Note: O.C. means Off Camera. Also, some scenes might be switched around, so
something things might not be in the right order. Bare with me people, you
can live through it. Also, real Titanic fans, don't feel offended. This is
just for fun. We like TItanic, so it's not meant to be bad. Don't get mad
at me! :-)
SCENE: A set. Bob is scribbling away a couple of last minute things on a script. Dot walks over to him.
DOT: Can we please start filming? This movie you've written is so long, you're wasting valuable filming time just to make it even longer!
BOB: Quiet! Do not disturb the writing genius!
DOT: (rolls eyes) I can't believe you wrote the story in this fashion. The character organization is terrible. I'm in it, but you're not there for me to go out with in the movie. What are the Reboot fans going to think? I'm not even going to start with that thing with AndrAIa, Matrix, and Ray.
BOB: We are actors. We've acted in lots of things. I think we can handle something like this.
DOT: That's not the point. What about the fans of Reboot?
BOB: They can go get a life.
DOT: (Shocked!) Those fans are our reason for being!
BOB: (Hurt, looks up from his script.) I thought I was your reason for being!
DOT: (rolls eyes again.) Can we please start filming?
ANDRAIA (off scene): Hey Bob! We're waiting here! We've got our lines learned, now all we need is the camera!
BOB: (calls off) Okay! (Turns to Dot.) Trust me, okay? This is a Bob original.
DOT: (Skeptically) Oh yeah? Your story line sure reminds me of that one movie with that Leo guy. You know, with the unsinkable ship? Now, what was that ship called…
BOB: (loudly) Okay guys! Places! (Waits as everyone scrambles around, then grabs his camera.) Okay. And…action!
A BOB ORIGINAL MOVIE.
BY THE PRODUCERS OF THE LITTLE PEOPLE
WE BRING YOU…
"THE SAUCY MARE."
STARING DOT MATRIX, ANDRAIA, ENZO MATRIX, MIKE THE TV, ZERO-BINOME, RAY TRACER-
DOT: (Voice off camera) Bob! Enough with the names!
UM…OKAY. WELL, THESE ACTORS ALL PLAY AS THEMSELVES.
(The movie begins)
SCENE: In the web, our time. In this part of the web, though, there's water, so it looks like an ocean. (Bare with me, people. Let's just say there's water) A big submarine thing is slowly sinking toward a sunken ship, sitting at the bottom of the web. Obviously, this is the famous SAUCY MARE. Inside the submarine, Mike the TV is staring out the window, face pressed up against the glass, staring in awe at the ship.
MIKE THE TV: (in whispered, serious amazement) There it is, the ship that we have been searching through endlessly for a very long time. This ship, the SAUCY MARE, had met its doom….(searching for the date, but fails to remember) a very long time ago. It had hit an ice burg that fateful day, and no matter what the people on it tried to do, it was all lost. And the ship sank, until it hit the ground below.
ZERO-BINOME: (watching MIKE THE TV.)
MIKE THE TV: (still in a hypnotic voice) these windows in this submarine are only a certain amount of inches thick, and if one goes out, it's sayanara before you could say 'Bob can dance the can-can.'
ZERO-BINOME: (Snickers) You are so full of sh!t boss.
BOB: (Off Camera) Wait! You're not supposed to say that! And MIKE, I didn't appreciate that last comment. Why do people add-lib? It's pointless!
ZERO-BINOME: Sorry boss, but it just sounded better.
BOB: (thinking it over.) Okay, sorry. Continue!
MIKE THE TV: (Doesn't bother to look away from the window) Quiet! This is a momentous occasion for me! Don't interrupt my speech!
ZERO-BINOME: (Tiredly) But boss, we've been down here many times before. And every time we go down here, you make that same speech.
MIKE THE TV: Do not.
ZERO-BINOME: Do too!
MIKE THE TV: Zero-Binome, just get in your little funky suit and lets send the robots out so they could do all the dirty work for us.
DOT: (O.C.) Bob, this is a very weak scene.
A shaft underneath the submarine opens up, and a robot comes floating out. It heads toward the SAUCY MARE.
MIKE THE TV: (looking through some monitor thingy) Careful! One little glitch and that robot's gone!
