PART SIX: HOORAY FOR HOLLYWOOD

"Arr, Serge, ya hear that! We're goin' home!" Serge looked up from his bed and waved lazily at Fargo. He gave him a "Fargo-you-moronic-idiot-I-didn't-hear-a-blasted-thing" look and went back to sleep. Fargo growled and threw an empty bucket at him. The bucket landed neatly over his head and got stuck there, and Serge's new name became Sir Bucket Head.
"Surely, this is Houston calling," blared the radio. Fargo said a naughty word.
"Arr! How many times do I hafta tell you, DON'T CALL ME SHIRLEY!"
"You're entering our atmosphere, Surely," replied mission control, ignoring the pirate.
"I told you ta stop doin' that!"
"We'll look forward to seeing you, Surely," cried mission control.
"I SAID--" Sir Bucket Head slammed a crowbar at Fargo, and Fargo went beddy-bye.
"Roger that, Surely. Over and out."


"Isn't that a lovely tree?" pointed Radius.
"That's not a tree!" roared Karsh. "That's a FAIR!"
"There ain't no village!" insisted Kid. Karsh whimpered.
"But we'll miss the fair!!!!!!"
"Stop acting like such a big baby, Karsh!" roared Marcy. He pouted.
"You're mean!" Marcy growled and suddenly decided to argue with Leena.
"Akira Toriyama reject!" she said. Leena gasped, highly offended.
"Why I never! Well, you've got the brains of tapioca pudding!"
"Slave driver!"
"Munchkin!"
"Presidential intern!"
"Midget worshipper!"
"Irish punk!"
"Sega lover!"
"Cactus hugger!"
"Spoiled brat!"
"Playboy reject!"
"Terrorist!"
"Greedy duck squeezer!"
"Cow kisser!"
"Pincher of sensitive areas!"
"Ignoramus!"
"Trekkie!"
"Fattie!"
"Monkees fan!"
"Pinhead!"
"Environmentalist wacko!"
"Liberal!"
"Bureaucrat!"
"United States Senate Majority Leader!"
"Ooooooooooooooooooooh!" The entire bus grew dangerously quiet as they stared at the two girls. Marcy grew red in the face.
"I... I... I know you are but what am I?"
"Pig!"
"Isn't that a lovely tree?" pointed Radius. Suddenly, Space Shuttle Surely crashed on the bus and blew it to smithereens.
"Oh my gosh!" shrieked Macha. "They killed Ted!" Sure enough, once everyone had been evacuated from the burning bus, they could see the remains of Ted from Suikoden.
"We're baaaaaa-aaaaaack!" shouted Fargo, emerging from the shuttle. Everyone ignored him and ran over to Serge. The guys were giving him high-fives and headlocks while half of the females were flirting with him. Fargo grew very sad and wished that Mr. Owl were here.
"But I am here, Fargo!" hooted Mr. Owl. Fargo and Radius leaped for joy, but Norris blew up Mr. Owl's head.
"You killed Mr. Owl!" cried Radius.
"We've got to continue our trip," replied Norris, tucking his gun inside its holster.
"BUT OUR BUS HAS BEEN BLOWN TO SMITHEREENS," stated Zoah, crossing his arms. Everyone looked at the burning bus, and it blew up a few times. "SO WE'RE STRANDED."
"Nuh-uh!" pouted Janice. "I know a way we can make it to Vegas!" Kid sighed and shook her head in defeat.
"Janice, sheila, there ain't no way all of us blokes can fit in some car, if that's what yer thinkin'. Whaddya expect, a funeral procession?" Suddenly, a long funeral procession magically appeared. They were all of Ted's friends, all four of them, riding in a long line of cars. Kid laughed out loud as she stuck her nearly-naked leg out and thumbed the cars over. Young Master popped out of the car and looked at her.
"Ted's dead!" cried Gremio. Cleo grunted and hit him on the head. C-3PO died.
"Yeah, we killed Ted," smiled Kid, gazing at the handsome hero. Serge began fuming. "But we need a ride ta--say, where're we goin' anyways?"
"Hollywood!" hooted Mojo, doing a jig. A dwarf suddenly ran into his nail.
"You murdered a Dwarf!" screamed Steena. Everyone broke out in bad laughter.
"So you'll take us along?" squealed Kid innocently, shamelessly flirting with Tir. He nodded his head and invited her into his car. Everyone else squeezed in the other cars, and Grobyc threw Ted's remains in some cardboard box.

