PART EIGHT: THE MOST POINTLESS AND STUPID PART OF THE STORY EVER

Adventures in Nebraska, Epoch I: When not a whole lot happens

Leena swung her frying pan at Ted and he died.

"Oh my gosh, you killed Ted!" screamed Macha.
"That's getting old," said Razzly.
"You are right, it is getting old." They killed Ted one more time and threw him in the Legendary Nebraska Bottomless Hole of Wonders, and he was never? seen again.

Adventures in Nebraska, Epoch II: When not much else happens here, either

C-3PO died.

Adventures in Nebraska, Epoch III: Something happens!

Korcha beat up Regis Philbin and Dick Clark. And Ted died.

Adventures in Nebraska, Epoch IV: Orcha's Socks Go On a Killing Spree

Orcha's socks went on a killing spree and killed Ted one "last" time. Then Draggy burned the socks and Orcha was very sad.

Several Adventures later...

Adventures in Nebraska, Epoch LXXVIIII: Don't Ask

Greco, Karsh, Zoah, Marcy, and Orlha all signed up for the grand WWF Tournament that would be held in Nebraska. Don't ask why it was in Nebraska. Don't ask why they could sign up. Don't ask why Janice and Serge are secret lovers. Don't ask how Skelly could eat Doc's cheesecake. Don't ask why Sprigg doesn't have a big part in here. Don't ask why Pierre is driving, or why Razzly is shotgun. Don't ask why Orlha has a thing for Norris. Don't ask why Norris has a thing for pie. Don't ask why Ted and Aeris keep on dying. Don't ask to kill Ted or Aeris yourself. Don't ask if we're there or not. Don't ask to use the bathroom, Karsh. Don't ask why Pip has more girlfriends than Serge, Tir, Tenchi, Cloud, Edgar, Darien, Crono, King Solomon, or Gilbert combined. Don't ask why you shouldn't ask.

Adventures in Nebraska, Epoch LXXIX: Rumble

Finally, the big day of the WWF Tournament was nigh. Ten legendary fighters would be in the ring for the ultimate tag-team match, but only one team could win (duh). On one side, there was the ferocious team of Greco, Karsh, Zoah, Marcy, and Orlha; on the other was "Macho Man" Randy Savage, Charlton Heston, Governor Jessie Ventura, Barney the dinosaur, and Donny Osmond. Fans of the ferocious wrestlers and video game personas packed the stadium until there was nary a seat left.
"Laaaaadieeeeeeeeeeeeeeees aaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd gentlemeeennnnnnnnn!!!" The audience focused their attention towards the game announcer as he made the announcing announcements for the game. "This is a WWF Rummmmmmble Royaaaaaallllllll, featuring ten of the greateeeeeeeest fighters to ever graaaaaaaaaaaace the rinnnnnnnnnnnnng!! In this corner, the formidable force from Chrono Cross: Greco, Karsh, Zoah, Marcy, and Orlha!!" The audience nearly fainted from all the cheering.

"Aaaaaaaaaaand in the other corner, the fiercest champions of the wrestling riiiiiiing: Randy 'Macho Man' Savage, Charlton Heston, Barney the dinosaur, Donny Osmond, and Governor Jessie Ventura!!!" The audience nearly lost their vocal cords from all the cheering. "Ladies and gentlemen, uuuuuuuuuuullllllllet's get ready to rummmmmmmmmm-bullllllllll!!!!!!!!" The bell sounded, and the ten wrestlers flooded into the ring, intended on killing each other.

