To start off, I have to let this out of my chest first: I don't read fics, much less write them. The only times I read them are when I know the author personally, or if I am in dire need of inspiration. Well, there's a third reason now: for my tomodachi, koneko (seiyumi). So seiyumi-chan, if you're reading this, this one's for you!
Escribir en Realidad (Writing in Reality)
By: K3
Disclaimers: DUH! If you haven't read it a million times yet- CCS IS OWNED BY CLAMP. Kapeesh? I'm not repeating that EVER again. Romantic Mood from reading Ia's fics (actually, a few lines too ^_^). Ideas from my brain. Motivation: seiyumi, esca & yua music (& that scene from the Sleeping Beauty play they did). Inspiration: everything I just said (& you guys too).
* * *
PROLOUGE
If all dark envisions were bad dreams, then he was in a nightmare. It had started out with Terada-sensei announcing the Tomoeda Elementary Class Play. As usual, Tomoyo was in charge of the costumes, unless they find themselves understaffed. Students of Seijou High were contributing as well, so the play could be as wild & as extravagant as they wanted it to be. Eriol was only supposed to help in the writing, while Nakuru would produce and direct. But alas, she had found out that the rehearsals coincided with Touya's new soccer practice schedule. Thus, she abandoned the play, and Kinomoto-tachi as well. It was 'bye-bye play!', or so they thought…
He lifted his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He twirled the pencil around with his right hand, now his left. He scratched his head. It wasn't helping. Eriol was a good writer, everyone knew that, but now he had more responsibilities. He was to direct, produce, and cast as well. It wasn't like a great piece suddenly flows from pencil to paper; he needed ideas. He looked down on his lap. His murky azure pants greeted him back. He looked to his left, the door was not as courteous. To the right, a blank wall. He looked up to the ceiling hopelessly. He remembered that Sakura often did this, if not looking out her window. Sakura? That's an idea… and he scribbled on the defenseless paper as though his weapon of lead was to run out the moment he stopped writing.
* * *
Chapter 1: Adoration vs. Affection
"Wings of fate… bring thee to thy true love"
The time had come. She put her sacred foot down, aware that today was considered blessed, for she was to bestow the mortals the gift of her presence. Each step she took seemed to be recorded in time, a keepsake for all eternity. In spite of all the excitement, she remained calm. Her mind as blank as her jade green eyes, her hands were wrought with the chain of serenity. The air around her seemed to envelope the emotion, sending fear through the nerves of the more sensitive deities.
"Goddess Sakura, bless this meager town with your console. Save us from the evil King Yama who intends to impound us in his wrath. We ask for your help, oh beloved Goddess." The priest had spoken. Sakura knew it was time to face them, give them strength, illusion them with dreams and hopes, and in the end abandon them-- for a goddess was forbidden to intervene with humans.
Her eyes opened, instantly guided by fate to face an auburn pair full of fire & life. She was stricken. She took a step back, towards the thin line that separated Gods from mortals, fearing the emotion that seemed foreign to her. She put her hand to her heart, it was beating too fast. And yet the poor organ could not match the speed of the thoughts that raced through her head. Who was he to enter such a personal zone of the goddess' feelings?
"Goddess Sakura, why have you chosen not to show yourself? Do we lack in our offerings? Do we not pray intently enough?"
I see. He is my priest. The notion convinced her heart & mind to be still. At least, for a while. She lifted her hand, fingers carefully prying the small barrier of vision between the two types of beings. Lest, his fingers were to head there as well. At once, she felt the sensation again. Not fearing it this time, but longing for more. This sentiment is too dangerous, I must take caution.
"Heck it, priest! You keep claiming that Goddess Sakura exists, and that she will help us prevail in the end-- but look!" a misbelieving priestess countered, hands holding her belly from laughter, "she isn't there!"
"Silence, Meiling!" the priest commanded, letting his staff hit the ground with an ominous sound that sent chills up the goddess' spine. She is here, I feel it. And even if she is not," he dropped his head, tone lowering as well, "that does not give you the right to disrespect her."
