Chapter Sixteen – Hope

Spike could only find one word to describe how he felt – amazing. It was like when he'd first been changed – he'd gone from an ordinary man to a vampire with so much energy, speed and stamina that he couldn't understand how he could have felt alive before. Everything seemed effortless. Thoughts came to him and he could see everything so clearly. When Buffy became conscious again, she complained it was like having a puppy buzzing around in her brain.

When Xander couldn't find Dawn, the whole gang set off to search, leaving Buffy alone. After a couple of hours in the cupboard, Dawn got up to go back to Buffy. She found her conscious and started to tell her what had happened to Spike. Buffy smiled and shook her head. She tried to open her mouth, and with Spike's help, she said, "No, Dawn, he's here." Dawn looked confused, believing Buffy was delirious, but Spike chipped in using Buffy's voice, "Don't worry, Niblet, it's me. When I got staked, I made a beeline for the safest, happiest place I could. I'm here." Dawn's mouth opened in shock, and then she started to cry. "That's all I seem to do these days," she thought. When the gang got back to the hospital after hours of fruitless searching, she found Dawn asleep, sitting in a chair next to Buffy's bed with her head on the bed and Buffy's arm around her shoulders.

Buffy's recovery was slow, but now that it seemed assured, there was no problem with her going home. It took a little while for her to persuade the rest of the gang that her belief in Spike being with her was not a result of her illness, but gradually they all accepted it.

The school year was nearly over, and as Buffy grew stronger, she was left alone in the house more and more. "Well," she thought, "I'm not exactly alone, am I?" Spike gave Giles his version of the situation with Lydia and how she had caused his demise – physically at least. At first Giles was reluctant to believe him, but after checking with a few contacts in London, he started to accept it. The biggest change was with Buffy. Her regular laughter would have upset her friends if they hadn't understood the circumstances. Despite a little lingering weakness, she was back to her old self. The sadness, which had plagued her while Spike was gone, had completely lifted.

It was a few days until school was due to break up. The weather had been glorious all week and Buffy was feeling restless. She wanted a day out and mentioned to Xander that she wanted a day at the beach. Xander was so pleased to hear Buffy more like her old self, that he offered to drive her to the beach on his way to the construction site he was working at present. So, early next morning, Buffy was dropped at the beach with instructions on where to meet Xander later.

Buffy had a wonderful day. In many ways it was nothing special, but she loved the way Spike revelled in a day spent in the sun. She'd been out locally since she started to recover, but this was the sort of day that was made special by the fact that the sun was shining. She walked along the beach, swam, and lay on the sand. She was so happy. She had Spike all to herself and it was perfect. She remembered their last trip out - all those months ago when she had been in his body. It was a trip to look at the ocean from above. That memory led to another where she had felt things she'd never experienced in quite the same way before. Spike laughed at her memory. Then he planted a picture in her mind. It was a perfect representation of him. He was prowling towards her – that gait which was so peculiarly his. His hips were pushed forwards, his shoulders were rolling and he was doing that funny thing with his tongue – curling it behind his front teeth. The look in his eyes told her so clearly what he wanted. It was so real, that she started to feel aroused by the sight. "Two can play that game," he playfully thought at her, "but, maybe later, when you're not on a crowded beach?" He quickly withdrew the picture, but left Buffy looking at her watch to decide how long she had to wait for Xander.

Later that night, Spike felt Buffy's pleasure.

The change in Buffy was so genuine, that Giles, Willow and Tara were slowly starting to accept Spike, but they were working feverishly to discover a way to extricate him without destroying him.

"You know they want me out of here, don't you love," Spike asked Buffy one day.

"Mmm, yes," she replied. "They won't succeed, though, I'm the only one who knows how to do that."

Spike was stunned. He realised she was better at keeping some thoughts to herself than she had been. But then, he had a few secrets he was keeping from her too. "What? How?" he asked.

"Same way we got me out of your head. When I came back, I came with the knowledge of how to re-implant a soul into the right body."

"But I don't have a body, do I?" Spike reasoned. "I mean, I was turned to dust."

"I didn't really have a body either, though, did I, at least not one that worked? Molecules had to be rearranged to put me back together. We can do the same for you, it might just take a little longer."

"So, when were you planning on springing this little surprise on me then?" Spike lifted Buffy's arm to tickle her side.

"When I'm strong enough to take advantage of you, of course!" she replied, giggling.

Buffy had been out of bed for a couple of weeks and almost felt ready to resume training. She decided it was time – besides there was the old coincidence thing. It was exactly a year since her soul had been reunited with her body. Spike and Buffy had discussed it, and agreed that unlike her resurrection, his should be a private affair. Buffy arranged for the others to be out of the house for the night. It took a bit of arranging since she was trying to be subtle, but at last, everything was set up. At midnight, Buffy raised her voice in that strange chant and watched as slowly a wind started to blow through her bedroom and dust started to accumulate in front of her. Gradually the dust took shape, until it was unmistakably Spike-shaped, even though she could see through it. The shape shimmered and became more solid and then she felt that awful pulling, dragging feeling as Spike's soul left her to be reunited with his now solid body.

She fell back on the bed with the awful feeling of loneliness that suddenly assailed her. Then she heard a strange sound, a rasping sound. Alarmed, she looked up to see Spike looking at her with an astonished expression, as he struggled to maintain regular breathing. He walked towards her, took her hand and put it to the left side of his chest. He was warm, he was breathing, and his heart was beating. He had come back human.

When Buffy had been driven onto the bed as she felt Spike leaving, she understood now how it had driven him to his knees that night in the cemetery. He sat beside her on the bed, holding her hand to his chest. She could hear his heart beating. It was the most wonderful sound she had ever heard. After the initial shock had worn off a little, she noticed that his naked chest came with a naked everything else. She leaned up to kiss him. As things between them became more heated, she noticed that she could feel everything. She could obviously feel what he was doing to her – but she could also feel the effect of what she was doing to him.

Spike had never experienced anything like it. He knew exactly how Buffy felt about everything he did – not through experience or body language – but directly. When at last they coupled, he experienced the most complete union he had ever known. He was the lover and the loved. He felt her and he felt her perception of him. Each moment, the feedback between them caused the arousal to increase until it was more than either had ever known.

Buffy revelled in the feeling of being one with Spike again. She was the lover and the loved. She felt everything he felt. She knew he was experiencing everything exactly as she was. They were one again.