Chapter 5: The Good Doctor
I woke up early that morning to prepare for my next match. I had a hardy breakfast of whisky and scotch. I blacked out. When I finally came to, it was time for my match. The battlefield was Peach's castle.
The announcer came on to give our introductions.
" In this corner, standing 6'4, weighing 246 lbs., the hero of the hour, with punches of power, Captain Falcon! And on this side, measuring 3'10, weighing 452 lbs., you'll be in so much pain, you'll wish you were slain, Doctor Mario!
We stared at each other for what seemed like hours. Finally, he spoke up.
" Ten cc's of Whoop-Ass comin' yo way! " He rushed at me at full speed. I was able to knee him in the fore head, causing him to tumble backwards. I began to pummel his bloated stomach with blow after blow. I hesitated for just a second before delivering the final blow, he was able to head-butt me in the groin. I screamed in agony and fell onto my back. He rushed at me and kicked me in the face. He was about to use his heart paddles to try to stop my heart, when out of the sky rocked a Bullet Bill. It slammed into the side of the castle. The whole castle shook with the enormous force of the blast. Suddenly, Doctor Mario's eyes became glassy. He started to have flashbacks of Nom.
" Fred! Get down; I heard some movement in the trees over there! " Dr.Mario shouted. " Boom, crash! FRED! Charlie's everywhere! Damn you, you killed Fred! " He proceeded to strike at the space in front of him." Fred, oh God, Fred! What have they done to you're face? It ain't there no more! " Dr.Mario said in a hysterical voice.
" Fred, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Damn you Charlie! Damn you straight to Hell! " He started to fire his imaginary M16 at the air in front of him.
Taking the opportunity, I reached into his medicine bag and pulled out some animal tranquilizers. I then proceeded to pump him full of it. When I was out of it, he was laying there, drooling. The attendants put him in a body bag and threw him in the back of a van.
" Hey! He's not dead! " I yelled, trying to get their attention. They looked at me and shrugged their shoulders.
" Eh, whatcha gonna do? " They jumped in the van and sped away. I limped out of the arena. Oh God, I was swollen for days. I went to the cafeteria, got a bag of ice, and went to my room. I turned on the TV to see the next match. The battlefield was The Fountain of Dreams. The announcer came on.
" Standing to the right, standing 3'10, weighing 449 lbs, He has three chins, and he commits sins, Maaarrrriiiiooo! Opposite him, measuring 3'5, weighing 98 lbs, he's a pink blob of goo, who's coming after you! Kiiiiiirrrrbbbbyyy! The battle commenced
" Hey Kirby, Uh…is there something your not telling everybody? " Mario asked.
" Huh? What do you mean? " Kirby replied curiously.
" Well, your place, well, its a little… you know." Mario winked.
" Shut up! Just shut up! " Kirby snapped.
" What's matter? Yo don't want your secret getting out? I've seen how you've looked at Cap'n Falcon! "
I ran to the bathroom as fast as I could and proceeded to vomit. I don't know if it was all the whisky and scotch or what Mario said, but all I knew was that I was beyond sick.
" Oh you… you! I'll slap your lard around! " Kirby growled.
" Oh, I'll bet you'd like that, eh Kirby? " Mario sneered.
Kirby's eyes turned red. He charged at Mario. Mario let loose a fireball right at Kirby. He rolled back in pain.
" Oh God! You Bastard! You burned my face! My pretty face! " He screeched.
" Shuddup, Pinky! " Mario laughed.
Kirby suddenly jumped above Mario and morphed into a weight. He landed land on him, crushing him. Mario cries of pain were stifled beneath the weight. Kirby returned to his original shape and began ridiculing Mario.
" Ha, ha, Lardo can't feel his legs! " He laughed.
Mario staggered to his bloated feet. They both ran at each other. Mario jumped in the air and did a spinning back-kick, which sent Kirby flying towards the fountain. I really was surprised that he was able to do such a maneuver, being such a
lard ass and all. Kirby ran to smash open a barrel. Inside was a large explosive device.
" If I'm going down, I'm bringing you to Hell with me! " Mario grabbed onto Kirby so he couldn't flee. The bomb explodes, knocking them both unconscious. The match called a draw. After another bottle of my special " Victory Juice", I passed out onto my bed like God intended.