ZERO-BINOME: (sighs) I've done this a million times, boss.
MIKE THE TV: (Still looking at the monitor. They could both see as the robot goes inside the SAUCY MARE and starts exploring its hallways.) Okay now, we've checked all the other rooms, which one should we check now?
ZERO-BINOME: MR. MATRIX'S room.
MIKE THE TV: Why?
ZERO-BINOME: Because through our research, we found out that it was him who had purchased the HEART OF THE WEB.
MIKE THE TV: Oh yeah. Good reason.
They both watch as the robot enters MATRIX'S room, and they both look around the monitor for anything that's worth looking at.
MIKE THE TV: Hey! There!
ZERO-BINOME: Where?
MIKE THE TV: There!
ZERO-BINOME: I don't see anything!
MIKE THE TV: That door! That fallen door! Pick it up, I think there's something under it!
ZERO-BINOME: (disgusted) What in the net would make you think there's something valuable hidden under a door?
MIKE THE TV: Just do it!
The robot unhooks its hands, and slowly lifts up the door. They both watch in awe as the door comes up, and flips over. Sitting under the door was….nothing.
ZERO-BINOME: Failure again, boss.
MIKE THE TV: Damn! Now the reporters are going to bug me and-
ZERO-BINOME: I told you there wasn't going to be anything under that door!
MIKE THE TV: (disappointed) Lets go back to our ship. Maybe an old lady called claiming she was a survivor of the Saucy Mare. That would lighten my second.
ZERO-BINOME: What about the robot?
MIKE THE TV: (Pauses for a long moment, than slaps his forehead.) I forgot my line!
ZERO-BINOME: Wait! I see something!
MIKE THE TV: (Suddenly perky.) What?! What?!
ZERO-BINOME: Look, boss. Over there.
They look, and sitting in a corner of the room is a small safe, looking all forlorn and secure. It's very clear of sight.
MIKE THE TV: (slaps his forehead) Why didn't I see that before?
SCENE: Back on the main ship. The safe has somehow been brought up on deck, and the whole crew is gathering around. Several of Mike's camera crew are there, taping the whole thing while Mike opens the safe.
MIKE THE TV: (soft, subtle voice) And now, as we open the safe, we all quietly watch on. This might be the turn of our career. The turn of a lifetime! The turn of the century! (He opens the safe, and starts grabbing stuff and pulling stuff out. Several soiled papers, several Reboot episode tapes, and a folder of some sort.)
ZERO-BINOME: That's it?
MIKE THE TV: (still trying to find more stuff, but there's nothing. He looks very disappointed as he looks up at his camera crew.)
ZERO-BINOME: (sighs) You know, I heard the same thing happened to Old Man Pearson, and his career never recovered.
MIKE THE TV: (looks at the camera in disgust, then turns away.) Turn the camera off.
SCENE: A lab or something on the ship. MIKE THE TV is pacing around, angrily, while some sort of SCIENTIST is going through some of the things from the safe.
ZERO-BINOME: Well, at least it's not a total loss. We can still try again, and maybe this time we'll find the HEART OF THE WEB.
SCIENTIST: MIKE, I think I've found something.
MIKE and ZERO-BINOME hurry over to the table, to see that the SCIENTIST was cleaning off some sort of picture. It was a sprite, with long hair and a seashell holding one side up. She was lying on a couch, practically naked, wearing a necklace around her neck.
ZERO-BINOME: Wow! She is hot!
MIKE THE TV: You're telling me! Hubba hubba!
SCIENTIST: You guys, look at the necklace.
ZERO-BINOME: Oh, I'm looking!
SCIENTIST: (elbows ZERO-BINOME in the stomach.) No, look! The necklace! Isn't that the HEART OF THE WEB?
MIKE THE TV: Oh yeah…(still gazing at the picture) I must have forgotten……..
SCENE: Dot's Diner. A young woman, DOT, is cleaning up the counter, the tv is blaring on MTV. An old lady, ANDRAIA, hobbles in, her hands are dirty.
DOT: Grandmother! You should wash your hands. You shouldn't eat with clay on your fingers.
ANDRAIA: (staring at the TV) turn that up, dear.
DOT: (looks at TV) what, this? I don't know why you want to listen to the Spice Girls, I could've sworn they were out long ago.
