AN: The song is "Get Rid of That Girl," by The Donnas.
see that boy he looks so fine
but he's got a girlfriend my oh my
go go go!
It wasn't that same night but several nights later that Fi found
herself wondering why exactly it was that the budding
relationship, if you could call it that, between a boy she'd
known all her life and a girl she barely knew bothered her as
much as it obviously did. At first glance, Clu and Annie were
perfectly matched on an intellectual level. And she didn't even
like Clu. Well, of course she liked Clu. Just not in the way that
Annie clearly did. So what was going on?
I'm gonna hit her in the head
I'm gonna knock her down
I'm gonna drag her by the hair all over town
She couldn't figure it out. But it didn't matter. She knew she
had to devise a plan quickly to retrieve the poor boy from
Annie's undoubtedly evil clutches. Unfortunately, Annie didn't
seem particularly evil to anyone else, aside from her peculiar
attachment to the early work of Celine Dion, so it was difficult
for Fi to sway others to her cause. She resigned herself to
merely stomping around the house and glaring at Annie, Clu, and
Annie and Clu upon their increasingly common unexplainable
emergences from random closets.
I'm gonna get get get get rid of that girl
I'm gonna get get get get rid of that girl
I'm gonna get get get get rid of that girl tonight
At least, until one fateful night exactly a week after the first
closet-rendezvous. Fi was commencing her nightly stomping and
glaring when she heard Annie in her room. Alone, she hoped, as
she crept silently closer, the better to drop some eaves.
"Conrad?" Annie wailed. "Where are you? Here,
kitty! Meow! Why aren't you watching me? Where are you?"
Silence. "Meow? Meow? Kitty kitty?" Rustling.
"Fine, you stupid cat. I have things to do. I'm not going to
drop everything just because you're in a bad mood." Silence.
"Kitty? Kitty, kitty? Meeeeeoooow?" Another disgruntled
sigh. "Whatever."
with her hair so blonde and her nails so long
so I put my Maybellines record on
kill kill kill!
Annie did some stomping of her own into the hallway, where she
caught Fi in a decidedly suspicious position. But, being neither
particularly bright nor particularly quick to assume the worst of
someone, she merely said brightly, "Hey, Fi. What's
up?"
Fi resisted the urge to tell her what was really up and slapped
on a smile of her own. "Nothing. Just looking for a
sock."
"Oh. Well, I have lots of socks. Aren't they made for all
sizes? You can borrow one. Or two. Whatever," she offered
sweetly, and headed for the stairs.
I'm gonna drag her ass down to my car
I'm gonna use that Matchlight Mountain Dew crush
I'm gonna get get get get rid of that girl tonight
Fi glared after her, more out of habit than pure resentment. So,
Conrad was Annie's "spirit animal," right? And
apparently her imaginary friend had grown tired of her and chosen
to disappear. Surely there had to be a way that Fi could use this
in her not-yet-formed revenge plan. She wished she was more
clever, more devious, more cunning. And then, for a very brief
second, she was suddenly all of those things, and the perfect
idea seemed to literally spring from her mind fully formed, like
Athena from Zeus. (At least, the idea seemed perfect at the time,
as all ideas initially do.) She would kidnap Conrad!
every time I see him he's with she
I'm gonna make her legs all wobbly
I can't wait to punch out her teeth
then that boy will be all for me!
Of course, unlike a certain other person, she was not entirely
delusional, so she did not entertain the thought of actually
removing a large black panther from the house unseen and storing
it somewhere far far away. Instead, she would merely pretend to
have kidnapped Conrad, which ought to be fairly easy, since he
didn't exist in the first place. And now he was gone, which did
mean that there was a threat of his return, as imaginary
creatures are even more disinclined than actual creatures to be
obedient. But she decided to take that chance, and began
collecting old copies of 16, Teen Beat, and Bop from the attic,
the better to clip letters from for Conrad's ransom note.
so when we pass her house on the way to school
he'll no longer say how
she's so cool to me
"Dear Annie," Annie read aloud some time later.
"Your spirit animal is with me now. If you don't meet me at
11:37 tomorrow night at the end of East Collins Road, I will be
dining on panther stew"--here she gasped audibly and her
eyes began to well up with tears--"every night for a week.
P.S. Come alone or it's the oven for your kitty." Annie
wiped her eyes resolutely. She would do it. She would meet this
crazy person and go alone and risk her life if it meant bringing
poor Conrad back alive.
I'm gonna get get get get rid of that girl
I'm gonna get get get get rid of that girl
I'm gonna get get get get rid of that girl tonight
The next day, Fi resisted the urge to giggle when Annie actually
asked her if she'd ever heard of people kidnapping spirit animals
for nefarious purposes. She simply shook her head and suggested
that Annie try a Google search. As the hour drew closer, Annie
grew more and more obviously nervous, but snapped
"Nothing!" whenever anyone asked her what was wrong.
Finally, around 9, the house began to clear out. Jack went over
to "study" with Chelsea and Rhonda. Clu and Carey went
home earlier than usual for unexplainable reasons; perhaps Clu,
at least, was disturbed by the sudden change in his love's
demeanor, Fi surmised. And even Molly went out without bothering
to explain where she was going or why she was going out. Fi
decided neither to ask nor to tell, and claimed to be going to
bed early at 10. At 11:23, Annie snuck downstairs with an utter
lack of stealth. Fi followed not long after, internally cackling
with maniacal glee as the pieces of her plan fell perfectly into
place.