It was the usual chaos at the Wilkerson family supper table. Well, not so usual.
While Dewey sang "You're just too good to be true.." to his mashed potatoes, Lois yelled, Hal watched t.v. furtively through the door to the den,
and Malcolm read a comic book and ignored his mother, Reese was definately not feeling too good. He ate silently, with his head down, and chewed
each mouthful rather than gulping as much food down as he could. Finally, he turned to Lois and asked politely and sullenly, "May I be excused?"
BIG pause. Everyone stared, open-mouthed, for all of five seconds, then disorder resumed. Reese sighed and trudged up to his room.
After removing a packet of waterbombs, a sweater with paint on it, three skate magazines, a school textbook he'd "lost" ages ago, a teddy bear he still called Big T, and
seven odd socks from his bed and throwing them..onto Malcolm's, he lay down.
Not a good day at school. Sure, it started out fine. He punched Kevin Kalhoun and stole his lunch. He pulled a girl's hair. He stamped on someone's foot.
But when lessons began.. it was bound to be trouble. Math. He hated it. His teacher, like so many of Reese's teachers, had got it in for him.
There was a new diversion however. A girl was sitting in front of him, where Billy, the famous computer-wizard and nerd, used to sit.
It was an exciting change. Reese considered the possiblities. Hair pulling? Possible, but this girl had short hair, not really the appropriate style for pulling.
Skirt lifting? No. This girl had on baggy-ass jeans, something Reese actually truly hated in girls. And finally...the girl looked round.
Reese could only grin stupidly. She had the most evil expression he had ever seen in his life, of course, besides his mom's. She was very suntanned, had glitteringly calculating
blue eyes, and a wicked smirk.
Right then, the teacher, Mr. Fardupe, entered. "Ah, THERE you are, Francine. Settled in? Good." He glared at Reese, then left the room, not before sing-songing, "Read page 58 in your copy."
Francine? He had to admit. It was a pretty good name. Francine. Francine..
"Yea?" She was looking round. Crap, he'd actually said her name outloud. And he could feel prickles red-hot under his skin, and knew, yep, could tell by the smug look on her face that he was blushing.
"Uh..." Yep, Reese, say something. Come on. Say something. He looked at her eyes. He had to, just had to, look away. He stared at the ceiling, admitted defeat, and shrugged.."Uh, hi!" Cheesy grin.
She licked her lips, raised her eyebrows.."Riiiight." With a vague grin, she turned round once more.
"Damn." Thought Reese.
Now, thinking about it, he realised that he was the stupidest guy in the history of the world and quite possibly the universe, and that Francine probably thought he was a total dork.
After the boring math class, he went to his locker to pick up his skateboard and stared sadly at the poster of Carmen Electra displayed inside. Along with Britney. And Christina. And Shakira. And...he felt a bit better.
WHAM! The locker door slammed shut, practically slicing his nose off. Angry as hell, he turned to the culprit..and gulped.
"Uh...hi." Damn, again.
Francine grinned. "Hey dork. Whatcha doin?" She leaned, casually, on the locker beside his. The kid whose locker this was arrived shortly after, but being Andy the computer nerd, he left without comment.
"Just..." He had no idea. "Going home!" He smiled hopefully.
"Riiight." She repeated. "So, you're Reese, right?"
SHE KNOWS MY NAME! "Yes, that's me. Yep. Reese. Yeah!" Ground, swallow me up.
She nodded, smirking, and gave him a hearty backslap. He spluttered. "See y'around, loser." And off she strolled.
Lying on his bed, he thought about what it could all mean, and realised a marriage proposal from Francine in the next few days was unlikely, as were offers of an obscene or sexual nature.
What was he but a total geek to Francine? He didn't like it. He wasn't used to feeling this way. It just wasn't HIM.
The door opened, and Malcolm stuck his head round. "Erm, you okay?"
Reese just sighed. It was amazing. By now he'd usually be watching kid's tv or battling aliens. He just didn't lie around and do nothing. Something was drastically wrong.
"It's this girl." He finally stated. Oh-oh, a girl. Malcolm could remember Reese's girls. There was Wendy the cheerleader. April Fudderman. He had a pretty bad track record so far, but things had been relatively quiet since he started high school.
"Who?" He asked, perching on his bed. He couldn't believe this. It was kind of a heart-to-heart thing. It was brotherly. It was cool...no wait, it was incredibly lame.
"Francine." Reese said the name with surplus drama. "She..."
"Bye!" Malcolm suddenly sang, and hopped out the room. Reese was left alone. With his thoughts.
The next morning, Francine was sitting on his desk when he walked into homeroom. His knees turned to jelly. She was talking to other guys. Laughing. Making jokes. He got closer..
"Hey homo-boy, how ya doin'?" She delivered a "playful" punch to his arm. The guys laughed. Greg. Richie. Even Sam. She slid off the desk just as the teacher entered, but not before mussing Reese's hair roughly.
