"Solemn Vow, Sacred Promise" by Marie Whi Mitshue
Author's Note: Wrote in first person, which is annoying sometimes. Keeps switching from Duo's POV to Heero's POV. You should be able to tell who is who… I hope. Yaoi/shounen ai, 1x2/2x1(Duo and Heero, whichever way ya wanna put it!). A little **VIOLENCE warning.** (Can't tell you exactly what, you'll just have to read.) I don't own the Gundam Wing guys, only borrowing them for entertainment and anime obsession. If they return, sweaty, mussed, panting and with torn clothes, it ain't my fault. Enjoy.
*emphasis* (the more **, the bigger the emphasis)
~~~~
I love him. I know this, but what can I do? I've tried everything to stop loving him. But nothing works. He's abrupt, taciturn, intense, closed- mouthed, cold, suicidal – if it'll help "THE MISSION" – and so controlled I bet his emotions have to self-detonate and blow up his brain before he admits they exist.
Heero Yuy. The young man that haunts my dreams and my heart, who treats me like an irritating, annoying obstacle – that one day he will remove should I become more of a liability and less of a useful resource.
I lean up against the railing of the balcony – all us intrepid gundam pilots, me, Heero, Chang Wufei, Trowa Barton and Quatre Raberba Winner, are at one of Q-Man's vast estates – and stare out at the beautifully manicured, tree-dotted lawn before me. My braid slips forward and falls over my shoulder. I play with the end of it – a nervous habit, one I've been doing a hell of a lot more since I met my personal Japanese Heaven and Hell, all rolled into one.
I smile slightly, a smile more wistful than happy, as I remember our first meeting. I shot Heero in defense of Relena, whom he was about to kill because she knew too much about him – shot him twice, once in the bicep, and once in the thigh.
I snort aloud. If I knew then what I knew now, I would have let him kill the psychotic, shrill-voiced, self-delusional, stalker witch that we now call Queen of the World. Now *that's* a nightmare-turned- reality: Relena Darlian – oh, *excuse me*, Relena *Peacecraft, Princess* of the pacifist Peacecraft monarchy – in a position of such power. Almost as bad – or is she worse? – as Treize Kushrenada and OZ.
Ah, Heero. What am I to do? I wonder what would he do if I walked up to him, grabbed him and kissed him fiercely? Probably rip my head off, or put a bullet through my heart… But wouldn't it be worth it, just to feel his soft, firm mouth beneath mine, just once…
I shake off such suicidal thoughts and try to push off my serious, morose mood. One of the others are bound to come out here soon, and I'm supposed to be the Eternal Jester, all wide grins, silly behavior, and loud jokes. The only time I usually deviate from my façade of grins and jests is in battle – then its *maniacal* grins and 'All who see the God of Death must *DIE!!!*' If they see me serious, I'll get asked question after question – soft and concerned ones from gentle Quatre, short, quiet, but compelling ones from self-contained Trowa, demanding, yet insightful ones from fierce Wufei… and from Heero… probably no questions from Heero. Probably nothing but a cold, shuttered look from those gorgeous, but unemotional, cobalt blue eyes. He disapproves of me, of my jokes and grins and jests, of my frivolity and facetiousness, I know he does. He can't see that they are just a mask to hide all the pain, guilt and torment in my soul.
None of them see or would understand the real me…
Then, would I understand the real me, anymore? I've been hiding from myself and everybody else for so long…
~~~~
What is he thinking about? I wonder to myself as I stare up at Duo leaning against the black wrought iron railing of the balcony. I lean back against the tree behind me, feeling the ridges and whorls of the bark press into my back, confident that the night and the trees screen me from my fighting partner's eyes.
I push my hair back out of my eyes, gaze narrowing as I watch Duo toy with the end of his braid – he only does that when he's nervous or worried – and then he smiles wistfully. He looks so… pensive, so disheartened. Then he snorts out loud, as if his thoughts annoy him. Then his expression and those gorgeous violet gems that he has for eyes turn morose and sad again.
What is he thinking about? I wonder, intensely curious. Duo is never serious or downcast… at least, not on the outside. I realized a long time ago that what Duo wants us to see, the maniacally-cheerful Jester's mask, is not necessarily what is really going on in that beautiful head. He looks so… *chipper* all the time, like he doesn't have a care in the world, like all the pain and blood and death doesn't bother him. He's good at making you believe that.
But then, once in a while, you get a rare glimpse of something in his eyes, unmasked feeling and emotion in their luminous violet depths: pain, guilt, self-loathing, disgust, remorse, fear… and then his cheerful, happy-go-lucky façade snaps back up, just as thick as my Perfect Soldier mask.
Duo hurts inside. And that makes me hurt.
A Perfect Soldier isn't supposed to have emotions. I know this. And I didn't… until Duo Maxwell came along. My heart and soul and emotion were locked away behind barriers so thick and wide and high that any sane, reasonable person would have never even tried to break them down. But Duo Maxwell, self-proclaimed Shinigami, isn't any sane, reasonable person. He's so stubborn, I think more stubborn than me! He offered me friendship and warmth and light. He smashed through all those barriers and dragged me from the darkness, kicking and screaming all the way, into the full day of his light.
And he captured my heart, although he doesn't know.
To him, I'm just his best friend, fighting partner and fellow gundam pilot.
Now he looks… almost despairing. Oh, Duo, baku no tenshi, what is wrong? How can I help you, my love?
I can't… not unless he comes to me, like he does sometimes at night when those nightmares of Maxwell Church and of death and destruction get to be too much. Then he comes to me, crawls into my bed, and I hold him, like a good best friend should do, let him drift back to sleep, and ignore the fierce ache in my lower body that begs me to take him.
Unless he comes to me, I can do nothing. For if I were to approach him, that Jester's mask of his would spring into place and he'd deny that there had been anything but a grin on his face.
Oh, my Duo… ai shiteru… eien ni, baku no itooshi…
~~~~
I hurry into the underground hangar, built by Quatre's Maganacs, then stop, tugging on my braid in irritation. Damn, Heero's already back. I wanted to leave before Heero got back from his latest mission.
I stand and stare at Wing , side-by-side with my own beloved Deathscythe. Well, I can still escape before he sees me. In the mood I'm in, I'll either try to kill him or kiss him. Either way will lead to him kicking the shit outta me.
I run along the catwalk, towards Deathscythe. I hit the hatch release and it hisses open. Aha, made it!!
Then, a familiar, dreaded/anticipated (take your pick), calm voice from behind me makes me jump, with a startled EEP!, and I spin around.
"Where are you going, Duo?"
Heero is standing nearby, leaning negligently on the catwalk railing… but, I can see muscles standing out tensely in his shoulders and arms. Why is he tense?, I wonder, but my heart is hammering at triple beat, and the thought gets lost among the rush.
God, Heero looks good! Those spandex shorts and green tank top maybe a fashion no-no, but I'll say this for that outfit: it shows off that lithe, well-toned body *very* well. And those profound, cobalt blue eyes, shaded by those soft-looking, dark brown, messy bangs...
"G..going, Heero?" I try for my Innocent Priest routine, smiling as innocently as I can (I'm well aware that I can look either deadly and dangerous, or sweet, pure and innocent. I try to use both to my advantage), but a stutter betrays my unease.
Heero straightens, crossing his arms over his chest. His eyes flick over me, from black combat boots, black riding pants, black and white priest-like shirt, to long, chestnut braid and black baseball-style cap, and my breath catches. Then his eyes narrow on the small bag hanging over my shoulder.
"You're leaving." It's a statement, not a question. "Did you receive a mission?"
"No…" I shake my head. "I just thought… I'd… leave for a while…"
Heero frowns at me. "Why?" He asks me bluntly. He steps close to me, and I would scramble backwards, but my back is already to the catwalk railing . He is barely two or three inches from me, and I can feel the barest tickle of his breath against my cheek, feel the barest hint of warmth from his near body, smell the heady scent that is a mixture of faint, lingering scents of battles, mecha, cordite and something uniquely Heero. Just the scent of Heero makes me horny, it's so… intoxicating, and yet, its also soothing to me. Go figure.
Oh, God, what am I to say? I'm caught in the dark depths of Heero's eyes, and I'm afraid of what will come out of my mouth.
~~~~
I see Duo hurrying into the hangar, and I have to follow. He stops and stares and Wing and Deathscythe looming side by side in the massive hangar. He tugs irritably on his braid, then clambers up the catwalk and runs lightly along it towards Deathscythe. Both his braid and the small black bag over his shoulder slap against his back.
He's leaving, I *know* it!
I hurry after him, swiftly and silently. Why is he leaving now? Did he get a mission? I can't let him go without… Without what? I silently mock myself. You are never going to tell him how you feel and you know it!
He reaches his gundam and triggers the hatch, which hisses open. I lean against the rail behind him, striving to look impassive and unconcerned – but I am acutely aware of the muscles bunched along my shoulders, back and arms in tension.
"Where are you going, Duo?" I ask in a outwardly calm voice that betrays nothing of my inner turmoil.
He jumps, makes a surprised EEP!, and spins around. I can see the pulse beat at the delicate skin of his throat pick up speed until it is very fast, so fast I'm surprised it doesn't bruise that fragile skin. Why is he so nervous? Or afraid? Why would he be either? After, its only me, his dear best friend. (No, Yuy, there's no bitterness there!)
His violet eyes widen, flicking over me and he pulls out that innocent little smile.
"G..going, Heero?" His voice is devoid of guile, but a little stutter betrays his nervousness.
I straighten, and my eyes sweep over him from head to toe. His breath hitches – why? Why am I making him nervous? – as my gaze travels over him. Then I focus on that bag at his shoulder.
"You're leaving." It's a statement, not a question. I know he's going. But why? "Did you receive a mission?"
"No…" Duo shakes his head. "I just thought… I'd… leave for a while…"
I frown at him. "Why?" I ask him bluntly. I step close to him, and he looks like wants to scramble away, but his back is up against the catwalk railing. Am I *that* repulsive to him?
Only a couple of inches of space are between us, and I can feel the whisper of his breath stir my bangs, and smell the scent that is uniquely Duo, captivating, comforting and arousing, all at once. Even this close, though, I can feel no heat radiating from him. Duo's body temperature is always so low; he is drawn to heat sources like a moth to a flame. That's one of the reasons he's so tactile, always cuddling, hugging, touching.
I stare into his amethyst eyes, and see a wild jumble of emotion lurking in their depths. I am frozen, lost in those beautiful orbs.
K'so, but Duo is gorgeous.
He's not moving, staring into my eyes, and I don't know what to do. I know why I am frozen, but… why is he?
