It's the next day of shooting "The Saucy Mare" movie and already the actors
are getting tired- especially Matrix. He insisted and went to Bob several
times, claiming he didn't like his part.
His opinion soon changed when he found out that he got to use a gun later on in the movie.
It is now early in the morning, around 3:00, and Bob seems to be the only one fully awake. He's standing by the camera, checking the scenes in the script. Mouse goes up to him with a cup of energy coffee.
MOUSE: Hey Bob, how's the script going?
BOB: It's good, why?
MOUSE: I don't really find it necessary for us to get up so early in the morning to shoot the next scenes.
BOB: Of course it's necessary! The earlier we start, the more scenes we get to shoot by the end of the day.
MOUSE: Oy.
BOB: What are you complaining about? You haven't even shot one scene yet! As the character of the Unsinkable Mouse Brown.
MOUSE: I don't like that description.
BOB: Well I'm sorry. (looks toward the other actors who are gathered around the breakfast table, stuffing their faces. Each one is already costumed and through make-up, so they look exactly like their characters.) Okay people! Places!
RAY: What scene are we shooting?
BOB: The one with you in the tavern playing that one game where you win the tickets and stuff.
RAY: Oh, that one. (turns to a one-binome beside him playing his friend in the scene and the rest of the movie.) Bob, I have a hard time pronouncing his name. Ah-breetsa-who?
AH-BREETSA-WHO: Just call me Beets. Can't pronounce my name either.
RAY: Works for me.
Everyone clears the set and Ray takes his seat at some table with other binomes crowded around. BEETS takes his seat beside Ray.
BOB: Annnnd….action.
There's this long silence as each binome throws chips into the center of the table, each glowering at each other over the top of their cards. Finally Ray throws his chips over.
RAY: Go fish!
All the other binomes (except BEETS) groan and throw their cards down. Ray and Beets automatically start jumping up and down and hugging each other.
RAY: I won! I won! We won!
Beets picks up the Saucy Mare tickets and waves them in the air.
BEETS: We're going to the Super Computer! We're going to the Super Computer!
A Binome at the counter speaks up, pointing at the clock.
BINOME: No lads, SAUCY MARE goes to the Super Computer- in five minutes!
RAY: Oh sh….I mean cursors!
He and BEETS start grabbing the chips and tickets, scooping them into an empty pillow case. In their haste some chips miss the case and fall to the floor. Beets scrambles around, sliding on them and falls on the floor. He flails around, knocking over the table, sending all the other binomes reeling.
BEETS: Sorry sorry! My fault!
BOB: (O/C) Uh…cut…cut.
SCENE: Same scene, second take
BEETS: We're going to the Super Computer! We're going to the Super Computer!
BINOME: No lads, SAUCY MARE goes to the Super Computer- in five minutes!
RAY: Oh cursors!
They start scrambling to dump the chips in the pillow case and this time they do it successfully, only when they run to get out the door, the both trip over eachother in their haste and go falling to the floor, knocking over the door set.
BOB: (O/C) Cut! Cut!
SCENE: Same scene, take 15
BEETS: We're going to America! We're going to America- oops…sorry wrong line.
BOB: (O/C) Cuuut!
SCENE: Same scene, take 32
RAY: Oh shiiii-t- oops, sorry, shouldn't have said that-
SCENE: Same scene, take 58
BINOME: No lads, SAUCY MARE goes to the Super Computer- in five minutes!
RAY: Oh cursors!
They scramble to dump the winnings in the bag and run out the door, making good timing. They're just about to get out of the scene successfully when Ray trips right outside the door and falls down.
RAY: Owe!
BOB: Okay, forget this! Let's move on to the next scene!
SCENE: Interior of the SAUCY MARE. Various Sprites are passing to and fro just outside the eating hall in the first class section. We can point out AndrAIa walking beside Matrix and Dot, dressed as AndrAIa's mother. Mouse Brown steps on the set, carrying suitcases.
OLDER ANDRAIA VOICE OVER: There was one particular passenger named Mouse Brown. Some people called her the Unsinkable Mouse Brown, and I've always wondered why that was so. Maybe because she was so full of hot air.
MOUSE: (snaps) hey, I heard that!
