DISCLAIMER: Look, if you're reading fanfics, you already know all this. WHY
BOTHER YOU STUPID BAKA KADESSAS?!?!?!
Ok, I'm alright now. I'm fine. Take deep breaths. In…out…in…out…
{Quote mode} (Agent Lith speaking. Just kidding.) Breathe, Neo! Just BREATHE!
EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! NEO!!!!!!!!! ^_^
~A/N: Yay! Author's notes! I love author's notes!~
~A/N: You put enough in the story's middle, now get on with it.~
~A/N: Hmph. That's what I'm doing. Don't bug me. AHHH THE BUGGY THING!!!! THAT THING WAS REAL?!?!?!!~
~A/N: It's 'That thing's real!', not what you said. Dragonbug! Now…shut up and get on with it. Shp!~
~A/N: Ok ok ok! *ducks punch* STOP TRYING TO HIT ME AND HIT ME!!!~
~A/N: (Taru: "oof!") See, I hit you. Now, on with it.~
To Lady Éowyn of Rohan (a.k.a. my older sister…*shrugs*): Fala's my best friend. So, by default, she gets Legolas. ^_^
To Lil Loki Puck: *sighs* We can't use Aragorn 'til we've done everyone else we can think of. However Boromir and Sturm is definitely something to think about… ^_^ "Dead Guys Inc.!"
We're sorry this chapter took so long to publish. We've had writer's block! And when the writer's block hits, it hits like a tidal wave! *nods furiously* ^_^ Anyway, here's the story you've been waiting so eagerly for! Well…probably not…but oh well!
***CHAPTER FOUR***
Taru walked serenely into the room. However, her eyes were nearly glowing with mischief, and Elrond did not see that as a good sign. He stood up, watching her with wary eyes. She smiled innocently at him. "Elrond, there's someone I'd like you to meet." she said, and gestured towards the door.
Someone stepped through it. A very short someone. A very short, skinny, someone. The someone stuck out its hand and began talking, very very fast. It said, "Hi I'm Tasslehoff Burrfoot. Who are you? Are you related to me? How come you're so tall? Are you a giant kender or something like Tanis?"
Elrond blinked. It sounded like the little creature had just said his name was Tasslehoff Burrfoot. But that wasn't a name at all! "What did you just say?" he asked.
Tas smiled happily. "I said that I'm Tasslehoff Burrfoot, and you can call me Tas by the way because all my friends do, and who are you, and are you related to me, because a lot of people are you know, a lot of people are related to my Uncle Trapspringer as well, he seems to be a lot of people's uncle, do you have an Uncle Trapspringer? And if you have pointy ears, how come you're not a kender? Are you a giant kender like Tanis? Oh wait Tanis isn't a giant kender, he said so, he said he's a half-elf."
Elrond's eyebrows began to twitch.
"Oh, did I ever tell you about Tanis? He's a half-elf. You have pointy ears! Can I pull them? No? Is something wrong? Your eyes are glowing red. Ooooh, you have a pretty gold crown! Say, it fits me a lot better than it fits you. Did you get the wrong size? Oh, and you got braids! Tika had braids too. Did she braid your hair for you? Ooh, now your eyes are glowing orange and red! Like fire! How did you do that? Can you show me-"
Elrond began to mutter frantically in Sindarin.
"-Oh, you can't? Is it just you? Maybe your pointy ears give you special eyes! That would be great. Except I have pointy ears too, see? And the grlllumhq wumph werh qusdf"…
There were very large hands over Tasslehoff's mouth. Tasselhoff, of course, was delighted at the "monstery thing" that was holding him captive.
"Mmph! Cool! Oh, your hands are all green! Wow! And-mmmmmph!!!"
The kender dropped to the ground, unconscious.
**Three hours later**
Tas began to stir. Elrond frantically ran to the door and beat on it with his fists.
"GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!"
***
"Oh, God," Taru muttered, sinking into her chair. Lith punched a few buttons on her computer that I just invented because I felt like it and handed Taru a Death By Chocolate that had just appeared. Taru's eyes began to glow. "Mmm…where did you get that little bugger, anyway?"
"I made one like David's, see? You can even watch movies. It has twenty or so programmed on it now, and I'm downloading more. See? That's the Matrix.
"OOOOOOOOH! Let's watch!"
"Maybe later, Taru. Oh, I have an *idea*!!!!"
"Oh no. What?" Taru smiled reverently at the Death By Chocolate sitting in front of her (on the table I just invented) and began to eat.
"For our next Special Edition, instead of using DragonLance characters, let's use Matrix ones!"
