CH5: Pippin Comes Through

Legolas, Sam, Aragorn, and Pippin returned the next morning to the boulder that they had left Armosis yesterday. To their relief, she was there this time.

"Good morning!" she cried cheerily as she slipped off the boulder. The others glared at her. "Well, now that I see you are bright and cheery this morning, let's begin the task."

"No!" cried Aragorn. He pulled out his sword and stuck it to her throat. "I am sick of all of this task shit! I am tired of sleeping on rocks, I have spent half my life doing so. I miss Arwen...."

"Aweeeeeeeee," went Sam, Pippin and Legolas together blowing kisses.

"Shut up! As I was saying, I hate you. I am tired of those idiots," he resumed.

"Hey that's Mr. Idiot to you!" cried Pippin and he threw a rock at Aragorn's head, but missed by three feet.

"Aragorn, leave Armosis alone," said Legolas, walking slowly towards them. "It's not her fault we are here."

Aragorn glared at him, then glared at Armosis, then pulled the sword away from her throat and sheathed it.

"Actually it is, I'm guilty," sighed Armosis with tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" asked Sam.

"I'm the reason you are hear," she whined. "I... I oh how should I put this? I like one of you."

"Gasp, the bitch has emotions," yelled Aragorn. He was sick of this, it was like that bad memory of when he first met Arwen, when she was a stuck up snob(has that changed?).

"Hey, you leave her alone! I never liked you the first time I bet you in Bree and I now I hate you even more!" yelled Sam. Pippin nodded his head and pulled out his carrot. "Don't make me use this!"

Aragorn busted out laughing, he was actually crying he was laughing so hard. This made Pippin even madder. Legolas got a clue and moved Armosis out of the way. Pippin then bellowed, "You have always made me look like an ass! Even for my wedding gift you sent dung! Dung I tell you. And now you have harmed the pretty elven lady. You sick, twisted sloth snot! You asked for it! Doxzantooowererrreeeeeeeeeee!'

A little ball of fire shot out of the carrot. It hit Aragorn's head and set his head on fire. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! My beautiful hair!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed and ran off.

"Whoa, Pip, where did you get that thing?" asked Sam.

"Legolas. He has connections," boasted Pippin.

"Oh yeah, whatever. Thank God he's gone. Maybe now he'll go and cut his greasy hair. Now not trying to sound gay or anything, which you all claim. I am glad my hair will not smell like poo anymore," said Legolas.

"You are so wonderful!" cooed Armosis.

Pippin thought she was talking to him, "Sorry ma'am but I... Oh corn squash, get an inn room!"

Armosis had grabbed Legolas and started making out with him.

"I haven't seen stuff like that since my honeymoon," observed Sam.

"Oh stop looking! It's disgusting. Hey Armosis, could you stop for a minute!" cried Pippin.

"Yes!" said Armosis breathlessly. Legolas was awe struck, tugging on her shoulder.

"Do we vote someone off?" asked Pippin.

"I VOTE MYSELF OFF!" cried Legolas, grabbing Armosis' hand and running off.

"Well, I wish I was gone, but at least we don't have to hear him complain about not being with Armosis," said Sam.

"I can't believe we are the two left," said Pippin shaking his head. "It's scary. Anyway I am going to assume two things. One, we are going to have to fish for food. Two, we are to meet back here tomorrow morning."

"But what are we going to do tonight?" asked Sam.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" asked Pippin.

"That Armosis is going to become Mrs. Greenleaf and there are going to be little Legolas'?" asked Sam.

"I was trying not to think of that. No, Sam we are going to take over Mirkwood Forest!" cried Pippin.

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Okay, now to steal part of a theme song:

They're Sam, Sam, and the Pippin, Pippin, Pippin, Pippin, (etc.)

D'oh!