~~~~
Why does Heero want to know? I… God, he's so beautiful… I can't just stand here, staring into those awesome eyes… I have to… do… something!
I blink and tear my eyes away from his. "Um, I … just thought… maybe… I… uh…" I heard my voice say. C'mon, I'm Duo Maxwell, Eternal Chatterbox, for God's sake, and that's all I can come up with?!
"Why are you leaving m – us, Duo? You don't have a mission, you'll be insulting Quatre, you have no where else you need to be, or even to go." Heero says flatly.
Then he blinks, like he has just thought of something. This isn't good. Heero is *smart*, and if he turns that incredible mind to me, he'll figure out my secret – that I love him so very much – very quickly. I open my mouth to say something, I have no idea what – but he speaks first. "So, you are running from something… or someone… here. What, who, are you running from, Duo? And why?"
I freeze, staring at him in panic. Oh, no!
~~~~
Duo lowers his eyes. Thank God. If he hadn't looked away, I might have… My thoughts break off as he stammers, "Um, I … just thought… maybe… I… uh…"
Duo Maxwell, the boy you can't shut up, and that's all he can say? What's wrong here?
"Why are you leaving m – us, Duo? You don't have a mission, you'll be insulting Quatre, you have no where else you need to be, or even to go." I say flatly. I almost betrayed myself. I almost said 'why are you leaving me, Duo?' Hey, why is acting so nervous and jumpy? Why is he going?
I blink as my mind begins to spit out possibilities, and Duo looks worried. He opens his mouth to say something, but the words leave me first.
"So, you are running from something… or someone… here. What, who, are you running from, Duo? And why?"
He absolutely freezes in his tracks. This is it! I have hit on it! He is running away from one of us. Is it me? Does he hate me that much?! Or… my heart sinks… is it that he cares for one of the others? That would be a problem for him: Wufei has no patience for romance, he says it makes you weak, and Trowa and Quatre have each other.
Duo is staring at me like a deer caught in somebody's headlights, unwillingly frozen, waiting for the crash.
~~~~
Oh, God, oh, God. Heero has it. One more step and he'll guess it's him I'm running from. And why.
"I don't know what you mean." I gasp out, but my voice is higher than usual in my panic and he ignores my comment. Then he steps closer to me.
I can't take it! This is torture, to be so close and not allowed to touch him! I throw myself away from him, breathing harshly, and he stops. For one split second I think I see anguish in those cobalt eyes… but no. His eyes are mirrors of blue, unreadable and reflecting back only what I project. There was never any anguish in his eyes. There is never *any* emotion in his eyes.
~~~~
"I don't know what you mean." Duo gasps, voice squeaky with the panic clear on his face. I step towards him – he practically flies away from me, breathing hard, and I stop, total devastation washing over me. I am *right!* He hates me and cares for one of the others! No! Oh, no! I cannot bear this! My barriers come flying up, trying to keep myself from crumbling apart. The pain inside me hammers against my stone walls, demanding to be freed, but none of it leaks past my blank face and frozen eyes. A wail of despair sings inside me, but my throat closes around it, refusing to let it out.
Duo loves someone other than me. Duo does not care for me.
"Who is it?" I hear my voice, harsher than it has ever been, frightening in its emptiness. "Who is it you love, among our brave little group?" I sound cold, cruel, heartless. Only by keeping myself so brutal can I stop myself from grabbing him, clutching him close, and demanding, 'Why not me?! Why could you not love me?!!'
Duo's face blanches bone-white, and he looks so *scared.* He fears me that much?! How can he hate *me* and love *someone else?!* What a twisted, sick joke by his supposedly loving God! I feel my mouth twist in a bitter, savage smile.
"Or shall I guess?" My voice is so sharp-edged and biting it could cut as easily as Wufei's sword.
~~~~
"Who is it?" Heero demands, voice so harsh and devoid of any warm feeling that it sounds like a stranger's. "Who is it you love among our brave little group?" God, his words are sarcastic, icy and meant to wound as surely as any punch or slap would have been.
I can feel the blood draining from my face. He knows it is him, he *knows*. God, he must hate me so much, must be truly disgusted, to sound so vicious.
His mouth twists in a horrible, biting and malicious smile. "Or shall I guess?"
Oh God, oh God, oh God! What do I do, what do I *do*?!
"I… Heero…please…" My voice comes out weak and wavering. Pleading. "Don't…" What am I begging him not to do – not to guess, when he obviously knows its him? That would just be cruel, a deliberate act of meanness and spite. Or am I begging for him to understand? To understand that I love him, even if my feelings repulse and disgust him?
Or am I begging for him not to kill me for loving him?
~~~~
Duo stares at me, eyes wide and huge and terrified in his ashen face.
1 "I…Heero…please…" He tries to speak, and his voice is shaking, feeble. "Don't…"
His tone is practically a plea for me to stop. I can see deep pain and fear in his eyes, but I don't care anymore if I'm hurting him. He's hurt me so damn *much*, and now the anger is sweeping over the despair, blanketing my pain and anguish in a thick coat of rage and resentment. I am past caring about it, I just want to retaliate for the heart - and soul- deep agony he's inflicting upon me.
I sweep him with contemptuous, burning eyes and he flinches. "Well, well… I never knew you were into boys, Duo. Learn that at your priest's side, so to speak? Or was it on your *knees?* It wasn't *prayer* that had you bending over and kneeling down, was it?" My voice is venomous.
Anger flashes in his eyes at the malicious, uncalled for slurs on the only pure thing he ever had. I know there was no such thing between him and Father Maxwell; I'm supposed to be his best friend, he trusted me with all his past. I know things no one else knows about him, and I intend on using all of it to hurt him, as horribly as he has hurt me.
His mouth opens, but I don't let him say anything. I grab him by the collar and slam him against the railing. He gasps and heaves as the air leaves his lungs in a rush, and his hands clutch at my wrist.
It was a mistake to touch him. I want to kiss him, to hold him, to *have* him, and my desire, my lust, my rage, my heartache and pain all fuse into one great, seething mass. I *want* him, want to *take* him, and I am *just* in the mood to force him. How could he **hurt** me like this? I'll show *him*…
"So you *want,* do you? You *need*." I grate harshly into his ear. He stiffens and tries to push me from him as I press my hard body against his, pinning him against the railing. I am too strong, he can't budge me. "How can you…" I clamp my mouth shut, just in time. I almost asked him how he could do this, how could he hurt me so much. I'll show him *hurt*…
~~~~
His eyes flash over me, cold and full of contempt, and I can't help but flinch.
"Well, well… I never knew you were into boys, Duo. Learn that at your priest's side, so to speak? Or was it on your *knees?* It wasn't *prayer* that had you bending over and kneeling down, was it?" His voice is virulent, poisonous.
How could he?! Anger raises to cover fear. He knows all my secrets, how could he sully the only pure experiences I ever had in my life with filthy speculations and innuendo? I open my mouth to retort hotly – and he moves. His fingers hook in my collar and slam me back against the railing. All my breath leaves me in a pain filled whoosh, and I gasp and try to suck in air.
Something flickers in his cobalt eyes, something wounded and wailing, then it is smothered by something *very* ugly.
"So you *want,* do you? You need." He snarls in my ear, breath harsh against my cheek. He presses roughly against me, and I stiffen and try to push him away. I've wanted him this close for so long, but this is off. This is *wrong*. He's so angry, so savage, so uncontrolled, that I am truly, deeply afraid. "How can you…" His mouth snaps shut and he stares down at me, his eyes flashing again through emotions that go by so fast I can't interpret them, settling again into something ominous.
His free hand, the one not tangled in my shirt, rises and grips my chin.
"Heero… let… let go of me…" I manage to cough out.
~~~~
I grab his chin, and he coughs. "Heero… let…let go of me…" So he doesn't want me touching him. Too fucking bad. "Make me." I snarl, all control gone. All I wanted was him, and he just ripped my soul to pieces, and now he wants me to let go of him?! "Fucking *make* me, Duo."
~~~~
Heero's eyes are feral, wild. "Make me." He growls in my face. "Fucking *make* me, Duo."
Now I am truly terrified. Why is he so… raging, so viciously out of control? This is all so very *wrong*. I have to get away from him. I have the distinct feeling that one of us is going to die here if I don't.
I shift my leg, trying to bring it up between his legs in a desperate bid for freedom. This has spun out of control, all I can do now is try to get away, with both of us still alive, and try to figure out what the *fuck* is going on later.
He blocks my leg with a knee, absorbing the force of it expressionlessly. Then he strikes, so fast I don't even see the blow. I'm on the floor, blinking up at him as he straddles me, pain exploding in my head, tasting blood, stunned and fearful.
He pins my arms over my head with one hand, his head close to mine. I blink blurry eyes at him, and try to buck him off. God, he's gonna *kill* me! He really is! Because… because I *love* him?!
His face isn't expressionless anymore. It's mobile with such a mix of emotions I can't follow them… fury, resentment, pain… lust, anguish, despair…loss, agony, desire…
He merely moves with my writhing body, and a muscle in his cheek jumps and twitches.
~~~~
Duo's face is *so* scared. For a second sanity fights with madness. What the hell am I doing?! *Forcing* him won't make him *love* me!
But Duo moves, trying to knee me, picking the exactly *wrong* moment to do so. A complex rush of seething emotion smothers the little sanity crying out for me to stop, and I block his strike without even a flicker of expression.
He hates me! He hates me so much; I repulse him! **How could he hurt me like this??!!**
Before I realize what I am doing, I have hit him. He crashes to the ground, blinking and stunned, spitting blood. I straddle him and yank his arms above his head. He tries to buck me off. Had I any reason left, I would get off him and walk away, but its all gone. I have completely LOST it and I don't give a shit. I realize its all visible on my face now, as I ride the force of his bucking, robing it of its power, a muscle tic of lost control jumping in my cheek.
"How *dare* you, Duo?" I snarl in his face. "Why?" He just gasps beneath me. "*WHY?!*" I scream at him, mouth twisting in an effort to stop tears from forming. The inhuman Perfect Soldier has vanished. I am just a heartbroken young boy, and I *NEED* to know why he has torn my heart out of my chest.
~~~~
"How *dare* you, Duo?" Heero snarls, right in my face. "Why?" I gasp for breath. What can I say? What does he want to know – why I love him? Why I am scared? Why I am fighting him? Why I was born? *What?!?* What does he want?!?!
When I don't answer, just gasp and stare up at him, his mouth twists desperately, and then he screams at me – *Heero Yuy* screams, centimeters from my face! "*WHY?!*" That question again.
