Disclaimer: I don't own any part of GW or its characters. This angst is for fun.

To Never

By Dyna Dee

warnings: some angst, descriptions of violence

Part 2

Quatre held Trowa tightly as the jeep bounced roughly over the graveled and uneven terrain. He hoped Duo could remember the many side roads he'd ventured down because he'd lost his bearings several miles and turns ago. He looked down at Trowa again with concern. The bandage on his side was blood stained and the taller boy's eyes were squeezed tightly shut. His hands gripped Quatre's arms that were wrapped tightly around him, both boys attempting to secure his body from more jarring.

Suddenly, Trowa's tense body slumped and his arms fell from their grip on the blonde's arms.

"Duo!" Quatre yelled out in alarm. "Enough, we need to stop now."

Immediately the jeep slowed to veer off the dirt trail and came to a stop. The braided head turned to study the two in the back seat, his expression was guarded.

"He passed out a moment ago. "Quatre explained.

Duo nodded, then quickly looked forward again, his hands clenching the steering wheel. "What do you want me to do?" he asked, his voice tight.

Quatre blinked and paused. It was so unlike Duo to not take charge or give suggestions. "Why don't you clear a space and set up the tent. I'll help while Trowa rests here."

Duo's head nodded without turning around and with a quick movement, he was immediately out of the jeep. Quatre eased himself out from under Trowa, regretting the move as the Heavyarms' pilot moaned.

While Duo scouted around for a flat site for their tent, the Sandrock pilot unloaded the back end of the jeep to take an inventory of what they had. Duo had packed well as all the essentials were there: a tent, two sleeping bags, packaged food, water, ammo, two flashlights and batteries, and Duo's duffle bag with one change of clothes and toiletries.

Removing the casing of one of the sleeping bags, Quatre unzipped the side and opened it completely. He gently set it over his friend resting uncomfortably in the back of the jeep, goose bumps covering his skin. Satisfied for the moment, he turned to help Duo who had found an acceptable site and was busy clearing away sticks and rocks or anything that might stick them in the back during the night. Together and with little talking, they quickly set up the three man tent and put the remaining sleeping bag inside. Both exited the small shelter looking quite proud of themselves at their accomplishment.

"What now?" Duo asked as he brushed some of the dust off of his black pants.

"Hungry?" Quatre motioned towards the jeep and the small plastic case filled with food.

A crooked smile graced the Deathscythe Pilots face. "Always." he chuckled. And Quatre breathed a sigh of relief to see his friend's disposition returning to normal.

They both moved towards the jeep and were pleased to find Trowa awake.

The Heavyarm's pilot had regained consciousness and had quietly waited for the return of the two he could hear working a short distance away. From his position in the jeep, he couldn't see his companions without straining himself but lifting up to look over the side, but he could hear the sounds of them putting up the tent, and patiently waited for their return. His long legs were uncomfortable in the small space in the back of the Jeep, and he carefully kept trying to reposition them to get comfortable without causing any further pain from his side and back. He was grateful for the warmth afforded by the sleeping bag that was tucked around him as the sheltering forest's air was decidedly cooling as the sun began to dip into the western sky.

"Hey!" Quatre's voice greeted him. "How are you feeling?" he asked with concern.

"Better now that the jeep's stopped." he replied quietly.

Duo came up from behind Quatre, his face frowning with worry. "We're gonna eat something, Trowa. It's nothing fancy, but do you feel up to something?"

Trowa nodded. "What do you have?"

The plastic box produced dried fruits, nuts, granola, protein, and cereal bars, beef jerky and wheat crackers. They ate sparingly, allotting enough for at least three more meals, after which they re-packed the container and placed it back into the back of the jeep.

The forest was becoming dark and it was decided to move Trowa inside the tent. The two able-bodied boys carefully and as gently as possible, lifted the Heavyarm's pilot out of the jeep and two-man carried him to the tent, ignoring his insistence that he could make it on his own.

