tacticians don't dream
This came about after reading this beautiful Shu/Apple fanfic on fanfiction.net called "Trades"... kudos to the writer. When will there be new chapters out? Please tell me... ;_;
Timeline-wise, this can take place anytime after Shu joins up with the Kismet Army (as I have called the Hero's group).
Do you know what my biggest fantasy was? I'd dream that there would be a massive attack from the Highland, and their strategists would be too good for you… because of that, you'd call me for help, and somehow I'd miraculously save the day.
What a stupid dream.
You don't even need me, do you?
"The Highland Army has positioned their troops here, here, and here. Seed and Culgan are among the leading generals, and some informationists have informed me that the general from Harmonia--Sasarai--will be there also. Luc, however, has promised to handle the situation again, so we have little to worry about on that end."
All of the people in the War Room have their eyes on you. They believe in you, and act as though if you weren't around, our army would surely lose the war altogether.
Me?
They don't need me.
None of you need me.
A little girl who can't let go, who can't grow up, who always fails.
That's who I am.
I begin to think that I don't need me.
"Klaus, I am placing you as head of this operation. Apple, you are to assist him."
"Yes, my lord."
"..."
Assistant.
Always the assistant.
Always second best.
"Apple?"
"I understand."
I just want you to see me.
...
Perhaps I don't even have the right to ask you for that.
"The strategy depends on absolute cooperation… we cannot afford failure. We lose this, and we lose everything."
"Of course, Lord Shu."
"Apple, are you sure you're alright?"
Cold.
Impersonal.
Professional.
Everything that I am not.
"I'm alright. Don't worry about me."
I smile, and another part of me breaks and withers away.