien." He then took my hand, and we started back from whence we both came.