"Why…" I try to speak, then cough and begin again, "Why are you…" I stop unable to form another word, astonishment and dread choking off my voice, as a single tear, bright as a brilliant diamond, slips down Heero's cheek. **HEERO crying?!?!** The world must be ending, Hell has frozen over, the sky is falling… "**H..Heero…?!?!**"
~~~~
Duo coughs, starts to speak. "Why…" He stops to cough again, and I hold my breath. Will he tell me why he doesn't love me now? Tell me which one of our friends that I will wish to murder in my gut- wrenching, mind-destroying despair? "Why are you…" No, he won't. The beginning of his sentence is clear, I know what he is saying: 'why are you upset? What does it matter to you?'
I. Can. Not. Bear. This!!! Before I can stop it, the well of emotions inside me overwhelms all my efforts to keep it in, and a solitary tear escapes me before I can help it. Duo's voice stops, and his beautiful eyes are trained on that betraying tear, following its glistening path down the curve of my cheek.
"**H..Heero…?!?!**"
~~~~
Heero's crying. ***HEERO'S CRYING??!!!*** Something's confused here. Something is REALLY *fucked up!!!* All my fear vanishes in my sudden, overwhelming concern for the person I love. Heero does not cry. "Heero, why are you crying?"
~~~~
"Heero, why are you crying?" Still the concerned best friend. Even after what I tried to do. I scramble off him, back against the rail, appalled at myself, hurt and despairing. He broke my heart, but I… I would have *raped* him!! The boy I love, my closest friend! I would have held him down and *forced* him, *hurt* him, *taken* him… what kind of monster am I?! No wonder he doesn't love me. How could he love such a despicable and loathsome being?
"I…gomen, gomen… Duo, I'm *sorry*…" I whisper brokenly. "I… would have …taken … you against your will, all because…" I bury my face in my hands. My shoulders shake once, from the force of a silent sob that rips through me, before I am able to regain some tiny modicum of control.
~~~~
Heero stumbles back off of me, stopping only when his back hits the rail. His face is … the only word for that expression is **broken**. He looks like a lost little boy, huddled in misery, waiting for a beating he knows he deserves.
"I…gomen, gomen… Duo, I'm *sorry*…" His voice is barely a whisper, as broken as his expression. Dear God, what the *hell* is happening?! My jaw drops as he continues, "I…would have…taken…you against your will, all because…" He drops his face into his hands, the fingers of his left still smeared with my blood. And his shoulders heave, just once, with a sob that remains silent, despite the force through which it shudders through him.
I stare at him in total shock. He wasn't going to *kill* me… he was going to *rape* me?!?! Holy fucking shit!!! I admit, I want Heero. Badly. But not like that. And why the hell would he want to *rape* me? Especially considering all he'd have to do is crook his finger at me and I'd come running with whipped cream, handcuffs and mood music!!
Then the last of his confession registers. '…all because…'
I kneel beside him, but I daren't touch him. "Why, Heero?" I ask gently, ignoring the throb in my mouth, from whence blood still flows sluggishly. Heero hits *hard*. "You would have… taken… me…" I can't say rape to him; taken is bad enough. At the word, his body tenses harder than rock. "…all because of…what?"
"…you hate me…" His face remains covered by his hands; his voice drifts up muffled and small. "You hate me and … you don't love me! You love one of the others. Why?! Why couldn't you love me, Duo??! You're the only one that makes me feel human, the only person I've ever felt really connected to, I love you so much, I want you so much, so WHY couldn't you love me like I love you?!?!?!" His words tumble out in a revealing rush of confession, entangled with complex and intertwined emotions, and I can do nothing but stare, blank-faced and overwhelmed at him. H.Heero… *loves* me????? He thinks I *hate* him??? He thinks I don't love him???? He thinks I love Quatre, Trowa or Wufei???? He *loves* and *wants* me???? This is why this happened…. **HEERO LOVES ME?!?!?!?!?!?**
"*N..NANI?!?!?!?!*" Is all that comes from my mouth.
~~~~
I sense him kneeling beside me, but he doesn't touch me. He asks me, ever so gently, "Why, Heero? You would have… taken… me…" My body tenses up at the word taken, muscles so hard they hurt. He should have said rape. That's what I was trying to do. *Rape*. Such an ugly word. As ugly as the act itself. "…all because of…what?"
"…you hate me…" I hear my voice say, small and lost. I can't look up at him, I can't move, and I can't control a single thing that I'm saying. "You hate me and … you don't love me! You love one of the others. Why?! Why couldn't you love me, Duo??! You're the only one that makes me feel human, the only person I've ever felt really connected to, I love you so much, I want you so much, so WHY couldn't you love me like I love you?!?!?!" It all comes rushing out of my mouth, like a dam that's been patched and repaired so many times that it can no longer hold against the strain of one good wave, and breaks with a spectacular crash. All my emotions are evident and clear in my voice. Oh, no. What have I done? Now he'll hate me for sure. For the love I hold for him, for the… rape… I attempted… the person I love, my beautiful Duo, will hate me now.
"*N..NANI?!?!?!?!*" Duo's voice is harsh, stunned, loud.
"…I love you… ai shiteru…" K'so! There goes my mouth again! But after what I tried to do, I owe him anything he wants.
~~~~
"…I love you… ai shiteru…" Heero's muffled, hurting voice says again.
He loves me!!!! I feel like there are fireworks going off inside my head.
I grab his wrists and yank his hands down. He allows it – the man can bend steel, you think I'd be able to budge him if he didn't let me? – but it's a lifeless movement, as if he's expecting me to rail at him and hit him for his confession and his actions. As if he *wants* me to. His head remains bowed, and my heart twists inside me as I see the gleaming tears that make obscene tracks down that perfect face. Tears spring into my own eyes. Oh, my beautiful Heero…
"Heero." I breathe. I cup his chin and lift his head. Those cobalt eyes open slowly, wet with tears, and open and vulnerable, as I have never seen them before. I met his eyes, and a tear escapes me, slipping down my cheek. His eyes follow it dully, pain increasing on his face, obviously misinterpreting it. This is not a bad tear, it is a… complex tear. It's happy, for he loves me like I love him, it's sad, for the pain he's enduring… "Oh, Heero…"
~~~~
There is a second of stillness beside me, and then Duo's fingers curl around my wrists. He yanks at them and I let him pull my hands down. Whatever he wants to do – hit me, kick me, yell, spit – he's more than entitled to. Do whatever you want to me, Duo, 'cause without you, I don't care. Nothing matters anymore.
"Heero…" He says my name, a bare breath of sound. Obviously he's too disgusted to yell. His hand cups my chin and lifts my head. I slowly open my eyes, knowing I'm going to met burning contempt in his. I met those wide, warm violet eyes, and a tear slides down his face. My eyes track it as it falls, face tightening in pain. I made Duo cry. I made the boy who never, *ever* cries, cry. I *am* scum.
"Oh, Heero…" He says again. He lifts his hand, and I close my eyes, in anticipation of the blow. But then gentle fingers start to wipe away way tears, softly brushing over my skin.
Huh? But before I can open my eyes, Duo sighs my name… and then his mouth is against mine, moving in a sweet, tender kiss. I can taste blood from where I hit him earlier.
My mind screeches to screaming halt, and, of its own accord, my mouth moves against his. Duo is kissing me. Duo is *kissing* me. He's **kissing** me… .so softly, so … *understandingly*!!! Duo is kissing me…
He slowly pulls away, and I open my eyes to blink at him. My mouth works as I stare at him, but no sound comes out. The second attempt is a little better. "W..Why?"
~~~~
I lift my hand towards his face, and his eyes close. I brush away his tears, and his face twitches in surprise. Moving swiftly, before he can open his eyes, I sigh his name and lean forward, settling my mouth against his. I try to express my feelings, my caring, my understanding with that tentative, gentle kiss, ignoring the slight, metallic taste of my own blood.
He's still for a second and then his lips move against mine, hesitantly.
I slowly end the kiss and his eyes open. He blinks, tries to speak, but nothing comes out. He tries again. "W..Why?"
I smile at him, a loving, secret smile meant for him and him alone. I've been smiling this smile at him in my heart for a very long time.
"You wanted to know why I was leaving? Who I was running from? You were partially right, Hee-chan." He inhaled sharply at my use of Hee-chan. I've never called him that out loud before, just in my mind. "I was running because I was in love. I was running from you. I don't hate you, Heero. I love you. I love you with all my heart and soul. I though you didn't care for me and I was getting so frustrated and hurt. Ai shiteru, Hee- chan."
~~~~
He smiles at me, a smile that takes my breath away, full of feeling and warmth. "You wanted to know why I was leaving? Who I was running from? You were partially right, Hee-chan." I inhale sharply, amazed at the liquid warmth that spreads through my belly when he calls me Hee-chan. "I was running because I was in love. I was running from you. I don't hate you, Heero. I love you. I love you with all my heart and soul. I though you didn't care for me and I was getting so frustrated and hurt. Ai shiteru, Hee-chan."
I stare at him. Duo loves me??? DUO loves ME?????
"You…l.love me???" I gasp out. He can't have said all that.
Duo nods firmly. "Damn straight, He-chan." He smiles mischieviously. "Or, in this case, not so damn straight. But I do love you, Heero." He wraps his arms around my neck and bumps his nose and forehead gently against mine as I stare at him. "Love me, too, He-chan?"
~~~~
Heero gasps. "You…l.love me???" He looks like an anime character that had an anvil dropped on him. All he needs is a facefault and some kawaii swirlie eyes! I nod firmly.
"Damn straight, He-chan." I grin. "Or, in this case, not so damn straight. But I do love you, Heero." He still just stares at me, like he's been hit over the head with the aforementioned anvil, and I wrap my arms around his neck and press my forehead and nose against his. "Love me, too, He-chan?"
He'd better answer yes! After all this…
~~~~
Do I love you, Duo?!?!?! My paralyis breaks and I snuggle my arms around his waist, pulling him towards me until he is straddling my lap, a knee to either side of my hips. I tilt my head up and claim his lips tentatively, half-expecting, for all his declarations of love, for him to pull away. This seems so much like a surreal dream.
But he doesn't. He kisses me back. I can't help it, drunk on the taste of his mouth, I slide the tip of my tongue over his bottom lip, asking permission. His lips part eagerly, and my tongue slips inside, sparking a dueling match with his that leaves us both breathless and trembling.
I break the kiss and open my eyes. He looks down at me, violet eyes half- closed and heavy with desire and love. "Do I love you, Duo?" I press my face to his neck, breathing in the smell of him. "I love you, koi. With every fiber of my being." My fingers flex against the small of his back, and he wiggles happily on my lap, eliciting a groan from my throat.