He stood up for me, someone who did not care to present herself before, on the other times he had called on me when he truly needed me. I had heard his voice before, screaming my name though nothing was audible. A voice meant only for my ears, and yet I have failed him too many times… the goddess was overwhelmed with the unknown zeal, nearly forgetting what was to be her actions.
"I am here."
He turned around, face full of unexplained emotions, expressing surprise, awe, gratitude, and… "You have come, dear Goddess! My petty life's wish has been granted, even if only to hear your voice." He kneeled before her, chestnut hair grazing his ears. An enduring smile plastered on his face, as if he had been chosen to be an immortal as well.
"Yes," she had chosen to hide herself, dreading that the outlandish passion would burst out of her body any moment. She stood still & lifeless, the complete opposite of her exploding insides, mind & body confused what to do next. The former was to say, Fear not dear priest, I shall not let harm come your way. The latter, in an impulsive notion, wished to bravely step out and feed on the exotic passion directly from the source. Her lips, to the gods' favor, chose the former.
* * *
"LIIIIIIIII-SSSSSAAAAAMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAA!" It was night, and it was Meiling again. "You are such a superb priest! Wai~ When I heard the goddess speak, it was like whoo—"
I allowed my thoughts to overpower her chatter. Indeed, I am a great priest. No one could rival my abilities, not even Meiling, for she never dares to contest my talents. Well, maybe for the exception of that silver-haired pastor from the north, but I don't give him much thought…
"Anyway, I really liked her voice. It was sooooooooooooooooooo gentle & sweet! More than I have ever imagined a goddess' voice t-- Li-sama? Are you listening?"
"Mrrm…"
She was right. The goddess sounded gentle & sweet, too gentle & sweet in fact. Like the twinkling of small silver bells welcoming a bride. It was almost like she was a prisoner to some empathy, some unknown deity stronger than any force. She sounded almost helpless, a thousand messages within the few sentences she spoke. Or maybe I just had been expecting too much. All my life, from the time I found the destiny I had to live out, as the priest of a mysterious immortal, I had always expected Goddess Sakura to be… well, fierce and powerful. An entity as strong as the strike of lightning, as satirical as the blade of a sword, as harsh & rabid as the wrath of an angry Zeus- all canned into an undying body. That's why I had always called on her. Asked for her strength when I lost everything I thought I had. My home, my family, my closest of friends. Even my sanity. Even myself. Maybe the reason she never aided me was because she knew it was the only way to make me stronger, to be who I am now. Bah. Vigor is of no use against the splendor of a flower, like a goddess'.
"Ne… you're not really listening, are you?" Meiling pouted. "Oh, look!"
Her slight triviality mood quickly lifted, her mouth hung open speechless. I turned to see why. Now I know why. It was a tree shedding its blossoms, an awe-striking beauty capable of silencing a force beyond even my powers. The rich and full petals twirled with the breeze, gracefully landing on the path we were walking on. A pair of fireflies flew about, seemingly two miniature stars dancing in the shower of blooms. It was like watching a ballet. If you closed your ears and listened to your own heart beating, you could swear the melody which caused all of this generated from yourself. The airy ambience just felt so… so…
"Isn't this all too romantic?" the force gushed, hands to her lips in awe.
Romantic? That would have never been a word I would have used to describe the temple's garden. But it wasn't perfect… yet. I bet the goddess' voice would go well with the silent song singing in my heart. I gave myself a mental slap. Where did that come from? But the thought of it gave me the same tingling sensation I felt when I had touched the altar of the shrine. As much as I wanted to deny it, my spirit was longing to feel it again.
"I bet Goddess Sakura had something to do with this." She said in a half-whisper, "Don't you just love her?"
L-love?! Maybe adore… but not… LOVE! My heart was pounding so fast that I could feel my whole body vibrating with it. The sound was deafening. It was louder than any opening celebrations that had ever taken place. It was going too fast, I had to order it to stop. It could not withstand the neurological torture and pumped too much blood towards my body's window to other individuals.
"EH? Li-sama is… blushing?!"