By lunch he felt pretty bad. A whole morning of Francine wore him down. He had only had one class with her - she had kicked the back of his chair - and the ones he didn't have with her he devoted to thinking of her.
He'd never met ANYONE like her. She was rude, though not wholly unfriendly, and she played rough and fought dirty. He had to speak to her properly.
As he entered the canteen, he saw her right away. She sat with all of Reese's friends, that was, Sam, Richard, Greg, Pete, Michael.. Dumfounded, his feet started walking out, but he just managed to redeem himself and sat down.
"Hi Reese." Francine said, a wicked sparkle in her eye, and took a bite of her apple. "Yeah, hi." Chorused his supposed friends. They, too. They were entranced. "Sit by me." Demanded Francine, patting the seat beside her.
As Reese sat down, Francine kicked him. She did it slow. A good buildup, then whoosh, into the calf. Good tactics, he thought glumly, and gulped. "Can I talk to you?"
She laughed. "Sure, go ahead." Suddenly everyone in the canteen seemed to be listening. Even the computer club.
"Uhm, well, yeah, hehe, I was just kinda thinkin' maybe...in private, becau.." Before he could continue, she had his wrist in an excruciatingly tight hold. "SAY IT."
He giggled nervously. "Um.." His eyes focused on the table, and he spoke in one great big rush. "Do you hate me or something, because you're always so mean to me, and you're um so cute and everything and I don't know.."
He flushed to his ears, but: it was said. Silence. The hold on his wrist softened.
"Actually..." Francine smiled gently, "You're kind of cute yourself." That was that. That put a dopey grin on his face that would not go away for the rest of the afternoon. The guys around the table went back to talking about implants.
And under the table... Reese kicked Francine back.
"Mom, I bought a friend over for supper, okay?" Reese yelled as the kitchen door flew open. He yanked Francine after him. "Mom?"
"It better not be..." Lois shut the fridge, turned, and dropped the bottle of milk all over the floor. A white puddle spread as her jaw dropped.
"Hi Mrs Wilkerson!" Chorused Francine. "Let me help you clean that up."
"Oh no, it's quite alright, er..." "Francine." Reese announced with pride, slinging his arm over her shoulders. "Okay, we're going to watch tv now, Mom. You clean up. Ice-cream for dessert? How lovely."
They left the room: Reese's arm around Francine's shoulders and hers around his waist. Lois could only gape after them.
FINALLY. Just when she was beginning to think none of her kids could be normal.
While Dewey sang "You're just too good to be true.." to his mashed potatoes, Lois yelled, Hal watched t.v. furtively through the door to the den,
and Malcolm read a comic book and ignored his mother, Reese was definately not feeling too good. He ate silently, with his head down, and chewed
each mouthful rather than gulping as much food down as he could. Finally, he turned to Lois and asked politely and sullenly, "May I be excused?"
BIG pause. Everyone stared, open-mouthed, for all of five seconds, then disorder resumed. Reese sighed and trudged up to his room.
After removing a packet of waterbombs, a sweater with paint on it, three skate magazines, a school textbook he'd "lost" ages ago, a teddy bear he still called Big T, and
seven odd socks from his bed and throwing them..onto Malcolm's, he lay down.
Not a good day at school. Sure, it started out fine. He punched Kevin Kalhoun and stole his lunch. He pulled a girl's hair. He stamped on someone's foot.
But when lessons began.. it was bound to be trouble. Math. He hated it. His teacher, like so many of Reese's teachers, had got it in for him.
There was a new diversion however. A girl was sitting in front of him, where Billy, the famous computer-wizard and nerd, used to sit.
It was an exciting change. Reese considered the possiblities. Hair pulling? Possible, but this girl had short hair, not really the appropriate style for pulling.
Skirt lifting? No. This girl had on baggy-ass jeans, something Reese actually truly hated in girls. And finally...the girl looked round.
Reese could only grin stupidly. She had the most evil expression he had ever seen in his life, of course, besides his mom's. She was very suntanned, had glitteringly calculating
blue eyes, and a wicked smirk.
Right then, the teacher, Mr. Fardupe, entered. "Ah, THERE you are, Francine. Settled in? Good." He glared at Reese, then left the room, not before sing-songing, "Read page 58 in your copy."
Francine? He had to admit. It was a pretty good name. Francine. Francine..
"Yea?" She was looking round. Crap, he'd actually said her name outloud. And he could feel prickles red-hot under his skin, and knew, yep, could tell by the smug look on her face that he was blushing.
"Uh..." Yep, Reese, say something. Come on. Say something. He looked at her eyes. He had to, just had to, look away. He stared at the ceiling, admitted defeat, and shrugged.."Uh, hi!" Cheesy grin.
She licked her lips, raised her eyebrows.."Riiiight." With a vague grin, she turned round once more.
"Damn." Thought Reese.