~~~
Heero's arms snake around my waist and he pulls me onto his lap. He lifts his head up and kisses me hesitantly, as if he's still afraid I'm gonna pull away. I kiss him back, and his tongue teases over my lower lip, gently asking permission to enter. I open my mouth eagerly, and our tongues spar, leaving us both shaking in each others arms.
He pulls away, and I half-open my eyes, consumed by the arousal and loves he's stirring inside me. His cobalt eyes meet mine. "Do I love you, Duo?" he asks, then buries his face against my neck. His breath puffs against my skin as he inhales and exhales, over and over, as if he can't get enough of the smell of me. "I love you, koi. With every fiber in my being." His voice is husky. His fingers move against my back and I wiggle happily in his lap, pretty much knowing what reaction that'll have. I grin as a thick groan growls out of him.
"Hee-chan?" I say softly.
His head raises, cobalt eyes even darker with desire. "Hai, koi?" He asks as his hands stroke my back. "I like it when you call me that."
I smile happily. "What's koi mean?" I rain kisses down on his cheeks and forehead, nose and chin.
"Ummm…it's short… for koibito. Japanese for lover." He likes my mad rain of kisses, but when none of my kisses get near his mouth, he stills my head, fingers sinking into my hair, and kisses my fiercely.
I pull away after a long, drugging kiss. "Heero…" I begin, planning to say we should take this back to one of our rooms, but I am distracted as his hands begin to work at my shirt buttons. "We…" His hands undo the last button and part my shirt, revealing a swath of my chest and torso to him. His hands roam over my skin, setting it afire. "Ohhhhhh…"
"Duo…" He utters my name in an intense voice. His fingers flick over one flat nipple and I start, pleasure racing over my nerves.
"Hee-chan…" I gulp as he presses his lips to my collarbone. He pushes my shirt off one shoulder, fabric sliding down past my elbow, leaving me exposed from neck to navel on one side. His fingers burrow into the unbraided hair at my nape, just above the start of my braid, and he pulls me even closer. His mouth and tongue began to move over my neck and shoulder, and I forget that we are in the hangar, up on the catwalk by everybody's gundams.
He nips at my neck and I moan, my hands threading in his dark, soft hair.
"Duo…"
"Heero.."
A sudden crash near us snaps our heads up and around.
Wufei is standing beside that ladder that leads up from the hangar floor, obviously having just came up it. His toolkit is on the catwalk, tools tumbled out and all over. That's the source of the crash. The Shen Long pilot is staring at us, face red and black, almond eyes disbelieving.
Well, Wufei has pretty much caught us in a compromising position : I'm in Heero's lap, my hands in his hair, my shirt almost completely off me, his hands in my hair. And he was kissing and nibbling on my neck and shoulder, both of us moaning the other's name.
I don't care that Wufei discovered us… But will Heero?
~~~~
Duo calls me Hee-chan again, voice soft.
I lift my head, eyes hazy with desire. "Hai, koi?" I stroke his back. "I like it when you call me that."
Duo smiles a little happy smile. "What's koi mean?" He starts kissing me, all over my face and neck. Oh, that feels nice… "Ummm…it's short… for koibito. Japanese for lover." I say. I like him kissing me, but none of his kisses are anywhere near my mouth. Hn. I stop his head with my hands, sinking my fingers into his soft hair, and kiss him hungrily. He responds the same way.
After a long kiss guaranteed to shut down your mind and melt your brain, Duo pulls away. "Heero…" He begins, but stops when he realizes I'm undoing his shirt buttons. "we…"
I flick open the last button and sweep the shirt open, revealing a swath of Duo's pale, muscled chest and abs. God, but the boy is perfect! My hands roam over his belly and chest, and he breathes out a moan. "Ohhhhhh…"
"Duo…" I say, voice intense with the spike of desire his moan has caused. I flick my fingertips lightly over one flat nipple and Duo jumps in my arms, trembling with pleasure.
"Hee-chan…" He gulps in a breath as I press my mouth to the skin over his collarbone. I push at his shirt and it slips from his shoulder, sliding down his arm to bare him from shoulder to navel. Oh, my…. I worm my fingers into the unbraided hair at his nape and pull him even closer atop me. I bend my head, kissing and licking at his neck and shoulder. God, Duo feels so good in my arms… he tastes so good….
I nip at his neck and he moans, his hands burrowing into my hair to keep my mouth where it is. "Duo…" I moan raggedly.
"Heero…" He breathes back.
A sudden, loud crash makes us both jump, heads jerking up and around.
Wufei is beside the ladder to the floor of the hangar, his toolkit on the catwalk, tools spilled out and all around him. He's staring at us, face red as a beet, black, angular eyes unbelieving of what he is seeing. K'so! He certainly has caught us: Duo's snuggled on my lap, his shirt hanging off, his hands in my hair, my hands in his. Not to mention the fact that when Wufei saw us, I was trying to devour Duo. It doesn't matter to me if Wufei knows about us… but will it matter to Duo?
~~~~
"W..What are you guys – no, I can SEE what you're doing!!!" Wufei stammers. He kneels and begins to pick up his tools. "Go do it somewhere else!" He snarls.
I look at Heero – and gasp. Heero's mouth is twitching in a… smile! He looks up at me. He pulls my shirt back on me. "Get up." He orders. I blink. Uh, okay. I stand – and the next thing I know, Heero has me slung over one shoulder. Oh, sugoi! What a view! Heero has such a *tight* ass! Grrrrrrrr, baby!!
He walks past Wufei, who is staring, open-mouthed, again, and throws the Chinese pilot a snappy salute. "Taking the hanky-panky somewhere else, sir!" He says to Wufei, and the Shen Long pilot nearly falls down in shock. I admit, I have pretty much the same reaction, but then you can't fall down if you slung over your lover's shoulder, staring at the ass you've been having wet dreams about for months.
He quickly walks out of the hangar, one hand fondling my ass – oh, Heero, what you do to me! He walks into the mansion, and a startled Quatre stands from where he was cuddling Trowa on the sofa. Before he can say anything, Heero says blandly, "Something wrong, Quatre? Wufei kicked us out of the hangar. We're going upstairs to finish our hank-panky." I must admit, I wish I'd been able to see Quatre's face right-side-up. As it was, it was still spectacularly funny upside down.
Heero marches upstairs and into his bedroom. He locks the door behind us and drops me on the bed. Half a second later, he's on top of me, his hips settling into the cradle of my thighs, arms going around me, and face burying itself against my hair.
"Duo, ai shiteru…eien ni…baku no itooshi…" He murmurs against my hair.
I giggle beneath him. "Hee-chan, if you're gonna make declarations of love in Japanese, I'm gonna have to hire a translator. The only words I know is 'omae wo korosu', 'baka', 'sugoi', 'hai', 'iie', and maybe a couple curse words.. And that's only because you call me a baka or threaten omae wo korosu at me, or curse at me about forty times a day!!" I'm not lying – well, not really. Heero knows I know more Japanese than that – I've been studying it for months, trying to use his language to get closer to him. He knows this. And he probably knows I'd just like to hear him say it in English, too. It was swoon-worthy in Japanese, but in English… I just might glomp him and never, ever let him go.
Heero lifts his head, looks straight into my eyes. "Ai shiteru – I love you."
I hug him tightly. "*That* one I got."
"Eien ni – forever, eternally." He continues, stripping my shirt away as he does. He presses a kiss to my chest. "Baku no itooshi – my beloved." He whispers against my skin.
"Heero…" I sigh. "I love you." His mouth stops it's exploration of my chest, and he rises to kiss me. His hands reach for the elastic that confines my braid as we kiss, and with one swift yank, he snaps it in two. I chuckle into the kiss.
He lifts his head, running his fingers through my hair, slowly unbraiding it. His eyes are mesmerized. He lifts up a fistful of the long chestnut strands and buries his face in it, breathing deeply. "K'so, I love your hair."
"Mmmm…that's why you threatened to cut it off more times than I can remember." I smile at him, rubbing my hair against his face.
"That's one threat even the Perfect Soldier couldn't go through with." He mutters.
He drops my hair and gathers me up in his arms, pressed as close to him as I can possibly be. "Love me Duo. Forever."
I wrap my arms around him, my whole bogy tingling at his words, and hug him back with the same intensity. "I will. I love you. Death and beyond, you are mine and I am yours." Heero inhales sharply, then repeats, "Death and beyond, you are mine and I am yours."
This, Heero, is our solemn vow. Nothing can break it.
~~~~
"W..What are you guys – no, I can SEE what you're doing?!" Wufei stammers. He kneels and begins to pick up his tools. "Go do it somewhere else!" He snarls.
Duo looks down at me and gasps at the smile I can't control. I look up at him and pull his shirt back into place. "Get up." I order. Duo blinks and does. I grab him and sling him over one shoulder – he's making some sort of approving noise. The hentai! He's staring at my ass. Well, I did put his face right next it. Apparently my ass passes inspection. The beautiful baka.
Wufei is staring again, this time with his mouth open. Obeying a sudden, mischevious impulse, I sketch off a snappy salute at him as I walk past him. "Taking the hanky-panky somewhere else, sir!" I tell him, and the Chinese pilot almost collapses on the spot. I hear Duo's startled snigger, but he seem more focused on my ass than on my words.
I stride quickly out of the hangar and to the mansion, unable to keep from fondling Duo's behind. Hello, that sweet, tight ass I've been having fantasies about from months is right there, you think I'm gonna let an opportunity like that pass by?
Inside, Quatre bolts up from where he and Trowa were snuggling on the couch. He looks at us, startled, and I keep my expression and voice bland. "Something wrong, Quatre? Wufei kicked us out of the hangar. We're going upstairs to finish our hank-panky." The look on the blond's face in priceless, and I hear Duo's choked snigger of amusement from behind me, as he catches the expression too – only at an upside down angle.
I hurry upstairs and into my bedroom. I lock the door behind us and deposit Duo on the bed. I settle atop him, hips in the cradle of his thighs, arms tight around him, burying my face into the sweet-smelling hair. God, I'm in heaven! "Duo, ai shiteru…eien ni…baku no itooshi…" I breath into his hair.
Duo giggles beneath me, I can feel the vibrations all through me.
. "Hee-chan, if you're gonna make declarations of love in Japanese, I'm gonna have to hire a translator. The only words I know is 'omae wo korosu', 'baka', 'sugoi', 'hai', 'iie', and maybe a couple curse words.. And that's only because you call me a baka or threaten omae wo korosu at me, or curse at me about forty times a day!!" He says. I know he knows more than that – he's been studying Japanese for months. Now, in hindsight, I can see it was an attempt to get closer to me. No, he understands me. He just wants to hear it in English. Baka. *My* baka.