ANDRAIA: Well, I like MTV. Turn it up already!
DOT: What would the customers think? (switches channel to the news, ignoring the 'hey!'s coming from around the diner. A newsreporter appears, interviewing MIKE THE TV.)
MIKE THE TV: Yeah, we uh…found this picture inside the safe. Unfortunately, there was no diamond, but the picture sure keeps me warm at night!
NEWSREPORTER: (skeptical) Really. Can we see the picture?
MIKE THE TV: Sure! (holds the picture up to the camera.)
ANDRAIA: (gasps, then nearly has a heart attack from doing so and stumbles.)
DOT: Grandma! (grabs a hold of ANDRAIA and hoists her back on her feet.) Are you okay? What is it? (Both of them suddenly burst out laughing from the acting and double over on the floor.)
BOB: (O.C) Cut! Cut!
SCENE: Back on deck. MIKE THE TV is pacing, stopping every now and then to gaze at the picture. The phone rings.
MIKE THE TV: (Grabs it.) Hello?
ANDRAIA: Hello. Is this MIKE THE TV?
MIKE THE TV: Yes it is. How can I help you?
ANDRAIA: My name is AndrAIa and I was just wondering, Mr. THE TV, if you had found the HEART OF THE WEB yet.
MIKE THE TV: (chin drops in surprise) You have my attention, AndrAIa. (gazes back at the picture.) Do you know who the hot chick in the picture is?
ANDRAIA: Oh yes. The woman in the picture is me.
MIKE THE TV: REALLY? Now you really have my attention! Can you fly over? How old are you now?
ANDRAIA: Oh…I'm about 9.0 now.
MIKE THE TV: (staring at picture and mumbles.) Darn!
BOB: (O.C) Cut! That is a sexual remark! I think I'd better-
DOT: (O.C) Shut up Bob.
SCENE: Several days later. A helicopter thing is landing on deck, and MIKE THE TV and ZERO-BINOME are heading in its direction.
ZERO-BINOME: She's a goddarn liar! How could she be that woman? That woman had to be 2.3 or something!
MIKE THE TV: People grow up!
ZERO-BINOME: That's no excuse! Look, I did some research on this lady. Her name was AndrAIa Tracer. She got married to a guy named Masin, and she punches out a couple of kids. Now, Masin's dead, and I'm pretty sure-
MIKE THE TV: Shut up! (Hurries toward helicopter. ANDRAIA, sitting in a wheelchair, is being lowered down to the deck. A younger woman named DOT is helping her out.)
DOT: (Glancing around) Where's Bob?
BOB: (O.C. Sighs.) Dot, I'm the director. Not the actor.
DOT: (Looking O.C.) So? I'm still concerned with the Reboot fans.
ANDRAIA: (To DOT) How do you think with me wearing all this old fogey make- up and talking to you like as if you were my granddaughter? It's absurd!
BOB: This movie is supposed to take some risks. So put up with it. Continue please!
DOT and ANDRAIA: (Sighs heavily.) Fine!
MIKE THE TV: (Very slowly) Uh…welcome AndrAIa, I… (Slaps forehead again.) I forgot my line again! Why does this happen? I'm much better making things up as I go than reading off a script!
ZERO-BINOME: (whispers) Your line is 'hope your stay is pleasant and that everything will meet your aquirements. Maybe later, we could all get together, and you could tell me about yourself and your story.'
MIKE THE TV: (grins) Oh yes! (Turns back to ANDRAIA) I hope your stay is pleasant and…(trails off, than turns to ZERO-BINOME) What was the rest?
DOT: (shakes her head in disgust and walks off the set, handing MIKE THE TV a goldfish bowl.)
SCENE: Down inside the ship. There's a room where there's a bunch of monitors going over what the submarine robot had seen inside the SAUCY MARE. The group is in that room, and ANDRAIA is sitting in a chair next to a table stocked with antiques found inside the SAUCY MARE.
MIKE THE TV: (Hands ANDRAIA the picture of her.) here you go. I think you might want that, since it's you and everything.
ANDRAIA: Thank you. (Takes it, but MIKE is still holding on to it unwillingly. She tugs again, but he doesn't want to part with it. They get involved with a tug-o-war, resulting in ripping the picture in half.)
