Hope
Flame of Recca and it's character does not belong to me.
Author's notes: Boy this chapter is way too OOC… after I come back from camp (it will last three days at ANE) I'm so going to taking it down and redo. I seriously warped now. Please R&R and give constructive reviews!
Lollipop Days
Whatever happened to the
Lollipop days
Filled with sunshine and laughter
That tasted as bittersweet
As fresh-squeezed lemonade?
Whatever happened to
Racing down the street on tricycles
Running barefoot through ticklish grass
And the numerous fights
Every and anywhere?
Whatever happened to
That little girl
I used to call
My best friend?
Why are you laying there broken and empty?
Will we ever run barefoot through the grass again?
Never again will a lollipop tastes as sweet
Or lemonade as bitter
Why ain't you fighting me?
Will we ever race down the streets again?
Whatever happened to the lollipop days?
(Lollipop days, Alice Poeps)
(Adapted and used without permission)
~Recca~
It's not supposed to be like this. It hurts so much. She like my sister, my little sister. I grew up with her and I have never seen her like this. She's family. What am I suppose to do.? What am I thinking? Black. Everything is black. It hurts so much to see her like this. I can't move, I can't think, I feel like I'm in a dream.
Pain.. there is so much pain. They are eating me up, clawing away at my insides. It just hurt so much. I'm so weary so tired… so scared. There is so much sorrow, nothing but sorrow and guilt surrounding me, in this room, choking me. I'm so drained, emotionally and physically, holding on only by a tenuous thread.
I bury my face into hime's nape, taking comfort in the small warmth and the sweet clean scent of rose blended delicately with vanilla that wafts up my nostrils. I breathe in deeply and sigh, ruffling the brown wisps of hair. "I'm so glad you are safe in my arms, hime." I whisper. I wish I could cry but there is just this numbing terror and sorrow, consuming me, apart of me refusing to believe this is happening. All this is wrong. All this is something very wrong. This is not suppose to happen. It is hurting so badly, more than I could take. My eyes are aching but no matter how many times I blink the pain remains. My arms tighten unconsciously on hime and she whimper at the sudden tightness. The sound shook me and I release the tension immediately , mumbling a apology
Hime and Fuuko. Why is it so hard for me to take care of both? One is my princess, my love. The other my childhood friend. All my fault, this is all my fault. What am I to tell Fuuko's kaasan? This overwhelming guilt inside of me is eating me alive. Maybe if she didn't take part in UBS, maybe if she didn't join in for SODOM… maybe, maybe… I don't know.. What I'm I to do? I thought after so long, I could be happy once again with my family close by. But now it is starting again, all over again, the whole vicious cycle of killing, anger and revenge. Over and over again. Will it never end? But thank god, curse me for thinking this, but thank god this time round it is not hime that is at stake now. I … I love her, her kindness and innocence. I can't bear it if anything happen to her.
I start to mumble incoherently, my eyes and mind going blank. What is this that is happening? Why is all this happening? This is crazy. We are all teenagers yet the scars on our bodies the looks in our eyes tell a different tale. How many years have we been fighting? Five? Ten? Or even from the day we were born? Hime shifted in my arms, to rest her face on my shoulder. I smile down at her. But you make it worthwhile, my hime, my love, you are all that is important to me. To protect your smile, to see you laugh, that what I live for. you are my reason. You are the reason I fight, the reason I exist.
But this anger inside of me, this terrible soul-shredding agony, the memories.. so much pain, sadness and regret. and guilt. Inside of this room. It is just too much. Suddenly I couldn't breathe, couldn't remain in here anymore. My stomach wrenched, bile rising in my throat. I couldn't take this anymore. I placed hime as gently as I could on the couch and ran. I just couldn't take this anymore, it just too much. I just ran, letting the door slam back on its hinges, ignoring the frantic, worried calls of Koganei. I just don't care any more. I ran away, form the room full of pain and as I ran, I call myself coward. I could faintly hear Mikagami reassuring Koganei, but I don't care anymore. I'm such a coward. Sorry hime, I'm so sorry. But I need to be alone. When you comfort me I feel even worse, even guiltier for not taking care of Fuuko and for letting you comfort me when I'm supposed to be comforting you instead.