I lift my head, and meet his eyes. "Ai shiteru – I love you."
He hugs me so tight. "*That* one I got."
"Eien ni – forever, eternally." I strip his shirt off as I speak. I press a kiss to the bared skin of his chest. "Baku no itooshi – my beloved." I whisper against his skin, feeling his muscles tremble beneath me.
"Heero…" Duo sighs my name happily. "I love you." I stop kissing his chest and rise to claim his mouth. My hands find the tail end of the magnificent braid, and I break the tie off with one snap. Duo laughs into our kiss. I lift my head, and slowly unbraid Duo's hair, running my fingers through it. I am absolutely captivated by it. It's so soft and beautiful, full of depths and highlights, chestnut with reddish and blond hints gleaming deep with it I raise fistful of the long, silky, thick mass and bury my face in it, breathing deeply. "K'so, I love your hair."
"Mmmm…that's why you threatened to cut it off more times than I can remember." Duo smiles at me, as I rub my face against that wonderfully-soft and heavenly-smelling hair of his.
"That's one threat even the Perfect Soldier couldn't go through with." I mutter.
I drop the fistful of his hair and gather him up in my arms, pulling him as close to me as I can possibly get him. "Love me Duo. Forever."
Duo wraps his arms around me, his embrace as tight and intense as mine. "I will. I love you. Death and beyond, you are mine and I am yours." I inhale sharply at the feelings his words have sent shivering through me, then I repeat, "Death and beyond, you are mine and I am yours."
This is a sacred promise, Duo. It can never be broken.
OWARI
SAPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SAPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Author's Note: Wrote in first person, which is annoying sometimes. Keeps switching from Duo's POV to Heero's POV. You should be able to tell who is who… I hope. Yaoi/shounen ai, 1x2/2x1(Duo and Heero, whichever way ya wanna put it!). A little **VIOLENCE warning.** (Can't tell you exactly what, you'll just have to read.) I don't own the Gundam Wing guys, only borrowing them for entertainment and anime obsession. If they return, sweaty, mussed, panting and with torn clothes, it ain't my fault. Enjoy.
*emphasis* (the more **, the bigger the emphasis)
~~~~
I love him. I know this, but what can I do? I've tried everything to stop loving him. But nothing works. He's abrupt, taciturn, intense, closed- mouthed, cold, suicidal – if it'll help "THE MISSION" – and so controlled I bet his emotions have to self-detonate and blow up his brain before he admits they exist.
Heero Yuy. The young man that haunts my dreams and my heart, who treats me like an irritating, annoying obstacle – that one day he will remove should I become more of a liability and less of a useful resource.
I lean up against the railing of the balcony – all us intrepid gundam pilots, me, Heero, Chang Wufei, Trowa Barton and Quatre Raberba Winner, are at one of Q-Man's vast estates – and stare out at the beautifully manicured, tree-dotted lawn before me. My braid slips forward and falls over my shoulder. I play with the end of it – a nervous habit, one I've been doing a hell of a lot more since I met my personal Japanese Heaven and Hell, all rolled into one.
I smile slightly, a smile more wistful than happy, as I remember our first meeting. I shot Heero in defense of Relena, whom he was about to kill because she knew too much about him – shot him twice, once in the bicep, and once in the thigh.
I snort aloud. If I knew then what I knew now, I would have let him kill the psychotic, shrill-voiced, self-delusional, stalker witch that we now call Queen of the World. Now *that's* a nightmare-turned- reality: Relena Darlian – oh, *excuse me*, Relena *Peacecraft, Princess* of the pacifist Peacecraft monarchy – in a position of such power. Almost as bad – or is she worse? – as Treize Kushrenada and OZ.
Ah, Heero. What am I to do? I wonder what would he do if I walked up to him, grabbed him and kissed him fiercely? Probably rip my head off, or put a bullet through my heart… But wouldn't it be worth it, just to feel his soft, firm mouth beneath mine, just once…
I shake off such suicidal thoughts and try to push off my serious, morose mood. One of the others are bound to come out here soon, and I'm supposed to be the Eternal Jester, all wide grins, silly behavior, and loud jokes. The only time I usually deviate from my façade of grins and jests is in battle – then its *maniacal* grins and 'All who see the God of Death must *DIE!!!*' If they see me serious, I'll get asked question after question – soft and concerned ones from gentle Quatre, short, quiet, but compelling ones from self-contained Trowa, demanding, yet insightful ones from fierce Wufei… and from Heero… probably no questions from Heero. Probably nothing but a cold, shuttered look from those gorgeous, but unemotional, cobalt blue eyes. He disapproves of me, of my jokes and grins and jests, of my frivolity and facetiousness, I know he does. He can't see that they are just a mask to hide all the pain, guilt and torment in my soul.
None of them see or would understand the real me…
Then, would I understand the real me, anymore? I've been hiding from myself and everybody else for so long…
~~~~
What is he thinking about? I wonder to myself as I stare up at Duo leaning against the black wrought iron railing of the balcony. I lean back against the tree behind me, feeling the ridges and whorls of the bark press into my back, confident that the night and the trees screen me from my fighting partner's eyes.
I push my hair back out of my eyes, gaze narrowing as I watch Duo toy with the end of his braid – he only does that when he's nervous or worried – and then he smiles wistfully. He looks so… pensive, so disheartened. Then he snorts out loud, as if his thoughts annoy him. Then his expression and those gorgeous violet gems that he has for eyes turn morose and sad again.
What is he thinking about? I wonder, intensely curious. Duo is never serious or downcast… at least, not on the outside. I realized a long time ago that what Duo wants us to see, the maniacally-cheerful Jester's mask, is not necessarily what is really going on in that beautiful head. He looks so… *chipper* all the time, like he doesn't have a care in the world, like all the pain and blood and death doesn't bother him. He's good at making you believe that.
But then, once in a while, you get a rare glimpse of something in his eyes, unmasked feeling and emotion in their luminous violet depths: pain, guilt, self-loathing, disgust, remorse, fear… and then his cheerful, happy-go-lucky façade snaps back up, just as thick as my Perfect Soldier mask.
Duo hurts inside. And that makes me hurt.
A Perfect Soldier isn't supposed to have emotions. I know this. And I didn't… until Duo Maxwell came along. My heart and soul and emotion were locked away behind barriers so thick and wide and high that any sane, reasonable person would have never even tried to break them down. But Duo Maxwell, self-proclaimed Shinigami, isn't any sane, reasonable person. He's so stubborn, I think more stubborn than me! He offered me friendship and warmth and light. He smashed through all those barriers and dragged me from the darkness, kicking and screaming all the way, into the full day of his light.
And he captured my heart, although he doesn't know.
To him, I'm just his best friend, fighting partner and fellow gundam pilot.
Now he looks… almost despairing. Oh, Duo, baku no tenshi, what is wrong? How can I help you, my love?
I can't… not unless he comes to me, like he does sometimes at night when those nightmares of Maxwell Church and of death and destruction get to be too much. Then he comes to me, crawls into my bed, and I hold him, like a good best friend should do, let him drift back to sleep, and ignore the fierce ache in my lower body that begs me to take him.
Unless he comes to me, I can do nothing. For if I were to approach him, that Jester's mask of his would spring into place and he'd deny that there had been anything but a grin on his face.
Oh, my Duo… ai shiteru… eien ni, baku no itooshi…
~~~~
I hurry into the underground hangar, built by Quatre's Maganacs, then stop, tugging on my braid in irritation. Damn, Heero's already back. I wanted to leave before Heero got back from his latest mission.
I stand and stare at Wing , side-by-side with my own beloved Deathscythe. Well, I can still escape before he sees me. In the mood I'm in, I'll either try to kill him or kiss him. Either way will lead to him kicking the shit outta me.
I run along the catwalk, towards Deathscythe. I hit the hatch release and it hisses open. Aha, made it!!
Then, a familiar, dreaded/anticipated (take your pick), calm voice from behind me makes me jump, with a startled EEP!, and I spin around.
"Where are you going, Duo?"
Heero is standing nearby, leaning negligently on the catwalk railing… but, I can see muscles standing out tensely in his shoulders and arms. Why is he tense?, I wonder, but my heart is hammering at triple beat, and the thought gets lost among the rush.
God, Heero looks good! Those spandex shorts and green tank top maybe a fashion no-no, but I'll say this for that outfit: it shows off that lithe, well-toned body *very* well. And those profound, cobalt blue eyes, shaded by those soft-looking, dark brown, messy bangs...
"G..going, Heero?" I try for my Innocent Priest routine, smiling as innocently as I can (I'm well aware that I can look either deadly and dangerous, or sweet, pure and innocent. I try to use both to my advantage), but a stutter betrays my unease.
Heero straightens, crossing his arms over his chest. His eyes flick over me, from black combat boots, black riding pants, black and white priest-like shirt, to long, chestnut braid and black baseball-style cap, and my breath catches. Then his eyes narrow on the small bag hanging over my shoulder.
"You're leaving." It's a statement, not a question. "Did you receive a mission?"
"No…" I shake my head. "I just thought… I'd… leave for a while…"
Heero frowns at me. "Why?" He asks me bluntly. He steps close to me, and I would scramble backwards, but my back is already to the catwalk railing . He is barely two or three inches from me, and I can feel the barest tickle of his breath against my cheek, feel the barest hint of warmth from his near body, smell the heady scent that is a mixture of faint, lingering scents of battles, mecha, cordite and something uniquely Heero. Just the scent of Heero makes me horny, it's so… intoxicating, and yet, its also soothing to me. Go figure.
Oh, God, what am I to say? I'm caught in the dark depths of Heero's eyes, and I'm afraid of what will come out of my mouth.
~~~~
I see Duo hurrying into the hangar, and I have to follow. He stops and stares and Wing and Deathscythe looming side by side in the massive hangar. He tugs irritably on his braid, then clambers up the catwalk and runs lightly along it towards Deathscythe. Both his braid and the small black bag over his shoulder slap against his back.
He's leaving, I *know* it!
I hurry after him, swiftly and silently. Why is he leaving now? Did he get a mission? I can't let him go without… Without what? I silently mock myself. You are never going to tell him how you feel and you know it!
He reaches his gundam and triggers the hatch, which hisses open. I lean against the rail behind him, striving to look impassive and unconcerned – but I am acutely aware of the muscles bunched along my shoulders, back and arms in tension.
"Where are you going, Duo?" I ask in a outwardly calm voice that betrays nothing of my inner turmoil.
