Chapter 1; The Demise of the Zombie Pirate LeCold
Vegeta groaned as he sat up, rubbing his ringing head, before standing up and dusting the soot of off him. Through a hole in the side of the ship, he could see that Bulma's forces weren't doing so good. He stood up and cursed mentally. "I've got to get out of here and help Bulma!" he mumbled to himself, when he suddenly noticed a door. He gave a small smirk, before trying to get the door open.
This, unfortunately, didn't work. He growled. "If only I could get through this one door…" He gave it a good kick, and howled in pain. Mahogany, toughest wood you can get! "…Then I could easily overpower the armed guards above…" he mumbled while rubbing his foot. "…Slip over the side and make for the shore."
"Quit yer mumbling, captive!" a sudden voice said, making Vegeta jump. He had been so lost in his thoughts, that he didn't realize he wasn't alone. There was a pint-sized pirate with a fake eye patch, beard and hook standing in front of him. He had a chalk white skin, red cheeks and wore a black hat with a white feather on it from what must've been an exotic bird., and Vegeta had a feeling he had met this guy before.
Vegeta then noticed the cannon that was standing behind the small man, who had a gun aimed at him, before placing it away and turning to the cannon. He pulled a cord, and the cannon fire. 'Oh, the latest models…' Vegeta thought, taking a good look around.
There was a pile of cannonballs lying in one corner, above him was the hold (which was sealed off), behind him was the door, and on his right hand hung a ramrod. Vegeta had absolutely no idea why he did, but he took the ramrod, and dumped it easily in his pants, while the small pirate was hurling strings of curses at the people on the fort.
Vegeta sucked the inside of his cheek, before walking over and tapping the small pirate on his shoulder, who instantly turned, his gun drawn. "Stay away!" he warned with a venomous voice. Vegeta was more scared of the gun aimed at him than the pirate. There were numerous things he could say, but to start, he asked: "Aren't you a little short for a pirate?"
The small pirate snarled angrily and said: "Hold yer tongue, captive! Or I'll be holding it fer ya!" Vegeta looked disgusted at the idea and he made it very clear by what he said. "Eeewww!" The small pirate now held the gun more tightly, and Vegeta hurriedly searched ideas on what to say or ask. "You sound pretty tough." 'Oh real nice Threepwood!' he scolded himself.
The small pirate loosened his grip on the gun and said: "I'm so tough, in junior high, I stuffed Davy Jones in his locker." The grip on his gun didn't tighten like before, which was a good thing. The longboats were strolling toward the fort, so he needed the cannon. "Can I borrow you cannon for a second?" Vegeta offered weakly with a small smile and a shrug.
"No, ya scheming scalawag!" the small pirate cursed. "Ya scrappy scofflaw!" At this point, Vegeta raised a curious eyebrow at the pirate. "Ya steamin' soufflé!" "Hey! Wait a minute!" Vegeta said, placing a hand on his chin and an arm around his waist. "You're not a pirate…" His eyes widened as realization sunk in. "Chiaot Zu! Don't you recognize me?" he said with a smile. "It's Vegeta Threepwood!"
The young boy's face saddened and he lowered the gun. "Oh, gee…" he said, his voice a few octaves higher than it had been before then, which had made it so hard for Vegeta to realize who he had been. "Hello Mr. Wood," he said, waving his fake hook at him.
"The last time I saw you, we were prisoners in LeCold's dungeon," Vegeta said, his hands on his hips. His expression turned serious as he asked: "Why would you sign on with the ship of the living dead?" "Well, Mr. Wood…" Chiaot Zu said with his own high squeaky voice. "…At first I had some misgivings about it. But thanks to LeCold's seminars, motivational lectures, and audio books-on-parrot, I've become a vicious corsair! You can too!" Vegeta looked stunned. "Ask me how!"
