Chapter 4: Hostage Taking and Mountain Climbing
Finally, it was my Day-Off. Time to relax and enjoy some matches.
I decided to grab some grub. I was shocked to see some of the other contestants and Harry M. Hand, AKA Master Hand, discussing an important issue.
" Please remain calm everyone! There's nothing to be alarmed about! Everything is under control! " He said over the mega-phone to the terrorized crowd.
" Watcha mean?! Samus took Luigi and the others hostage! " Mario panicked.
" Shut the Hell up and go eat some more, lardo! " Kirby snapped at the jiggling plumber.
" Why don't ya make me, ya pink blob of crap! " Mario returned the insult.
" Oh, it's on now! " Kirby got into his fighting stance. Harry M. picked him up and squeezed him between his index finger and thumb.
" Now stop it! This is no time to fight each other! " He told them. " We have to think of a way to save the hostages! "
I decided it was my turn to join in the conversation.
" I think I can take them out. " I announced. " I'll do the job with my handy switch-blade! "
I tossed it into the air, meaning to catch it. Instead, it went right through my hand.
" Ahhhhhhh!! " I removed the knife and bandaged my hand.
" He'sa sooooo dead. " Mario whispered to Harry.
" Hey Harry Hand, Do you know where she's holding them?" I asked.
" She's has them in the underground shelter. I've heard she's gone mad. "
" Okay, " I started, " I'll do my best. If I don't make it, tell my wife I loved her. "
" Hey! You don't have a wife mister! " Ness interrupted.
" Shut up, Kid! " I slapped him hard across the face. The side of his face was blue and swollen.
" Waaahhhh! " He cried and hurried to his room. I made my way to the elevator and pushed the down button. After a good ten minutes, it finally arrived at the basement shelter. I step off the elevator and took a good look around. The lights were bright and the floor was concrete. The walls were made of harden steel.
As I rounded the corner, I heard a squeaky voice.
" Popo, come quick! An intruder"
I looked down to see what looked like a midget in a pink parka.
" All intruders die! " She came at me with a crazy look in her eyes and a pickaxe.
I swiftly kneed her in the face and tore the pickaxe from her claw- like hand.
I rammed the pickaxe right through the top of her skull. She died on impact. I then slammed her body, pickaxe and all, into "Popo" as hard I could. As he was thrown back, he cracked his cranium on the wall. I continued on my way. I opened the door and went inside. No one seemed to be in the room. As I turned around to leave, a figure landed on me. When it did, it bit my ear hard.
" Oh no! Mike Tyson's finally found me! " I elbowed the person behind me as hard as I could. I turned around to see Marth clutching his bleeding nose.
" You little bastard, let's see how you like it! " I lounged forward. Grabbing his hand, I bit his index finger clean off. Blood shot out from the stump, covering the walls.
" I'm not done yet! " I got him in a headlock and bit his ear off. He began weeping like a little girl. Deciding that he's had enough, I grabbed a bottle of wine and brought it down into the back of his skull. He collapsed in a heap. I grasped his unconscious body and stuffed into a large meat freezer.
" Next time I see you, you'll be a corpsicle! " I taunted the body. I opened the door to the main room. Once there, I came face-to-face with Samus. She was muttering things to herself.
" The Metroid sent you here, didn't it?! " She screamed at me. " They're everywhere ya know!"
" Who are?" I asked.
" They are! The Metroids! " She replied sounding crazy. She then fired an energy bolt at me. It hit me in the shoulder and it burned like the fires of Hell. I hit the ground with a thud. I laid perfectly still, as if I was dead. She takes out a Machete.
" I have to sever the Metroid link in you! "
Thinking quickly, I grabbed the frying pan full of grease from the decapitated body of Mr.Game and Watch. I threw the grease at her helmet. It short-circuited and her screams were heard for about an hour.
" Oh God! " She screamed. " It burns like white fire! Oh God, I'm melting! "
She collapsed. I went into the following room. I found the hostages in small, metal cages, horribly beaten.
" Please'a kill me! " Luigi begged with tears streaming down his swollen face.
I loaded the cages onto a near-by Wheel Barrel and strolled to the nearest elevator. As I approached it, it opened automatically. Out burst Master hand, Kirby, Mario, and the others with assault rifles.
" Get down scum! Oh wait, it's… You? What happened? " Master Hand asked.
" Oh, I took care of the problem. " I replied proudly. Everyone stared in disbelief.
" Oh Luigi! " Mario said. " I've missed'a you! "
" Help me please! She fed us dog food and carbonated water! " He started weeping.
" Hey Mario, there's a snack for you in the freezer. Go check it out. " I said.
" Really? I'll be right'a back! " He hurried down the corner.
" AHHHHHH!!! " He screamed in terror.
Well, so much for my big day-off. I went back to quarters for some much needed rest.