It was quickly discovered that a three-man tent really meant sleeping two comfortably and three almost impossibly. Once he was settled, Quatre changed Trowa's bandages and then dressed him while Duo stood outside the tent. As the cold seeped into his skin, the American shuffled his feet, and rubbed his bare arms with his hands to ease the chill. When that didn't seem to work, he wrapped his arms around his thin, wiry and shaking body. It had been decided by both boys that Trowa needed the extra warmth and was duly given the spare shirt in Duo's duffle bag, thus Duo stood shirtless and trembling in the cool evening air.

That's how Quatre found him as he exited the tent carrying the bloodied bandages, looking like a big huddled-over goose bump. His eyes keenly observed the chilled boy and noted that he shuddered when his eyes fell upon the stained bandages in his hand.

"I think maybe I should sleep in the jeep, Quatre." Duo announced, teeth chattering as he dubiously looked at the close space inside the tent.

"Forget it." Quatre said as he walked past his friend to drop the bandages on the ground a fair distance from the jeep and tent. He then returned to his friend and pulled Duo, with only slight word of resistance, into the tent behind him. Quatre had left one of the flashlights on to light the dark interior of the tent, and it helped him see while sat on the end of his sleeping bag and unlaced his shoes before turning to crawl up to the top of the bag and burrowed under the top cover of the joined sleeping bags, moving next to Trowa, who was resting somewhat comfortably on the right side of the tent.

"Come on, Duo." the blonde's voice called out with feigned impatience.

Duo sat, unfastened his boots, and went to the only narrow spot left in the small interior of the tent. With hands trembling from the cold, the braided boy pulled the top sleeping bag over his chilled body.

"I'd let you have the warmth of the middle, Duo," Quatre said softly beside him. "but I've been warned that you move a lot in your sleep and we can't afford for Trowa to be accidently hurt any more."

"It's okay." Duo replied with a yawn. "I'm fine here."

The flashlight flicked off as the three adjusted their bodies in the close sleeping quarters.

"You comfortable, Trowa?" Quatre's soft voice called out in the dark.

"Yes."

"Duo?"

"I'm ..fine."

Silence.

"How about a story?" Quatre asked.

"Sure."

"K"

"You start Duo?"

"What? Why me?"

"Heero told me on our last mission together that you sometimes tell him stories at night."

"Well.....um....they're Christian stories, Quatre. I don't want to offend you."

"You won't." the blonde assured him, his voice in the dark sounded like a casual shrug.

"If you're sure...."

"I'm sure." came the sunny reply.

After a moment of thought, Duo went on to tell the story of David and Goliath.

When he finished, Quatre told the story of Ali Babba and the Forth thieves, and by the time he finished the long tale, the two boys on either side of him were sound asleep.

The tent was as dark as deep space when the Sandrock pilot woke suddenly. He turned automatically to Trowa as he sensed pain and panic. Trowa, though, seemed to be sleeping soundly. Then a whimper behind him alerted him to the fact that it was Duo who was distressed. He rolled over. "Duo." he whispered reaching a hand out to touch his friend's bare shoulder, hoping not to wake Trowa.

"No....no, please." Duo pleaded with a pitiful voice.

"Duo!" Quatre tried again with a gentle shake to Duo's shoulder.

"NO!" Duo sat up screaming. "Oh God, don't let it be so!" he sobbed. "No. Please, no...no......no."

Quatre immediately sat up and put his arm around the trembling shoulders. "It's just a dream, Duo. Are you awake?" The slender body beneath his hands trembled with barely suppressed emotion.

"What's wrong?" Trowa asked alarmed.

"It's okay, Trowa. Duo's just having a bed dream." Quatre reassure the other boy then turned back to the braided one. "Duo?" he questioned.

The American boy gasped. "Oh no." he shuddered.

"What is it, Duo. Please...tell me."

The American began to rock back and forth, a small whimper escaping him. Quatre reached for the flashlight and flicked it on, shining it off the top of the tent. "Duo!" he called out firmly and shook his shoulder.

The American teen stiffened and turned his head, his eyes were wide and dilated and moving rapidly back and forth. He looked to still be caught in his nightmare, still in REM sleep.

"Duo." Trowa called out to his friend, seeing the distress in his face.

Faster than the two could believe. Duo leapt over the top sleeping bag and scrambled to the tent opening. In a flash he managed to unzip the entrance of the tent, and ran out, enveloped by the dark of night as he ran into the woods.

