Harry Potter and the Overdone Slash Story
I was bored. I'm sorry. I don't mean to offend anyone, and any similarities to any other fanfictions are coincidences, but this is meant to be a parody. I love slash, but you've gotta parody something! Spot the reference to english adverts and win a feeling of self-satisfication! Count the clichés!
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Harry Potter, pushing his trolley in front of him, ran through the barrier between platforms 9 and 10 and emerged in front of the Hogwarts express on platform 9¾. Without looking around him much, noticing only Dean and Seamus kissing by a pillar and Fred and George in the ladies loos, as he was so early he knew none of his particular friends would be there yet, he pushed his trunk onto the train and went to find an empty compartment. Sitting down, he sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his head back on the seat back until he was interrupted by a familiar drawling voice.
"Well, well, well, what have we here?" Harry's eyes snapped open and he saw, to his surprise, Draco Malfoy standing on his own in the doorway, without Crabbe or Goyle. Harry also noticed how good Malfoy looked. Evidently Malfoy had noticed the same thing about Harry, as he approached him slowly, licking his lips. Sitting down so their eyes were on the same level, they slowly drew together and kissed gently, until Draco pulled away, whispered,
"Don't tell!" and ran out of the compartment with a wink.
~~~~~~
Five minutes later, Hermione and Ginny walked in holding hands, followed closely by Ron and Neville with their arms around each others' waists. Harry smiled to himself as he remembered the way Draco had looked when he insulted him that day two years ago, which resulted in him being quizzed non-stop by Hermione for the entire train journey, ending with her coming to the conclusion he was obviously in love with Hagrid, or he would have told them. When they finally got to school, Harry found a mysterious note had somehow appeared in his bag.
Meet me at midnight in the Astronomy Tower. D.
Harry suspected that D was Draco.
~~~~~~
At quarter to midnight, Harry donned his invisibility cloak and made his way up to the Astronomy Tower, passing a giggling Professor Snape knocking on Filch's doorway, Professor Trelawney and Madam Hooch curled up on a windowsill and Crabbe and Goyle standing silently by a portrait of Sir Engelbert Earwig-Ridden.
He entered a room at random, somehow knowing Draco would be in there, and found him silhouetted against the open fridge door he was standing at, the light reflecting off his almost silver hair. He turned slowly, and Harry saw he was holding something in his hand. Stepping forward, he noticed it was an egg box.
"Eggs make a meal out of anything," Draco remarked casually, stepping out of his loose robes, under which he was wearing nothing except a garter belt, and throwing the egg box leisurely over his shoulder. The two boys then cast a couple of spells so nobody would realise what they were doing, so I'm not quite sure what they did after that because of the spells. Take a wild guess.
~~~~~~
Later that evening, Harry made his way back to the Gryffindor dorms, passing Pansy Parkinson and Millicent Bulstrode sneaking along the corridor holding a tub of ice cream and some fluffy handcuffs, Remus Lupin getting a lift on the back of a large shaggy black dog to who-knows-where, and Voldemort blushing shyly and fluttering his eyelashes at Professor Dumbledore. Falling into bed, he had a weird vision of Oliver Wood knocking on the door of Lucius Malfoy's bedroom (his first one) in Malfoy Manor, but dismissed it with a shake of his head as he fell asleep, dreaming of Snitches chasing Quaffles across the Quidditch pitch.
I was bored. I'm sorry. I don't mean to offend anyone, and any similarities to any other fanfictions are coincidences, but this is meant to be a parody. I love slash, but you've gotta parody something! Spot the reference to english adverts and win a feeling of self-satisfication! Count the clichés!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Harry Potter, pushing his trolley in front of him, ran through the barrier between platforms 9 and 10 and emerged in front of the Hogwarts express on platform 9¾. Without looking around him much, noticing only Dean and Seamus kissing by a pillar and Fred and George in the ladies loos, as he was so early he knew none of his particular friends would be there yet, he pushed his trunk onto the train and went to find an empty compartment. Sitting down, he sighed and closed his eyes, leaning his head back on the seat back until he was interrupted by a familiar drawling voice.
"Well, well, well, what have we here?" Harry's eyes snapped open and he saw, to his surprise, Draco Malfoy standing on his own in the doorway, without Crabbe or Goyle. Harry also noticed how good Malfoy looked. Evidently Malfoy had noticed the same thing about Harry, as he approached him slowly, licking his lips. Sitting down so their eyes were on the same level, they slowly drew together and kissed gently, until Draco pulled away, whispered,
"Don't tell!" and ran out of the compartment with a wink.
~~~~~~
Five minutes later, Hermione and Ginny walked in holding hands, followed closely by Ron and Neville with their arms around each others' waists. Harry smiled to himself as he remembered the way Draco had looked when he insulted him that day two years ago, which resulted in him being quizzed non-stop by Hermione for the entire train journey, ending with her coming to the conclusion he was obviously in love with Hagrid, or he would have told them. When they finally got to school, Harry found a mysterious note had somehow appeared in his bag.
Meet me at midnight in the Astronomy Tower. D.
Harry suspected that D was Draco.
~~~~~~
At quarter to midnight, Harry donned his invisibility cloak and made his way up to the Astronomy Tower, passing a giggling Professor Snape knocking on Filch's doorway, Professor Trelawney and Madam Hooch curled up on a windowsill and Crabbe and Goyle standing silently by a portrait of Sir Engelbert Earwig-Ridden.
He entered a room at random, somehow knowing Draco would be in there, and found him silhouetted against the open fridge door he was standing at, the light reflecting off his almost silver hair. He turned slowly, and Harry saw he was holding something in his hand. Stepping forward, he noticed it was an egg box.
"Eggs make a meal out of anything," Draco remarked casually, stepping out of his loose robes, under which he was wearing nothing except a garter belt, and throwing the egg box leisurely over his shoulder. The two boys then cast a couple of spells so nobody would realise what they were doing, so I'm not quite sure what they did after that because of the spells. Take a wild guess.
~~~~~~
Later that evening, Harry made his way back to the Gryffindor dorms, passing Pansy Parkinson and Millicent Bulstrode sneaking along the corridor holding a tub of ice cream and some fluffy handcuffs, Remus Lupin getting a lift on the back of a large shaggy black dog to who-knows-where, and Voldemort blushing shyly and fluttering his eyelashes at Professor Dumbledore. Falling into bed, he had a weird vision of Oliver Wood knocking on the door of Lucius Malfoy's bedroom (his first one) in Malfoy Manor, but dismissed it with a shake of his head as he fell asleep, dreaming of Snitches chasing Quaffles across the Quidditch pitch.