ANDRAIA VOICE OVER: Sorry.
Mouse drops her bags on the bellboy's feet standing behind her.
MOUSE: Here ya go, fella, if ya think ya can handle that. I'd carry it myself, but I'm a rich person now and I think AndrAIa's mother might put on a big fuss if I start doing things mahself, if ya know what I'm sayin.
BELLBOY: Maybe they call her unsinkable because the ship's supposed to be unsinkable but the sink sunk anyway. So maybe Mouse isn't going to make it through the whole movie.
MOUSE: I am too! Read the script!
ANDRAIA'S MOTHER: That woman isn't anything but new money. Come dear, let's get dressed for dinner because we women have to wear six different gowns a day.
ANDRAIA: We do?
MOTHER: Yes. One for breakfast, one for after that, one for lunch, then one for after that, one for dinner, and then our nighties. I tell you dear, it's an expensive life we live.
ANDRAIA: Tell me about it.
Matrix walks up to them then, swinging his cane.
MATRIX: Ah, there's my fiancé, ready for dinner?
ANDRAIA: I've got to get dressed first.
MATRIX: Why? You look fine the way you do.
ANDRAIA: That's not in the script.
MATRIX: It isn't?
ANDRAIA: No.
MATRIX: I thought it was.
He takes out a script and flips through it. He can't find the page they're on and AndrAIa grabs the script, muttering to herself. Everyone else stands around, waiting.
ANDRAIA: Men can't do anything by themselves.
Finds the page and hands it to him.
MATRIX: Ah- yes! I see! Wow, didn't know we had one of these!
Starts reading from the script.
MATRIX: Uh…yes AndrAIa, I am so sorry…I uh…I'll wait for you in the mess hall- I mean dining hall.
He closes the script, smiles at her, then walks off.
SCENE: On the main deck of the Saucy Mare. ALGY and BINKY are there. Binky is standing at the rail, looking outward. Algy comes up to him.
ALGY: Sir?
BINKY: Smooth sailing. Fire her up.
ALGY: Yes sir.
SCENE: Front of the Saucy Mare. Ray and Beets show up, running until they're at the very front, climbing up on the rail.
RAY: It's a good thing we got on this boat when we did.
BEETS: Yeah, or we might not have gotten on.
RAY: Yeah…do you have lice?
BEETS: Don't think so.
RAY: Good, cuz I told that guy we didn't.
BEETS: Wow, it's a long way down. Look! Dolphins!
RAY: Where?
The look down at the water, which is really a pool in a sound stage. Frisket is running around, a fin attached to his back, swimming around in the water.
RAY: That's...uh…
BEETS: Maybe Bob should invest some money in things like that.
RAY: I'm king of the wo-ooaaah!
He leans too far on the rail and falls out, falling into the pool below. He thrashes around, fighting to swim, then realizes that the water's only three feet deep. He stands up, soaking wet, Beets only a couple of feet above him on the boat set.
BOB (O/C): Ray, I thought we worked on this-
RAY: The rail's too low, Bob!
MOUSE (O/C): Wahoo! Looking good, Ray!
Whistles are heard all around.
SCENE: It's night time. Yes, I know, we've missed some scenes and stuff, but this is Bob's movie, his script, his version. So live with it!
Ray is lying on a bench in the middle of the deck, smoking a cigarette and looking up at the night sky. Halfway through inhaling he chokes and starts gagging, sitting up and dropping the cigarette. He's practically hacking up a hairball when AndrAIa runs by, crying hysterically.
He tries to look after her, but his choking gets too much.
RAY: (gasping) Bob, why'd you make me do something like that?! (choke) I'm gonna (cough) delete you!
BOB (O/C): I didn't think you'd actually inhale it. Will somebody get this man some water?
AndrAIa comes running back, grabbing a glass of water on the way. She has fake tears all over her face as she smilingly hands Ray the glass.
ANDRAIA: Here you go, feel better?
Ray takes a big gulp, taking a few deep breaths.
RAY: Yeah, thanks.
ANDRAIA: Good.
She runs back to her place. This time Ray watches her, gets up, and starts following her across the deck to the back rail. By the time he's there, she's already hanging off the other side, threatening to jump. She looks scared out of her mind.