Karsh began the fight by flinging his great axe at Barney's head, splitting his skull open like a coconut. Barney survived, though, and bounded across the ring, laughing maniacally and insisting on a hug. Marcy screamed as she saw Barney pounding off towards her, and ran around the ring like a chicken with its head cut off. Donny Osmond produced a chicken with its head still on and chucked it at Greco, but he caught it and threw it back at Donny with amazing force. It struck him in the torso and threw him senseless across the ring.
Zoah leaped high up in the air, performing his Gyronimo tech skill on Charlton Heston. But Heston avoided the attack and began kick-boxing Zoah's helmet like an old kick-boxer. Zoah caught his leg in one of his kicks and threw Cheston across the ring like a twig. Orlha tackled Donny Osmond as he was down, pinning him to the floor until he was counted out; Randy Savage pounded Marcy as she was being chased by Barney, and the referee was forced to tape a knockout on Marcy's wrestling record.
"I'm gonna veto you!" bellowed Jessie Ventura, grappling Greco by the arms. They pushed each other fiercely, holding a powerful lock throughout the entire fight. Karsh was still hacking away at Barney, who was showing no signs of dying. Zoah continued to do battle with Charlton Heston, and Orlha was fighting Randy Savage to the death. Suddenly, surprise wrestlers Adam West and Ted entered the ring, and started to gang up on Karsh. He swung his axe at Ted, hacking his head off with a single blow.
"Oh my gosh, you killed Ted!" screamed Macha. Orlha kicked Randy Savage's chin, sending him flying outside of the ring and landing squarely on Donny Osmond's noggin. Barney the dinosaur suddenly lurched towards Zoah, leaped high up in the air, and flattened Charlton and the mighty Dragoon with a devastating body-slam. But Zoah wasn't finished yet; with a mighty heft, he lifted Barney off of the ground and slammed the dinosaur's spine on his muscular knee, shattering the backbone into trillions of pieces.
Orlha peeled Heston off of the ring with a spatula and tossed him out, but Adam West beat her stupid and tossed her out as well. Salivating like a rabid wolf, Adam West tore off after Zoah, who swung his arm around so fiercely he nearly knocked Adam's block off.

(Wrestlers gone: Donny Osmond, Marcy, Ted, Randy Savage, Charlton Heston, Orlha, Adam West. Wrestlers remaining: Karsh, Zoah, Greco, Jessie Ventura, Barney)

Zoah suddenly grabbed Jessie Ventura's neck as he was pushing Greco, and pulled on his head fiercely. He performed an amazing suplex, sending the good governor packing. Now only Barney was left, and the three remaining wrestlers ganged up on the stupid dinosaur and pounded him to oblivion. Finally, Zoah and Karsh performed their double tech skills, hacking Barney into a billion pieces. The referee counted him out, and the Chrono Cross gang won the fight.
"No fair!" shouted Barney the dinosaur. The other wrestlers expressed their sentiment.
"You wanna try saying that again?" shouted Marcy, flailing her arms around.
"You wanna piece of me?" roared Randy Savage, turning a table over. He punched Marcy, but she scurried back and kicked him in the shins.
"Hey! What are you doing?" shouted the referee.
"Can it!" shouted Karsh. He bopped the referee on the head and started pummeling Macho Man.
"FREE-FOR-ALL!!!!" rumbled Zoah, leaping into the fray. Soon every wrestler was slugging it out on the floor, causing a massive chaotic, confusing jumble.
"Hey, they're fightin' without us!" pointed Fargo.
"Then what are we waiting for, dude?" said Doc. "Let's join in!" Soon all the other Chrono Cross members were pouring down the aisles and joining the fight, and the chaos only grew more. One of the spectators decided he may as well join, and soon the entire arena was entangled in the biggest and greatest fight scene ever!

Meanwhile...

"Obi-Wan! Use the Force!" Obi-Wan Kenobi leaped through the air, slicing through armies of evil clones. Suddenly, he slipped on a rock and fell on the floor.
"Cut!" cried George Lucas, and the fight scene was ruined. George growled and shook his head, marched over to Ewan, and shouted, "WRONG!" He pushed Ewan aside, giving him a look of fiery impatience.

