Xander

I looked over at him sitting on the sofa. He was shaking. He got up and paced back and forth muttering curses under his breath. If there was ever a time that I doubted his love for her it is long gone. Willow had gone to put Dawn in bed she came out and told us that Dawn was fine before turning in. For once I didn't know what to say. I did crack a few jokes but they didn't really mean anything. I don't think my sort of humor really works with Spike. He's not exactly the joking kind of guy. He stalked back and forth, back and forth.

"Spike." I called. "What are you trying to do? Cause you know you are fairly buff already, no need to work up a sweat. " He stared at me disbelieving until I smiled to show him that I was only teasing. "Sit down." I slapped the couch beside me. "Take a load off." He stared at me incredulously for a moment and then his lips turned up in a small smile smile. I soon joined him in a large grin. Crack another one up to the Xan-man. "Still got it" I laughed. He flumped down on beside me and we were both quite for a moment until a choked sob broke the silence. I think my face must have looked ridiculous. I mean this is Spike we're talking about. The Big Bad. He does look the part you know except for when he is crying like a baby. I only think I've seen him cry once. When Buffy died, but then I'm not entirely sure I was looking through my own haze of tears.

I placed my hand on his leg and gave him a soft reassuring squeeze. I had no idea what to do in this sort of situation. He took a deep breath and rested his head back. "I saw her dying." He paused when his voice cracked in a sob. "She was dead and I couldn't stop it. Like her sister, they got her."

"Spike." I whispered softly. "She isn't dead. You heard Willow she's asleep in her room right now. All she was doing was kissing him. And what happened with Buffy was NOT your fault no one could have done anything. None of us were even there." He didn't say anything for a while just sat there with his hands cupping his face and cried. I was unsure of what I should do. It was hard to sit here beside him and not know what to do to help him. So finally I did what felt right. I tentatively reached my hand out and rested it on his back. When he didn't rip it off I used it to pull him into my arms.

He really was small for a man. He leaned his head on my shoulder while he shook in silent tears. " I can't do anything." He quietly choked. "Every time she is doing okay something happens. And I can't do a bloody thing about it. It's like my hands are tied and all these things are happening, and I can't do anything. I'm helpless."

This little speech shocked me, more because I was surprised that he had opened up to me of all people then that he felt this way. HelI I felt this way and that's what I told him. I told him about my feelings of inadequacy. Of how I was the useless member of the group. Plain old Xander no superpowers at all. I felt like an oaf, that all I could do was get in the way and need saving myself.

Normally he would have just made fun of me, reaffirmed my doubts but he didn't. he pulled out of my clumsy embrace and looked at my eyes. "I had no Idea." He whispered. "You are always in the midst of the battles. You do your part to help people, that is what's important. You make a difference. If any of them have ever said otherwise they're wrong. You are an intricate part of this group. You're the glue that holds them all together. In a time when things are horrible you're always there with your little jokes, your self depreciating humor ready to make light of the situation. Without you I doubt that we would of survived this long. if anyone ever tells you otherwise just tell them to talk to William the Bloody. I'll put those wankers in there place. I'll make them forget everything but the pain. I'll tear their bloody innards out and feed them to them. I'll..."

I covered up what I was feeling by saying. "Geeze Spike I was kind of feeling better till the end there. Now I'm just feeling queasy. Which is an improvement I suppose."

He smiled that cocky grin of his. "Common' mate you didn't let me get to the best part."

"Sadly no, but I don't think I'll be losing any sleep over it. Sleep what I'm going to go do now."

"Hey wait up I didn't tell you what I was going to..."

"Goodnight Spike." I walked over to my room. "Spike" I called back.

"Yes mate"

"Thanks." Then I went into my room and fell into bed.

---------

I must of been tired because the next thing that I heard was Spike hollering at me from the door. I wasn't all there but who can expect that, I just woke up. By the time I made out what he was saying he had my by the arm and was pulling me out of my bed. My breath was forced out of me as I hit the floor with a thump. I protested a bit that is until I understood what he had been saying. That woke me up. Fast.

"Dawn's missing? Where is she. We we have to find her."

He let out and exasperated sigh obviously reining himself in. "That is what I've been telling you and if I knew where she was she wouldn't be missing."

"Well we have to find her!"

His voice was now dangerously calm. "We will find her as soon as you get out of your bedroom."