RAY: I wouldn't if I were you!
AndrAIa turns around too fast and loses her grip on the rail. She falls off the boat set and into the pool below. There's a big splash. Ray starts laughing and everyone starts cracking up.
ANDRAIA (O/C): Hey! That's not funny!
SCENE: Same scene, take 2
RAY: I wouldn't if I were you!
AndrAIa turns around slowly, looking at him.
ANDRAIA: Don't come any closer! I'll jump!
RAY: No you won't.
ANDRAIA: What do you mean 'no I won't'? You can't tell me what to do, you're not the boss of me!
RAY: Sorry, just thought I'd save your life that's all.
ANDRAIA: Well don't do me any favors.
RAY: I fell into a freezing cold ice lake once, you wanna hear about it?
ANDRAIA: No.
RAY: Well I fell into a freezing cold ice lake once. It was freezing cold.
ANDRAIA: No kidding.
RAY: Yeah, just like that water down there.
ANDRAIA: Really…
RAY: Yeah. It gets ya like a hundred needles going into your skin. It hurts, you know.
ANDRAIA: Oh.
RAY: So lady, why don't you climb over and-
ANDRAIA: Don't come any closer! I know what you're thinking and you can't help me!
RAY: What am I thinking then, huh?
ANDRAIA: That I'm just some crazy rich girl that went crazy and wants to jump off the back of the boat!
RAY: Well actually…you're right, but you wanna know what else? I'm thinking that what could be so horrible in your life that would make you want to do something like that…go crazy.
ANDRAIA: I hate my life, okay! I'm rich, I'm snobby, I was popular in school, I have a lot of money, I'm supposedly the prettiest girl on this stupid boat, I'm engaged to a handsome, rich guy, and I hate my life!
RAY: You're engaged?
ANDRAIA: Yes. His name is Enzo Matrix.
RAY: Oh, that big ugly green guy I see every now and then on deck?
MATRIX (O/C): Bob, can I REALLY kill him when the time comes in the movie?
BOB (O/C): No.
ANDRAIA: That's him.
RAY: Gee, I can see why you're unhappy. Okay, okay. Here, let me just help you. If you turn around slowly and I help you back over on this side of the rail, I can help you through your time of need.
ANDRAIA: uh…okay.
She turns around slowly, holding on to the rail until they're facing one another.
RAY: My name's Ray Tracer.
ANDRAIA: AndrAIa.
RAY: That's it?
She slowly lifts her leg, but because of the ridiculously long dress, she slips, let's go of the rail, and starts falling toward the waters below.
ANDRAIA: aaaaaaaaaaaagh!
RAY: (catching her) Hold on!
ANDRAIA: Don't let me fall!
RAY: Ironic, since that was your first original intention.
He pulls her up and she falls back over the rail, landing on him on a pile on the floor. Just then sailors rush up, finding Ray lying on top of AndrAIa.
SAILOR 1: Don't you move an inch! Get off her!
RAY: (stands) well geez, you tell me not to move an inch, then you tell me to get off her, which one do you want?
He stands there, hands in pockets as AndrAIa slowly stands up, straightening her dress. Matrix and his first-hand binome comes running up. Matrix makes a running head start and attacks Ray.
MATRIX: What did you think you were doing, making a move on MY fiancé? Huhuhuh? Got something to say, tough guy?
ANDRAIA: Matrix-
RAY: I wasn't making a move on her! I was saving her from leaping off the back of the boat!
ANDRAIA: Well, I slipped and fell off the back of the boat.
FIRST HAND BINOME: What were you doing hanging off the back of the boat?
ANDRAIA: Well I uh…I could've sworn that was the swimming pool! Sorry, my mistake.
RAY: Yeah, that was smooth.
MATRIX: (skeptically) Well thank you for saving her uh…Mr…
RAY: Tracer. Ray Tracer.
MATRIX: So here's fifty credits.
ANDRAIA: That's IT? THAT'S ALL I'M WORTH TO YOU? FIFTY CREDITS! Why not make it forty so I can leave!
MATRIX: Sixty? Okay fine, here's what we'll do. Ray, why don't you come to dinner tomorrow night, so you can tell everyone your heroic tale. There, that good enough for you?