Vegeta thought for a moment, before saying: "Tell me about these seminars." "The seminars really brought things in focus. You don't know how empowering it is, to be able to say to yourself, 'Yes. I am a despicable, filthy villainous pirate, deserving blame and censure, but THAT pirate, is who I want to be'. Everyone was really very supportive. We had this great feeling of synergy. Then LeCold kicked down the door and said; 'Ye lazy scum! Get back ta work or I'll beat you with yer own legs'."
Vegeta thought back to what Chiaot Zu had said before, before saying: "Tell me about these motivational lectures." "Well, they weren't lectures as such. It was what LeCold described as flogging the inner child."
"Tell me about these audio books." "To become a pirate, the audio books-on-parrot are the key. You get a set of twelve parrots, on a month. Return as many as you like. Keep them all and live. They teach you to talk just like a pirate! All the key phrases are in there! 'Blow the man down'. 'Shiver me timbers'. 'Who's a pretty bird?'. All the phrases a pirate needs to command respect on the high-seas!"
Vegeta gave a sigh and thought about changing the subject, so he said: "I'm not in the mood for sales hype." "Here," Chiaot Zu said, getting some literature from his pocket with his hook. "At least take this literature. You may change your mind." Vegeta gladly accepted and placed them in his pants.
Vegeta gave a sigh and looked back at the door. "What's behind that door?" he asked Chiaot Zu. "Oooooh! That's the door to LeCold's treasure hold. There's heaps and piles of gold and silver. He's brought all the loot he's ever stolen to give to Bulma. LeCold is convinced that he can buy Bulma's love." "Hmmmm…"
Curious after LeCold's plans he asked: "What are LeCold's plans?" "He's been working on a secret weapon. Some incredibly powerful cannonball. He's going to use it to blow down the walls of the fort, so his crew can overrun the island!" Vegeta gaped, this was going to get messy, and he had to get out of the ship immediately.
"Set me free Chiaot Zu!" Vegeta said, growing desperate to get out. "I can't Mr. Wood," Chiaot Zu said sadly. He scowled and said with that threatening voice: "I'm the evil pirate Bloodnose, now." He looked sad again and his voice also returned. "And besides, even if you got up on deck, LeCold would cut you to ribbons."
"Snap out of it Chiaot Zu!" Vegeta said, getting highly irritated. Chiaot Zu returned to his evil alter ego and hissed: "That's Bloodnose to you, ya scurvy sea-bass!" Vegeta growled; not only did he have bad insults, he also had a very stupid accent! Vegeta scowled and said harshly: "You're a failure as a pirate!" "Shut yer trap, ya yellow-bellied blowfish!" Chiaot Zu aimed his gun at Vegeta, who almost backed away. "One more peep out of you and I'll do ya in!" 'Oh, is that how you want to play it? Huh Chiaot Zu?' Vegeta thought with a very nice idea.
Shrugging, he said: "Peep."
"Ya scabrous swab! One more word and I'll let you have it!" "WORD!!!" "That's it! I'm gonna blast ya!" Vegeta put on a fake hurt look, making Chiaot Zu falter. "I'm gonna… I'm… gonna…" He sniffed sadly, a tear rolling from under his eye patch. "Oh, I can't do it! I just can't!" he sobbed sadly, throwing his gun out the porthole.
"You're right, Mr. Wood!" Chiaot Zu said, turning to Vegeta while removing his eye patch. "I'm just not a pirate! I'm not ferocious, or bloodthirsty, or hateful, or anything! I'm not even…" Another tear rolled down his face. "I'm not even unpleasant!" He fell to his knees and wanted to hide his face in his hands, but he still had that danged hook on his hand, so he shook that off first, before hiding his head in his head and crying.
"WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!"
"Oh. There, there," Vegeta said, trying to cheer the young boy up, before picking up the plastic hook. When Vegeta looked out the porthole, he gasped as he saw the longboats approaching the fort. "OH SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!!" He ran over to the cannon and manned it. There were four boats, and he didn't quite know how to shoot, so he first tried to one closest in range.