I picked myself up off the floor trying to make myself look dignified which was hard considering I was in my loony toons boxers. I followed his black form out and into the main room. There was food there and I dug in while being apprised of the situation. I didn't say that much mostly due to the fact that my mouth was packed full of food at the time. I hadn't realized how hungry I was. I have to admit that part of me wasn't surprised that she was missing, something was always happening to her. I think that the most likely possibility was that she just left to go visit her lover boy again. Rules never stopped her before. I wouldn't say anything like that though, cause at the moment Spike looked like he wanted to rip someone's head off. I didn't want to stand out.

"The kid!" I screamed with little bits of toast flying out of my mouth. They looked at me until I sheepishly continued. "That kid that she was with yesterday he probably knows where she is."

Spike gave me a dry smile. "Ready got that one covered mate, back when you were trying out the fine selection of marmalade."

"Oh.....and?"

"And I'm meeting Marius tonight so I'll ask about the boy then. Red's going to check a few places round the city and I thought that you could help her. Since I seem to be house bound." He gestured to the curtain covered window.

"Of course!" I jumped up tripping slightly over my own feet and ran to my room to find something to wear.

----------

Twenty minutes later me and Will were walking down the streets in busy New Orleans. She glanced around every little bit like myself but I was mostly enjoying the feel of the warm sun on my face. Apparently nice days were something of a treasure here. So everyone was out enjoying it. The streets were alive crowded with people of every type, color and shape. On the corner a tired mother argued futilely with her crying child. People in suits, with dark glasses, shared the street with those in jeans. The place was amazing tall and short, fat and thin, exotic and plain. It was truly a magnificent city.

We took a turn onto a less crowded street and Willow broke the silence. "I really don't think we are going to be able to find her, but spending the day with a cranky vampire is not my idea of a fun time." I laughed and agreed. "Plus" She continued "She probably just sneaked out to see her friend again, if she's anything like Buffy that's exactly what she did. She'll try and sneak back in and I wouldn't want to be around Spike when that happens."

The somber mood was broken and for the rest of the day we enjoyed ourselves fully expecting her to be there when we got back. We explored the city eating at a sidewalk cafe which was as close to Paris as I'll ever get. The only thing that I was slightly worried about was the situation in Sunnydale. We used the phone, well Will used the phone to call back. Tara told her that everything was fine and it had be quiet except for the run of the mill vampire.

The sun had just set and the sky was still coppery colored when we got back to the hotel. We slowly headed up to our rooms, our fatigue evident. We were met in the hall be a very upset Spike. Dawn wasn't back and my heart flipped, for the first time since I woke up I was afraid for her.

Willow took matters into her hand and calmed Spike down enough so that he would tell us what happened. I seemed that he had indeed met with Marius and things didn't quite work out the way that he had planned. Marius was very close to the boy and when he heard what Spike was planning to do to him if he had Dawn, well saying he was upset would have been putting it lightly. He had left and with him our chance of finding her, and Buffy.

----------

The only thing that we could do would be to fan out and search the city so that is what we did. We split up and set out to find her.

----------

We were all supposed to meet up at the hotel at one to check in. I got there a few minutes before Spike, and we waited. Willow never came. At two we couldn't stay there any more. We set out again this time together we had another person to find and we didn't want to lose each other. We walked staying close to each other, not really talking. We were worried that we had lost them both.

About an hour before dawn we saw someone. A slip of a girl huddled in the corner. It could have been either of them and I could hardly restrain my excitement as I rushed over to her. I grabbed her shoulders and turned her round sliding my fingers under her cheek to lift her head up to face me. My voice caught in my throat. Staring back at me through watery eyes was the one person I had almost given up on ever seeing again. It was Buffy.

I heard a strangled cry and Spike was beside me in an instant. Touching her reassuring himself that she was really there. She looked different worn and drawn. Her face was smeared with blood and I realized they must have been tears. She looked at us but there was no recognition in her gaze.

"Buffy! Buffy it's me Xander. Do you remember me?" She looked blankly towards me and then her lips formed a word.

"He left me." She said it slowly like a child. Unsure if she had said the right thing. I pulled her towards me in a tight hug.

"It's okay." I whispered in her ear. "It's all right. Your with us now, everything is going to be better." I felt her relaxing slightly in my arms and I smiled. I scooped her up and after brushing an errant stand of hair nodded to Spike. Who immediately started walking back towards home. With me following.

Willow and Dawn were forgotten for the moment all that was right now was the small girl in my arms.

----------