Chapter Eight – Questions

Later, at the Magic Box, Giles, Anya and Xander were sitting at the research table sipping coffee when Willow and Tara walked in. In contrast with last night, voices were quiet. Giles took off his glasses to clean them and cleared his throat. "I called you here because I...." he looked as Xander, "because we think there could be problems. You all know what Dawn told us about what Spike did to bring Buffy back, but we have to consider the possibility that it's not all true. And even if it is, in her currently vulnerable state, it's possible that Spike might use her gratitude to get closer to her." He moved to a flip chart he'd set up to one side. "I've summarised what we were told." He pointed to the first page. It read:

Buffy's Return

Spike has regained his soul – suffering victims' pain

Buffy's soul and awareness - resident in Spike's body

He continued, "How can we check the veracity of these points – I mean the second seems more likely after last night – but I'm by no means certain. And the first part – there must be a way to find out for sure? Has Spike got his soul back? Any ideas?"

"W.we could check for some sort of a spell to find out if Spike has a soul," Tara began. "Yeah," continued Willow, I'm sure I came across something when Angel went bad. I'll check."

"What about the rest – do we accept, for the moment that the first part is true? Buffy obviously believes it – so does Dawn, but there are ways to alter memories..." continued Giles.

Xander stood up. "The most urgent thing is to make sure Spike doesn't use this whole thing to worm his way closer to Buffy. I don't like that they invited him back there last night." He looked at Willow. "Any problems last night?"

Tara looked at Willow. "W.well, no, no problems. It's just, when we left this morning; they were on the sofa together, asleep. I ... I mean, just as if they'd been watching TV and nodded off - no sign of anything else." Tara looked at her feet under the table. She knew Xander would make more of this than it deserved.

"So, what do we do?" said Xander. "She's not been back a day yet and already he's trying to....."

"Listen," said Giles. "I'll have a chat to Buffy later. On my own. I'll try to remind her of her vulnerability, make sure she doesn't do anything she'll regret later. And I'll try to get more information about where her soul was. It might help us understand what's been going on. Maybe she has a name for this place Spike and Dawn visited – if she has, I can see if there are records"

"Good," said Xander as he gave Anya a goodbye kiss. "I'd better get to work, but let me know as soon as we can prove Spike's been up to his usual conniving tricks, then I'll go and stake him. Err.. we do know that the chip's still functioning, don't we?" The others looked at him and shrugged. "Interesting that hasn't been mentioned, isn't it?" Xander said as he left the shop.

At the Summers house, Buffy woke realising she had a stiff neck. She raised a hand to rub it and saw she wasn't alone. "Oh," she said. "We were watching that film and..."

"Yeah," Spike smiled, "I guess we were both tired after all." He got up and stretched. "I'd better get back to the crypt. I'll just grab some blood and go." He headed for the kitchen.

"Ok," called Buffy after him, "you probably should check on it. Where's your blanket?"

Spike came in, picked it up from the top of the weapons chest and smiled. "See you," he quipped as he ran towards the nearest manhole cover.

Buffy went to the kitchen and started to put some breakfast together. It was funny how she'd been completely unable to sleep upstairs, yet within minutes of sitting on the sofa with Spike, she'd been out. She hadn't even drunk her cocoa. Neither had Spike, she noticed, pouring the contents of two mugs into the sink.

Spike got back to his crypt and flopped in his favourite chair. "What was that last night? Why was it sleep came so easily on the sofa?" Spike thought to himself. "I'm more in love with her than ever," he realised. "But, that doesn't mean she loves me. I think she cares a bit, but she doesn't love me." Another voice cut across these thoughts, "After what you went through for her, the least she could do is fall for you," but he cut off that thought. "No, if she doesn't love me for what I am, then it couldn't last. But, she might persuade herself that she loves me at the moment – if she's missing me half as much as I miss her in my head. Bloody hell," he realised, "I've got to get away. I've got to let her get her life sorted out, without me in the way. And the sooner the better." Spike started to plan a getaway. The problem was, his first reaction, "Just get on your bike and go," wasn't going to work. In all the years since he'd been changed, he'd had a vampire's attitude to possessions – you don't need much and what you do need, you take. He suddenly realised he wasn't happy with that attitude any more. "Oh, yeah," he remembered. "I've got a soul now, and with it the same overactive conscience I had as a human. Funny, got used to not hurting humans, never had any problem with robbing them. Now, it just didn't seem right. Ok, then, revert to plan B – but that'll take a few days to arrange."

