Ch 4: Frodo Gets Forest Fever

I was the cave troll chasing Merry and Pippin.

"I thought I killed him!" exclaimed Legolas as he drew up his bow. "I only shot him a million times and jumped on his head like a diseased monkey!"

"There is no need to panic. Maybe if we sooth him, he will calm down. He's just a poor misguided troll," said Frodo, walking up to the troll. The troll was bellowing.

"Um... Mr. Frodo, sir. Sir!!!" yelled Sam. "Merry, Pippin do something besides running around in circles!"

"Huh?" they said together as they ran into each other. Merry got up, but Pippin didn't. "Well, I better see to him, toodles!" said Merry cheerily as he dragged Pippin's body into the trees.

"What is Frodo doing? Frodo, get your scrawny ass over here!" yelled Aragorn. Frodo was standing next to the troll, patting him on the foot.

"I think he has gone crazy, forest fever," sighed Sam shaking his head. "What a shame, and I thought he was to win."

Legolas shot a couple of arrows at the cave troll's head. "It's no bloody use!" he cried out in anguish. "We can't do anything, let's just hope he has a body in a couple of minutes."

"I'm going to go try to find that blasted Merry," said Aragorn and he walked off.

Legolas and Sam sat down on a log and watched Frodo and the cave troll. Now Frodo was being juggled in the air, looking like a rag doll. "Hey!" cried Frodo. "This is fun! Come join me!" The cave troll stopped juggling, but was bringing his hand back, with Frodo in it.

Sam and Legolas just shook their heads and closed their eyes. Suddenly there was a yelp as the troll threw Frodo into the dark forest. The troll then started jumping up and down clapping his hands, making the forest shake.

"Dude!" cried Legolas when he opened his eyes and then quickly shut them. "Get a pair of pants! Never jump around in a butt flap like that." The cave troll stopped, stuck his tongue out at them, and ran into the forest to find Frodo.

"You know you like it," teased Sam.

"Actually, no," said Legolas, standing up and stretching. "I saw how sad you looked when Frodo was having fun. It reminded you of the good old days before you got married."

"Shut up you two," said Aragorn, "I found them!" Aragorn came into view dragging Pippin and Merry by the ears. He then threw them down. "Where the Hell did you find that flipping thing? We killed it and now it's back."

"I guess it's kinda like Boromir," said Pippin meekly, rubbing his ear. "Merry found him."

"Is this true?" asked Aragorn, with his hands on his hips.

"Hey you look like Peter Pan!" cried Legolas.

"Who the hell is.. oh forget it! Merry explain yourself," snarled Aragorn.

"Well we went running off, cuz Legolas' dance scarred us. I ran into a cave. Then suddenly (Merry then jumped to his feet) there cam a big rarrarahoo or something like that. I thought it was Pippin, but I then remembered Pippin was not in the cave, see? So I turned around and there was that damn troll. He then started galloping at me and I ran out screaming and Pippin followed. And might I say you look mighty kinglyish when you stand like that!" explained Merry. Aragorn glared at him. Merry jumped to his knees and started kissing Aragorn's feet. "Oh please don't kill me!"

"Get off!" Aragorn said in a disgusted voice, kicking Merry.

Suddenly there was a bright flash of light. Armosis had come back. "Now now, there is no need for violence. I have been watching and know what has gone on."

"How?" asked Sam. "Do you have a palantir or something?"

"Something much more powerful," smiled Armosis. "Now since Frodo is gone, you only get to vote one being off. You know the drill."

Armosis walked over to a boulder and sat on it with he legs crossed. "Pippin!"

"Merry, he got me in trouble. That terd ball," said Pippin.

"Aragorn!" cried Armosis.

"Merry, he's going to kill us," said Aragorn.

"Legolas!" cried Armosis.

"Aragorn, he is making me look bad," said Legolas. "He is stealing my brush and rubbing it in poo."

"Merry!" said the startled Armosis.

"Pippin, he screws everything up and then blames it on me!" said Merry.

"Sam!" hollered Armosis.

"Myself. I miss the wife. I miss my thirteen kids. And it doesn't feel right without Mr. Frodo," moaned Sam.

Armosis stood up on the boulder. She cried, "The results are in! Merry, get over here, you are voted out of Mirkwood Forest."

Everyone was happy but Legolas and Sam. Legolas was tired of having crap in his hair and Sam wanted to go home(which I can't blame him. Imagine being there with all of them.)

"Oh well!" cried Merry cheerily. "I get to go home and eat carrot stew!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" cried Pippin trying to run, but Legolas grabbed him by the collar. "I want carrot stew. Wahhhhhhh!!"

"Oh shut up!" cried Armosis. "Your meals are by the tree over there. I promise I'll be here in the morning."

"You better," mumbled Aragorn as Armosis left with Merry. "I need to have a plan, an evil plan. Mwahahaha!!"

Legolas, Pippin, and Sam looked at him with fear.

"Hm, sorry. Let's got eat!" he said cheerily. The others followed cautiously behind.