33,567 seconds later...

"We are in Hollywood," noted Viper. "Isn't it good?"
"Norwegian wood!" pointed Pahn, spying Sprigg's stick. Sprigg beat him with it and he almost killed her, but she was saved by The Magical Mysterious Dr. Feelgood of the Eternal Prussian Police Force and His Lovely Assistant Barbara the Magnificent Juggler of Flaming Hot Torches.
"Hey everyone!" pointed Van. "It's The Magical Mysterious Dr. Feelgood of the Eternal Prussian Police Force and His Lovely Assistant Barbara the Magnificent Juggler of Flaming Hot Torches! Say hello, everyone!" Everyone waved.
"Hi, The Magical Mysterious Dr. Feelgood of the Eternal Prussian Police Force and His Lovely Assistant Barbara the Magnificent Juggler of Flaming Hot Torches! How are you?"
"Oh, we're fine," said The Magical Mysterious Dr. Feelgood of the Eternal Prussian Police Force and His Lovely Assistant Barbara the Magnificent Juggler of Flaming Hot Torches. Van grinned.
"I'm glad. Say, The Magical Mysterious Dr. Feelgood of the Eternal Prussian Police Force and His Lovely Assistant Barbara the Magnificent Juggler of Flaming Hot Torches, what are you two doing here?"
"Well," replied The Magical Mysterious Dr. Feelgood of the Eternal Prussian Police Force and His Lovely Assistant Barbara the Magnificent Juggler of Flaming Hot Torches, "we came to save Sprigg from the wrath of Pahn."
"But The Magical Mysterious Dr. Feelgood of the Eternal Prussian Police Force and His Lovely Assistant Barbara the Magnificent Juggler of Flaming Hot Torches, won't you be joining us?" whimpered Janice.
"Maybe," said The Magical Mysterious Dr. Feelgood of the Eternal Prussian Police Force and His Lovely Assistant Barbara the Magnificent Juggler of Flaming Hot Torches. "It all depends on where you're going. Where are you going?"
"Well, The Magical Mysterious Dr. Feelgood of the Eternal Prussian Police Force and His Lovely Assistant Barbara the Magnificent Juggler of Flaming Hot Torches," said Van, "we're going to Hollywood."
"So are we!" exclaimed The Magical Mysterious Dr. Feelgood of the Eternal Prussian Police Force and His Lovely Assistant Barbara the Magnificent Juggler of Flaming Hot Torches. "What a coincidence! Then we will join you!"
"Cool!" grinned Miki, putting her arms around The Magical Mysterious Dr. Feelgood of the Eternal Prussian Police Force and His Lovely Assistant Barbara the Magnificent Juggler of Flaming Hot Torches. "It'll be great having more performers on the road."
"I'm hungry," said Viper. He walked into the kitchen.
"Stay out of the kitchen!" said Orcha. So he did. How a kitchen got on the bus was a mystery.

An unknown amount of seconds later...

"Well, we are in Hollywood now," screamed Greco. "Let us party."
"Yes. Party," exclaimed Nikki.
"We shall have fun," roared Orcha.
"Fun, fun, fun," shrieked Glenn.
"I may die from all this fun we're having," yelled Leena.
"It's too late for me," boomed Skelly.
"I want an Easter egg!!!!!!!!!!" whispered Pip.

Adventures in Hollywood, Episode One: The Fan-Dumb Menace

Nikki, Miki, Serge, and Kid were walking quietly down Vine Street when they noticed a sizable group of teenagers. One of them shouted, "It's them!", and another shouted, "Sq-Sq-Sq-Squaresoft!!" The girls began screaming hysterically and bolted towards Nikki and Serge; the boys swooned and ran off towards Kid and Miki. Suddenly somebody began playing "A Hard Day's Night", and well, you can imagine the rest.