ANDRAIA: (aghast, losing her 'old woman' voice and speaks in her regular one) You idiot! That wasn't in the script! You weren't supposed to rip the picture! Why I oughta… (She stands up and tries to attack MIKE, but DOT stops her.)
DOT: ANDRAIA! That wasn't in the script either, so just control yourself. (glares at MIKE.)
MIKE: (sheepishly) Sorry.
ANDRAIA; (clears throat.) Sorry DOT.
MIKE: (explodes) What do you mean by 'sorry DOT'? You're supposed to be sorry towards me!
ANDRAIA; No I'm not!
DOT: You guys!
ZERO-BINOME: (Is cracking up in the background.)
BOB: (O.C) Guys, calm down. Can we please continue?
MIKE, ANDRAIA, AND DOT: FINE! (They return to their places and continue as if nothing had happened)
ANDRAIA: (looking at the ripped picture in her hands. She speaks her next line, but she frowns at the same time.) Thanks MIKE…I'll treasure this…. (Frowns at the ripped picture.)
MIKE: (Sits down across from her.) Tell us, ANDRAIA. Tell us, what happened aboard the Titan- oops! I keep wanting to say that! I mean, what happened…(pauses.) Darn! I forgot my line!
ZERO-BINOME: (Comes in for the rescue.) Tell us AndrAIa, what happened aboard the SAUCY MARE?
ANDRAIA: (snaps) What do you think? The boat sank, haven't you read the stories? Seen the movies? What else is new?
ZERO-BINOME: (gulps) Well…uh…that was the line and all… (glances around.)
ANDRAIA; (sighs.) Well, fine. I'll tell you my life story. Well, it happened a long time ago…Bob didn't have the time to look up the exact date of the sinking and write it down, so all I can say was it happened a long time ago…
MIKE: It's okay. Just tell us. Anything you remember.
ANDRAIA: (Blows up) EXCUSE ME, BUT I AM TRYING TO TELL YOU MY LIFE STORY, NOW IF YOU'D STOP INTERRUPTING, I'D START!!!!
MIKE: (Startled) Sorry.
ANDRAIA: A long time ago it happened, but I could still smell the fresh paint. The beds had never been slept in. The china had never been used. SAUCY MARE had been called the ship of dreams. And through experience, it really wasn't. It really wasn't.
………Camera fades to the story of her life.
SCENE: An overview of the SAUCY MARE, docked up to some sort of bay. People are swarming all over the place. (Mainly binomes. There are very few sprites walking around, but that's okay…) Off in the distance, a little girl binome is hugging her father.
LITTLE GIRL BINOME: Daddy! Look at the big ship!
Another overview of everyone. A binome is getting a haircut, another is getting a shave. The dock is bobbing up and down in the water, so of course the outcome of those two cuts aren't so wonderful. Off in the distance, several fancy cars pull up to the dock, loaded with suitcases. A door opens, and the younger ANDRAIA holds out a gloved hand. Her driver helps her out, and she straightens up, looking at the ship. Behind her, MATRIX gets out, carrying a cane. He starts swinging it, glances warily at it, than points it at the nearest people like as if it were a gun.
ANDRAIA: (sighs heavily) It doesn't look any bigger than the Titanic.
MATRIX: The what?
ANDRAIA: The Titanic. You know, that big ship that sank in that movie and everyone cried at the end when-
MATRIX: Oh. Well, ANDRAIA, you can be stupid about some things, but not about the SAUCY MARE. It's two times smaller than the Titanic, and far less luxerious…wait. Wouldn't that line be wrong, then? Bob! You've got this whole thing screwed! And I don't want to play the bad guy! Why do I have to play the stingy guys? It's not fair! I want my gun!
ANDRAIA: (Turns to Matrix.) Shhh! You're an actor! Don't complain! Do you see me complaining? I have to do it with Ray!
MATRIX: I'm a fighter, not an actor! Besides, I thought you liked that- hey! I didn't know THAT!
BOB: Can we continue please?
ANDRAIA: (rolls eyes.) Fine fine.
MATRIX: (clears throat) What was I saying? Oh yeah. Anywho, this ship is unsinkable, nothing can sink this ship, yada yada yada, can we go now?
