Ch6: It's Finally Over

"Great, where's Armosis?" whined Sam as he and Pippin walked back to the boulder.

"I actually do not want to know," said Pippin. "Look! There she blows!"

Armosis came in yawning. She sat there on the rock.

"You look like Saruman clawed you, then slapped you, then clawed you again...." began Sam.

"We get the point," Pippin said in a demanding tone. "What do we have to do to get this agitating crap in the past?"

"Well," said Armosis stretching, "It is pretty simple."

"How simple? Every time you say that we usually get the tar beaten out of us," said Sam. Armosis smiled. "And quit smiling at me!"

"Well," she laughed, " it's a food eating contest."

"Food?" asked Pippin dreamily. "What kind of food?"

"Sorry, no carrots (his face fell). It is a pie," she said.

"Like blueberry or apple?" asked Sam hopefully, expecting the worst.

"No Frodo pie," she said seriously. Sam and Pippin had looks of terror. "Haha! Just kidding! I can't believe you believed me."

"Well with all of the other crazy stoof happening, how could we not?" asked Sam.

"You have to eat, this is gross, Gollum pie," she said. "And this time I am telling the truth."

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" cried Sam in disgust. "Not him! I had to spend weeks with him, and the entire time he tried to eat me and Frodo."

"Who in a spiny toad's body lotion would write such a plot?" asked Pippin.

"Hate to break it to you, but that made absolutely no sense," said Sam.

"Come on, the faster you get it over with the better," said Armosis jumping from the rock. "follow me."

They followed Armosis through a couple of trees. To their surprise and horror, everybody from Lord of the Rings Trilogy was there.

"Why the bloody Hell are all of y'all here?" asked Pippin in horror. Even his whole family was there. (Author's note: Remember every single character? Probably not, and since it would just be dumb to give each and everyone of them a line, just imagine for a second. All hobbits, elves, orcs, Urk-Hai, dwarves, and other creatures and their family, friends, and others where there, including the rest of the fellowship, except Aragorn. Arwen was missing, too. Oh, and Sauron turned down the invitation)

"What are all of you doing here?" asked Sam meekly, waving to his family.

"We hat Gollum!" cried Galadriel and Celeborn.

"He sucks!" yelled Elrond.

"Here here!" hollered Bilbo. Everybody cheered.

"Legolas! Bring out the pies!" cried Armosis. Legolas came out, also looking like crap, with the pies. They were are dark, muddy brown color. The greenish blue filling was oozing out and there was a horrid smell.

"Oh dear," went Sam, as the pies were sat down in front of them.

"Ready, get set, go!" cried Armosis.

Pippin and Sam sat there, staring at the pies. Suddenly, Sam turned green and passed out. Butterbur and Bill the pony came over and dragged him out of the way.

"Does that mean I win?" asked Pippin hopefully.

"No! Mwaha! You at least need to take one bite of the pie!" hollered Boromir and Merry.

Pippin gulped and looked down at the pie. He took his fork and took a piece of the crust off. He slowly put it in his mouth. He swallowed without even chewing.

"That's not fair!" cried Lurtz.

"Actually, according to the rules it is," said Saruman, he and Gandalf where the judges.

"Yes," said Gandalf, "all the contestant has to do is take a bite. Not necessarily a bite of the filling."

"I won?" asked Pippin in a daze.

"Yes," said Armosis, with yet another smile.

"Whooooohooooooooooo!" yelled Pippin as he jumped up. Then he started doing NSYNC dance movements.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!" screamed everybody and ran off. All accept the other Took's who just shook their heads and the fellowship.

" Yes! No more of this crap. Eh wench?" asked Gimli.

"Hey, that's my girl you are talkin' about!" snarled Legolas.

"Actually, no," said Armosis, reaching for Legolas' hand.

"No! What do you mean no?!" exclaimed Boromir. Frodo passed out.

"Well, you have been selected to be placed on Temptation Island, the Fellowship version," she said dragging Legolas off with her. "Bye! See yah there!"

"Nooooooo! They can't do this to us!" groaned Merry. "We are just fictional characters who are incapable of thinking for ourselves! We can't even go pee without the author writing that we are going pee!"