1.1.1
1.1.2
1.1.3 Chapter Eight: Saying Something Stupid Like-
He was under the stairs when Cordelia finally found him. Leaning against the wall, hands in his jacket pockets, staring blackly at the floor. She couldn't help it – an affectionate grin crossed her face. *Dumbass vampire.* There was something so familiar and endearing about his fits of melancholy. Perhaps because she knew better than anyone how to snap him out of them.
*Well*, she thought, watching him wondrously, *Powers give me courage. Because I'm officially insane.*
"Hey," she said, bumping him gently with her elbow.
Angel looked up, startled. "Cordy." He had been so consumed by thoughts of her that he hadn't noticed her approach. He briefly acknowledged the irony, then slipped into mild panic. "Uh … Cordy. Cordelia."
She raised an eyebrow. "Yes. Cordelia. I thought so too. Although the way you're saying it, I'm not sure now."
Angel gave her the ghost of a smile.
"So, I'm conducting a survey about people who suck all the life out of a room by their mere presence," Cordelia said lightly. "I couldn't help noticing you qualify." She poked him. "Jeez, Angel. Black hole of despair or anything?"
Angel shrugged, not meeting her eyes. She knew damn well what was wrong with him.
"So," she continued calmly, leaning against the wall next to him, "why're you glooming over here by yourself?"
The vampire decided to bite, as it were. "See," he said, meeting her eyes, "there's this girl."
Cordelia had the grace to colour slightly, but she said nothing, and Angel turned back to the room. They stood there in silence for a moment, before he waved irritably at the strobe lights. "Plus, this all just makes me kind of crazy."
"I know that too," agreed Cordelia. She took a deep breath and turned to him. "And I have a solution. Don't focus on them."
"What should I focus on instead?" asked Angel, feeling his stomach tighten.
The Seer smiled. "Me."
The vampire gazed at her. In the flickering half-light, her eyes caught and held his own. For a few seconds, Angel saw something strange and tender flare deep within them.
"Cordy," he said carefully, "about before…"
"Don't," she told him quickly. "Don't say anything about that." She clasped his hands within both her own, bringing them to her chest.
"Angel," she whispered, "I'm so incredibly sorry."
His throat closed as she lifted his hands higher, to her lips. She dipped her head, kissed his trembling fingers and Angel shut his eyes in disbelief. This was not happening. This was not happening.
Cordelia was not threading her arms around his waist and nestling herself against him.
She was not looking up at him in a way that made his legs suddenly feel like water.
She simply *wasn't*, because somewhere between pissing off the two of the three women he cared about most and this moment, someone had obviously staked him. He must have died, and...
…gone to vampire heaven where the girl he loved was now resting her head on his chest?
"I shouldn't have taken off, Angel. I'm sorry. We're friends," she mumbled softly against his shirt. "Best friends. And real friends don't run away from things just because they scare them. They stay. And talk things out."
Stunned, Angel watched from a great distance as his arms lifted of their own accord and wrapped themselves around the young woman in front of him. He could feel her breathing. He could feel her heart beat against him.
"Friends?" he muttered, in a daze.
"Uh-huh," she breathed, her hands warm as they caressed his back.
"Talk?" managed the vampire, her hair silky underneath his fingers.
"Talk," she agreed, lifting her face to his. "About feelings that frighten them."
Angel's world stopped. "Feelings?"
Their eyes locked, and there was a softness in hers that he had never seen before.
"Yeah," she confirmed. "Big ol' feelings. How 'bout that, huh?"
"W-would…" Angel hesitated, then decided to take a chance. "Would these be the usual kind of feelings that best friends have for each other?"
She tilted her head. "Well, not usually. I'm told that only people who are truly, *amazingly* lucky get to feel like this about their best friend and have their best friend feel the same way."
"Really?" Angel whispered, feeling something bright and warm close around his heart.
"Really," she whispered back, and leant her forehead against his chest, breathing deeply.
Angel simply gazed down at her, unable to believe this was happening. Finally, he cleared his throat. "Cordy, do, ah, do best friends who feel this way ever, I don't know … kiss each other?"