BOB: (O.C) Why must I work with these people?
.......To be continued
SCENE: A set. Bob is scribbling away a couple of last minute things on a script. Dot walks over to him.
DOT: Can we please start filming? This movie you've written is so long, you're wasting valuable filming time just to make it even longer!
BOB: Quiet! Do not disturb the writing genius!
DOT: (rolls eyes) I can't believe you wrote the story in this fashion. The character organization is terrible. I'm in it, but you're not there for me to go out with in the movie. What are the Reboot fans going to think? I'm not even going to start with that thing with AndrAIa, Matrix, and Ray.
BOB: We are actors. We've acted in lots of things. I think we can handle something like this.
DOT: That's not the point. What about the fans of Reboot?
BOB: They can go get a life.
DOT: (Shocked!) Those fans are our reason for being!
BOB: (Hurt, looks up from his script.) I thought I was your reason for being!
DOT: (rolls eyes again.) Can we please start filming?
ANDRAIA (off scene): Hey Bob! We're waiting here! We've got our lines learned, now all we need is the camera!
BOB: (calls off) Okay! (Turns to Dot.) Trust me, okay? This is a Bob original.
DOT: (Skeptically) Oh yeah? Your story line sure reminds me of that one movie with that Leo guy. You know, with the unsinkable ship? Now, what was that ship called…
BOB: (loudly) Okay guys! Places! (Waits as everyone scrambles around, then grabs his camera.) Okay. And…action!
A BOB ORIGINAL MOVIE.
BY THE PRODUCERS OF THE LITTLE PEOPLE
WE BRING YOU…
"THE SAUCY MARE."
STARING DOT MATRIX, ANDRAIA, ENZO MATRIX, MIKE THE TV, ZERO-BINOME, RAY TRACER-
DOT: (Voice off camera) Bob! Enough with the names!
UM…OKAY. WELL, THESE ACTORS ALL PLAY AS THEMSELVES.
(The movie begins)
SCENE: In the web, our time. In this part of the web, though, there's water, so it looks like an ocean. (Bare with me, people. Let's just say there's water) A big submarine thing is slowly sinking toward a sunken ship, sitting at the bottom of the web. Obviously, this is the famous SAUCY MARE. Inside the submarine, Mike the TV is staring out the window, face pressed up against the glass, staring in awe at the ship.
MIKE THE TV: (in whispered, serious amazement) There it is, the ship that we have been searching through endlessly for a very long time. This ship, the SAUCY MARE, had met its doom….(searching for the date, but fails to remember) a very long time ago. It had hit an ice burg that fateful day, and no matter what the people on it tried to do, it was all lost. And the ship sank, until it hit the ground below.
ZERO-BINOME: (watching MIKE THE TV.)
MIKE THE TV: (still in a hypnotic voice) these windows in this submarine are only a certain amount of inches thick, and if one goes out, it's sayanara before you could say 'Bob can dance the can-can.'
ZERO-BINOME: (Snickers) You are so full of sh!t boss.
BOB: (Off Camera) Wait! You're not supposed to say that! And MIKE, I didn't appreciate that last comment. Why do people add-lib? It's pointless!
ZERO-BINOME: Sorry boss, but it just sounded better.
BOB: (thinking it over.) Okay, sorry. Continue!
MIKE THE TV: (Doesn't bother to look away from the window) Quiet! This is a momentous occasion for me! Don't interrupt my speech!
ZERO-BINOME: (Tiredly) But boss, we've been down here many times before. And every time we go down here, you make that same speech.
MIKE THE TV: Do not.
ZERO-BINOME: Do too!
MIKE THE TV: Zero-Binome, just get in your little funky suit and lets send the robots out so they could do all the dirty work for us.
DOT: (O.C.) Bob, this is a very weak scene.
A shaft underneath the submarine opens up, and a robot comes floating out. It heads toward the SAUCY MARE.
MIKE THE TV: (looking through some monitor thingy) Careful! One little glitch and that robot's gone!
ZERO-BINOME: (sighs) I've done this a million times, boss.
