1 Chapter 5: Battle!
"So I can't kill the red-head," said Conditioner, "and I can't kill anyone here…I need to fight. Sitting around doing nothing gets on my nerves."
It was a day after the discussion.
Sasha looked over at her. "You could always challenge the groom," she suggested. Conditioner sat bolt upright.
"Idea! Idea! I will fight the groom. If I win, he must marry Shampoo. If he wins, then we leave. Simple."
Sasha sighed and leaned against the tree. That Conditioner. She was always looking for a new challenge, and if she really wasn't going to kill anyone, then fighting Shampoo's groom would be good for her. "Good idea. I'm going to nap."
"I'll wake you for the wedding!" chirped the other girl, and trotted off.
Mousse was on his knees begging Shampoo. "Please, please let me marry you! Ranma does not appreciate your beauty enough! I love you! I love you!"
"Go away!" snapped Shampoo, kicking him. He tripped and fell into Conditioner, who as coming in the door. Instantly he turned white and scrambled away.
"Relax," she drawled. "I'm not going to kill anyone. I need a fight. Girl-boy, would you be willing to fight me?"
Akane stared at him. "You shouldn't kill him!" she shouted.
Conditioner stared at her as if Akane was a complete idiot. "Baka. I've come to a make a little proposal." She cleared her throat and faced Ranma. "Here: you and I will fight. If you win, Sasha and I leave. If I win, you marry Shampoo."
Ryoga shouted, "Yes! Yes!" Not only would he get to see Ranma actually lose, but Akane would be free for him as well. That is, if she liked him…no! He would be optimistic!
"Shut up, pig!" yelled Ranma. He booted Ryoga across the room and looked at Conditioner. "Very well. I accept your challenge. But you can't use your weapons! I just use my body, so you have to, too."
Rather than looking worried, Conditioner said, "Sure. Make sure you get better in time for the wedding!" She left the room, laughing.
"I won't lose to her! I won't!" said Ranma to himself. He didn't know Akane was watching him boost his morale until she said, "Of course you won't."
He stared at her. Then his face cracked into a smile and he said a little belatedly, "Of course I won't! You just watch me, Akane. I'll whip her."
The sweet moment lasted about two seconds, until Ryoga ruined it. "Hey, Ranma! Are you beating her so you can have Akane?" he teased.
WHAM.
Conditioner and Ranma faced each other. Both were dressed in white training suits, so none would have a clothes advantage over the other (in Conditioner's case, armor). They were barefoot, so weapons couldn't be hidden in their shoes (in Conditioner's case, knives). Akane, Ryoga, Shampoo, Mousse, and Soun sat on the sidelines. Nabiki stood, carrying a video camera, so she could prove who lost their bets.
"Okay!" yelled Soun. In his hand was a microphone. "This battle, between Ranma and Conditioner, now begins! Fight!"
Ranma attacked first, as usual. He aimed a quick punch at Conditioner's stomach, but his hand encountered air. He looked up and saw the purple hair go whizzing past his face to land a few inches away from his outstretched fist. He threw another punch with his other hand, but she ducked and gave him one in the stomach. Ranma doubled over.
That girl can fight! he thought, half-admiring, half-annoyed. This may be my first real battle since Ryoga learned that move…
But he couldn't ponder Conditioner's battle skills for long. A blur to his right alerted him, and he flipped forward in the air to land behind Conditioner. His foot jerked out fast, like a snake, and hit the girl in the back. She fell to her knees. Ranma aimed another punch at her.
CRASH.
His hand smashed the wooden dojo floor and shattered a section. Conditioner stood off to the side of the hole, looking surprised.
"Not bad, kid, not bad," she said. "No one's given me so much trouble in years."
"Go Conditioner!" shouted Shampoo from the sidelines.
Conditioner attacked then, firing a hailstorm of punches at her enemy. Ranma gasped and twitched to the left, but her fists caught his side. He flipped away and came up shouting, "That's the chestnuts-roasting- on-an-open-fire move! How do you know it?"
Conditioner gave him a withering look. "Great-Grandmother taught it to me," she told him, her voice heavily laden with disgust. "As she taught it to you. That's why we both know it. Duh."
