1 Chapter 3: Sasha
"AKANE! HELP ME!" cried a girl's voice.
Ranma flew through the air and landed between Akane and the weird girl. She ducked, and a knife flashed through the air where her head had been. It was now aimed straight at the new girl, who caught it expertly as if she did that kind of thing every day, which, Akane thought, if she knew Conditioner, she probably did.
"Conditioner!"
"Sasha!"
The two girls leaped at each other and embraced in midair. Akane and Ranma gaped at the sight as Ryoga appeared out of nowhere and said, "What's this all about?"
Ranma instantly turned and smacked him. "You pig, hiding in the bushes all this time!"
"STOP PICKING ON RYOGA!" yelled Akane as she punted Ranma into the air.
Conditioner and her friend finally stopped hugging and giggling. "Why are you picking on these poor normal people?" asked Sasha when they had both calmed down enough to talk. "They haven't done anything wrong to you."
Conditioner glowered at Akane and Ryoga. "That short-haired girl," she snarled, "is in the way of Shampoo marrying her fiancée. And that red- haired girl—" She stopped and looked around to growl at Ranma. Finding no sign of him, she continued, "Who was just here a minute ago, defeated my sister in combat. And no one does that to a relative of mine! Least of all my sister!"
Sasha looked over at Akane and Ryoga, who were nervous but trying not to show it and failing horribly. "I think we should go somewhere else and talk this over, Conditioner," she said. The two of them leaped over the dojo and vanished somewhere.
"Thank goodness she's gone! I thought I'd never be rid of her!" said a familiar voice. Mousse stepped out of the bushes from where he had been hiding to sigh in relief. "I'm so afraid of her…she's so tough! I don't know why my gentle, lovable Shampoo admires her so much!"
"Yeah, who is she, anyway?" asked Ryoga, who had indeed been hiding in the bushes and hadn't heard a word of the conversation.
Mousse looked at Ryoga as solemnly as he could. "She's Shampoo's older sister," he said, "and she's a killer! Don't insult her, her sister, or her friend."
Akane snorted. "I think she's all talk and no substance."
Mousse wagged his finger at her but was whacked by Ryoga for criticizing Akane. "Ouch. Don't think that! I thought that, and boy, was I wrong."
Ryoga and Akane stared at him. "What happened?" asked Akane in a hushed whisper.
Mousse stared at them for a while, and then said, "What happened…I have no idea."
"What do you mean you have no idea?!"
"He be knocked down by Conditioner," said Shampoo gleefully, "and she stuff him in barrel and send him down river! So funny!" She started laughing. The other two looked at her, now getting the joke.
Meanwhile, Ranma was still flying through the air.
"Stupid girl," she said aloud. "I don't see why everyone is in such a hurry to get me married. I'm still a teenager, for crying out loud! I thought I had enough problems with Ryoga and Mousse and Shampoo, but nooooo, was I wrong! To add to all my problems, here comes Shampoo's psychotic older sister, a packaged deal with her best friend, whom I bet is also a deranged China babe…man, have I got trouble."
Conditioner and Sasha were sitting at a table on someone's roof.
"I really don't see why you can't take a break," said Sasha sympathetically. "You're always tired out after chasing people. Why not just relax for a while and enjoy this vacation in Japan?"
Conditioner slammed down her tea with enough force to break the mug. "Dammit, I just want the best for my younger sister! I can never relax because there's always something worrying her."
Sasha twirled her cup around on her finger while she thought. "You know, Shampoo isn't the little baby you carried around on your back all those years ago," she said. "She's grown up now, and can take care of herself. She doesn't have to depend on you all the time." She put her mug down and looked her friend straight in the eye. "I hate to say this, Conditioner, but you're being a nuisance hanging around her all the time."
The other girl spluttered. She opened her mouth to blurt out some curse when Ranma fell on her head and knocked her out.
"Ow," she said, picking herself up and rubbing her skull. Then she noticed Sasha standing next to Conditioner's unconscious body and turned white. "Aaaah! Don't kill me! I can explain everything! It was all an accident! Honestly!"
Sasha cocked her head at Ranma and poured hot water on her from a kettle that magically appeared out of nowhere (you know how things are in Ranma). As he coughed and brushed the water out of his eyes, she said, "I don't blame you for not wanting to marry Shampoo."
"Eh?" This was not the answer he had expected.
"I mean, Conditioner is bad enough trying to kill everyone—from the person who insulted her to the person who yelled too loudly and woke her up early—but living with her as a sister-in-law? The horror!"