MIKE THE TV: (Still looking at the monitor. They could both see as the robot goes inside the SAUCY MARE and starts exploring its hallways.) Okay now, we've checked all the other rooms, which one should we check now?
ZERO-BINOME: MR. MATRIX'S room.
MIKE THE TV: Why?
ZERO-BINOME: Because through our research, we found out that it was him who had purchased the HEART OF THE WEB.
MIKE THE TV: Oh yeah. Good reason.
They both watch as the robot enters MATRIX'S room, and they both look around the monitor for anything that's worth looking at.
MIKE THE TV: Hey! There!
ZERO-BINOME: Where?
MIKE THE TV: There!
ZERO-BINOME: I don't see anything!
MIKE THE TV: That door! That fallen door! Pick it up, I think there's something under it!
ZERO-BINOME: (disgusted) What in the net would make you think there's something valuable hidden under a door?
MIKE THE TV: Just do it!
The robot unhooks its hands, and slowly lifts up the door. They both watch in awe as the door comes up, and flips over. Sitting under the door was….nothing.
ZERO-BINOME: Failure again, boss.
MIKE THE TV: Damn! Now the reporters are going to bug me and-
ZERO-BINOME: I told you there wasn't going to be anything under that door!
MIKE THE TV: (disappointed) Lets go back to our ship. Maybe an old lady called claiming she was a survivor of the Saucy Mare. That would lighten my second.
ZERO-BINOME: What about the robot?
MIKE THE TV: (Pauses for a long moment, than slaps his forehead.) I forgot my line!
ZERO-BINOME: Wait! I see something!
MIKE THE TV: (Suddenly perky.) What?! What?!
ZERO-BINOME: Look, boss. Over there.
They look, and sitting in a corner of the room is a small safe, looking all forlorn and secure. It's very clear of sight.
MIKE THE TV: (slaps his forehead) Why didn't I see that before?
SCENE: Back on the main ship. The safe has somehow been brought up on deck, and the whole crew is gathering around. Several of Mike's camera crew are there, taping the whole thing while Mike opens the safe.
MIKE THE TV: (soft, subtle voice) And now, as we open the safe, we all quietly watch on. This might be the turn of our career. The turn of a lifetime! The turn of the century! (He opens the safe, and starts grabbing stuff and pulling stuff out. Several soiled papers, several Reboot episode tapes, and a folder of some sort.)
ZERO-BINOME: That's it?
MIKE THE TV: (still trying to find more stuff, but there's nothing. He looks very disappointed as he looks up at his camera crew.)
ZERO-BINOME: (sighs) You know, I heard the same thing happened to Old Man Pearson, and his career never recovered.
MIKE THE TV: (looks at the camera in disgust, then turns away.) Turn the camera off.
SCENE: A lab or something on the ship. MIKE THE TV is pacing around, angrily, while some sort of SCIENTIST is going through some of the things from the safe.
ZERO-BINOME: Well, at least it's not a total loss. We can still try again, and maybe this time we'll find the HEART OF THE WEB.
SCIENTIST: MIKE, I think I've found something.
MIKE and ZERO-BINOME hurry over to the table, to see that the SCIENTIST was cleaning off some sort of picture. It was a sprite, with long hair and a seashell holding one side up. She was lying on a couch, practically naked, wearing a necklace around her neck.
ZERO-BINOME: Wow! She is hot!
MIKE THE TV: You're telling me! Hubba hubba!
SCIENTIST: You guys, look at the necklace.
ZERO-BINOME: Oh, I'm looking!
SCIENTIST: (elbows ZERO-BINOME in the stomach.) No, look! The necklace! Isn't that the HEART OF THE WEB?
MIKE THE TV: Oh yeah…(still gazing at the picture) I must have forgotten……..
SCENE: Dot's Diner. A young woman, DOT, is cleaning up the counter, the tv is blaring on MTV. An old lady, ANDRAIA, hobbles in, her hands are dirty.
DOT: Grandmother! You should wash your hands. You shouldn't eat with clay on your fingers.
ANDRAIA: (staring at the TV) turn that up, dear.
DOT: (looks at TV) what, this? I don't know why you want to listen to the Spice Girls, I could've sworn they were out long ago.
ANDRAIA: Well, I like MTV. Turn it up already!