Her arms tightened around him as she looked up. "Sometimes," she nodded, her eyes twinkling. "When one of the friends has been unbelievably wrong about the way she feels for the other friend. *Especially* then."
Angel suddenly released her from his embrace. "Sorry, I don't know anybody like that," he said airily, before smiling.
Cordelia slapped him on the chest, grinning. Then she sobered. "Angel, until five minutes ago, neither did I."
The vampire gently stroked her cheek as they gazed at each other, both amazed at the way the other's face now seemed different somehow, touched by something new. Something deeper than either of them had known existed. Angel finally spoke.
"I do love you, Cordy. You're ... everything I never knew I needed. You believe me, don't you?"
She looked up at him. "Yes."
Angel just waited.
Cordelia smiled, and it was a smile that encompassed both love and sadness. She waved a hand around at the throng. "Look, Angel. These people? They're so incredibly lucky. They have no idea what's out there, and most of them never will." She met Angel's eyes. "Us … you and me … we have to live differently. It could all get taken away from us at any moment. And I suddenly realised that I don't have time to be afraid any more." She reached up and touched his face, her fingers trailing across his brow and down his cheek. "We can't … can't have everything, you know. The Powers took care of that. He's still in there somewhere. And we don't know what's in me, exactly. But you were right. We deserve to have *something*."
She lifted her face to his. "And I want us to have whatever we can," she said softly. "Because I'm ready now. I'm not afraid any more. And because…"
She trailed off, leaning upwards. Angel swallowed, inclining his head forward, letting her come to him.
"…I love you too," Cordelia whispered, before gently touching her lips to his.
It lasted an age, that kiss. It deepened each second, until there was no space between them not filled. Cordelia blurred; every blur an emotion, all streaks of colour, light and warmth. For Angel, even when the kiss had ended, it didn't. Somewhere in his head, which was filled with the closeness and the sheer reality of her, he knew that it never would.
Twenty feet away, Willow stared in utter shock, the drinks she had gone to collect spilling unnoticed to the floor. *Oh boy. Oh boy. This is … new.*
Finally, Cordelia stepped back, a little flushed. "Wow."
"Uh-huh," agreed a grinning, extraordinarily giddy vampire.
"Okay," Cordelia said breathlessly. "Executive decision. Kissing? *Definitely* something we can have."
"A lot?" asked Angel, pulling her gently back to him.
In answer, she smiled, laced her arms around his neck, and kissed him again.
* * *
"So," Willow said lightly, sitting down next to Xander and placing a beer in front of him. "Where's Buffy gone?"
Xander pointed, his eyes riveted on the dance floor. "Dancing with Anya. Which makes Xander a happy boy."
Willow's brow creased. "Why?"
"You're supposed to appreciate the finer points of the sisterhood, Will. Noticed the music?"
Willow's expression cleared in understanding. "Oh. Lambada."
"Lambada-bing!" crowed Xander, and recommenced staring.
Willow punched him.
"Ow!"
"Appreciate, yes. Ogle, no. First rule of the sisterhood."
Her companion sighed. "Where's Deadboy when you need him? He understands me now. We're bonded in manliness."
Willow's face became suddenly mischievous. "Speaking of, did anybody … and by anybody I mean you, notice the strangeness that is Angel and Cordelia?"
Xander snorted. "If by noticed, you mean stepped right in it with all its subtext-y badness, then yeah, I noticed. Kinda like daytime soap, only less funny." He considered for a second. "Hairstyles were about the same, though."
Willow raised an eyebrow. "I know what *I'm* talking about. But you flounder in murk. So, exposition please?"
"Oh, I walked in on some kind of big vicious," Xander explained, waving his beer bottle around. "With the yelling and the storming off, I didn't find out what it was all about."
"Would it explain why they're under the stairs groping like a pair of … gropers?" asked Willow calmly.
She quite enjoyed the minor explosion that followed.