"Cool! Could we do-"
"No, they're too similar already. How about-"
"But they have something in common! That's bad! What if we-"
"Great one! She kicks @$$. We definitely can't do-"
"Why not? It'd be funny, if nothing else. But-"
~A/N: Sadly, it is true we actually do this sometimes. Hey, when you spend all day, every day in the same house, and you're only separated by 18 months, you know each other pretty well. Right? –Taru~
~A/N: Right. But WHO is scared of the people at Starbucks?~
~A/N: They're SCARY!!~
~A/N: Was the guy who gave you a cupful of WHIPPED CREAM scary?~
~A/N: Well, no…~
~A/N: See? Now, back to the story and your three scoops of ice cream, three of whipped cream, and three pieces of cake Death By Chocolate.~
~A/N: There's no such thing as scoops of wipped cream. Oops I mean whipped wream. AGGGH!!!~
~A/N: You need to learn to type. And how do you know about the WHIPPED CREAM? You've never tried, have you? Huh? HUH?~
~A/N: I can SO type! It's HARD to type leaning OVER YOU!!!! NYANYANYA!!! ANYWAY! Back to the story!~
"Anyway, back to my Death By Chocolate," Lith said. "Hey do you think she'd like a-"
"Sure!" replied Taru. "Just make sure he-"
"Don't worry, Legolas won't be anywhere near. Neither will-"
"Good, no Heath Ledger or Neo ::swoon:: to worry about. And no-"
"Like I'd let Brad Pitt onto this show. Now can we please stop talking in half sentences like-"
"I know, Lith, like Beltira and Belkira. Or like-"
"Yes, like Aphrael and Sarabian. Now hush."
There is dead silence. Except for the sound of two hungry girls eating Death By Chocolate.
"So should we?" Taru asked suddenly.
"Give her a cameo? Sure."
Lady Éowyn of Rohan appears.
Her first words:
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY LEGOLAS?!?"
"We gave her to Fala," Taru said calmly.
"YOU WHAT?"
"Oh, hush up," Lith said absently, "And, yes, I did type "her" on purpose." (Éowyn glared.) "As I said, hush. Or I won't let you have Neo. Oh – wait – you wouldn't get him anyway."
"Why? I want him!" Taru glared.
"He's mine. I don't have a guy I like like, remember?" Lith grinned.
"I thought it was Dalamar," Éowyn said. "And Taru's was Raistlin."
"EEEEEEEP!" Taru and Lith said together and burst into laughter.
"Isn't he, like, the evil dude?" asked Éowyn.
"I guess so. And I don't like Dalamar, as in like like. The last person he liked, I think, died."
"How?" asked Éowyn. (Taru was too busy eating.) "ARE YOU EATING DEATH BY CHOCOLATES? WITHOUT ME?!?"
"Here, have one. I don't know if Jenna has died yet, but Regene did. She got beaten up by a blue dragon and then Dalamar killed her."
"You never told me that!"
"You didn't ask, Éowyn," Taru chipped in. "Tramd O' the Dark cast an illusion spell, didn't he? So Dalamar didn't see her until it was too late."
"Right."
"Was he sorry, I wonder?" Éowyn asked.
"Dalamar's been sorry for a lot of things," Taru replied. "But it was Regene's choice to walk into danger, and therefore, her fault that she died."
"Anyway, I don't like like him," Lith said. "He's just…cool. The Alexa Lith doesn't like him. The Dolenlithiel Lith does. Only the Alexa Lith, isn't."
"Yeah, like that helps," Éowyn muttered, eating her Death By Chocolate.
Taru blinked. "Like that makes sense…"
"Anyway…(makes official face, ends up snorting the ginger ale she was drinking out her nose, and gives up) Lady Éowyn Greenleaf (yeah right) of Rohan, would you like to introduce our next people?"
"Um, no thanks. I have to go soon – Chem SAT II that I have to study for tomorrow."
"Okay…just give me the dishes. (Éowyn vanishes.) This computer also washes dishes with no water or soap or anything, and then stores them in an invisible pocket drifting around in the atmosphere. Oh – sh!t – a comet just crashed into it. So much for that."
"Put it on Pluto," Taru suggested brightly. "Of course, with a heater."
"Good idea." Lith hit buttons on the computer. "Okay, done! Hey, I thought of a good name for this thing!"
"What?"
"Lil Bugger."
"Oh, great. Can we end now, before your dishes freeze and come clattering down on our heads in frozen pieces?"
"They wouldn't do that."
"Wanna bet?"
"Taru, there is a 'destroy danger' option I have enabled at all times. In this case, it would probably make the dishes fly into the air so they wouldn't hurt Pluto, and then heat them so much they turned first into a liquid, then a gas. Anyway…we probably should finish up this section – what's that?"