Ranma was totally confused now. "But…but I thought you two were friends."
Sasha rolled her eyes. "Just because two people are friends doesn't mean they have to enjoy each other's company 24/7!! I mean, look at you and Akane!"
Ranma turned red, as he always did whenever someone mentioned his fiancée. "We…we're not friends! Our fathers arranged this whole stupid marriage plan, not us!"
"Urrr…" moaned Conditioner. She rolled onto her back and gazed blearily into the sky. "What landed on my head? I'll kill whoever threw that!"
Sasha poured more hot tea as Ranma blanched. "I accidentally hit you with my scythe. Sorry."
"Ah. Okay." Conditioner accepted another cup of tea (to replace the old one she broke) and closed her eyes peacefully. Suddenly she opened them again and stared at Ranma. "You! Shampoo's groom. What are you doing here?!"
"I invited him here. Honestly, Conditioner, do you have to act so paranoid?"
The purple-haired Amazon blushed and looked down. It was true, she was a little paranoid, but did Sasha have to blurt it out in front of her sister's fiancée? "I just want to be sure of who he is," she said stubbornly.
Ranma drank tea and watched the two girls argue. They were almost worse than when he and Akane fought! Almost, that is. He coughed, and when there was a break in the quarreling, he asked, "So, what are you going to do?"
"I'm going to get Shampoo to marry you!" proclaimed Conditioner. She shook her fist at the sky. "And when I've done that, I'm going to kill that red-headed slut!"
Ranma looked angrily up at her. "I'm not a—I mean, she's not a slut!"
Sasha watched irritably as Ranma and Conditioner bickered. Finally she picked up her scythe and hit them both on the head with the flat of the blades.
"You two shut up and listen!" she ordered. Stunned by her unexpected aggressiveness, the two did as she said. "I don't know what's gotten into you, groom, but Conditioner and I are not leaving until we figure out a solution to this problem! No matter how long it takes!"
*~*~*~*~*
Before you manga fanfic purists flame me, I KNOW that "Sasha" is not a Japanese name, but I'm too lazy to go look one up in a Japanese-English online dictionary. If you have another idea, you can tell me at dragongirl453@animefan.net
"AKANE! HELP ME!" cried a girl's voice.
Ranma flew through the air and landed between Akane and the weird girl. She ducked, and a knife flashed through the air where her head had been. It was now aimed straight at the new girl, who caught it expertly as if she did that kind of thing every day, which, Akane thought, if she knew Conditioner, she probably did.
"Conditioner!"
"Sasha!"
The two girls leaped at each other and embraced in midair. Akane and Ranma gaped at the sight as Ryoga appeared out of nowhere and said, "What's this all about?"
Ranma instantly turned and smacked him. "You pig, hiding in the bushes all this time!"
"STOP PICKING ON RYOGA!" yelled Akane as she punted Ranma into the air.
Conditioner and her friend finally stopped hugging and giggling. "Why are you picking on these poor normal people?" asked Sasha when they had both calmed down enough to talk. "They haven't done anything wrong to you."
Conditioner glowered at Akane and Ryoga. "That short-haired girl," she snarled, "is in the way of Shampoo marrying her fiancée. And that red- haired girl—" She stopped and looked around to growl at Ranma. Finding no sign of him, she continued, "Who was just here a minute ago, defeated my sister in combat. And no one does that to a relative of mine! Least of all my sister!"
Sasha looked over at Akane and Ryoga, who were nervous but trying not to show it and failing horribly. "I think we should go somewhere else and talk this over, Conditioner," she said. The two of them leaped over the dojo and vanished somewhere.
"Thank goodness she's gone! I thought I'd never be rid of her!" said a familiar voice. Mousse stepped out of the bushes from where he had been hiding to sigh in relief. "I'm so afraid of her…she's so tough! I don't know why my gentle, lovable Shampoo admires her so much!"
"Yeah, who is she, anyway?" asked Ryoga, who had indeed been hiding in the bushes and hadn't heard a word of the conversation.
Mousse looked at Ryoga as solemnly as he could. "She's Shampoo's older sister," he said, "and she's a killer! Don't insult her, her sister, or her friend."
Akane snorted. "I think she's all talk and no substance."
Mousse wagged his finger at her but was whacked by Ryoga for criticizing Akane. "Ouch. Don't think that! I thought that, and boy, was I wrong."