RAY: Actually, can I have the sixty-
MATRIX: Don't make me shoot you.
To be continued….
His opinion soon changed when he found out that he got to use a gun later on in the movie.
It is now early in the morning, around 3:00, and Bob seems to be the only one fully awake. He's standing by the camera, checking the scenes in the script. Mouse goes up to him with a cup of energy coffee.
MOUSE: Hey Bob, how's the script going?
BOB: It's good, why?
MOUSE: I don't really find it necessary for us to get up so early in the morning to shoot the next scenes.
BOB: Of course it's necessary! The earlier we start, the more scenes we get to shoot by the end of the day.
MOUSE: Oy.
BOB: What are you complaining about? You haven't even shot one scene yet! As the character of the Unsinkable Mouse Brown.
MOUSE: I don't like that description.
BOB: Well I'm sorry. (looks toward the other actors who are gathered around the breakfast table, stuffing their faces. Each one is already costumed and through make-up, so they look exactly like their characters.) Okay people! Places!
RAY: What scene are we shooting?
BOB: The one with you in the tavern playing that one game where you win the tickets and stuff.
RAY: Oh, that one. (turns to a one-binome beside him playing his friend in the scene and the rest of the movie.) Bob, I have a hard time pronouncing his name. Ah-breetsa-who?
AH-BREETSA-WHO: Just call me Beets. Can't pronounce my name either.
RAY: Works for me.
Everyone clears the set and Ray takes his seat at some table with other binomes crowded around. BEETS takes his seat beside Ray.
BOB: Annnnd….action.
There's this long silence as each binome throws chips into the center of the table, each glowering at each other over the top of their cards. Finally Ray throws his chips over.
RAY: Go fish!
All the other binomes (except BEETS) groan and throw their cards down. Ray and Beets automatically start jumping up and down and hugging each other.
RAY: I won! I won! We won!
Beets picks up the Saucy Mare tickets and waves them in the air.
BEETS: We're going to the Super Computer! We're going to the Super Computer!
A Binome at the counter speaks up, pointing at the clock.
BINOME: No lads, SAUCY MARE goes to the Super Computer- in five minutes!
RAY: Oh sh….I mean cursors!
He and BEETS start grabbing the chips and tickets, scooping them into an empty pillow case. In their haste some chips miss the case and fall to the floor. Beets scrambles around, sliding on them and falls on the floor. He flails around, knocking over the table, sending all the other binomes reeling.
BEETS: Sorry sorry! My fault!
BOB: (O/C) Uh…cut…cut.
SCENE: Same scene, second take
BEETS: We're going to the Super Computer! We're going to the Super Computer!
BINOME: No lads, SAUCY MARE goes to the Super Computer- in five minutes!
RAY: Oh cursors!
They start scrambling to dump the chips in the pillow case and this time they do it successfully, only when they run to get out the door, the both trip over eachother in their haste and go falling to the floor, knocking over the door set.
BOB: (O/C) Cut! Cut!
SCENE: Same scene, take 15
BEETS: We're going to America! We're going to America- oops…sorry wrong line.
BOB: (O/C) Cuuut!
SCENE: Same scene, take 32
RAY: Oh shiiii-t- oops, sorry, shouldn't have said that-
SCENE: Same scene, take 58
BINOME: No lads, SAUCY MARE goes to the Super Computer- in five minutes!
RAY: Oh cursors!
They scramble to dump the winnings in the bag and run out the door, making good timing. They're just about to get out of the scene successfully when Ray trips right outside the door and falls down.
RAY: Owe!
BOB: Okay, forget this! Let's move on to the next scene!
SCENE: Interior of the SAUCY MARE. Various Sprites are passing to and fro just outside the eating hall in the first class section. We can point out AndrAIa walking beside Matrix and Dot, dressed as AndrAIa's mother. Mouse Brown steps on the set, carrying suitcases.
OLDER ANDRAIA VOICE OVER: There was one particular passenger named Mouse Brown. Some people called her the Unsinkable Mouse Brown, and I've always wondered why that was so. Maybe because she was so full of hot air.
MOUSE: (snaps) hey, I heard that!
ANDRAIA VOICE OVER: Sorry.
Mouse drops her bags on the bellboy's feet standing behind her.