"Watch me, you pansy!" George picked up a lightsaber and started swinging it like an amateur batter, killing off CG clones like flies. Suddenly he slipped too, but regained his posture before anyone knew what had happened. "Understand?" he said, and Ewan nodded fearfully. "Okay, then. ACTION!"
"Obi-Wan! Use the Force!" Obi-Wan Kenobi leaped through the air, slicing through armies of evil clones. Suddenly, the set walls of the movie were torn down as hundreds of fighting spectators and video game personas poured into the room, shouting and clobbering at each other.
"CUUUUUUTT!!" roared George Lucas, and the fighting briefly paused. He walked over to Korcha and demanded to know what was going on.
"Screw you, George!" shouted Korcha. "I'm working for Squaresoft!" And with that, he punched George Lucas in the stomach, and the fight resumed.
"Hey!" shouted Jar Jar Binks. "Wesa no hafta put up witha dis! C'mon, boyos!" Without further instruction, Jar Jar led the entire cast of Episode 2 into the fracas, and the fight only got worse from there. Clones, spectators, video game personas, CG characters, actors, and wrestlers were all in the brawl, but soon the fight became too large-scale for one movie set to hold, and soon the studio and the Fox lot was overrun by fighters and characters. Eventually, every Hollywood star imaginable got caught up in the fight, until it was so large that it overran the entire lot.
"Hey, what's that?" asked Ringo.
"Oh, that? That's me grandfather," pointed Paul.
"No, not that-that, that-that," said Ringo.
"I believe it's a rumble," suggested John. Janice leaped up and waved at them.
"Hey you guys!" she squealed. "You wanna join in the rumble?"
"Sure, why not?" said George, and soon the Beatles, Mr. Owl, Santa Claus, Chunny Kong, The Driver, George, Herbert, Walker, Bush, Junior, David Copperfield, Siegfried & Roy, Sergeant Peppor, King of Chinatown, every character in Disneyworld, mission control, Mark Beiro, the Battlebots spectators and drivers, the referee and hotel manager of Vegas, the Alamo tour group, Elvis, Bigfoot, Robin Williams, the Area 51 guards, all 108 characters from Suikoden, Ted, The Magical Mysterious Dr. Feelgood of the Eternal Prussian Police Force and His Lovely Assistant Barbara the Magnificent Juggler of Flaming Hot Torches, Beavis & Butt-head, the Fan-Dumbs, Rodney Dangerfield, Wayne Newton, Harry Potter, Michael Jackson, Tom Hanks, Snake, Killjoy, Rhino, Back-breaker, Goshzilla, Captain Plot Device, Gertrude the Magical Singing Cow, C-3PO, and every character ever mentioned in this fanfiction was in on the fight.

Meanwhile...

"Lord Lynx, the Death Star is ready," said Unimportant Imperial Character.
"Thank you, foolish mortal," growled Lynx. "Fire at will." The Death Star powered up and released a powerful blast of pure energy, shooting it straight at Will from Illusion of Gaia. He blew up instantly. "Not him, you dolts!" growled Lynx. "Kill somebody in the fight!"
"We're sorry," sobbed the Imperials. They powered up the Death Star and fired another blast into the fracas in Nebraska, and blew Jar Jar Binks to smithereens. And there was much rejoicing.
"Excellent shot, Unimportant Imperial Character," grinned Lynx. "Fire three!"

Meanwhile-meanwhile...

As the fight progressed, another stray blast from the Death Star struck an unfortunate person. Instantly, Ted was vaporized into atoms, and Kenny was blown to pieces for no reason.
"Oh my gosh, they killed Ted!" screamed Stan. He shrugged.
"You maniacs!!!" screamed Charlton Heston. "You blew him up! Curse you! Curse you all to Hell!" He fell on the ground and pounded at the pavement, and the fight resumed.
"Oh, no!" shouted one of the Fan-Dumbs. "C-c-c-censorship!" Just then, Hayden Christensen got aboard his X-Wing and flew over to the Death Star. He maneuvered through the trench until he found the thermal exhaust port, fired a proton torpedo, and flew away just as the Death Star blew up in a trillion space particles.
"Great shot, kid!" shouted Harrison Ford. "That was one in a million!"

Several hours later...

"I wanna drive the SUV," whined Leena. "I wanna, I wanna, I wanna!"
"But I found the SUV," insisted Skelly.
"You keep singing! You can't drive!" shouted Karsh.
"But it is my road trip," whimpered Norris.
"Aww, cut yer jive-talk!!!" bellowed Macha, staring at the four of them. Norris meekly hid himself and let Macha drive.
"But where we go?" asked Leah.
"We're close ta Yellowstone National Park," noted Kid, examining her atlas.
"What's Yellowstone National Park?" asked Van.
"Some park."
"THEN LET'S GO!!" bellowed Zoah. So after much arguing and a little foosball, the Chrono Cross gang decided to travel to Yellowstone National Park, and Macha drove.