"Hm," said Ranma. He changed tactics. As Conditioner came at him again, fists flying once more, looking for an opening, he backed away.
"Running away already, are we?" taunted the girl. She followed him, trying to land a blow.
Akane yelled from the sidelines, "Ranma doesn't run away, Conditioner!" Nabiki made a mental note to change Akane's tone with special effects. That way she could sell videotapes and get more money.
Soun held his breath. His son-in-law was going to try for his greatest move, the Dragon's Heaven Blast. But wouldn't Conditioner know of it already, since Cologne had known it? Maybe the girl was too headstrong. She was pounding around after Ranma, who was evading her with practiced ease, despite the fact that this was their first fight together. That was it. She was too confident in her abilities. Well, pride comes before a fall. Soun settled back to watch Ranma pound Conditioner.
Ryoga knew what Ranma was going to try next, but he thought it was a silly move. Surely Conditioner would know it! Maybe even know a move to counter it. He should watch her carefully. Maybe he could learn a few tactics on how to beat Ranma from her, although he was feeling vaguely uncomfortable seeing Ranma take a beating.
Ranma breathed calmly, trying not to let Conditioner's insults interrupt his composure, but it was hard. Where did she learn such phrases?! Girls in Nerima never swore like that, or insulted people that rudely. (True, the girls in Nerima that he knew about were all madly in love with him, but that was beside the point.) He dodged one blow but had to twist his body to avoid the next. Conditioner was getting angrier and angrier with every passing moment. Thank goodness the center of the spiral was near. Ranma didn't think he could take much more insults.
Conditioner was getting slightly out of breath. She'd never met a more irritating opponent! He avoided her blows as if he was moving in slow motion. More importantly, he wasn't responding at all to her insults, which had made opponents reckless in the past. She smirked. Maybe this one would be worthy enough to have fought her.
Center of the spiral! Ranma ducked as a particularly vicious blow whizzed past his ear. He took a breath, hurled his fist into the air, and yelled, "Hyru Shoten Ha--!!"
—at the same time Conditioner fell on her back, hands pointed in the air, and cried, "Lotus Flower!!"
—and Ryoga, who couldn't take it anymore, aimed his hands at her and shouted, "Shishihokodan!!"
"It's a magnificent triple ki attack!" howled Soun the Announcer. Akane put her fingers in her ears and stared at the glowing, flashing lights. "Conditioner's attack has blow Ranma into the air! Ranma's attack swept the roof off the dojo! He's going to replace it, by the way. And Ryoga's attack has knocked Conditioner into the wall!"
Shampoo bit her nails and cried, "Ranma! Sister! Who win?"
Ryoga pulled himself out of the ground to stare at the three-colored ki light. He then went back over to Akane and Mousse, who were staring at him disapprovingly. "Well, did you really want Ranma to marry Shampoo?" he asked them both.
"No," they replied in unison.
THUNK. Ranma landed back in the dojo.
Soun was still going. He yelled, "The winner is the first one who stands up and says, 'I did so win,' with a smile on his—or her, face."
Nabiki turned to look at him. "Isn't that from Dragonball?" she asked. "I thought we agreed, no cross-overs."
"It isn't exactly a cross-over," her father replied. "I'm just borrowing a phrase from it."
Ranma groaned from where he lay on his stomach. That attack had hurt! What was it, anyway? But he heard what Soun had said, so he tried his hardest to stand up before that macho, psychotic woman did.
Akane looked at Conditioner. She wasn't moving. Her legs were kicking, but the rest of her was lying completely still. Akane wondered if Ryoga's attack had broken a bone or two, and then wondered if she cared.
"He's kneeling! He's kneeling! Is he going to make it?" shouted Soun to an imaginary audience. Mousse ran over and grabbed the mike from him. Soun continued in a more normal tone of voice.
"Conditioner isn't moving! Is she dead?"
Shampoo bit her nails some more. "Sister!" she cried. She started to run over, but Ryoga and Akane held her back.
"No cheating!" they ordered.
At last Ranma pulled himself up. He braced against the wall, then let go and said, "I did so win!" with a smile.