I woke up early that morning to prepare for my next match. I had a hardy breakfast of whisky and scotch. I blacked out. When I finally came to, it was time for my match. The battlefield was Peach's castle.
The announcer came on to give our introductions.
" In this corner, standing 6'4, weighing 246 lbs., the hero of the hour, with punches of power, Captain Falcon! And on this side, measuring 3'10, weighing 452 lbs., you'll be in so much pain, you'll wish you were slain, Doctor Mario!
We stared at each other for what seemed like hours. Finally, he spoke up.
" Ten cc's of Whoop-Ass comin' yo way! " He rushed at me at full speed. I was able to knee him in the fore head, causing him to tumble backwards. I began to pummel his bloated stomach with blow after blow. I hesitated for just a second before delivering the final blow, he was able to head-butt me in the groin. I screamed in agony and fell onto my back. He rushed at me and kicked me in the face. He was about to use his heart paddles to try to stop my heart, when out of the sky rocked a Bullet Bill. It slammed into the side of the castle. The whole castle shook with the enormous force of the blast. Suddenly, Doctor Mario's eyes became glassy. He started to have flashbacks of Nom.
" Fred! Get down; I heard some movement in the trees over there! " Dr.Mario shouted. " Boom, crash! FRED! Charlie's everywhere! Damn you, you killed Fred! " He proceeded to strike at the space in front of him." Fred, oh God, Fred! What have they done to you're face? It ain't there no more! " Dr.Mario said in a hysterical voice.
" Fred, NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Damn you Charlie! Damn you straight to Hell! " He started to fire his imaginary M16 at the air in front of him.
Taking the opportunity, I reached into his medicine bag and pulled out some animal tranquilizers. I then proceeded to pump him full of it. When I was out of it, he was laying there, drooling. The attendants put him in a body bag and threw him in the back of a van.
" Hey! He's not dead! " I yelled, trying to get their attention. They looked at me and shrugged their shoulders.
" Eh, whatcha gonna do? " They jumped in the van and sped away. I limped out of the arena. Oh God, I was swollen for days. I went to the cafeteria, got a bag of ice, and went to my room. I turned on the TV to see the next match. The battlefield was The Fountain of Dreams. The announcer came on.
" Standing to the right, standing 3'10, weighing 449 lbs, He has three chins, and he commits sins, Maaarrrriiiiooo! Opposite him, measuring 3'5, weighing 98 lbs, he's a pink blob of goo, who's coming after you! Kiiiiiirrrrbbbbyyy! The battle commenced
" Hey Kirby, Uh…is there something your not telling everybody? " Mario asked.
" Huh? What do you mean? " Kirby replied curiously.
" Well, your place, well, its a little… you know." Mario winked.
" Shut up! Just shut up! " Kirby snapped.
" What's matter? Yo don't want your secret getting out? I've seen how you've looked at Cap'n Falcon! "
I ran to the bathroom as fast as I could and proceeded to vomit. I don't know if it was all the whisky and scotch or what Mario said, but all I knew was that I was beyond sick.
" Oh you… you! I'll slap your lard around! " Kirby growled.
" Oh, I'll bet you'd like that, eh Kirby? " Mario sneered.
Kirby's eyes turned red. He charged at Mario. Mario let loose a fireball right at Kirby. He rolled back in pain.
" Oh God! You Bastard! You burned my face! My pretty face! " He screeched.
" Shuddup, Pinky! " Mario laughed.
Kirby suddenly jumped above Mario and morphed into a weight. He landed land on him, crushing him. Mario cries of pain were stifled beneath the weight. Kirby returned to his original shape and began ridiculing Mario.
" Ha, ha, Lardo can't feel his legs! " He laughed.
Mario staggered to his bloated feet. They both ran at each other. Mario jumped in the air and did a spinning back-kick, which sent Kirby flying towards the fountain. I really was surprised that he was able to do such a maneuver, being such a
lard ass and all. Kirby ran to smash open a barrel. Inside was a large explosive device.
" If I'm going down, I'm bringing you to Hell with me! " Mario grabbed onto Kirby so he couldn't flee. The bomb explodes, knocking them both unconscious. The match called a draw. After another bottle of my special " Victory Juice", I passed out onto my bed like God intended.