The skeletons instantly fell apart as the boat was hit. Bulma looked confused. "Alright! Who hit that boat over there?!" "Hey! You're getting a little close there pal!" one of the skeletons suddenly shouted, right before he screamed as his boat blew up. "Watch where you're shootin'!" another shouted before screaming as he fell in the water. "You're going to get us all killed! Agaaaaaaaiiiin!!!!" a last one shouted, before the last boat got blown up.
"Hey! I'm getting pretty good at this!" Vegeta said, smiling broadly. He walked over to the porthole, and cringed. "Ewww, gross… all the bones and stuff are floating towards the ship!" he said to himself. Seeing as he had to leave the ship, he tried crawling through the porthole, but the cannon was in the way. "I can't quite squeeze past this cannon."
He suddenly noticed an arm floating about, and a skull on a board. He got an idea! "Well, they've messed with the wrong skull this time! Ha Ha!" the skull said, while Vegeta got the ramrod and plastic hook from his pants, making a gaff with them. "If I could just get my hands on that gunner! If I could just get my hands, period!" the skull muttered as Vegeta reached over with the gaff and hoisted the arm in, which held a cutlass too!
"HEY!! That's my arm!" the skull screamed. "Give that back!" Vegeta simply grinned and watched the skull mutter to himself. "Ah well. I guess I'll just have to look on the bright side of this." Just to toy with the skull, he asked, while turning the skull, which had a few scars, to face him with the gaff: "Lose something?" with an evil grin on his face.
The skull scowled. "I am Yamcha! The invincible, demonic skull! Quake in fear mortal! For your insolence, I shall now devour you!" Vegeta sweat-dropped. "Uh-huh," he said sarcastically. "Could you…" Yamcha started. "…Er… Could you pick me up, so I can bite you?" he finally asked. "No." "I just thought I'd ask."
"You know," Vegeta said, a little bored, and looking like it as well. "You'd look great with a candle on your forehead." "I get the feeling you're not taking me very seriously," Yamcha said sadly. "No, I am. Really." "Really?" Yamcha asked, to which Vegeta nodded. "Then let me hear you scream in terror!" Vegeta was getting bored with this thing. "I'm too petrified to say anything," Vegeta said solemnly.
Yamcha began laughing and Vegeta quirked a curious eyebrow at the skull. "Why do you villains always laugh so much?" he asked. "I wasn't laughing about anything in particular!" Yamcha nearly screamed. "Somewhere, there's a fish nibbling on my foot and it really tickles!" Vegeta rolled his eyes in boredom.
"Can I call you SOB?" he asked. "You may call me Yamcha! I am a powerful demonic force! I am the harbinger of your doom! And the forces of darkness will applaud me as I STRIDE through the gates of hell carrying your head on a pike!" Vegeta looked him up and down and repeated: "'Stride'?" Yamcha growled and said: "Alright then, 'ROLL! ROLL through the gates of hell'. Must you take the fun out of everything?"
"It's been swell talking to ya!" Vegeta said. "Run, then! Run! Run away from the fearsome skull! Until you die, I shall revisit you in your most horrible nightmares!" Yamcha said and cackled maniacally, before saying: "HEY!!!" as Vegeta knocked him into the water with the gaff, leaving Vegeta grinning evilly. "See you in my nightmares Yamcha!" Vegeta taunted, placing the gaff away.
He went back inside to find Chiaot Zu still crying. Vegeta cracked all of his knuckles and walked around Chiaot Zu, moving to the cannon restraint rope. "Ha-ha!" Vegeta said, getting the cutlass from his pants. "Taste cold steel, feeble cannon restraint rope!" he said, before cutting the rope and placing the cutlass away. He walked over to the cannon and took the cord in his hand.