My eyes glistens with unshed and unwanted tears. I dash down the hallways, the soles of my shoes making sharp staccato as they slap again the floor. Ducking into the shadows of the fire-escape stairs, I slump back against the nearest wall and wrap my arms around myself as I slid to the ground. Why can't I stop this pain, the unbearable ache that clutch at my soul? My soul constricted as the tears escaped my eyes, running down my cheeks to drip from my chin. I let the tears flow from the depth of my soul, all the anger, the sorrow, and the fear for the last two years. I slam my fists on the floor. Again. And again. I thought it was all over… I just couldn't stop the tears, all the aguish and fear inside of me that I bottled up for two years just poured out of me. My throat was sore as I choke, my eyes burning with all tears shed.
*Someone is coming *, my mind faintly registered. I hold my breath, nothing wishing anyone to see me in such a pathetic state. Even if it is natural for me to grieve for my friend, my little sister, I don't want anyone to see me like this. I gather up my courage and look up. Up into a pair of brown eyes, not unlike mine, filled with sorrow and understanding.
"Domon. I can't take it anymore. I can't be stronger for everyone anymore. It hurt so much to see everyone like this. I'm so sorry. But it… it is just too much…" my voiced cracked.
"Stop this. Yanagi-chan is worried. Go back. I'm sad and guilty too, but it not totally your fault. Fuuko isn't dead yet. Stop grieving for her. She will whack your head if she realise you actually cried for her. She not dead yet so there is still hopes right?" Domon hulk down in front of me, his voice rough and gravely, his eyes red and bloodshot.
We stared at each other, no more than a few seconds, but it last an eternity. Sharing each other fears and sorrows. He is right, there is till hope. We will survive this. Why am I sitting here like an idiot anyway? I give Domon a weak grin and push myself up. How can someone I call friend die so easily? I must had look stupid, sitting there crying over someone who is not dead yet. How stupid of me… There is still hope…
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
Author's notes: Hai~~ so OOC. Don't know what the heck I'm writing… I guess the only reason I have for Recca crying is that after years of bottling up emotion he needs to release it. In my story, they are all a year older. Help me!! Whose POV should I do next? Feel like abandoning this story all together because it is turning into crap.
Thank-que List…
Dark Phoenix – Thank que for giving me such a long review! *Glomps * Phoenix. But… * Smirk*… I have PROOF it is not one side! Fuuko does return Domon feeling as far-fletched as it sounds. thank –que for your great review! It is one of those that truly help me!
*~WiLdcHiLd~* - To tell you the truth.. I didn't know Koganei was that close to Fuuko too…. (.) It just came out that way. Thank que for your review!!! Hop to see another of your review soon. :o) I have decided to let Fuuko live! Ain't I nice?
~*~ReccaGirl~*~ - Thank-que!! * Tears streaming* I didn't deserve your reviews! Yup it so sad right? Mi-chan angsting… (o.O)
Kari_n_Gatomon- Thank you for your review! *Sigh *as for your story I did read the first chapter, but it is like a bit far-fletch as there is no madougo that has properties of more than one… even in book 30.. it will be just too powerful and you will end up with a mary-sue story. Well, I think Flame of Recca fics just don't do well when there is newbies, it will be better if you let is be a cross-over.
Fire Arrow – Well at least you are better than me.. at least you change.. When I discover any mistake of mine I just ignore it. Thank- que for your review.
tenshi no ai – you review me again! * faints from happiness* Your stories is so good!!!! Why did you have to kill recca and yanagi? * starts crying* :o( Thank –q Thank -q Thank -q Thank -q Thank –q for reviewing me!