* * *
I paced around the royal halls, to and fro and back again, trying to keep up with the thoughts in my head. Why do I bother to tire myself out? I am a goddess. Useless. I took several steps toward the balcony overseeing the land I was bound to "protect". I put my foot up gently on the rail, careful to keep my balance. Then, I jumped off. The feeling was great. The wind rushed through my hair, trashing it because I trespassed its territory. My eyes blurred in vision. The world spun around me- sky, earth, sea, sky… I could no longer tell which direction I was facing. I could no longer tell if I was still upright. This was how I should feel. I took a few moments of concentration, and I felt the expected sensation on my back. Pure white feathers spread about, conjuring the splendor only immortals were capable of: wings. They spread subconsciously about, slowing my fall into a glide. I hovered on that height for a while, admiring the view, then soared to a higher altitude- saving myself the explanation to my people when they question of a white avian of exceptional size.
I was so high above clouds that I could no longer distinguish the vehicles from the houses, the trees from the people. Everything was a blur. Paint smudged onto the canvas, the artist feeling hazy. There was a white facade to the far north of the town, and my wings instinctively fluttered to it. I could not explain it. My wings brought me there on their own. But if it were to…
I found myself a seat between two effigies on the rooftop and nestled myself there, staring at the sky, gazing at my home. I recall as a young goddess, I used to play by a shrine to the tree of Yggdrasil with a muse. She had the loveliest of features. She would run around with her gray-hued straight hair flowing playfully, her wine-tinted amethyst eyes lighting up with life. She would often sing to me a song, a living nightingale whose timbre was always perfect, and I could sing no further than the first line…
"Wings of fate… bring thee to thy true love"My wings had brought me to this place. And if heavens permit it, `twas by fate. So why am I here?
"Let the wind guide thy way. For though the wind carries everything away to uncertainty, it comes back and greets all with new freshness and cheer…"
Someone sang the next line. Someone knew the song that had been safeguarded in my heart since my days of youth. It was a male voice. My heart thumped along with the melody. I was afraid yet curious. Intuitively my wings hid themselves, not leaving a single feather of evidence. I took a peek down, and found myself stealing a glimpse of a lad in thought, singing with his inner soul subconsciously. Strands of his chestnut hair danced with the breeze, his auburn eyes flickering with burning affection.
"…And though hope, like a candle's wick dips dangerously in its own wax, may sometimes be put out. Fate will not permit its niche of bringing light to the farthest point it can reach to vanish."
The two of us finished together, voices entwined in perfect harmony. The lad's initial reaction to catching someone peeking in one of his more private moments was ire. His eyes disputed mine, the perpetrator's, & eventually the raging fire in his neutralized. For how long we were staring at each other, no one could tell. But I felt that the world had lifted a huge burden from my shoulders, that I was the lightest being in existence, and that all in the world was right.
"Who… are you?"
"I…" I caught myself flushing. I recognized his voice almost instantly. He's my priest. He seemed to sense my uneasiness and stared at his feet accusingly.
"Its OK if you don't want to… uhm, introduce yourself. But I'm erm… Syaoran…" he lifted his hand in a handshake, but his field of view never left the ground.
I accepted it, & allowed him to help me down off the rooftop. I couldn't help hearing his heart beat within the few moments he carried me down. It was pounding wildly, noise unheard of to the ears. But it matched mine exactly. He brought me to a garden, under a tree with the blooms falling freely to the ground.
"How'd you, uhm…learn the song?"
He had asked me a question. He seemed to be ashamed of facing me directly, as much as I was afraid of staring into his eyes again. "My ears, they were blessed with the whim of the song as a child. A songbird gifted me with her presence."
I could tell that my voice had an effect on him. He had seemed taken aback, but he wanted to linger in our conversation. "Oh."
I couldn't help but smile. His reactions to everything I did was humorous, but I wasn't laughing. It gave me pure joy, something even immortals long for.
Our conversation stretched from light to dark, his occasional flustering and my occasional light giggle. We felt completely at ease with one another, as if we had known each other since birth. Though he did not tell of them openly, I could sense his weaknesses. But it made me even more fond of him, this Syaoran, my priest.
"LI-SAMA!!! ITS TIME FOR DINNER! WHERE ARE YOU?"
The lad before me glared angrily at the direction of the voice, enraged with the interruption perhaps?