Akane, Ryoga, and Mousse ran over to him. Soun bellowed his happiness into an imaginary mike to an imaginary audience. Nabiki zoomed in on Ranma's face. Shampoo leaped over fallen debris to her sister's side, and was roughly pushed away.
"That…wasn't…fair!" snarled Conditioner. Her face was bruised and her arms were scratched. "Damn you, Sasha, I would have won!"
Ranma, Ryoga, Mousse, Akane, Shampoo, Nabiki, and Soun all stared at Sasha. She was crouched just outside the hole Conditioner had made and smiling. "I held her down so you could win, Ranma," she said.
Shampoo yelled, "Cheat. You cheat, Sasha!"
Soun cleared his throat. "Well, technically, she didn't cheat. It was indirect cheating."
Conditioner looked ready to kill something.
Soun coughed. "Well, what's done is done, and we can't change that."
"Come on, Conditioner," said Sasha. "If Shampoo really needs your help, she'll ask. But for now, I think she can try on her own to win Ranma over." She leveled a fierce glare at Shampoo. "But I think you can manage."
Shampoo gulped.
"As for now," Sasha continued, "we'll return the clothes. See ya." And then she leaped over the broken dojo. Conditioner vanished for a second, and when she returned, she was wearing her armor with her weapons.
"Ranma," she said, "it pains me to say this, but you were almost as good as me. I have never said that to anyone else before. It was—" She coughed. "—an honor to fight you. And I mean it. I hope we have more chances in the future." With that, she vanished after Sasha.
Blink.
Blink.
Blink.
"Almost?!" snarled Ranma. "I'd say I was as good as her, or better! She just didn't want to admit it!"
"Oh, really?" asked Ryoga. "You would have lost terribly if I hadn't used my Shishihokodan on her!"
"I didn't need any help from you, Pig Boy!"
"Oh, sure? I'd like to see you fight her by yourself."
"I could! I could whip her, and you know it."
Akane sighed as the two boys started fighting again. Once more, it was just a normal day in Nerima.
Well, as normal as you could get, for Ranma.
*~*~*~*~*
Please please please tell me what you thought of this story!! My e-mail is dragongirl453@animefan.net. Please tell me of other ideas if you have any!! I am truly open.
"So I can't kill the red-head," said Conditioner, "and I can't kill anyone here…I need to fight. Sitting around doing nothing gets on my nerves."
It was a day after the discussion.
Sasha looked over at her. "You could always challenge the groom," she suggested. Conditioner sat bolt upright.
"Idea! Idea! I will fight the groom. If I win, he must marry Shampoo. If he wins, then we leave. Simple."
Sasha sighed and leaned against the tree. That Conditioner. She was always looking for a new challenge, and if she really wasn't going to kill anyone, then fighting Shampoo's groom would be good for her. "Good idea. I'm going to nap."
"I'll wake you for the wedding!" chirped the other girl, and trotted off.
Mousse was on his knees begging Shampoo. "Please, please let me marry you! Ranma does not appreciate your beauty enough! I love you! I love you!"
"Go away!" snapped Shampoo, kicking him. He tripped and fell into Conditioner, who as coming in the door. Instantly he turned white and scrambled away.
"Relax," she drawled. "I'm not going to kill anyone. I need a fight. Girl-boy, would you be willing to fight me?"
Akane stared at him. "You shouldn't kill him!" she shouted.
Conditioner stared at her as if Akane was a complete idiot. "Baka. I've come to a make a little proposal." She cleared her throat and faced Ranma. "Here: you and I will fight. If you win, Sasha and I leave. If I win, you marry Shampoo."
Ryoga shouted, "Yes! Yes!" Not only would he get to see Ranma actually lose, but Akane would be free for him as well. That is, if she liked him…no! He would be optimistic!
"Shut up, pig!" yelled Ranma. He booted Ryoga across the room and looked at Conditioner. "Very well. I accept your challenge. But you can't use your weapons! I just use my body, so you have to, too."
Rather than looking worried, Conditioner said, "Sure. Make sure you get better in time for the wedding!" She left the room, laughing.
"I won't lose to her! I won't!" said Ranma to himself. He didn't know Akane was watching him boost his morale until she said, "Of course you won't."
He stared at her. Then his face cracked into a smile and he said a little belatedly, "Of course I won't! You just watch me, Akane. I'll whip her."