DOT: What would the customers think? (switches channel to the news, ignoring the 'hey!'s coming from around the diner. A newsreporter appears, interviewing MIKE THE TV.)
MIKE THE TV: Yeah, we uh…found this picture inside the safe. Unfortunately, there was no diamond, but the picture sure keeps me warm at night!
NEWSREPORTER: (skeptical) Really. Can we see the picture?
MIKE THE TV: Sure! (holds the picture up to the camera.)
ANDRAIA: (gasps, then nearly has a heart attack from doing so and stumbles.)
DOT: Grandma! (grabs a hold of ANDRAIA and hoists her back on her feet.) Are you okay? What is it? (Both of them suddenly burst out laughing from the acting and double over on the floor.)
BOB: (O.C) Cut! Cut!
SCENE: Back on deck. MIKE THE TV is pacing, stopping every now and then to gaze at the picture. The phone rings.
MIKE THE TV: (Grabs it.) Hello?
ANDRAIA: Hello. Is this MIKE THE TV?
MIKE THE TV: Yes it is. How can I help you?
ANDRAIA: My name is AndrAIa and I was just wondering, Mr. THE TV, if you had found the HEART OF THE WEB yet.
MIKE THE TV: (chin drops in surprise) You have my attention, AndrAIa. (gazes back at the picture.) Do you know who the hot chick in the picture is?
ANDRAIA: Oh yes. The woman in the picture is me.
MIKE THE TV: REALLY? Now you really have my attention! Can you fly over? How old are you now?
ANDRAIA: Oh…I'm about 9.0 now.
MIKE THE TV: (staring at picture and mumbles.) Darn!
BOB: (O.C) Cut! That is a sexual remark! I think I'd better-
DOT: (O.C) Shut up Bob.
SCENE: Several days later. A helicopter thing is landing on deck, and MIKE THE TV and ZERO-BINOME are heading in its direction.
ZERO-BINOME: She's a goddarn liar! How could she be that woman? That woman had to be 2.3 or something!
MIKE THE TV: People grow up!
ZERO-BINOME: That's no excuse! Look, I did some research on this lady. Her name was AndrAIa Tracer. She got married to a guy named Masin, and she punches out a couple of kids. Now, Masin's dead, and I'm pretty sure-
MIKE THE TV: Shut up! (Hurries toward helicopter. ANDRAIA, sitting in a wheelchair, is being lowered down to the deck. A younger woman named DOT is helping her out.)
DOT: (Glancing around) Where's Bob?
BOB: (O.C. Sighs.) Dot, I'm the director. Not the actor.
DOT: (Looking O.C.) So? I'm still concerned with the Reboot fans.
ANDRAIA: (To DOT) How do you think with me wearing all this old fogey make- up and talking to you like as if you were my granddaughter? It's absurd!
BOB: This movie is supposed to take some risks. So put up with it. Continue please!
DOT and ANDRAIA: (Sighs heavily.) Fine!
MIKE THE TV: (Very slowly) Uh…welcome AndrAIa, I… (Slaps forehead again.) I forgot my line again! Why does this happen? I'm much better making things up as I go than reading off a script!
ZERO-BINOME: (whispers) Your line is 'hope your stay is pleasant and that everything will meet your aquirements. Maybe later, we could all get together, and you could tell me about yourself and your story.'
MIKE THE TV: (grins) Oh yes! (Turns back to ANDRAIA) I hope your stay is pleasant and…(trails off, than turns to ZERO-BINOME) What was the rest?
DOT: (shakes her head in disgust and walks off the set, handing MIKE THE TV a goldfish bowl.)
SCENE: Down inside the ship. There's a room where there's a bunch of monitors going over what the submarine robot had seen inside the SAUCY MARE. The group is in that room, and ANDRAIA is sitting in a chair next to a table stocked with antiques found inside the SAUCY MARE.
MIKE THE TV: (Hands ANDRAIA the picture of her.) here you go. I think you might want that, since it's you and everything.
ANDRAIA: Thank you. (Takes it, but MIKE is still holding on to it unwillingly. She tugs again, but he doesn't want to part with it. They get involved with a tug-o-war, resulting in ripping the picture in half.)