Ryoga and Akane stared at him. "What happened?" asked Akane in a hushed whisper.
Mousse stared at them for a while, and then said, "What happened…I have no idea."
"What do you mean you have no idea?!"
"He be knocked down by Conditioner," said Shampoo gleefully, "and she stuff him in barrel and send him down river! So funny!" She started laughing. The other two looked at her, now getting the joke.
Meanwhile, Ranma was still flying through the air.
"Stupid girl," she said aloud. "I don't see why everyone is in such a hurry to get me married. I'm still a teenager, for crying out loud! I thought I had enough problems with Ryoga and Mousse and Shampoo, but nooooo, was I wrong! To add to all my problems, here comes Shampoo's psychotic older sister, a packaged deal with her best friend, whom I bet is also a deranged China babe…man, have I got trouble."
Conditioner and Sasha were sitting at a table on someone's roof.
"I really don't see why you can't take a break," said Sasha sympathetically. "You're always tired out after chasing people. Why not just relax for a while and enjoy this vacation in Japan?"
Conditioner slammed down her tea with enough force to break the mug. "Dammit, I just want the best for my younger sister! I can never relax because there's always something worrying her."
Sasha twirled her cup around on her finger while she thought. "You know, Shampoo isn't the little baby you carried around on your back all those years ago," she said. "She's grown up now, and can take care of herself. She doesn't have to depend on you all the time." She put her mug down and looked her friend straight in the eye. "I hate to say this, Conditioner, but you're being a nuisance hanging around her all the time."
The other girl spluttered. She opened her mouth to blurt out some curse when Ranma fell on her head and knocked her out.
"Ow," she said, picking herself up and rubbing her skull. Then she noticed Sasha standing next to Conditioner's unconscious body and turned white. "Aaaah! Don't kill me! I can explain everything! It was all an accident! Honestly!"
Sasha cocked her head at Ranma and poured hot water on her from a kettle that magically appeared out of nowhere (you know how things are in Ranma). As he coughed and brushed the water out of his eyes, she said, "I don't blame you for not wanting to marry Shampoo."
"Eh?" This was not the answer he had expected.
"I mean, Conditioner is bad enough trying to kill everyone—from the person who insulted her to the person who yelled too loudly and woke her up early—but living with her as a sister-in-law? The horror!"
Ranma was totally confused now. "But…but I thought you two were friends."
Sasha rolled her eyes. "Just because two people are friends doesn't mean they have to enjoy each other's company 24/7!! I mean, look at you and Akane!"
Ranma turned red, as he always did whenever someone mentioned his fiancée. "We…we're not friends! Our fathers arranged this whole stupid marriage plan, not us!"
"Urrr…" moaned Conditioner. She rolled onto her back and gazed blearily into the sky. "What landed on my head? I'll kill whoever threw that!"
Sasha poured more hot tea as Ranma blanched. "I accidentally hit you with my scythe. Sorry."
"Ah. Okay." Conditioner accepted another cup of tea (to replace the old one she broke) and closed her eyes peacefully. Suddenly she opened them again and stared at Ranma. "You! Shampoo's groom. What are you doing here?!"
"I invited him here. Honestly, Conditioner, do you have to act so paranoid?"
The purple-haired Amazon blushed and looked down. It was true, she was a little paranoid, but did Sasha have to blurt it out in front of her sister's fiancée? "I just want to be sure of who he is," she said stubbornly.
Ranma drank tea and watched the two girls argue. They were almost worse than when he and Akane fought! Almost, that is. He coughed, and when there was a break in the quarreling, he asked, "So, what are you going to do?"
"I'm going to get Shampoo to marry you!" proclaimed Conditioner. She shook her fist at the sky. "And when I've done that, I'm going to kill that red-headed slut!"
Ranma looked angrily up at her. "I'm not a—I mean, she's not a slut!"
Sasha watched irritably as Ranma and Conditioner bickered. Finally she picked up her scythe and hit them both on the head with the flat of the blades.
"You two shut up and listen!" she ordered. Stunned by her unexpected aggressiveness, the two did as she said. "I don't know what's gotten into you, groom, but Conditioner and I are not leaving until we figure out a solution to this problem! No matter how long it takes!"
*~*~*~*~*
Before you manga fanfic purists flame me, I KNOW that "Sasha" is not a Japanese name, but I'm too lazy to go look one up in a Japanese-English online dictionary. If you have another idea, you can tell me at dragongirl453@animefan.net