"Anou…" I couldn't help myself. I didn't want the moment to end. I had to make an excuse for him to stay. "you had failed to tell me yet why you know of the song as well…"
He had already stood up. His face turned to the voice again, hesitantly, and then turned to me. "I wish to speak with you again tomorrow. Same place, same hour. I would answer any of your questions then. That is, if it would be ok with you…"
I gave him my hand & he assisted me in standing up. "Very well." I gave him a wry smile as he dashed into the temple, my eyes following his back until the darkness of the shadows consumed him.
* * *
"Li-sama seems awfully happy…" Meiling thought out loud, making sure Wei would hear her.
"`Ai. He seems oblivious to everything, except his own euphoria." The caretaker of the temple commented, serving three bowls of ramen on the table. For the priests and for himself.
I stared at the noodles in front of me, trying to stop myself from grinning on the outside as much as I was in the inside. "If you love the smell, the presentation, and the taste of ramen- does that mean you love ramen as well?"
"Yes, Li-sama. I believe it does." Wei answered without question, putting down his chopsticks in thought.
"Eh? Why is Li-sama asking such weird questions? Why?" Meiling interrogated, folding her arms in front of her. "Did something good happen Li-sama? Did--"
You could darn say something good happened. I met… her. The girl who goes without a name. I love her scent, her flower-like appearance, her sweet personality, her enchanting green eyes, her… I love everything about her. Does that mean I love her as well?
"…did the townspeople give more offerings? Did the goddess give word again? Did--"
Goddess. The girl's voice had sounded familiar when she first spoke. Too familiar, in fact, for comfort. They have the same sweetness & gentleness in their voices. Her & the goddess. Nah. They probably just had the same sweet nature, invigorating through their vocal chords. It was them that made the flowers bloom, the golden ball rise, & the birds sing. Besides, a goddess would have never conversed with me like that. She was too much fun, an innocence yearning no more than verve. A sunflower basking happily under the sun, enveloped in the wings of love.
"Did-- did you bother to listen to even a single word I said?!"
"Mrrm." I took a sip of the soup. Wei had made the broth so clear, I could see a vague reflection of myself on the bowl. Usually, I would not care about these details. I would eat, say my graces, then leave. But time was moving too slow until the next day, and there was time to do everything. There was even time to stop and smell the flowers. I turned to observe the other diners on the table. Wei was struggling with an unexpectedly long strand of noodle. Meiling was eating her ramen, but kept her eye on me all the time. I couldn't help but shed a sweatdrop. She was watching over me too well. She'll find out about…her. I can't let that happen. Meiling would do everything under her power as priestess to banish the girl, and the townspeople would believe her to be righteous. I won't be able to stop her for she would counter I was becoming too attached to the girl that I was neglecting my priestly duties. I cannot let that happen. I stared at my reflection on my bowl again. An idea was forming in my head, a lightbulb clicked on somewhere.
After I took the last few sips of my soup, I waved the two unfinished diners goodbye. Meiling had wanted to question me again, but proper dining etiquette prevented her to do so. I ran out of the temple as fast as I could before she would have the chance to clear her full mouth. If I was to keep the meetings a secret, I would need assistance to keep Meiling off my back. I was quite sure if Wei found out, he would keep silent about it. But I was also quite sure he would refuse to partake in the plans of getting Meiling out of the way. I needed someone else.
I knocked on the door of the house nearest to the temple. Here lived a girl I have come to know as Naoko. She opened the door, quite surprised in finding me behind it. She suddenly became timid, but had let me in anyway.
"Li-sama, what brings you here?" she offered me a seat across her, a small table for tea between us.
"I…need your help." I told her everything. How I met the girl, how I felt about her, how I was afraid of her safety with Meiling around. Naoko listened all too earnestly, asking me to clarify a few things every now & then. Once the plan had been laid, I asked her finally, "Well, will you help me?"
I stared at my reflection on her glasses, much like I had stared at myself on the ramen's soup. She nodded.