"Oh. That would be Elrond," Taru said, listening clinically to the frantic pounding on the door. "He's in there with Tas."
Ok, I'm alright now. I'm fine. Take deep breaths. In…out…in…out…
{Quote mode} (Agent Lith speaking. Just kidding.) Breathe, Neo! Just BREATHE!
EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! NEO!!!!!!!!! ^_^
~A/N: Yay! Author's notes! I love author's notes!~
~A/N: You put enough in the story's middle, now get on with it.~
~A/N: Hmph. That's what I'm doing. Don't bug me. AHHH THE BUGGY THING!!!! THAT THING WAS REAL?!?!?!!~
~A/N: It's 'That thing's real!', not what you said. Dragonbug! Now…shut up and get on with it. Shp!~
~A/N: Ok ok ok! *ducks punch* STOP TRYING TO HIT ME AND HIT ME!!!~
~A/N: (Taru: "oof!") See, I hit you. Now, on with it.~
To Lady Éowyn of Rohan (a.k.a. my older sister…*shrugs*): Fala's my best friend. So, by default, she gets Legolas. ^_^
To Lil Loki Puck: *sighs* We can't use Aragorn 'til we've done everyone else we can think of. However Boromir and Sturm is definitely something to think about… ^_^ "Dead Guys Inc.!"
We're sorry this chapter took so long to publish. We've had writer's block! And when the writer's block hits, it hits like a tidal wave! *nods furiously* ^_^ Anyway, here's the story you've been waiting so eagerly for! Well…probably not…but oh well!
***CHAPTER FOUR***
Taru walked serenely into the room. However, her eyes were nearly glowing with mischief, and Elrond did not see that as a good sign. He stood up, watching her with wary eyes. She smiled innocently at him. "Elrond, there's someone I'd like you to meet." she said, and gestured towards the door.
Someone stepped through it. A very short someone. A very short, skinny, someone. The someone stuck out its hand and began talking, very very fast. It said, "Hi I'm Tasslehoff Burrfoot. Who are you? Are you related to me? How come you're so tall? Are you a giant kender or something like Tanis?"
Elrond blinked. It sounded like the little creature had just said his name was Tasslehoff Burrfoot. But that wasn't a name at all! "What did you just say?" he asked.
Tas smiled happily. "I said that I'm Tasslehoff Burrfoot, and you can call me Tas by the way because all my friends do, and who are you, and are you related to me, because a lot of people are you know, a lot of people are related to my Uncle Trapspringer as well, he seems to be a lot of people's uncle, do you have an Uncle Trapspringer? And if you have pointy ears, how come you're not a kender? Are you a giant kender like Tanis? Oh wait Tanis isn't a giant kender, he said so, he said he's a half-elf."
Elrond's eyebrows began to twitch.
"Oh, did I ever tell you about Tanis? He's a half-elf. You have pointy ears! Can I pull them? No? Is something wrong? Your eyes are glowing red. Ooooh, you have a pretty gold crown! Say, it fits me a lot better than it fits you. Did you get the wrong size? Oh, and you got braids! Tika had braids too. Did she braid your hair for you? Ooh, now your eyes are glowing orange and red! Like fire! How did you do that? Can you show me-"
Elrond began to mutter frantically in Sindarin.
"-Oh, you can't? Is it just you? Maybe your pointy ears give you special eyes! That would be great. Except I have pointy ears too, see? And the grlllumhq wumph werh qusdf"…
There were very large hands over Tasslehoff's mouth. Tasselhoff, of course, was delighted at the "monstery thing" that was holding him captive.
"Mmph! Cool! Oh, your hands are all green! Wow! And-mmmmmph!!!"
The kender dropped to the ground, unconscious.
**Three hours later**
Tas began to stir. Elrond frantically ran to the door and beat on it with his fists.
"GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!"
***
"Oh, God," Taru muttered, sinking into her chair. Lith punched a few buttons on her computer that I just invented because I felt like it and handed Taru a Death By Chocolate that had just appeared. Taru's eyes began to glow. "Mmm…where did you get that little bugger, anyway?"
"I made one like David's, see? You can even watch movies. It has twenty or so programmed on it now, and I'm downloading more. See? That's the Matrix.
"OOOOOOOOH! Let's watch!"
"Maybe later, Taru. Oh, I have an *idea*!!!!"
"Oh no. What?" Taru smiled reverently at the Death By Chocolate sitting in front of her (on the table I just invented) and began to eat.
"For our next Special Edition, instead of using DragonLance characters, let's use Matrix ones!"