Now, thinking about it, he realised that he was the stupidest guy in the history of the world and quite possibly the universe, and that Francine probably thought he was a total dork.
After the boring math class, he went to his locker to pick up his skateboard and stared sadly at the poster of Carmen Electra displayed inside. Along with Britney. And Christina. And Shakira. And...he felt a bit better.
WHAM! The locker door slammed shut, practically slicing his nose off. Angry as hell, he turned to the culprit..and gulped.
"Uh...hi." Damn, again.
Francine grinned. "Hey dork. Whatcha doin?" She leaned, casually, on the locker beside his. The kid whose locker this was arrived shortly after, but being Andy the computer nerd, he left without comment.
"Just..." He had no idea. "Going home!" He smiled hopefully.
"Riiight." She repeated. "So, you're Reese, right?"
SHE KNOWS MY NAME! "Yes, that's me. Yep. Reese. Yeah!" Ground, swallow me up.
She nodded, smirking, and gave him a hearty backslap. He spluttered. "See y'around, loser." And off she strolled.
Lying on his bed, he thought about what it could all mean, and realised a marriage proposal from Francine in the next few days was unlikely, as were offers of an obscene or sexual nature.
What was he but a total geek to Francine? He didn't like it. He wasn't used to feeling this way. It just wasn't HIM.
The door opened, and Malcolm stuck his head round. "Erm, you okay?"
Reese just sighed. It was amazing. By now he'd usually be watching kid's tv or battling aliens. He just didn't lie around and do nothing. Something was drastically wrong.
"It's this girl." He finally stated. Oh-oh, a girl. Malcolm could remember Reese's girls. There was Wendy the cheerleader. April Fudderman. He had a pretty bad track record so far, but things had been relatively quiet since he started high school.
"Who?" He asked, perching on his bed. He couldn't believe this. It was kind of a heart-to-heart thing. It was brotherly. It was cool...no wait, it was incredibly lame.
"Francine." Reese said the name with surplus drama. "She..."
"Bye!" Malcolm suddenly sang, and hopped out the room. Reese was left alone. With his thoughts.
The next morning, Francine was sitting on his desk when he walked into homeroom. His knees turned to jelly. She was talking to other guys. Laughing. Making jokes. He got closer..
"Hey homo-boy, how ya doin'?" She delivered a "playful" punch to his arm. The guys laughed. Greg. Richie. Even Sam. She slid off the desk just as the teacher entered, but not before mussing Reese's hair roughly.
By lunch he felt pretty bad. A whole morning of Francine wore him down. He had only had one class with her - she had kicked the back of his chair - and the ones he didn't have with her he devoted to thinking of her.
He'd never met ANYONE like her. She was rude, though not wholly unfriendly, and she played rough and fought dirty. He had to speak to her properly.
As he entered the canteen, he saw her right away. She sat with all of Reese's friends, that was, Sam, Richard, Greg, Pete, Michael.. Dumfounded, his feet started walking out, but he just managed to redeem himself and sat down.
"Hi Reese." Francine said, a wicked sparkle in her eye, and took a bite of her apple. "Yeah, hi." Chorused his supposed friends. They, too. They were entranced. "Sit by me." Demanded Francine, patting the seat beside her.
As Reese sat down, Francine kicked him. She did it slow. A good buildup, then whoosh, into the calf. Good tactics, he thought glumly, and gulped. "Can I talk to you?"
She laughed. "Sure, go ahead." Suddenly everyone in the canteen seemed to be listening. Even the computer club.
"Uhm, well, yeah, hehe, I was just kinda thinkin' maybe...in private, becau.." Before he could continue, she had his wrist in an excruciatingly tight hold. "SAY IT."
He giggled nervously. "Um.." His eyes focused on the table, and he spoke in one great big rush. "Do you hate me or something, because you're always so mean to me, and you're um so cute and everything and I don't know.."
He flushed to his ears, but: it was said. Silence. The hold on his wrist softened.
"Actually..." Francine smiled gently, "You're kind of cute yourself." That was that. That put a dopey grin on his face that would not go away for the rest of the afternoon. The guys around the table went back to talking about implants.
And under the table... Reese kicked Francine back.
"Mom, I bought a friend over for supper, okay?" Reese yelled as the kitchen door flew open. He yanked Francine after him. "Mom?"
"It better not be..." Lois shut the fridge, turned, and dropped the bottle of milk all over the floor. A white puddle spread as her jaw dropped.
"Hi Mrs Wilkerson!" Chorused Francine. "Let me help you clean that up."
"Oh no, it's quite alright, er..." "Francine." Reese announced with pride, slinging his arm over her shoulders. "Okay, we're going to watch tv now, Mom. You clean up. Ice-cream for dessert? How lovely."
They left the room: Reese's arm around Francine's shoulders and hers around his waist. Lois could only gape after them.
FINALLY. Just when she was beginning to think none of her kids could be normal.