Stunned blue eyes sought Trowa's. "What do I do?" he asked.

"Go after him."

Quatre nodded. "You stay here." he said as he moved toward the flap. Trowa rolled his eyes at the unnecessary command.

The Arabian stood outside the tent in his bare feet with the flashlight in hand. It was no lighter outside the tent than it had been inside. Aiming the tight beam of light around in search of the missing boy, the jeep came into view. He walked towards it and scanned the inside. Empty.

"Duo." he called out, the flashlight searching the area again. He spent the next ten minutes calling and searching the immediate vicinity before he re-entered the tent, a worried look on his face.

"I can't find him." he said and sucked in his lower lip to worry it between his teeth.

"You can't wander around in the dark, you could become lost." Trowa told him.

The blonde looked longingly at the door flap.

"Come on." Trowa pulled the top sleeping bag open. "He'll come back when he's ready."

Reluctantly, Quatre obeyed and crawled into the comforting warmth the sleeping bags offered. "He doesn't have a shirt on...he'll be so cold." he whispered sadly worrying about his friend.

"He'll come back and we'll do what we can to help when he does." Trowa replied calmly as he reached his arm over and patted the smaller boy's shoulder. "Try to sleep." he urged gently.

Quatre nodded and turned the flashlight off. Turning onto his side, he lay quietly with his eyes wide open, gazing as the black empty space where Duo had been.

At the first hint of the approaching dawn, and the lightening of the darkness that had held the forest captive during the night, the blonde teenager stepped out of the tent into the grey early morning, pre-dawn light. He looked around the immediate vicinity, now able to see more of their surrounding then earlier. He didn't see anyone. "Duo!" he called out through his cupped hands. The chirping of birds in the trees was the only answer. He walked to the jeep, rubbing the chill from off his arms. Empty, again.

"Dammit, Duo!" he glanced around feeling his worry quickly growing into anger. He walked with rapid steps around the perimeter of the camp, keeping the tent in sight. He was behind the back of the tent when he spied something in the distance, hidden partially by a tree, something that was definitely out of place on the ground and black in color. He broke into a run towards it.

He found Duo curled up tightly, his long hair was loose and blanketed his naked torso. Quatre knelt down and touched the upraised bare shoulder. "Duo?" The skin beneath his fingers was icy cold to his touch.

"Duo!" he shook his shoulder. The long haired boy moaned in response, but didn't wake.

"Allah, help me." Quatre prayed and bent to lift Duo by his arms into a sitting position. He then struggled to lift him over his shoulder.

Trowa opened his eyes to see Quatre struggling into the tent with Duo bent over his shoulder, his long brown hair hung down, dragging on the ground.

"His hair's getting dirty." Trowa observed dryly.

Quatre fell to his knees and eased Duo down next to Trowa. "Well, if it's dirty, it's his own fault for running off like that." the Arabian said off-handedly. "I think he's got hypothermia." he added as he climbed in behind the human popsicle and pressed himself against the other pilots cold and still body.

Trowa threw the sleeping bag over the two, covering them completely. "Push him closer to me." he told Quatre. "I can share my warmth, too."

The two boys sandwiched their friend between them. Quatre's arms enfolded Duo's cold body as he spooned up against his back.

Several times Duo's mind came close to consciousness, registering warmth and comfort. But he allowed himself to drift back into the dark, dreamless sleep that pushed reality away from his conscious thought for at least a little while longer.

When at last he could no longer go back to that safe place, he woke fully. He became aware of a heart beat that was slow and steady beneath his ear. His head and body was nestled against another warm body and his arm and leg was draped over that solid body.

With some effort, his eyes fluttered open. His mind registered he was in a tent and it took several long moments for him to recall the events from the day before. Lifting his head, he saw it was Trowa whose personal space he had intruded upon.

"Sorry, Tro." He murmured and tried to moved away. But his movement was halted as the Heavyarms Pilot's arm was draped around his shoulders and held him fast in place.

"Stay, Duo." he was ordered gently.

After a moments hesitation, he complied. His body felt as if it had been through the wringer. He moaned. "Man, Trowa, what hit me?"