Chapter Nine (conclusion) coming soon…
1.1.2
1.1.3 Chapter Eight: Saying Something Stupid Like-
He was under the stairs when Cordelia finally found him. Leaning against the wall, hands in his jacket pockets, staring blackly at the floor. She couldn't help it – an affectionate grin crossed her face. *Dumbass vampire.* There was something so familiar and endearing about his fits of melancholy. Perhaps because she knew better than anyone how to snap him out of them.
*Well*, she thought, watching him wondrously, *Powers give me courage. Because I'm officially insane.*
"Hey," she said, bumping him gently with her elbow.
Angel looked up, startled. "Cordy." He had been so consumed by thoughts of her that he hadn't noticed her approach. He briefly acknowledged the irony, then slipped into mild panic. "Uh … Cordy. Cordelia."
She raised an eyebrow. "Yes. Cordelia. I thought so too. Although the way you're saying it, I'm not sure now."
Angel gave her the ghost of a smile.
"So, I'm conducting a survey about people who suck all the life out of a room by their mere presence," Cordelia said lightly. "I couldn't help noticing you qualify." She poked him. "Jeez, Angel. Black hole of despair or anything?"
Angel shrugged, not meeting her eyes. She knew damn well what was wrong with him.
"So," she continued calmly, leaning against the wall next to him, "why're you glooming over here by yourself?"
The vampire decided to bite, as it were. "See," he said, meeting her eyes, "there's this girl."
Cordelia had the grace to colour slightly, but she said nothing, and Angel turned back to the room. They stood there in silence for a moment, before he waved irritably at the strobe lights. "Plus, this all just makes me kind of crazy."
"I know that too," agreed Cordelia. She took a deep breath and turned to him. "And I have a solution. Don't focus on them."
"What should I focus on instead?" asked Angel, feeling his stomach tighten.
The Seer smiled. "Me."
The vampire gazed at her. In the flickering half-light, her eyes caught and held his own. For a few seconds, Angel saw something strange and tender flare deep within them.
"Cordy," he said carefully, "about before…"
"Don't," she told him quickly. "Don't say anything about that." She clasped his hands within both her own, bringing them to her chest.
"Angel," she whispered, "I'm so incredibly sorry."
His throat closed as she lifted his hands higher, to her lips. She dipped her head, kissed his trembling fingers and Angel shut his eyes in disbelief. This was not happening. This was not happening.
Cordelia was not threading her arms around his waist and nestling herself against him.
She was not looking up at him in a way that made his legs suddenly feel like water.
She simply *wasn't*, because somewhere between pissing off the two of the three women he cared about most and this moment, someone had obviously staked him. He must have died, and...
…gone to vampire heaven where the girl he loved was now resting her head on his chest?
"I shouldn't have taken off, Angel. I'm sorry. We're friends," she mumbled softly against his shirt. "Best friends. And real friends don't run away from things just because they scare them. They stay. And talk things out."
Stunned, Angel watched from a great distance as his arms lifted of their own accord and wrapped themselves around the young woman in front of him. He could feel her breathing. He could feel her heart beat against him.
"Friends?" he muttered, in a daze.
"Uh-huh," she breathed, her hands warm as they caressed his back.
"Talk?" managed the vampire, her hair silky underneath his fingers.
"Talk," she agreed, lifting her face to his. "About feelings that frighten them."
Angel's world stopped. "Feelings?"
Their eyes locked, and there was a softness in hers that he had never seen before.
"Yeah," she confirmed. "Big ol' feelings. How 'bout that, huh?"
"W-would…" Angel hesitated, then decided to take a chance. "Would these be the usual kind of feelings that best friends have for each other?"
She tilted her head. "Well, not usually. I'm told that only people who are truly, *amazingly* lucky get to feel like this about their best friend and have their best friend feel the same way."
"Really?" Angel whispered, feeling something bright and warm close around his heart.
"Really," she whispered back, and leant her forehead against his chest, breathing deeply.
Angel simply gazed down at her, unable to believe this was happening. Finally, he cleared his throat. "Cordy, do, ah, do best friends who feel this way ever, I don't know … kiss each other?"