He jumps, makes a surprised EEP!, and spins around. I can see the pulse beat at the delicate skin of his throat pick up speed until it is very fast, so fast I'm surprised it doesn't bruise that fragile skin. Why is he so nervous? Or afraid? Why would he be either? After, its only me, his dear best friend. (No, Yuy, there's no bitterness there!)
His violet eyes widen, flicking over me and he pulls out that innocent little smile.
"G..going, Heero?" His voice is devoid of guile, but a little stutter betrays his nervousness.
I straighten, and my eyes sweep over him from head to toe. His breath hitches – why? Why am I making him nervous? – as my gaze travels over him. Then I focus on that bag at his shoulder.
"You're leaving." It's a statement, not a question. I know he's going. But why? "Did you receive a mission?"
"No…" Duo shakes his head. "I just thought… I'd… leave for a while…"
I frown at him. "Why?" I ask him bluntly. I step close to him, and he looks like wants to scramble away, but his back is up against the catwalk railing. Am I *that* repulsive to him?
Only a couple of inches of space are between us, and I can feel the whisper of his breath stir my bangs, and smell the scent that is uniquely Duo, captivating, comforting and arousing, all at once. Even this close, though, I can feel no heat radiating from him. Duo's body temperature is always so low; he is drawn to heat sources like a moth to a flame. That's one of the reasons he's so tactile, always cuddling, hugging, touching.
I stare into his amethyst eyes, and see a wild jumble of emotion lurking in their depths. I am frozen, lost in those beautiful orbs.
K'so, but Duo is gorgeous.
He's not moving, staring into my eyes, and I don't know what to do. I know why I am frozen, but… why is he?
~~~~
Why does Heero want to know? I… God, he's so beautiful… I can't just stand here, staring into those awesome eyes… I have to… do… something!
I blink and tear my eyes away from his. "Um, I … just thought… maybe… I… uh…" I heard my voice say. C'mon, I'm Duo Maxwell, Eternal Chatterbox, for God's sake, and that's all I can come up with?!
"Why are you leaving m – us, Duo? You don't have a mission, you'll be insulting Quatre, you have no where else you need to be, or even to go." Heero says flatly.
Then he blinks, like he has just thought of something. This isn't good. Heero is *smart*, and if he turns that incredible mind to me, he'll figure out my secret – that I love him so very much – very quickly. I open my mouth to say something, I have no idea what – but he speaks first. "So, you are running from something… or someone… here. What, who, are you running from, Duo? And why?"
I freeze, staring at him in panic. Oh, no!
~~~~
Duo lowers his eyes. Thank God. If he hadn't looked away, I might have… My thoughts break off as he stammers, "Um, I … just thought… maybe… I… uh…"
Duo Maxwell, the boy you can't shut up, and that's all he can say? What's wrong here?
"Why are you leaving m – us, Duo? You don't have a mission, you'll be insulting Quatre, you have no where else you need to be, or even to go." I say flatly. I almost betrayed myself. I almost said 'why are you leaving me, Duo?' Hey, why is acting so nervous and jumpy? Why is he going?
I blink as my mind begins to spit out possibilities, and Duo looks worried. He opens his mouth to say something, but the words leave me first.
"So, you are running from something… or someone… here. What, who, are you running from, Duo? And why?"
He absolutely freezes in his tracks. This is it! I have hit on it! He is running away from one of us. Is it me? Does he hate me that much?! Or… my heart sinks… is it that he cares for one of the others? That would be a problem for him: Wufei has no patience for romance, he says it makes you weak, and Trowa and Quatre have each other.
Duo is staring at me like a deer caught in somebody's headlights, unwillingly frozen, waiting for the crash.
~~~~
Oh, God, oh, God. Heero has it. One more step and he'll guess it's him I'm running from. And why.
"I don't know what you mean." I gasp out, but my voice is higher than usual in my panic and he ignores my comment. Then he steps closer to me.
I can't take it! This is torture, to be so close and not allowed to touch him! I throw myself away from him, breathing harshly, and he stops. For one split second I think I see anguish in those cobalt eyes… but no. His eyes are mirrors of blue, unreadable and reflecting back only what I project. There was never any anguish in his eyes. There is never *any* emotion in his eyes.
~~~~
"I don't know what you mean." Duo gasps, voice squeaky with the panic clear on his face. I step towards him – he practically flies away from me, breathing hard, and I stop, total devastation washing over me. I am *right!* He hates me and cares for one of the others! No! Oh, no! I cannot bear this! My barriers come flying up, trying to keep myself from crumbling apart. The pain inside me hammers against my stone walls, demanding to be freed, but none of it leaks past my blank face and frozen eyes. A wail of despair sings inside me, but my throat closes around it, refusing to let it out.
Duo loves someone other than me. Duo does not care for me.
"Who is it?" I hear my voice, harsher than it has ever been, frightening in its emptiness. "Who is it you love, among our brave little group?" I sound cold, cruel, heartless. Only by keeping myself so brutal can I stop myself from grabbing him, clutching him close, and demanding, 'Why not me?! Why could you not love me?!!'
Duo's face blanches bone-white, and he looks so *scared.* He fears me that much?! How can he hate *me* and love *someone else?!* What a twisted, sick joke by his supposedly loving God! I feel my mouth twist in a bitter, savage smile.
"Or shall I guess?" My voice is so sharp-edged and biting it could cut as easily as Wufei's sword.
~~~~
"Who is it?" Heero demands, voice so harsh and devoid of any warm feeling that it sounds like a stranger's. "Who is it you love among our brave little group?" God, his words are sarcastic, icy and meant to wound as surely as any punch or slap would have been.
I can feel the blood draining from my face. He knows it is him, he *knows*. God, he must hate me so much, must be truly disgusted, to sound so vicious.
His mouth twists in a horrible, biting and malicious smile. "Or shall I guess?"
Oh God, oh God, oh God! What do I do, what do I *do*?!
"I… Heero…please…" My voice comes out weak and wavering. Pleading. "Don't…" What am I begging him not to do – not to guess, when he obviously knows its him? That would just be cruel, a deliberate act of meanness and spite. Or am I begging for him to understand? To understand that I love him, even if my feelings repulse and disgust him?
Or am I begging for him not to kill me for loving him?
~~~~
Duo stares at me, eyes wide and huge and terrified in his ashen face.
1 "I…Heero…please…" He tries to speak, and his voice is shaking, feeble. "Don't…"
His tone is practically a plea for me to stop. I can see deep pain and fear in his eyes, but I don't care anymore if I'm hurting him. He's hurt me so damn *much*, and now the anger is sweeping over the despair, blanketing my pain and anguish in a thick coat of rage and resentment. I am past caring about it, I just want to retaliate for the heart - and soul- deep agony he's inflicting upon me.
I sweep him with contemptuous, burning eyes and he flinches. "Well, well… I never knew you were into boys, Duo. Learn that at your priest's side, so to speak? Or was it on your *knees?* It wasn't *prayer* that had you bending over and kneeling down, was it?" My voice is venomous.
Anger flashes in his eyes at the malicious, uncalled for slurs on the only pure thing he ever had. I know there was no such thing between him and Father Maxwell; I'm supposed to be his best friend, he trusted me with all his past. I know things no one else knows about him, and I intend on using all of it to hurt him, as horribly as he has hurt me.
His mouth opens, but I don't let him say anything. I grab him by the collar and slam him against the railing. He gasps and heaves as the air leaves his lungs in a rush, and his hands clutch at my wrist.
It was a mistake to touch him. I want to kiss him, to hold him, to *have* him, and my desire, my lust, my rage, my heartache and pain all fuse into one great, seething mass. I *want* him, want to *take* him, and I am *just* in the mood to force him. How could he **hurt** me like this? I'll show *him*…
"So you *want,* do you? You *need*." I grate harshly into his ear. He stiffens and tries to push me from him as I press my hard body against his, pinning him against the railing. I am too strong, he can't budge me. "How can you…" I clamp my mouth shut, just in time. I almost asked him how he could do this, how could he hurt me so much. I'll show him *hurt*…
~~~~
His eyes flash over me, cold and full of contempt, and I can't help but flinch.
"Well, well… I never knew you were into boys, Duo. Learn that at your priest's side, so to speak? Or was it on your *knees?* It wasn't *prayer* that had you bending over and kneeling down, was it?" His voice is virulent, poisonous.
How could he?! Anger raises to cover fear. He knows all my secrets, how could he sully the only pure experiences I ever had in my life with filthy speculations and innuendo? I open my mouth to retort hotly – and he moves. His fingers hook in my collar and slam me back against the railing. All my breath leaves me in a pain filled whoosh, and I gasp and try to suck in air.
Something flickers in his cobalt eyes, something wounded and wailing, then it is smothered by something *very* ugly.
"So you *want,* do you? You need." He snarls in my ear, breath harsh against my cheek. He presses roughly against me, and I stiffen and try to push him away. I've wanted him this close for so long, but this is off. This is *wrong*. He's so angry, so savage, so uncontrolled, that I am truly, deeply afraid. "How can you…" His mouth snaps shut and he stares down at me, his eyes flashing again through emotions that go by so fast I can't interpret them, settling again into something ominous.
His free hand, the one not tangled in my shirt, rises and grips my chin.
"Heero… let… let go of me…" I manage to cough out.
~~~~
I grab his chin, and he coughs. "Heero… let…let go of me…" So he doesn't want me touching him. Too fucking bad. "Make me." I snarl, all control gone. All I wanted was him, and he just ripped my soul to pieces, and now he wants me to let go of him?! "Fucking *make* me, Duo."
~~~~
Heero's eyes are feral, wild. "Make me." He growls in my face. "Fucking *make* me, Duo."
Now I am truly terrified. Why is he so… raging, so viciously out of control? This is all so very *wrong*. I have to get away from him. I have the distinct feeling that one of us is going to die here if I don't.
I shift my leg, trying to bring it up between his legs in a desperate bid for freedom. This has spun out of control, all I can do now is try to get away, with both of us still alive, and try to figure out what the *fuck* is going on later.
He blocks my leg with a knee, absorbing the force of it expressionlessly. Then he strikes, so fast I don't even see the blow. I'm on the floor, blinking up at him as he straddles me, pain exploding in my head, tasting blood, stunned and fearful.
He pins my arms over my head with one hand, his head close to mine. I blink blurry eyes at him, and try to buck him off. God, he's gonna *kill* me! He really is! Because… because I *love* him?!
His face isn't expressionless anymore. It's mobile with such a mix of emotions I can't follow them… fury, resentment, pain… lust, anguish, despair…loss, agony, desire…
He merely moves with my writhing body, and a muscle in his cheek jumps and twitches.
~~~~
Duo's face is *so* scared. For a second sanity fights with madness. What the hell am I doing?! *Forcing* him won't make him *love* me!