* * *
The days went on like weeks. Weeks, like months. Every day it was the same. Syaoran & I would meet under the tree of showering blooms, while Naoko would find some way to get Meiling out of the way. Shopping, tea, an excursion, an emergency, anything. Syaoran had told me of his plan, and gave me a peek of the people involved in it. We suppressed a simultaneous giggle from our hiding place behind the windowsill when we saw Meiling complaining about "how a day never goes without Naoko saying she needed more clothes".
I was full of bliss, & it was becoming apparent. The other gods would often wonder why I always seemed to be glowing every time I came back, and where I went for the day. I would answer with my pleasant that-is-for-me-to-know smile, especially reserved for that purpose. This seemed to satisfy them enough.
I entered my chamber & flopped myself heavily on the divan of feathers, cotton and everything else soft in the world. I found myself hugging a pillow inexplicably, giggling like a little child of four years. Giggling so much, in fact, that I didn't hear that a fellow goddess had entered my personal quarters.
"How did it go today?" Goddess Chiharu asked. I had told her of my rendezvous, making her promise to keep it a secret, & she seemed thrilled by it. True love, she said, was hard to come by- even for immortals. I had asked her before if it was acceptable to love a mortal, and she answered me in such a way that a new line had been added to the song in my heart,
"Though the world throws you an rock, embrace it as it is. For she did not make things the way they were for us to change them, but for us to find a way to bask in happiness with them."
I didn't answer her, & let my enigmatic smile tell the story.
"I guess that means you had a good time." She stood up, looked at me from head to toe, then gave me a little pat. "You're growing up, dear. You should know that this mutual adoration will eventually lead you to rocky shores. You should be prepared."
I looked up at her deep russet eyes and found myself dazed. There was something in her eyes, something different. Though I could not tell what it was, I immediately felt guilty. Mutual. Maybe that was why. I had not yet confessed to Syaoran who I was. The fear of losing him was too great. It was a risk worse than death. Why? Because I was immortal, I cannot die. All I would feel was the loneliness for the rest of eternity.
"I'm afraid for you, dear Sakura." Chiharu said, in an almost inaudible voice. "I fear not all, gods & humans alike, believe that love is what we take it to be. He is your priest after all, you must remember that. There is a thin line between affection and adoration. I fear you might get hurt in this relationship."
I found myself staring at the creases of her dress. The light played with them, forming shadows and mounds. The playground was coming towards me. No, I was coming towards it. And I found myself out of control. Tears were trickling down my face, and all I had to show for it was my head buried in Chiharu's dress.
* * *
I was getting worried. She was late. In fact, that was an understatement, for the sun was way above the hills. It was midday. I was under our usual meeting place, pacing around. I looked up and considered something new. Is it just me, or does the tree seem a little… dry?
"Li-sama!" Meiling came running down the path, her words coming in a series of short breaths. "He's coming here! Yue-domo- he's coming here!"
"The pastor from the north? Why?"
"He has received news that Goddess Sakura has spoken with you & he wishes to hear her with his own ears. Also…" her eyes fluttered close, afraid to say the next line.
"What is it? Tell me!" I held her by her shoulders, shaking the next line out of her.
"We've received word that King Yama is headed to our town with full force. The townspeople have started evacuating. Yue-domo to arrive bearing assistance."
Damn. The utmost war was about to happen, & he was in no condition to fight. Not without seeing her first.
"Let me wait a while under this tree. If I were to hear the battle horn, I shall run to aid our people in the war."
"Fine. But you really must reconsider your priorities, Li-sama."
She left. Each moment after that was painstaking. My sweat was trickling down my face, hitting the ground in full force. Where was she? I heard footsteps from inside the temple. Could it be?
"Li-sama. Let me guard that tree! Go to the battlegrounds! Your people need you!"
It was Wei. I was about to reply a stubborn Never! But a long battle cry interrupted my speech. The war had started.
"Please, Wei. If you are to see a young beauty approach this tree, tell her I am at war. Tell her I apologize for not being able to make it today. Tell her if I might not be able to come back. But most importantly, tell her I love her." I turned around, practically flying to the direction of all the bloodshed, not giving the concierge a chance to answer.