Later that day, Willow thumped her hand on the table in the Magic Box. "That's it, I knew I'd seen a spell to identify a soulless creature. It's here – quite simple really. We don't even need Spike, just something from him – a hair – or something – shouldn't be too difficult." Tara smiled, "That's my girl." "C'mon," said Willow getting up. If we hurry, we can get this sorted in minutes."

Back at the Summers house, Willow was relieved to find Buffy and Dawn still out. She rushed to Buffy's room to find some of Spike's clothes. He didn't have a lot, but he'd left a few things around while he'd apparently been body sharing. She picked up a t-shirt. The two witches retired to their own room and Tara gathered the ingredients needed. "So, how does this work?" she asked. "Look, the incantation is there," Willow laid the book open on the floor. "We make a sand circle like this," she lifted the t-shirt and removed a short bleached hair which she placed in the centre of a sand circle. "We add some rosemary, lavender and just a smidge of this," she picked a cat hair from her skirt, "and one of these," she pulled a single hair from her own head. "It's a comparison spell, the cat doesn't have a soul, and I do, so we see which has the closest emanation during the spell."

They sat down, face to face, on either side of the circle. Willow started the incantation, and the room became dark. She had put her own hair closest to her, Spike's hair in the middle and the cat's hair closest to Tara. Her hair started to glow, not really bright, but it was definitely giving off some light. She transferred her gaze to Spike's hair, which was blindingly bright and white. The cat's hair couldn't be seen at all. The power of the spell faded slowly. The two girls looked at each other. "Well," Tara said, "it certainly looks like he has a soul. But why the difference in light?"

Willow shrugged. "Could be he has a shiny new soul?" She bit her lip. "Now, we need to make sure we don't get another Angel situation here. If she loves him – even if he can be happy and still keep his soul – it won't work. She'll still be hurt. She needs to be able to live a normal life, and she can't have that with Spike. So I guess, we'll just have to keep them apart."

It was early evening and Buffy opened the door to the Magic Box. She was on her way to patrol, but Giles had said he wanted a word. "Funny," thought Buffy, as Giles pulled up a chair for her to sit on, "Giles is being a bit stiff and formal," – which applied to him was – extreme.

"Buffy," I think we should talk," he began. "I need to know all your memories of the last few weeks. I want to research this place Spike said he took Dawn to and we need to sort out what is real and whether any memories have been ... planted."

Buffy looked confused. "Giles, Dawn told you what happened. Not the every detail story, true, but enough for you to understand."

Giles interrupted. "What you don't realise is that although you remember things, they may have been put there, for other reasons. I must admit, your actually being here lends a bit of credence to Spikes whole story, but you've got to realise he may have motives other that the obvious. We don't even have any proof that he has a soul now. He must really think he would have a chance with you if he can persuade you he's got a soul..."

"Just a minute," Buffy interrupted. ""Spike has got a soul. I was in there – remember? He's got a soul! Funny thing is, it doesn't seem to make a lot of difference, somehow. I mean I couldn't sort out pre- and post- soul feelings by anything obvious. And, I'm sure things happened just like we told you. This is just more Spike-paranoia – isn't it? And he's controlling the demon. I've been there. I've felt it raging, revelling in hurting and killing other demons. And I've felt Spike pull it back, push it under his human self. It takes a major effort each time, but I don't think his soul is doing it. He does it on his own most of the time – or by thinking about the chip or imagining ... other things that would happen if he failed."

"Buffy, if it is Spike-paranoia, then I'm sorry. But his track record isn't good, and we need to understand his motives. It might help me if you could put a name to this place he went to. If I can get more information, we can try to reconcile your memories with what's known about it."

Buffy thought for a minute, then said "The name wasn't mentioned while I was there, but there was something in Spike's memory – let me see, it was Daranelda? – something like that. I didn't see the spelling, just 'heard' the name, and the feeling that it was kinda legendary."

Half an hour later, Buffy left to patrol feeling uneasy. She understood that Giles was trying to protect her, but she knew that she didn't need to be protected from Spike. He loved her. And she cared for him. She didn't call it love, not yet, it was all still too new and confusing – just being in her own body was confusing – but she really cared. She was disappointed that Spike hadn't come back to patrol with her. All evening she expected to see him suddenly appear like he always had before. "Maybe he just needs some time alone," she reasoned, trying not to feel desolate at the idea that he needed time away from her when all she wanted was his company.

Spike was busy that night too. He contacted various people, made some international calls and arranged to stay with Clem for a few days. It would be better for Buffy if she didn't see him before he went. Much later, he started writing a letter. He felt Buffy's absence like a physical pain. He'd loved her for so long, he'd become accustomed to the feelings of pain that caused. This was different. He felt the ache in every muscle and bone in his body.