But Duo moves, trying to knee me, picking the exactly *wrong* moment to do so. A complex rush of seething emotion smothers the little sanity crying out for me to stop, and I block his strike without even a flicker of expression.
He hates me! He hates me so much; I repulse him! **How could he hurt me like this??!!**
Before I realize what I am doing, I have hit him. He crashes to the ground, blinking and stunned, spitting blood. I straddle him and yank his arms above his head. He tries to buck me off. Had I any reason left, I would get off him and walk away, but its all gone. I have completely LOST it and I don't give a shit. I realize its all visible on my face now, as I ride the force of his bucking, robing it of its power, a muscle tic of lost control jumping in my cheek.
"How *dare* you, Duo?" I snarl in his face. "Why?" He just gasps beneath me. "*WHY?!*" I scream at him, mouth twisting in an effort to stop tears from forming. The inhuman Perfect Soldier has vanished. I am just a heartbroken young boy, and I *NEED* to know why he has torn my heart out of my chest.
~~~~
"How *dare* you, Duo?" Heero snarls, right in my face. "Why?" I gasp for breath. What can I say? What does he want to know – why I love him? Why I am scared? Why I am fighting him? Why I was born? *What?!?* What does he want?!?!
When I don't answer, just gasp and stare up at him, his mouth twists desperately, and then he screams at me – *Heero Yuy* screams, centimeters from my face! "*WHY?!*" That question again.
"Why…" I try to speak, then cough and begin again, "Why are you…" I stop unable to form another word, astonishment and dread choking off my voice, as a single tear, bright as a brilliant diamond, slips down Heero's cheek. **HEERO crying?!?!** The world must be ending, Hell has frozen over, the sky is falling… "**H..Heero…?!?!**"
~~~~
Duo coughs, starts to speak. "Why…" He stops to cough again, and I hold my breath. Will he tell me why he doesn't love me now? Tell me which one of our friends that I will wish to murder in my gut- wrenching, mind-destroying despair? "Why are you…" No, he won't. The beginning of his sentence is clear, I know what he is saying: 'why are you upset? What does it matter to you?'
I. Can. Not. Bear. This!!! Before I can stop it, the well of emotions inside me overwhelms all my efforts to keep it in, and a solitary tear escapes me before I can help it. Duo's voice stops, and his beautiful eyes are trained on that betraying tear, following its glistening path down the curve of my cheek.
"**H..Heero…?!?!**"
~~~~
Heero's crying. ***HEERO'S CRYING??!!!*** Something's confused here. Something is REALLY *fucked up!!!* All my fear vanishes in my sudden, overwhelming concern for the person I love. Heero does not cry. "Heero, why are you crying?"
~~~~
"Heero, why are you crying?" Still the concerned best friend. Even after what I tried to do. I scramble off him, back against the rail, appalled at myself, hurt and despairing. He broke my heart, but I… I would have *raped* him!! The boy I love, my closest friend! I would have held him down and *forced* him, *hurt* him, *taken* him… what kind of monster am I?! No wonder he doesn't love me. How could he love such a despicable and loathsome being?
"I…gomen, gomen… Duo, I'm *sorry*…" I whisper brokenly. "I… would have …taken … you against your will, all because…" I bury my face in my hands. My shoulders shake once, from the force of a silent sob that rips through me, before I am able to regain some tiny modicum of control.
~~~~
Heero stumbles back off of me, stopping only when his back hits the rail. His face is … the only word for that expression is **broken**. He looks like a lost little boy, huddled in misery, waiting for a beating he knows he deserves.
"I…gomen, gomen… Duo, I'm *sorry*…" His voice is barely a whisper, as broken as his expression. Dear God, what the *hell* is happening?! My jaw drops as he continues, "I…would have…taken…you against your will, all because…" He drops his face into his hands, the fingers of his left still smeared with my blood. And his shoulders heave, just once, with a sob that remains silent, despite the force through which it shudders through him.
I stare at him in total shock. He wasn't going to *kill* me… he was going to *rape* me?!?! Holy fucking shit!!! I admit, I want Heero. Badly. But not like that. And why the hell would he want to *rape* me? Especially considering all he'd have to do is crook his finger at me and I'd come running with whipped cream, handcuffs and mood music!!
Then the last of his confession registers. '…all because…'
I kneel beside him, but I daren't touch him. "Why, Heero?" I ask gently, ignoring the throb in my mouth, from whence blood still flows sluggishly. Heero hits *hard*. "You would have… taken… me…" I can't say rape to him; taken is bad enough. At the word, his body tenses harder than rock. "…all because of…what?"
"…you hate me…" His face remains covered by his hands; his voice drifts up muffled and small. "You hate me and … you don't love me! You love one of the others. Why?! Why couldn't you love me, Duo??! You're the only one that makes me feel human, the only person I've ever felt really connected to, I love you so much, I want you so much, so WHY couldn't you love me like I love you?!?!?!" His words tumble out in a revealing rush of confession, entangled with complex and intertwined emotions, and I can do nothing but stare, blank-faced and overwhelmed at him. H.Heero… *loves* me????? He thinks I *hate* him??? He thinks I don't love him???? He thinks I love Quatre, Trowa or Wufei???? He *loves* and *wants* me???? This is why this happened…. **HEERO LOVES ME?!?!?!?!?!?**
"*N..NANI?!?!?!?!*" Is all that comes from my mouth.
~~~~
I sense him kneeling beside me, but he doesn't touch me. He asks me, ever so gently, "Why, Heero? You would have… taken… me…" My body tenses up at the word taken, muscles so hard they hurt. He should have said rape. That's what I was trying to do. *Rape*. Such an ugly word. As ugly as the act itself. "…all because of…what?"
"…you hate me…" I hear my voice say, small and lost. I can't look up at him, I can't move, and I can't control a single thing that I'm saying. "You hate me and … you don't love me! You love one of the others. Why?! Why couldn't you love me, Duo??! You're the only one that makes me feel human, the only person I've ever felt really connected to, I love you so much, I want you so much, so WHY couldn't you love me like I love you?!?!?!" It all comes rushing out of my mouth, like a dam that's been patched and repaired so many times that it can no longer hold against the strain of one good wave, and breaks with a spectacular crash. All my emotions are evident and clear in my voice. Oh, no. What have I done? Now he'll hate me for sure. For the love I hold for him, for the… rape… I attempted… the person I love, my beautiful Duo, will hate me now.
"*N..NANI?!?!?!?!*" Duo's voice is harsh, stunned, loud.
"…I love you… ai shiteru…" K'so! There goes my mouth again! But after what I tried to do, I owe him anything he wants.
~~~~
"…I love you… ai shiteru…" Heero's muffled, hurting voice says again.
He loves me!!!! I feel like there are fireworks going off inside my head.
I grab his wrists and yank his hands down. He allows it – the man can bend steel, you think I'd be able to budge him if he didn't let me? – but it's a lifeless movement, as if he's expecting me to rail at him and hit him for his confession and his actions. As if he *wants* me to. His head remains bowed, and my heart twists inside me as I see the gleaming tears that make obscene tracks down that perfect face. Tears spring into my own eyes. Oh, my beautiful Heero…
"Heero." I breathe. I cup his chin and lift his head. Those cobalt eyes open slowly, wet with tears, and open and vulnerable, as I have never seen them before. I met his eyes, and a tear escapes me, slipping down my cheek. His eyes follow it dully, pain increasing on his face, obviously misinterpreting it. This is not a bad tear, it is a… complex tear. It's happy, for he loves me like I love him, it's sad, for the pain he's enduring… "Oh, Heero…"
~~~~
There is a second of stillness beside me, and then Duo's fingers curl around my wrists. He yanks at them and I let him pull my hands down. Whatever he wants to do – hit me, kick me, yell, spit – he's more than entitled to. Do whatever you want to me, Duo, 'cause without you, I don't care. Nothing matters anymore.
"Heero…" He says my name, a bare breath of sound. Obviously he's too disgusted to yell. His hand cups my chin and lifts my head. I slowly open my eyes, knowing I'm going to met burning contempt in his. I met those wide, warm violet eyes, and a tear slides down his face. My eyes track it as it falls, face tightening in pain. I made Duo cry. I made the boy who never, *ever* cries, cry. I *am* scum.
"Oh, Heero…" He says again. He lifts his hand, and I close my eyes, in anticipation of the blow. But then gentle fingers start to wipe away way tears, softly brushing over my skin.
Huh? But before I can open my eyes, Duo sighs my name… and then his mouth is against mine, moving in a sweet, tender kiss. I can taste blood from where I hit him earlier.
My mind screeches to screaming halt, and, of its own accord, my mouth moves against his. Duo is kissing me. Duo is *kissing* me. He's **kissing** me… .so softly, so … *understandingly*!!! Duo is kissing me…
He slowly pulls away, and I open my eyes to blink at him. My mouth works as I stare at him, but no sound comes out. The second attempt is a little better. "W..Why?"
~~~~
I lift my hand towards his face, and his eyes close. I brush away his tears, and his face twitches in surprise. Moving swiftly, before he can open his eyes, I sigh his name and lean forward, settling my mouth against his. I try to express my feelings, my caring, my understanding with that tentative, gentle kiss, ignoring the slight, metallic taste of my own blood.
He's still for a second and then his lips move against mine, hesitantly.
I slowly end the kiss and his eyes open. He blinks, tries to speak, but nothing comes out. He tries again. "W..Why?"
I smile at him, a loving, secret smile meant for him and him alone. I've been smiling this smile at him in my heart for a very long time.
"You wanted to know why I was leaving? Who I was running from? You were partially right, Hee-chan." He inhaled sharply at my use of Hee-chan. I've never called him that out loud before, just in my mind. "I was running because I was in love. I was running from you. I don't hate you, Heero. I love you. I love you with all my heart and soul. I though you didn't care for me and I was getting so frustrated and hurt. Ai shiteru, Hee- chan."
~~~~
He smiles at me, a smile that takes my breath away, full of feeling and warmth. "You wanted to know why I was leaving? Who I was running from? You were partially right, Hee-chan." I inhale sharply, amazed at the liquid warmth that spreads through my belly when he calls me Hee-chan. "I was running because I was in love. I was running from you. I don't hate you, Heero. I love you. I love you with all my heart and soul. I though you didn't care for me and I was getting so frustrated and hurt. Ai shiteru, Hee-chan."
I stare at him. Duo loves me??? DUO loves ME?????
"You…l.love me???" I gasp out. He can't have said all that.
Duo nods firmly. "Damn straight, He-chan." He smiles mischieviously. "Or, in this case, not so damn straight. But I do love you, Heero." He wraps his arms around my neck and bumps his nose and forehead gently against mine as I stare at him. "Love me, too, He-chan?"