MOUSE: Here ya go, fella, if ya think ya can handle that. I'd carry it myself, but I'm a rich person now and I think AndrAIa's mother might put on a big fuss if I start doing things mahself, if ya know what I'm sayin.
BELLBOY: Maybe they call her unsinkable because the ship's supposed to be unsinkable but the sink sunk anyway. So maybe Mouse isn't going to make it through the whole movie.
MOUSE: I am too! Read the script!
ANDRAIA'S MOTHER: That woman isn't anything but new money. Come dear, let's get dressed for dinner because we women have to wear six different gowns a day.
ANDRAIA: We do?
MOTHER: Yes. One for breakfast, one for after that, one for lunch, then one for after that, one for dinner, and then our nighties. I tell you dear, it's an expensive life we live.
ANDRAIA: Tell me about it.
Matrix walks up to them then, swinging his cane.
MATRIX: Ah, there's my fiancé, ready for dinner?
ANDRAIA: I've got to get dressed first.
MATRIX: Why? You look fine the way you do.
ANDRAIA: That's not in the script.
MATRIX: It isn't?
ANDRAIA: No.
MATRIX: I thought it was.
He takes out a script and flips through it. He can't find the page they're on and AndrAIa grabs the script, muttering to herself. Everyone else stands around, waiting.
ANDRAIA: Men can't do anything by themselves.
Finds the page and hands it to him.
MATRIX: Ah- yes! I see! Wow, didn't know we had one of these!
Starts reading from the script.
MATRIX: Uh…yes AndrAIa, I am so sorry…I uh…I'll wait for you in the mess hall- I mean dining hall.
He closes the script, smiles at her, then walks off.
SCENE: On the main deck of the Saucy Mare. ALGY and BINKY are there. Binky is standing at the rail, looking outward. Algy comes up to him.
ALGY: Sir?
BINKY: Smooth sailing. Fire her up.
ALGY: Yes sir.
SCENE: Front of the Saucy Mare. Ray and Beets show up, running until they're at the very front, climbing up on the rail.
RAY: It's a good thing we got on this boat when we did.
BEETS: Yeah, or we might not have gotten on.
RAY: Yeah…do you have lice?
BEETS: Don't think so.
RAY: Good, cuz I told that guy we didn't.
BEETS: Wow, it's a long way down. Look! Dolphins!
RAY: Where?
The look down at the water, which is really a pool in a sound stage. Frisket is running around, a fin attached to his back, swimming around in the water.
RAY: That's...uh…
BEETS: Maybe Bob should invest some money in things like that.
RAY: I'm king of the wo-ooaaah!
He leans too far on the rail and falls out, falling into the pool below. He thrashes around, fighting to swim, then realizes that the water's only three feet deep. He stands up, soaking wet, Beets only a couple of feet above him on the boat set.
BOB (O/C): Ray, I thought we worked on this-
RAY: The rail's too low, Bob!
MOUSE (O/C): Wahoo! Looking good, Ray!
Whistles are heard all around.
SCENE: It's night time. Yes, I know, we've missed some scenes and stuff, but this is Bob's movie, his script, his version. So live with it!
Ray is lying on a bench in the middle of the deck, smoking a cigarette and looking up at the night sky. Halfway through inhaling he chokes and starts gagging, sitting up and dropping the cigarette. He's practically hacking up a hairball when AndrAIa runs by, crying hysterically.
He tries to look after her, but his choking gets too much.
RAY: (gasping) Bob, why'd you make me do something like that?! (choke) I'm gonna (cough) delete you!
BOB (O/C): I didn't think you'd actually inhale it. Will somebody get this man some water?
AndrAIa comes running back, grabbing a glass of water on the way. She has fake tears all over her face as she smilingly hands Ray the glass.
ANDRAIA: Here you go, feel better?
Ray takes a big gulp, taking a few deep breaths.
RAY: Yeah, thanks.
ANDRAIA: Good.
She runs back to her place. This time Ray watches her, gets up, and starts following her across the deck to the back rail. By the time he's there, she's already hanging off the other side, threatening to jump. She looks scared out of her mind.
RAY: I wouldn't if I were you!