The sweet moment lasted about two seconds, until Ryoga ruined it. "Hey, Ranma! Are you beating her so you can have Akane?" he teased.
WHAM.
Conditioner and Ranma faced each other. Both were dressed in white training suits, so none would have a clothes advantage over the other (in Conditioner's case, armor). They were barefoot, so weapons couldn't be hidden in their shoes (in Conditioner's case, knives). Akane, Ryoga, Shampoo, Mousse, and Soun sat on the sidelines. Nabiki stood, carrying a video camera, so she could prove who lost their bets.
"Okay!" yelled Soun. In his hand was a microphone. "This battle, between Ranma and Conditioner, now begins! Fight!"
Ranma attacked first, as usual. He aimed a quick punch at Conditioner's stomach, but his hand encountered air. He looked up and saw the purple hair go whizzing past his face to land a few inches away from his outstretched fist. He threw another punch with his other hand, but she ducked and gave him one in the stomach. Ranma doubled over.
That girl can fight! he thought, half-admiring, half-annoyed. This may be my first real battle since Ryoga learned that move…
But he couldn't ponder Conditioner's battle skills for long. A blur to his right alerted him, and he flipped forward in the air to land behind Conditioner. His foot jerked out fast, like a snake, and hit the girl in the back. She fell to her knees. Ranma aimed another punch at her.
CRASH.
His hand smashed the wooden dojo floor and shattered a section. Conditioner stood off to the side of the hole, looking surprised.
"Not bad, kid, not bad," she said. "No one's given me so much trouble in years."
"Go Conditioner!" shouted Shampoo from the sidelines.
Conditioner attacked then, firing a hailstorm of punches at her enemy. Ranma gasped and twitched to the left, but her fists caught his side. He flipped away and came up shouting, "That's the chestnuts-roasting- on-an-open-fire move! How do you know it?"
Conditioner gave him a withering look. "Great-Grandmother taught it to me," she told him, her voice heavily laden with disgust. "As she taught it to you. That's why we both know it. Duh."
"Hm," said Ranma. He changed tactics. As Conditioner came at him again, fists flying once more, looking for an opening, he backed away.
"Running away already, are we?" taunted the girl. She followed him, trying to land a blow.
Akane yelled from the sidelines, "Ranma doesn't run away, Conditioner!" Nabiki made a mental note to change Akane's tone with special effects. That way she could sell videotapes and get more money.
Soun held his breath. His son-in-law was going to try for his greatest move, the Dragon's Heaven Blast. But wouldn't Conditioner know of it already, since Cologne had known it? Maybe the girl was too headstrong. She was pounding around after Ranma, who was evading her with practiced ease, despite the fact that this was their first fight together. That was it. She was too confident in her abilities. Well, pride comes before a fall. Soun settled back to watch Ranma pound Conditioner.
Ryoga knew what Ranma was going to try next, but he thought it was a silly move. Surely Conditioner would know it! Maybe even know a move to counter it. He should watch her carefully. Maybe he could learn a few tactics on how to beat Ranma from her, although he was feeling vaguely uncomfortable seeing Ranma take a beating.
Ranma breathed calmly, trying not to let Conditioner's insults interrupt his composure, but it was hard. Where did she learn such phrases?! Girls in Nerima never swore like that, or insulted people that rudely. (True, the girls in Nerima that he knew about were all madly in love with him, but that was beside the point.) He dodged one blow but had to twist his body to avoid the next. Conditioner was getting angrier and angrier with every passing moment. Thank goodness the center of the spiral was near. Ranma didn't think he could take much more insults.
Conditioner was getting slightly out of breath. She'd never met a more irritating opponent! He avoided her blows as if he was moving in slow motion. More importantly, he wasn't responding at all to her insults, which had made opponents reckless in the past. She smirked. Maybe this one would be worthy enough to have fought her.
Center of the spiral! Ranma ducked as a particularly vicious blow whizzed past his ear. He took a breath, hurled his fist into the air, and yelled, "Hyru Shoten Ha--!!"
—at the same time Conditioner fell on her back, hands pointed in the air, and cried, "Lotus Flower!!"