I have to get there. I must. I must. I was flying through the air, amidst the clouds that were getting in my way. I was still using my wings at a height far too low for safety. But I didn't care. It was the only I'd get there in time. If only I didn't make time to regret. I had been locked up in my room by the other gods. They thought I was becoming mad, locking me up would be able to reconcile my sanity. Chiharu had been too cowardly. She had told on me. I spent all those hours banging on my door, begging them to let me out. Only physical force was allowed inside the royal halls, but I had to break free. With the powers of a goddess, the door had flung open, hitting a passing deity on the way. I had to treat him later, if they would allow me. Right now, I had to get to Syaoran.
From afar I could see a figure under the tree. I was overjoyed, for I had smelled blood on my way here. I landed in front of the tree, not caring to hide my wings for today was my day of confession. The figure came out of the shadows… it wasn't Syaoran.
"Milady…" he took a step back, surprised by my appearance. There was something wrong in the air. I looked up and saw that tree agreed with me- it was shedding its final blossoms.
"WHERE'S SYAORAN?!"
"He's…he's…" he went into explaining about some war & a priest from the north. But I wasn't listening- it was Syaoran's message to me that carried importance.
" …But most importantly, he loves you."
I flew off again. Not needing a guide this time, only the silent song in my heart, "Wings of fate… bring thee to thy true love"
The crusade was fiercer than I could have ever thought possible. My left arm was now broken, & I was leaning on my staff for support, muttering spells and curses that may aid my comrades. There was a fractured rib somewhere, but I had no time to pinpoint the location. King Yama himself was coming my way, an evil flicker in his eyes. "Goodbye, priest!"
CRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK
The ground between us had cracked, forming a canyon of the largest proportions. I could not see if there was a bottom. Somewhere, someone had screamed of a goddess. I think it was Yue-domo. The blood coming out of me was increasing by the moment, and it was affecting my vision. But my mind was still clear. A picture of her was forever embossed in it. I felt a piece of rock slip off somewhere, & I found myself facing shadows at an increasing speed. I was falling. I guess I'll be able to see if this thing had a bottom after all.
* * *
I regained consciousness. I could not open my eyes, but I knew that I was still falling. Falling, but in an undoubtedly lesser speed. It was warm. Someone had their arms around me. It was her. "What are you doing here, lovely idiot?"
He had spoken. At least I know my love is alive. "Saving you, dear."
I opened my eyes and found myself surrounded by pure white. It was blurry, and my head said it was snow. But my heart knew better- they were feathers. Feathers of wings. Feathers of her…
He opened his eyes, an auburn pair of understanding & warmth. "I am…
"Goddess Sakura. I know. Now." He nestled closer to me, returning the embrace I had been giving him. "So you've come to save me & my people after all. But you are sad about something…I can sense it."
He knows. I was sad? Maybe I was. But if being with him was sadness, then I would rather face eternal sorrow. "I broke the immortals' law. I may not go back." I waited in vain for his reply. How would he feel about an exiled goddess? Would he… leave me? But I knew whatever his response would be, I would still follow him.
"Who cares." I said, trying to touch her hair. Gravity was against me as well as the wrath of the gods. Who cares. "I never did answer your question."
I smiled. He was right. Who was I to care of them, when I had him. "What?"
"I learned that song through your ears. Even back then, we were already one & meant to be together. When the living nightingale sang you the song, it was brought to me as well. That is why I know."
At the same time, back in the temple, a tear fell down an old man's face as he watched the last blossom fall to the ground.
"Though the world throws you an rock, embrace it as it is. For she did not make things the way they were for us to change them, but for us to find a way to bask in happiness with them."
~TSUDUKU~
* * *
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
§ Tsk… tsk… think that's the end? WRONG. Remember what this fic is about! It's a play. Plays don't end with the snap of the final word; they end with either the applause or the mocking of the audience. So I'll be expecting that as well, k? ^.^~
§ Not too bad for my first attempt at a CCS fic… right? Though it doesn't have anything to do about CCS aside from the characters ^^;
§ The song they were singing… isn't exactly a song. ^_^
§ OOC-ness: I hate mush… I hate mush… if only seiyumi didn't like it so much… and if she hadn't infected me with the 'fic-writing bug'… and if I had laid off Ia's syrupy fics… grr…