"You had a nightmare last night and ran out of the tent." Trowa's soft spoken voice answered calmly. "Quatre couldn't find you in the dark, so you spent the early morning hours out in the open.

The braided boy's body stiffened as he once again recalled the dream. He grabbed hold of his shirt covering Trowa's chest and tried to hide his face in it.

"I think you should talk about it, Duo. It helps somehow to share the pain."

The American shook his head.

"Believe me, Duo." Trowa continued. "I've been plagued by nightmares for as long as I can remember." he sighed deeply as if to rid himself the memory of those nightmares. "But when I began to share them with Quatre, they faded, rarely occurring anymore.

"Wh...what's happened in your life to cause bad dreams, Trowa?" Duo asked, his voice muffled from his face being buried into the Heavyarms pilot's shoulder.

Taking a deep breath in preparation of a tale he'd told only a few, he began. "I grew up in the company of mercenaries. No family, just loud, gruff and hardened men. Their treatment of me was at times cruel, but that taught me by necessity to hide amongst them. I withdrew into myself, becoming their unseen shadow. I fought with them as a soldier from a very early age, Duo. A lot of those deaths and battles haunt me to this day, as well as the faces of some of the men I fought along side with.

Duo raided his head up to look into his friend's eyes. His own were wide with shock. He hadn't known of Trowa's past. "Y..your like me, Trowa? An orphan, a throw away with death on you hands and conscious?"

Trowa nodded sadly.

Duo put his head back down onto Trowa's shoulder and brought his hand up to hug the other boy carefully, mindful of the bandages under the black shirt.

The green eyed boy sensed a deeper connection with the American then ever before, a common, tragic past linking them as nothing else had.

"What haunts you, Duo?" he asked softly, hoping to draw the bad dreams out from the smaller boy.

"It was the blood." Duo whispered. "The sight, smell, and feel of it..brought back...vivid memories of the orphanage." His face burrowed into Trowa's shoulder and he vaguely registered Quatre entering the tent with an armful of food.

Seeing the two comforting each other and having overheard part of their conversation, the blonde put the food down and knelt behind Duo's back. He reached out and began to rub it in a comforting manner.

"It all flashed in my mind," he continued. "and I could see and smell the carnage that the Alliance left behind. All those innocents." Duo's voice hitched and his body shook in Trowa's embrace. "I got there too late, after it was all over. Sister Helen's eyes were open, and the wound in her chest and head left blood all over her." He clung tightly as his emotions over took him again as the vision returned. "The children....my friends. Father. Why?" he asked in an anguished voice.

Trowa's eyes were filled with sorrow and compassion as he held tightly to the boy so immersed in his living nightmare. He looked up to Quatre's equally affected eyes and silently pleaded for the Arabian to work the same magic he'd done for him.

Understanding, the blonde nodded and, climbing under the cover of the sleeping bag, he placed himself down alongside his American friend and covered them back up again, sealing in the warmth. He pressed himself close to Duo's back and then began to speak to the distressed boy softly. "Can you see it in your mind, Duo?" he asked as a quiet sob escaped Duo's lips as he nodded.

"Alright, can you go back to where your dream starts and tell me what you see?"

He spoke softly as he began to stroke the bare back, trying to encourage and comfort him at the same time.

"Smoke...in the distance." Duo spoke so softly his voice was barely audible. "That's how it always starts, and I know what it is that I'm seeing, but I can't help myself and I start to run towards it."

"If you know what it is, prepare yourself for what you know you'll find."

"Oh God, no!" Duo whispered.

"Tell me." Quatre urged.

"The church is a rubble, the roof is half gone and the back end is burning. The windows and doors are all broken. "Oh, please....don't let it be." he said fearfully.

"You don't have to go in, Duo." Quatre said softly.

"I...I have to..if they need help....they're my family....my home." he gasped haltingly, and then he began to rock his body back and forth, a keening wail coming from his throat.

"What is it, Duo?"

"It's ...Taylor...and Ben....dead. And Father..." he stopped as violent shudders went through his body. "He's on the ground with them, so still, and his hands are touching them as if to bless them. Blood is everywhere, on them, around them."

"He's taking care of them, Duo. He's touching them to let them know they're not alone, even as they journey into the next world together, they're not alone."Quatre said, trying to control the emotion in his voice as a tear fell from his eye at the horror his friend had described and somehow managed to live through.