—and Ryoga, who couldn't take it anymore, aimed his hands at her and shouted, "Shishihokodan!!"
"It's a magnificent triple ki attack!" howled Soun the Announcer. Akane put her fingers in her ears and stared at the glowing, flashing lights. "Conditioner's attack has blow Ranma into the air! Ranma's attack swept the roof off the dojo! He's going to replace it, by the way. And Ryoga's attack has knocked Conditioner into the wall!"
Shampoo bit her nails and cried, "Ranma! Sister! Who win?"
Ryoga pulled himself out of the ground to stare at the three-colored ki light. He then went back over to Akane and Mousse, who were staring at him disapprovingly. "Well, did you really want Ranma to marry Shampoo?" he asked them both.
"No," they replied in unison.
THUNK. Ranma landed back in the dojo.
Soun was still going. He yelled, "The winner is the first one who stands up and says, 'I did so win,' with a smile on his—or her, face."
Nabiki turned to look at him. "Isn't that from Dragonball?" she asked. "I thought we agreed, no cross-overs."
"It isn't exactly a cross-over," her father replied. "I'm just borrowing a phrase from it."
Ranma groaned from where he lay on his stomach. That attack had hurt! What was it, anyway? But he heard what Soun had said, so he tried his hardest to stand up before that macho, psychotic woman did.
Akane looked at Conditioner. She wasn't moving. Her legs were kicking, but the rest of her was lying completely still. Akane wondered if Ryoga's attack had broken a bone or two, and then wondered if she cared.
"He's kneeling! He's kneeling! Is he going to make it?" shouted Soun to an imaginary audience. Mousse ran over and grabbed the mike from him. Soun continued in a more normal tone of voice.
"Conditioner isn't moving! Is she dead?"
Shampoo bit her nails some more. "Sister!" she cried. She started to run over, but Ryoga and Akane held her back.
"No cheating!" they ordered.
At last Ranma pulled himself up. He braced against the wall, then let go and said, "I did so win!" with a smile.
Akane, Ryoga, and Mousse ran over to him. Soun bellowed his happiness into an imaginary mike to an imaginary audience. Nabiki zoomed in on Ranma's face. Shampoo leaped over fallen debris to her sister's side, and was roughly pushed away.
"That…wasn't…fair!" snarled Conditioner. Her face was bruised and her arms were scratched. "Damn you, Sasha, I would have won!"
Ranma, Ryoga, Mousse, Akane, Shampoo, Nabiki, and Soun all stared at Sasha. She was crouched just outside the hole Conditioner had made and smiling. "I held her down so you could win, Ranma," she said.
Shampoo yelled, "Cheat. You cheat, Sasha!"
Soun cleared his throat. "Well, technically, she didn't cheat. It was indirect cheating."
Conditioner looked ready to kill something.
Soun coughed. "Well, what's done is done, and we can't change that."
"Come on, Conditioner," said Sasha. "If Shampoo really needs your help, she'll ask. But for now, I think she can try on her own to win Ranma over." She leveled a fierce glare at Shampoo. "But I think you can manage."
Shampoo gulped.
"As for now," Sasha continued, "we'll return the clothes. See ya." And then she leaped over the broken dojo. Conditioner vanished for a second, and when she returned, she was wearing her armor with her weapons.
"Ranma," she said, "it pains me to say this, but you were almost as good as me. I have never said that to anyone else before. It was—" She coughed. "—an honor to fight you. And I mean it. I hope we have more chances in the future." With that, she vanished after Sasha.
Blink.
Blink.
Blink.
"Almost?!" snarled Ranma. "I'd say I was as good as her, or better! She just didn't want to admit it!"
"Oh, really?" asked Ryoga. "You would have lost terribly if I hadn't used my Shishihokodan on her!"
"I didn't need any help from you, Pig Boy!"
"Oh, sure? I'd like to see you fight her by yourself."
"I could! I could whip her, and you know it."
Akane sighed as the two boys started fighting again. Once more, it was just a normal day in Nerima.
Well, as normal as you could get, for Ranma.
*~*~*~*~*
Please please please tell me what you thought of this story!! My e-mail is dragongirl453@animefan.net. Please tell me of other ideas if you have any!! I am truly open.