Her arms tightened around him as she looked up. "Sometimes," she nodded, her eyes twinkling. "When one of the friends has been unbelievably wrong about the way she feels for the other friend. *Especially* then."
Angel suddenly released her from his embrace. "Sorry, I don't know anybody like that," he said airily, before smiling.
Cordelia slapped him on the chest, grinning. Then she sobered. "Angel, until five minutes ago, neither did I."
The vampire gently stroked her cheek as they gazed at each other, both amazed at the way the other's face now seemed different somehow, touched by something new. Something deeper than either of them had known existed. Angel finally spoke.
"I do love you, Cordy. You're ... everything I never knew I needed. You believe me, don't you?"
She looked up at him. "Yes."
Angel just waited.
Cordelia smiled, and it was a smile that encompassed both love and sadness. She waved a hand around at the throng. "Look, Angel. These people? They're so incredibly lucky. They have no idea what's out there, and most of them never will." She met Angel's eyes. "Us … you and me … we have to live differently. It could all get taken away from us at any moment. And I suddenly realised that I don't have time to be afraid any more." She reached up and touched his face, her fingers trailing across his brow and down his cheek. "We can't … can't have everything, you know. The Powers took care of that. He's still in there somewhere. And we don't know what's in me, exactly. But you were right. We deserve to have *something*."
She lifted her face to his. "And I want us to have whatever we can," she said softly. "Because I'm ready now. I'm not afraid any more. And because…"
She trailed off, leaning upwards. Angel swallowed, inclining his head forward, letting her come to him.
"…I love you too," Cordelia whispered, before gently touching her lips to his.
It lasted an age, that kiss. It deepened each second, until there was no space between them not filled. Cordelia blurred; every blur an emotion, all streaks of colour, light and warmth. For Angel, even when the kiss had ended, it didn't. Somewhere in his head, which was filled with the closeness and the sheer reality of her, he knew that it never would.
Twenty feet away, Willow stared in utter shock, the drinks she had gone to collect spilling unnoticed to the floor. *Oh boy. Oh boy. This is … new.*
Finally, Cordelia stepped back, a little flushed. "Wow."
"Uh-huh," agreed a grinning, extraordinarily giddy vampire.
"Okay," Cordelia said breathlessly. "Executive decision. Kissing? *Definitely* something we can have."
"A lot?" asked Angel, pulling her gently back to him.
In answer, she smiled, laced her arms around his neck, and kissed him again.
* * *
"So," Willow said lightly, sitting down next to Xander and placing a beer in front of him. "Where's Buffy gone?"
Xander pointed, his eyes riveted on the dance floor. "Dancing with Anya. Which makes Xander a happy boy."
Willow's brow creased. "Why?"
"You're supposed to appreciate the finer points of the sisterhood, Will. Noticed the music?"
Willow's expression cleared in understanding. "Oh. Lambada."
"Lambada-bing!" crowed Xander, and recommenced staring.
Willow punched him.
"Ow!"
"Appreciate, yes. Ogle, no. First rule of the sisterhood."
Her companion sighed. "Where's Deadboy when you need him? He understands me now. We're bonded in manliness."
Willow's face became suddenly mischievous. "Speaking of, did anybody … and by anybody I mean you, notice the strangeness that is Angel and Cordelia?"
Xander snorted. "If by noticed, you mean stepped right in it with all its subtext-y badness, then yeah, I noticed. Kinda like daytime soap, only less funny." He considered for a second. "Hairstyles were about the same, though."
Willow raised an eyebrow. "I know what *I'm* talking about. But you flounder in murk. So, exposition please?"
"Oh, I walked in on some kind of big vicious," Xander explained, waving his beer bottle around. "With the yelling and the storming off, I didn't find out what it was all about."
"Would it explain why they're under the stairs groping like a pair of … gropers?" asked Willow calmly.
She quite enjoyed the minor explosion that followed.
Chapter Nine (conclusion) coming soon…