Chapter two. I hope this clears up some stuff. Thanks for the feedback. You still can't have my cookies. Once again I apologize for the cheesiness I tend to get a little to Stienbecky (without the intelligence or a chapter about a turtle) at times. Well, here goes nothing and a half:
While it's turning cold
Sweating and out of breath she thought 'Geeze Max, you're winded.' You can count on one hand all of the times a guy has made you literally breathless.' She counted in her head, 'Yep all with Logan.' She lie in his arms staring at he ceiling her head resting on his bare chest as she had done nearly every weekend since they because re-acquainted so to speak, a "mission" every weekend for what seemed like months. She thought back to the first time she saw met him, the night she broke into his apartment. How could she stay away for so long? Four years. She kept her distance for 4 years, ignoring calls, impromptu visits, pages, cable hacks; she learned to ignore them all. She did not know how or why, she just did.
"Logan?" Max asked not taking her eyes from the ceiling.
"Max?" He answered.
"Was that all really necessary?" Max chuckled.
"Hey, you brought that on yourself" The shared a laugh and that silence crept back upon them.
I think you know
No matter what they did, that silence was the only thing guaranteed in their relationship.
"Designing Computer Software. With the occasional eyes only hack." Logan blurted out shattering the silence.
"Huh?"
"You asked me three weeks ago, today actually, when you drifted back into my life, what I had been doing since you left"
Max pretended that she had not seen any cable hacks "Honorable. So you are still trying to save the helpless?"
"What can I say? I am the boy who always wanted to be Superman but was too afraid to fly ... Still working at Jam Pony?"
"More or less, yeah, but I've been in and out of Seattle since we last saw each other. I have been spending my time in little nameless towns. I lived in California for a time a little place called Escondido. There is absolutely nothing there. I've been all over, doing nothing basically."
"Got any kids?"
"Oh good lord no. Sydney and baby Calvin are my kids. You?"
"Nope but with the occasional visit from Itsy's girl, none. Moreover, none claiming to belong to me, yet. Saving the world equals no time for kids anyway." The room was still again and the silence began to chip at Max's composure.
Lie and sleep
Max turned her thoughts to the slow steadiness of Logan's breathing as he slept. Once Max knew he was asleep, she slipped from under the covers in her Manticore like fashion, put on a shirt, and took her place in a chair by the window. She glanced at him and began to cry 'Come on Max. What the hell are you doing? What the hell are you blubbering for? Buck up.' She sobbed all the more in silence, trying not wake the slumbering Logan. She stared absently out of the window and cried feeling alone in her sorrow.
Logan turned over and opened his eyes trying to hide the fact that he was awake. He had felt her get out of the bed and he had been awake since. 'Why was she crying?' The woman he loved was crying and he could not do anything about it.
Logan finally worked up the courage to speak "Max." He heard her jump in her seat.
"Why are you crying?" Logan had never seen her cry like this there must be something wrong. He wrapped himself in a blanket and made his way to her.
"Because this is just how i remembered it. I remember loving you and it was perfect. I remember the night like this when I left. I remember how much I loved you and how much you loved me. And I had to."
"Had to what?"
"I had to retreat" Max's tears flowed freely now as she stood before him. Venerable and weeping like a child.
I had to retreat back inside. You were falling too much in love. I knew that some day I would be taken away from you. I didn't want you to feel the gut wrenching pain of loss. So I found a way out and I took it I got out so early because I thought it wouldn't hurt you as much in the end but it hurt you all the more. I had to leave you. I had to give your heart time to heal. I had to be gone for that to happen that is why I severed all ties to you. I couldn't tell you love you I couldn't even say it." She paced as she cried racking her hands through her hair. " Can you ever forgive me? How can you forgive me? I ran away from the only man I ever thought I could love. I'm a coward. How can you love a coward? How can you forgive me? I hurt you so much. I had to save your life."
"Save my life?"
"Logan, loving me was killing your soul. You may say it doesn't but your eyes say something else." Max was a much screaming as she was crying a that point, "I couldn't open up to you. I couldn't let you in. Being with me is like walking through fog. How can you ever forgive me for what I did to you?" Logan made his way to her to comfort her, she held up her hands.
"Don't touch me." She fought as best she could, shaking and exhausted from sobbing. She finally gave up and fell into his arms. She cried in deep choking sobs. She cried as if she would never cry again, letting go of years of agony, frustration, torment, and hopelessness. She cried for the life she lost, the life she wanted, and the life she lived. He held her as tightly as she would let him and shed a tear himself for his hopelessness and frustration. Logan stared down at her and it all clicked. Logan knew this cry. It was the cry of someone with a broken heart, someone with a secret. He could not understand she had told him everything, yet she held something back. At that moment, he made an unspoken vow that he was going to find out what it was, even if it killed him, which he could not be all that sure it would not.
I cannot hear what your saying