"Now," LeCold said, holding a green flaming boll in his hand." "With the demon flames of this voodoo cannonball, I'll blast my significant other into the significant otherworld!" He laughed loudly. "That'll show her how much I truly care--"
At that moment, Vegeta fired the cannon, and he was sent, with the cannon, straight through the door to LeCold's treasure hold, making the entire ship shake by the giant shock. "DAAAaarrr!!" LeCold hollered, trying to keep the voodoo cannonball in his hand, but no such luck. It dropped… but nothing happened.
Bulma had seen the ship shake, and wondered what was going on, when she heard LeCold say: "Ugh! Neptune's navel, that was a close one." The second he had pronounced the last word--- BOOOOOOM!!!! "Aaaah!
"Oh, NOOOO!!!" Bulma screamed, placing her hands in her hair and running out of the fort and to the beach while the ship capsized.
When Vegeta came too, he noticed he was lying on the ceiling of the ship and staring straight at the night sky due to a whole on the bottom of the ship. He got up when suddenly: "HEY!!! I lost my cutlass when the ship capsized! DAMN! And I just had it!"
He looked around the treasures. There was a portrait of LeCold, a record collection, home appliances, a wreath that said: 'Marry Me… or Die', a music box, a teddy bear stabbed through the heart, a flotation device, and a few other stupid things! However, the only thing Vegeta took was a bag of wooden nickels. "Some treasure," he muttered, but once the bag had been picked up, he gasped. "There's a big diamond ring behind this bag!"
He had a nice idea what he would use it for. Two things actually. The first; was to cut a hole in the glass of the porthole he'd seen. Instantly, he was pushed to the wall by the huge amount of water pouring into the room. Hadn't it been for the flotation device, he would've died as the ship sank, while he rose through the hole in the bottom of the ship. Like that, he began to swim toward the beach, where he was awaited by…
"Vegeta?" Bulma questioned. "Vegeta! I thought I'd lost you forever. Is it really you?" she asked once he was standing across from her. "Yes Bulma," he said, kicking a small fish out of his pants. He placed a hand behind his head. "Umm… did you really mean what you said out there? … That I was the only man you ever loved?" he asked shyly.
"Uh… well… Yes, Vegeta, I guess I did," Bulma said just as shyly. "Bulma, I'm a man of action. A swashbuckler. A rogue. A wanderer! A man who can hold his breath for ten minutes. I have no ties and no regrets. I sail with the wind and go where adventure takes me. But somehow, something always leads me…" He didn't get to finish, because Bulma said: "Vegeta, stop babbling."
Vegeta sighed and got ready to do one last thing with the diamond ring he found. "Bulma, will you marry me?" he asked, showing her the ring, and Bulma was in heaven. He finally asked! He finally did! "Oh, Vegeta!" she said, allowing him to place the ring on her finger.
"Hi there!" a sudden voice said, and when the two looked, they both shouted: "CHIAOT ZU?!!" "You're alive!" Vegeta said. "Uh, but, how did you survive the explosion?!!" "I was thrown clear," Chiaot Zu said, smiling. "I'm just lucky I wasn't wearing my seat belt!" Chiaot Zu then noticed the ring Bulma had, and said: "Wow, Bulma! That's some ring!" "Thank you Chiaot Zu. It's an engagement ring from Vegeta," Bulma said with a smile. Chiaot Zu suddenly seemed to think, until he said: "You know? That looks just like the big diamond ring LeCold had in his treasure hold. You know, the one with that ghastly, disfiguring voodoo curse on it." Both Bulma and Vegeta paled. "Well, I'm sure Vegeta wouldn't have given you THAT ring. Anyway, I gotta be going," he said, and didn't notice the glare Bulma threw at Vegeta. "I hear there's a tattoo removal place on this island that's freckle-safe," he said, walking away. "See ya at the wedding!"
"Vegeta?!!!" Bulma said, and Vegeta backed away as Bulma made a move to punch him, before she changed into a solid gold statue!
TO BE CONTINUED