ANDRAIA: (aghast, losing her 'old woman' voice and speaks in her regular one) You idiot! That wasn't in the script! You weren't supposed to rip the picture! Why I oughta… (She stands up and tries to attack MIKE, but DOT stops her.)
DOT: ANDRAIA! That wasn't in the script either, so just control yourself. (glares at MIKE.)
MIKE: (sheepishly) Sorry.
ANDRAIA; (clears throat.) Sorry DOT.
MIKE: (explodes) What do you mean by 'sorry DOT'? You're supposed to be sorry towards me!
ANDRAIA; No I'm not!
DOT: You guys!
ZERO-BINOME: (Is cracking up in the background.)
BOB: (O.C) Guys, calm down. Can we please continue?
MIKE, ANDRAIA, AND DOT: FINE! (They return to their places and continue as if nothing had happened)
ANDRAIA: (looking at the ripped picture in her hands. She speaks her next line, but she frowns at the same time.) Thanks MIKE…I'll treasure this…. (Frowns at the ripped picture.)
MIKE: (Sits down across from her.) Tell us, ANDRAIA. Tell us, what happened aboard the Titan- oops! I keep wanting to say that! I mean, what happened…(pauses.) Darn! I forgot my line!
ZERO-BINOME: (Comes in for the rescue.) Tell us AndrAIa, what happened aboard the SAUCY MARE?
ANDRAIA: (snaps) What do you think? The boat sank, haven't you read the stories? Seen the movies? What else is new?
ZERO-BINOME: (gulps) Well…uh…that was the line and all… (glances around.)
ANDRAIA; (sighs.) Well, fine. I'll tell you my life story. Well, it happened a long time ago…Bob didn't have the time to look up the exact date of the sinking and write it down, so all I can say was it happened a long time ago…
MIKE: It's okay. Just tell us. Anything you remember.
ANDRAIA: (Blows up) EXCUSE ME, BUT I AM TRYING TO TELL YOU MY LIFE STORY, NOW IF YOU'D STOP INTERRUPTING, I'D START!!!!
MIKE: (Startled) Sorry.
ANDRAIA: A long time ago it happened, but I could still smell the fresh paint. The beds had never been slept in. The china had never been used. SAUCY MARE had been called the ship of dreams. And through experience, it really wasn't. It really wasn't.
………Camera fades to the story of her life.
SCENE: An overview of the SAUCY MARE, docked up to some sort of bay. People are swarming all over the place. (Mainly binomes. There are very few sprites walking around, but that's okay…) Off in the distance, a little girl binome is hugging her father.
LITTLE GIRL BINOME: Daddy! Look at the big ship!
Another overview of everyone. A binome is getting a haircut, another is getting a shave. The dock is bobbing up and down in the water, so of course the outcome of those two cuts aren't so wonderful. Off in the distance, several fancy cars pull up to the dock, loaded with suitcases. A door opens, and the younger ANDRAIA holds out a gloved hand. Her driver helps her out, and she straightens up, looking at the ship. Behind her, MATRIX gets out, carrying a cane. He starts swinging it, glances warily at it, than points it at the nearest people like as if it were a gun.
ANDRAIA: (sighs heavily) It doesn't look any bigger than the Titanic.
MATRIX: The what?
ANDRAIA: The Titanic. You know, that big ship that sank in that movie and everyone cried at the end when-
MATRIX: Oh. Well, ANDRAIA, you can be stupid about some things, but not about the SAUCY MARE. It's two times smaller than the Titanic, and far less luxerious…wait. Wouldn't that line be wrong, then? Bob! You've got this whole thing screwed! And I don't want to play the bad guy! Why do I have to play the stingy guys? It's not fair! I want my gun!
ANDRAIA: (Turns to Matrix.) Shhh! You're an actor! Don't complain! Do you see me complaining? I have to do it with Ray!
MATRIX: I'm a fighter, not an actor! Besides, I thought you liked that- hey! I didn't know THAT!
BOB: Can we continue please?
ANDRAIA: (rolls eyes.) Fine fine.
MATRIX: (clears throat) What was I saying? Oh yeah. Anywho, this ship is unsinkable, nothing can sink this ship, yada yada yada, can we go now?
BOB: (O.C) Why must I work with these people?
.......To be continued