Adventures in Hollywood, Episode Two: Attack of the Bones

Skelly skipped across Hollywood and met many famous people. Skip, Skelly, Skip. He bumped into Michael Jackson and participated in a remake of "Thriller". Dance, Skelly, Dance. He then went to the coffee shop and ordered a cappuccino, but was refused because he didn't have a belly to put the drink in. Sue, Skelly, Sue. After he blew up the coffee shop, Skelly tripped and fell, flinging his bony face into the fresh cement of Hollywood's Chinese Theater. Grin, Skelly, Grin. Several guards tried to arrest him but he got away and made his way into a studio. Run, Forrest, Run. He bumped into Tom Hanks and ruined a really good movie. Apologize, Skelly, Apologize. After leaving the studio, he came across a used car joint and bought the largest SUV you could ever imagine. Buy, Skelly, Buy. It held 45 people easily, but Skelly wondered about non-people. Think, Skelly, Think.

Adventures in Hollywood, Episode Three: Fall of the Republic, Spring of the Democracy

Korcha beat up Regis Philbin again. Steena was last seen battling Madam Cleo to the death, while Cleo was helping her. Cleo killed Cleo and she left and Young Master got married to Kasumi, even though she's like, a ninja, and that stupid Leena's, like, a cactus hugger, and I think that Pip is, like, the cutest little thing ever (except when he, like, tries to kill everyone), and Zoah smells funny, and Karsh, like oops he's coming for me I can't write anymo

Adventures in Hollywood, Episode Four: A New Hop

Skelly tripped over a pole. Trip, Skelly, Trip. He got up and threw the pole into a pool where it conked Rodney Dangerfield on the head. Get no respect, Skelly, Get no respect. Skelly then met the guy that played Harry Potter and shoved a spear through his skull. Kill, Skelly, Kill. The police found him and riddled his body with bullets, but Skelly was unaffected. Laugh, Skelly, Laugh. The Fan Dumbs continued to chase Nikki, Miki, Serge, and Kid, until they ran into the police squad and then there was a really big mess. Fight scene, Skelly, fight scene.

Adventures in Hollywood, Episode Five: The Umpire Strikes Brak

"That was a strike!"
"Ow."
"That was a strike!"
"Ow."
"That was a strike!"
"Ow."
"That was a strike!"
"Ow."
"That was a strike!"
"Ow."
"That was a strike!"
"Ow."
"That was a strike!"
"Ow."
"That was a strike!"
"Ow."
"That was a strike!"
"Ow."
"That was a strike!"
"Ow!"
"Play ball!"

Adventures in Hollywood, Episode Six: Return of the Jed. Clampet, that is!

Now Skelly and his crew had enough'a Hollywood
They decided it'd be time to run away if they could
So they packed up all their things and left the big locality
For another heapin' helpin' of Road Trippin' misery!
Hillbilly style, that is! Bye for now, folks.
Y'all come back now, y'hear?


"Okay, that was a tad on the weird side," grumbled Glenn. Sir Bucket Head agreed.
"Hey, aren't we missing somebody?" said Doc. Everyone moaned.
"I'm still here!" squealed Janice. Everyone moaned louder.
"And I'm still here!" shouted Skelly. Everyone moaned even louder.
"I got it!" said Van. "We're missing The Magical Mysterious Dr. Feelgood of the Eternal Prussian Police Force and His Lovely Assistant Barbara the Magnificent Juggler of Flaming Hot Torches!" Everyone jumped in their seat.
"No jumping in the seat," said Viper.
"Well you did it, too," pointed Razzly.
"I was just overcome. It won't happen again," he sniffed.
"Don't try to hide your emotions!" shouted Orlha.
"I'm not! I'm just saying that I don't think it's appropriate for duck broth--"
"THE BALL OF YARN!!!!!" Radius shrieked out the previous phrase, slamming his face against the nearest window as he gazed sadly at the world's biggest ball of yarn. "Oh, we passed it! Turn around, Pierre!"
"Non non, monsieur Radius!" sang Pierre. "We must go to ze next destination, non?"
"Moi hate you, Monsieur Pierre!" shouted Harle, jumping in her seat.
"No jumping in the seat," said Viper.
"Are we there yet?" asked Mel.
"I don't even know where we're going," said Sneff. "Where are we going?" Turnip smiled and almost jumped in his seat. He glared at Viper before speaking.
"We art going-eth to Chinatown!"
"Yippee!"