Finally, it was my Day-Off. Time to relax and enjoy some matches.
I decided to grab some grub. I was shocked to see some of the other contestants and Harry M. Hand, AKA Master Hand, discussing an important issue.
" Please remain calm everyone! There's nothing to be alarmed about! Everything is under control! " He said over the mega-phone to the terrorized crowd.
" Watcha mean?! Samus took Luigi and the others hostage! " Mario panicked.
" Shut the Hell up and go eat some more, lardo! " Kirby snapped at the jiggling plumber.
" Why don't ya make me, ya pink blob of crap! " Mario returned the insult.
" Oh, it's on now! " Kirby got into his fighting stance. Harry M. picked him up and squeezed him between his index finger and thumb.
" Now stop it! This is no time to fight each other! " He told them. " We have to think of a way to save the hostages! "
I decided it was my turn to join in the conversation.
" I think I can take them out. " I announced. " I'll do the job with my handy switch-blade! "
I tossed it into the air, meaning to catch it. Instead, it went right through my hand.
" Ahhhhhhh!! " I removed the knife and bandaged my hand.
" He'sa sooooo dead. " Mario whispered to Harry.
" Hey Harry Hand, Do you know where she's holding them?" I asked.
" She's has them in the underground shelter. I've heard she's gone mad. "
" Okay, " I started, " I'll do my best. If I don't make it, tell my wife I loved her. "
" Hey! You don't have a wife mister! " Ness interrupted.
" Shut up, Kid! " I slapped him hard across the face. The side of his face was blue and swollen.
" Waaahhhh! " He cried and hurried to his room. I made my way to the elevator and pushed the down button. After a good ten minutes, it finally arrived at the basement shelter. I step off the elevator and took a good look around. The lights were bright and the floor was concrete. The walls were made of harden steel.
As I rounded the corner, I heard a squeaky voice.
" Popo, come quick! An intruder"
I looked down to see what looked like a midget in a pink parka.
" All intruders die! " She came at me with a crazy look in her eyes and a pickaxe.
I swiftly kneed her in the face and tore the pickaxe from her claw- like hand.
I rammed the pickaxe right through the top of her skull. She died on impact. I then slammed her body, pickaxe and all, into "Popo" as hard I could. As he was thrown back, he cracked his cranium on the wall. I continued on my way. I opened the door and went inside. No one seemed to be in the room. As I turned around to leave, a figure landed on me. When it did, it bit my ear hard.
" Oh no! Mike Tyson's finally found me! " I elbowed the person behind me as hard as I could. I turned around to see Marth clutching his bleeding nose.
" You little bastard, let's see how you like it! " I lounged forward. Grabbing his hand, I bit his index finger clean off. Blood shot out from the stump, covering the walls.
" I'm not done yet! " I got him in a headlock and bit his ear off. He began weeping like a little girl. Deciding that he's had enough, I grabbed a bottle of wine and brought it down into the back of his skull. He collapsed in a heap. I grasped his unconscious body and stuffed into a large meat freezer.
" Next time I see you, you'll be a corpsicle! " I taunted the body. I opened the door to the main room. Once there, I came face-to-face with Samus. She was muttering things to herself.
" The Metroid sent you here, didn't it?! " She screamed at me. " They're everywhere ya know!"
" Who are?" I asked.
" They are! The Metroids! " She replied sounding crazy. She then fired an energy bolt at me. It hit me in the shoulder and it burned like the fires of Hell. I hit the ground with a thud. I laid perfectly still, as if I was dead. She takes out a Machete.
" I have to sever the Metroid link in you! "
Thinking quickly, I grabbed the frying pan full of grease from the decapitated body of Mr.Game and Watch. I threw the grease at her helmet. It short-circuited and her screams were heard for about an hour.
" Oh God! " She screamed. " It burns like white fire! Oh God, I'm melting! "
She collapsed. I went into the following room. I found the hostages in small, metal cages, horribly beaten.
" Please'a kill me! " Luigi begged with tears streaming down his swollen face.
I loaded the cages onto a near-by Wheel Barrel and strolled to the nearest elevator. As I approached it, it opened automatically. Out burst Master hand, Kirby, Mario, and the others with assault rifles.
" Get down scum! Oh wait, it's… You? What happened? " Master Hand asked.
" Oh, I took care of the problem. " I replied proudly. Everyone stared in disbelief.
" Oh Luigi! " Mario said. " I've missed'a you! "
" Help me please! She fed us dog food and carbonated water! " He started weeping.
" Hey Mario, there's a snack for you in the freezer. Go check it out. " I said.
" Really? I'll be right'a back! " He hurried down the corner.
" AHHHHHH!!! " He screamed in terror.
Well, so much for my big day-off. I went back to quarters for some much needed rest.