Duo nodded, accepting the possibility of Quatre's suggestion.

"What else, Duo? What do you see now?"

"The chapel's destroyed. I know what's up at the broken alter and I...I don't want to look." his voice suddenly sounded small, young and pitiful.

"You've come this far, Duo, and I think you need to face it. We'll help you." Trowa said reassuringly. As his hands brushed the long strands of tangled hair away from the boy's face.

"The children....all dead....shot and under the pews. Megan and Darla...are next to sister...blood everywhere...and so quiet." he whispered. "I can only hear the sound of the fire burning in the back of the church....so quiet." He paused for a moment then began to tremble again. "I'm sorry...so sorry, sister...don't leave me." his voice pleaded tearfully. "Her eyes are open," he gasped. "and she had a bloody hole in her head and chest. It looks like she's accusing me with her lifeless eyes. Please forgive me....please." he sobbed.

"Duo." Quatre moved even closer to his ear. "She's not accusing you. She's looking to heaven...she's praying for your safely...that you'll escape all the anger and horror. She prays for you even now, Duo. She, the children and Father Maxwell are not in need of prayers anymore. They're already in heaven, safe, happy, and no one can ever hurt them ever again...and they pray for you, Duo. Make their prayers come true, be happy, let go of your grief and your guilt. Live well so their prayers are not in vain."

As Quatre spoke softly but convincingly, the long haired boy slowly calmed, his trembling eased, and his grip on Trowa lessened.

"Think of them as they are now, Duo. Father Maxwell and Sister Helen, they have no pain or worries. They've been rewarded for their good works and they continue to watch over your friends. Can you see it, Duo?"

"I'm trying...I think I can." his voice came out small and timid, so unlike the Duo they were accustomed to.

Quatre continued to paint a verbal picture for his friend. "Sister Helen's eyes are sad when you blame yourself, but Father Maxwell reassures her that you are strong, and that you now know it's not your fault. He reassures her that you have friends that will stand by you no matter what. You didn't put the guns into the soldier's hands, and you didn't force them to pull the trigger. They did so of their own free will. It's not your fault, not God's fault, but the men that perpetrated their anger on innocents."

Duo's roiling emotions subsided into a gentle, exhausted cry. No longer for guilt, remorse, and sorrow, but now he wept gently at the release of the heavy emotions that had plagued and weighed him down for so long.

Both boys surrounding him whispered soft reassurances as he drifted into a restful sleep, marred only by an occasional hitching breath.

Trowa looked over Duo's still head to meet Quatre's gaze. "You have a wonderful gift, my friend." he smiled in gratitude to the smaller boy.

Quatre smiled sadly. "His dreams are as bad as yours were."

"Worse." Trowa replied, resting his cheek against the soft chestnut hair.

"How so?" Quatre tilted his head questioningly.

"His nightmare is the destruction of his home and those he loved, his guilt of surviving it mixed in with the terror of it all." Trowa explained. "I dreamed of people I feared or hated. I never had a family or loved ones to lose...until now.

Quatre's smile warmed. "You have two families now, Trowa. Just as I do. You have your circus family with Catherine and us, your friends.

"For which I'm grateful....to have what I never dreamed possible.

"Never is a very strong, permanent word." Quatre sobered, frowning at the negative thought.

"It can also be a good one." Trowa added, his voice light, almost wistful. "To never be alone again, or too never feel lost again. To never let anyone hurt me again. Those are nevers I can live with.

Quatre leaned back, staring up at the top of the tent. "To never have war again, never fight or kill again." he sighed. "Those are the nevers I'll hope for."

Trowa continued to stroke Duo's long hair that fell on his chest. "We'll have to work together to help Duo with his nevers." He kept his voice low as to not wake the slumberer.

"To never blame himself for past tragedies." Quatre offered as he moved again to his side to face Trowa.

"To never be hungry again." Trowa added

"Or feel alone."

"To never have waking nightmares again."

"To never feel like he can't come to us with his troubles."

"To never give up smiling." Trowa finished. Both boys looked a each other and smiled, a silent pact made between friends for the boy sheltered between them.



End