AndrAIa turns around too fast and loses her grip on the rail. She falls off the boat set and into the pool below. There's a big splash. Ray starts laughing and everyone starts cracking up.
ANDRAIA (O/C): Hey! That's not funny!
SCENE: Same scene, take 2
RAY: I wouldn't if I were you!
AndrAIa turns around slowly, looking at him.
ANDRAIA: Don't come any closer! I'll jump!
RAY: No you won't.
ANDRAIA: What do you mean 'no I won't'? You can't tell me what to do, you're not the boss of me!
RAY: Sorry, just thought I'd save your life that's all.
ANDRAIA: Well don't do me any favors.
RAY: I fell into a freezing cold ice lake once, you wanna hear about it?
ANDRAIA: No.
RAY: Well I fell into a freezing cold ice lake once. It was freezing cold.
ANDRAIA: No kidding.
RAY: Yeah, just like that water down there.
ANDRAIA: Really…
RAY: Yeah. It gets ya like a hundred needles going into your skin. It hurts, you know.
ANDRAIA: Oh.
RAY: So lady, why don't you climb over and-
ANDRAIA: Don't come any closer! I know what you're thinking and you can't help me!
RAY: What am I thinking then, huh?
ANDRAIA: That I'm just some crazy rich girl that went crazy and wants to jump off the back of the boat!
RAY: Well actually…you're right, but you wanna know what else? I'm thinking that what could be so horrible in your life that would make you want to do something like that…go crazy.
ANDRAIA: I hate my life, okay! I'm rich, I'm snobby, I was popular in school, I have a lot of money, I'm supposedly the prettiest girl on this stupid boat, I'm engaged to a handsome, rich guy, and I hate my life!
RAY: You're engaged?
ANDRAIA: Yes. His name is Enzo Matrix.
RAY: Oh, that big ugly green guy I see every now and then on deck?
MATRIX (O/C): Bob, can I REALLY kill him when the time comes in the movie?
BOB (O/C): No.
ANDRAIA: That's him.
RAY: Gee, I can see why you're unhappy. Okay, okay. Here, let me just help you. If you turn around slowly and I help you back over on this side of the rail, I can help you through your time of need.
ANDRAIA: uh…okay.
She turns around slowly, holding on to the rail until they're facing one another.
RAY: My name's Ray Tracer.
ANDRAIA: AndrAIa.
RAY: That's it?
She slowly lifts her leg, but because of the ridiculously long dress, she slips, let's go of the rail, and starts falling toward the waters below.
ANDRAIA: aaaaaaaaaaaagh!
RAY: (catching her) Hold on!
ANDRAIA: Don't let me fall!
RAY: Ironic, since that was your first original intention.
He pulls her up and she falls back over the rail, landing on him on a pile on the floor. Just then sailors rush up, finding Ray lying on top of AndrAIa.
SAILOR 1: Don't you move an inch! Get off her!
RAY: (stands) well geez, you tell me not to move an inch, then you tell me to get off her, which one do you want?
He stands there, hands in pockets as AndrAIa slowly stands up, straightening her dress. Matrix and his first-hand binome comes running up. Matrix makes a running head start and attacks Ray.
MATRIX: What did you think you were doing, making a move on MY fiancé? Huhuhuh? Got something to say, tough guy?
ANDRAIA: Matrix-
RAY: I wasn't making a move on her! I was saving her from leaping off the back of the boat!
ANDRAIA: Well, I slipped and fell off the back of the boat.
FIRST HAND BINOME: What were you doing hanging off the back of the boat?
ANDRAIA: Well I uh…I could've sworn that was the swimming pool! Sorry, my mistake.
RAY: Yeah, that was smooth.
MATRIX: (skeptically) Well thank you for saving her uh…Mr…
RAY: Tracer. Ray Tracer.
MATRIX: So here's fifty credits.
ANDRAIA: That's IT? THAT'S ALL I'M WORTH TO YOU? FIFTY CREDITS! Why not make it forty so I can leave!
MATRIX: Sixty? Okay fine, here's what we'll do. Ray, why don't you come to dinner tomorrow night, so you can tell everyone your heroic tale. There, that good enough for you?
RAY: Actually, can I have the sixty-
MATRIX: Don't make me shoot you.
To be continued….