"Cool! Could we do-"
"No, they're too similar already. How about-"
"But they have something in common! That's bad! What if we-"
"Great one! She kicks @$$. We definitely can't do-"
"Why not? It'd be funny, if nothing else. But-"
~A/N: Sadly, it is true we actually do this sometimes. Hey, when you spend all day, every day in the same house, and you're only separated by 18 months, you know each other pretty well. Right? –Taru~
~A/N: Right. But WHO is scared of the people at Starbucks?~
~A/N: They're SCARY!!~
~A/N: Was the guy who gave you a cupful of WHIPPED CREAM scary?~
~A/N: Well, no…~
~A/N: See? Now, back to the story and your three scoops of ice cream, three of whipped cream, and three pieces of cake Death By Chocolate.~
~A/N: There's no such thing as scoops of wipped cream. Oops I mean whipped wream. AGGGH!!!~
~A/N: You need to learn to type. And how do you know about the WHIPPED CREAM? You've never tried, have you? Huh? HUH?~
~A/N: I can SO type! It's HARD to type leaning OVER YOU!!!! NYANYANYA!!! ANYWAY! Back to the story!~
"Anyway, back to my Death By Chocolate," Lith said. "Hey do you think she'd like a-"
"Sure!" replied Taru. "Just make sure he-"
"Don't worry, Legolas won't be anywhere near. Neither will-"
"Good, no Heath Ledger or Neo ::swoon:: to worry about. And no-"
"Like I'd let Brad Pitt onto this show. Now can we please stop talking in half sentences like-"
"I know, Lith, like Beltira and Belkira. Or like-"
"Yes, like Aphrael and Sarabian. Now hush."
There is dead silence. Except for the sound of two hungry girls eating Death By Chocolate.
"So should we?" Taru asked suddenly.
"Give her a cameo? Sure."
Lady Éowyn of Rohan appears.
Her first words:
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY LEGOLAS?!?"
"We gave her to Fala," Taru said calmly.
"YOU WHAT?"
"Oh, hush up," Lith said absently, "And, yes, I did type "her" on purpose." (Éowyn glared.) "As I said, hush. Or I won't let you have Neo. Oh – wait – you wouldn't get him anyway."
"Why? I want him!" Taru glared.
"He's mine. I don't have a guy I like like, remember?" Lith grinned.
"I thought it was Dalamar," Éowyn said. "And Taru's was Raistlin."
"EEEEEEEP!" Taru and Lith said together and burst into laughter.
"Isn't he, like, the evil dude?" asked Éowyn.
"I guess so. And I don't like Dalamar, as in like like. The last person he liked, I think, died."
"How?" asked Éowyn. (Taru was too busy eating.) "ARE YOU EATING DEATH BY CHOCOLATES? WITHOUT ME?!?"
"Here, have one. I don't know if Jenna has died yet, but Regene did. She got beaten up by a blue dragon and then Dalamar killed her."
"You never told me that!"
"You didn't ask, Éowyn," Taru chipped in. "Tramd O' the Dark cast an illusion spell, didn't he? So Dalamar didn't see her until it was too late."
"Right."
"Was he sorry, I wonder?" Éowyn asked.
"Dalamar's been sorry for a lot of things," Taru replied. "But it was Regene's choice to walk into danger, and therefore, her fault that she died."
"Anyway, I don't like like him," Lith said. "He's just…cool. The Alexa Lith doesn't like him. The Dolenlithiel Lith does. Only the Alexa Lith, isn't."
"Yeah, like that helps," Éowyn muttered, eating her Death By Chocolate.
Taru blinked. "Like that makes sense…"
"Anyway…(makes official face, ends up snorting the ginger ale she was drinking out her nose, and gives up) Lady Éowyn Greenleaf (yeah right) of Rohan, would you like to introduce our next people?"
"Um, no thanks. I have to go soon – Chem SAT II that I have to study for tomorrow."
"Okay…just give me the dishes. (Éowyn vanishes.) This computer also washes dishes with no water or soap or anything, and then stores them in an invisible pocket drifting around in the atmosphere. Oh – sh!t – a comet just crashed into it. So much for that."
"Put it on Pluto," Taru suggested brightly. "Of course, with a heater."
"Good idea." Lith hit buttons on the computer. "Okay, done! Hey, I thought of a good name for this thing!"
"What?"
"Lil Bugger."
"Oh, great. Can we end now, before your dishes freeze and come clattering down on our heads in frozen pieces?"
"They wouldn't do that."
"Wanna bet?"
"Taru, there is a 'destroy danger' option I have enabled at all times. In this case, it would probably make the dishes fly into the air so they wouldn't hurt Pluto, and then heat them so much they turned first into a liquid, then a gas. Anyway…we probably should finish up this section – what's that?"
"Oh. That would be Elrond," Taru said, listening clinically to the frantic pounding on the door. "He's in there with Tas."