~~~~
Heero gasps. "You…l.love me???" He looks like an anime character that had an anvil dropped on him. All he needs is a facefault and some kawaii swirlie eyes! I nod firmly.
"Damn straight, He-chan." I grin. "Or, in this case, not so damn straight. But I do love you, Heero." He still just stares at me, like he's been hit over the head with the aforementioned anvil, and I wrap my arms around his neck and press my forehead and nose against his. "Love me, too, He-chan?"
He'd better answer yes! After all this…
~~~~
Do I love you, Duo?!?!?! My paralyis breaks and I snuggle my arms around his waist, pulling him towards me until he is straddling my lap, a knee to either side of my hips. I tilt my head up and claim his lips tentatively, half-expecting, for all his declarations of love, for him to pull away. This seems so much like a surreal dream.
But he doesn't. He kisses me back. I can't help it, drunk on the taste of his mouth, I slide the tip of my tongue over his bottom lip, asking permission. His lips part eagerly, and my tongue slips inside, sparking a dueling match with his that leaves us both breathless and trembling.
I break the kiss and open my eyes. He looks down at me, violet eyes half- closed and heavy with desire and love. "Do I love you, Duo?" I press my face to his neck, breathing in the smell of him. "I love you, koi. With every fiber of my being." My fingers flex against the small of his back, and he wiggles happily on my lap, eliciting a groan from my throat.
~~~
Heero's arms snake around my waist and he pulls me onto his lap. He lifts his head up and kisses me hesitantly, as if he's still afraid I'm gonna pull away. I kiss him back, and his tongue teases over my lower lip, gently asking permission to enter. I open my mouth eagerly, and our tongues spar, leaving us both shaking in each others arms.
He pulls away, and I half-open my eyes, consumed by the arousal and loves he's stirring inside me. His cobalt eyes meet mine. "Do I love you, Duo?" he asks, then buries his face against my neck. His breath puffs against my skin as he inhales and exhales, over and over, as if he can't get enough of the smell of me. "I love you, koi. With every fiber in my being." His voice is husky. His fingers move against my back and I wiggle happily in his lap, pretty much knowing what reaction that'll have. I grin as a thick groan growls out of him.
"Hee-chan?" I say softly.
His head raises, cobalt eyes even darker with desire. "Hai, koi?" He asks as his hands stroke my back. "I like it when you call me that."
I smile happily. "What's koi mean?" I rain kisses down on his cheeks and forehead, nose and chin.
"Ummm…it's short… for koibito. Japanese for lover." He likes my mad rain of kisses, but when none of my kisses get near his mouth, he stills my head, fingers sinking into my hair, and kisses my fiercely.
I pull away after a long, drugging kiss. "Heero…" I begin, planning to say we should take this back to one of our rooms, but I am distracted as his hands begin to work at my shirt buttons. "We…" His hands undo the last button and part my shirt, revealing a swath of my chest and torso to him. His hands roam over my skin, setting it afire. "Ohhhhhh…"
"Duo…" He utters my name in an intense voice. His fingers flick over one flat nipple and I start, pleasure racing over my nerves.
"Hee-chan…" I gulp as he presses his lips to my collarbone. He pushes my shirt off one shoulder, fabric sliding down past my elbow, leaving me exposed from neck to navel on one side. His fingers burrow into the unbraided hair at my nape, just above the start of my braid, and he pulls me even closer. His mouth and tongue began to move over my neck and shoulder, and I forget that we are in the hangar, up on the catwalk by everybody's gundams.
He nips at my neck and I moan, my hands threading in his dark, soft hair.
"Duo…"
"Heero.."
A sudden crash near us snaps our heads up and around.
Wufei is standing beside that ladder that leads up from the hangar floor, obviously having just came up it. His toolkit is on the catwalk, tools tumbled out and all over. That's the source of the crash. The Shen Long pilot is staring at us, face red and black, almond eyes disbelieving.
Well, Wufei has pretty much caught us in a compromising position : I'm in Heero's lap, my hands in his hair, my shirt almost completely off me, his hands in my hair. And he was kissing and nibbling on my neck and shoulder, both of us moaning the other's name.
I don't care that Wufei discovered us… But will Heero?
~~~~
Duo calls me Hee-chan again, voice soft.
I lift my head, eyes hazy with desire. "Hai, koi?" I stroke his back. "I like it when you call me that."
Duo smiles a little happy smile. "What's koi mean?" He starts kissing me, all over my face and neck. Oh, that feels nice… "Ummm…it's short… for koibito. Japanese for lover." I say. I like him kissing me, but none of his kisses are anywhere near my mouth. Hn. I stop his head with my hands, sinking my fingers into his soft hair, and kiss him hungrily. He responds the same way.
After a long kiss guaranteed to shut down your mind and melt your brain, Duo pulls away. "Heero…" He begins, but stops when he realizes I'm undoing his shirt buttons. "we…"
I flick open the last button and sweep the shirt open, revealing a swath of Duo's pale, muscled chest and abs. God, but the boy is perfect! My hands roam over his belly and chest, and he breathes out a moan. "Ohhhhhh…"
"Duo…" I say, voice intense with the spike of desire his moan has caused. I flick my fingertips lightly over one flat nipple and Duo jumps in my arms, trembling with pleasure.
"Hee-chan…" He gulps in a breath as I press my mouth to the skin over his collarbone. I push at his shirt and it slips from his shoulder, sliding down his arm to bare him from shoulder to navel. Oh, my…. I worm my fingers into the unbraided hair at his nape and pull him even closer atop me. I bend my head, kissing and licking at his neck and shoulder. God, Duo feels so good in my arms… he tastes so good….
I nip at his neck and he moans, his hands burrowing into my hair to keep my mouth where it is. "Duo…" I moan raggedly.
"Heero…" He breathes back.
A sudden, loud crash makes us both jump, heads jerking up and around.
Wufei is beside the ladder to the floor of the hangar, his toolkit on the catwalk, tools spilled out and all around him. He's staring at us, face red as a beet, black, angular eyes unbelieving of what he is seeing. K'so! He certainly has caught us: Duo's snuggled on my lap, his shirt hanging off, his hands in my hair, my hands in his. Not to mention the fact that when Wufei saw us, I was trying to devour Duo. It doesn't matter to me if Wufei knows about us… but will it matter to Duo?
~~~~
"W..What are you guys – no, I can SEE what you're doing!!!" Wufei stammers. He kneels and begins to pick up his tools. "Go do it somewhere else!" He snarls.
I look at Heero – and gasp. Heero's mouth is twitching in a… smile! He looks up at me. He pulls my shirt back on me. "Get up." He orders. I blink. Uh, okay. I stand – and the next thing I know, Heero has me slung over one shoulder. Oh, sugoi! What a view! Heero has such a *tight* ass! Grrrrrrrr, baby!!
He walks past Wufei, who is staring, open-mouthed, again, and throws the Chinese pilot a snappy salute. "Taking the hanky-panky somewhere else, sir!" He says to Wufei, and the Shen Long pilot nearly falls down in shock. I admit, I have pretty much the same reaction, but then you can't fall down if you slung over your lover's shoulder, staring at the ass you've been having wet dreams about for months.
He quickly walks out of the hangar, one hand fondling my ass – oh, Heero, what you do to me! He walks into the mansion, and a startled Quatre stands from where he was cuddling Trowa on the sofa. Before he can say anything, Heero says blandly, "Something wrong, Quatre? Wufei kicked us out of the hangar. We're going upstairs to finish our hank-panky." I must admit, I wish I'd been able to see Quatre's face right-side-up. As it was, it was still spectacularly funny upside down.
Heero marches upstairs and into his bedroom. He locks the door behind us and drops me on the bed. Half a second later, he's on top of me, his hips settling into the cradle of my thighs, arms going around me, and face burying itself against my hair.
"Duo, ai shiteru…eien ni…baku no itooshi…" He murmurs against my hair.
I giggle beneath him. "Hee-chan, if you're gonna make declarations of love in Japanese, I'm gonna have to hire a translator. The only words I know is 'omae wo korosu', 'baka', 'sugoi', 'hai', 'iie', and maybe a couple curse words.. And that's only because you call me a baka or threaten omae wo korosu at me, or curse at me about forty times a day!!" I'm not lying – well, not really. Heero knows I know more Japanese than that – I've been studying it for months, trying to use his language to get closer to him. He knows this. And he probably knows I'd just like to hear him say it in English, too. It was swoon-worthy in Japanese, but in English… I just might glomp him and never, ever let him go.
Heero lifts his head, looks straight into my eyes. "Ai shiteru – I love you."
I hug him tightly. "*That* one I got."
"Eien ni – forever, eternally." He continues, stripping my shirt away as he does. He presses a kiss to my chest. "Baku no itooshi – my beloved." He whispers against my skin.
"Heero…" I sigh. "I love you." His mouth stops it's exploration of my chest, and he rises to kiss me. His hands reach for the elastic that confines my braid as we kiss, and with one swift yank, he snaps it in two. I chuckle into the kiss.
He lifts his head, running his fingers through my hair, slowly unbraiding it. His eyes are mesmerized. He lifts up a fistful of the long chestnut strands and buries his face in it, breathing deeply. "K'so, I love your hair."
"Mmmm…that's why you threatened to cut it off more times than I can remember." I smile at him, rubbing my hair against his face.
"That's one threat even the Perfect Soldier couldn't go through with." He mutters.
He drops my hair and gathers me up in his arms, pressed as close to him as I can possibly be. "Love me Duo. Forever."
I wrap my arms around him, my whole bogy tingling at his words, and hug him back with the same intensity. "I will. I love you. Death and beyond, you are mine and I am yours." Heero inhales sharply, then repeats, "Death and beyond, you are mine and I am yours."
This, Heero, is our solemn vow. Nothing can break it.
~~~~
"W..What are you guys – no, I can SEE what you're doing?!" Wufei stammers. He kneels and begins to pick up his tools. "Go do it somewhere else!" He snarls.
Duo looks down at me and gasps at the smile I can't control. I look up at him and pull his shirt back into place. "Get up." I order. Duo blinks and does. I grab him and sling him over one shoulder – he's making some sort of approving noise. The hentai! He's staring at my ass. Well, I did put his face right next it. Apparently my ass passes inspection. The beautiful baka.
Wufei is staring again, this time with his mouth open. Obeying a sudden, mischevious impulse, I sketch off a snappy salute at him as I walk past him. "Taking the hanky-panky somewhere else, sir!" I tell him, and the Chinese pilot almost collapses on the spot. I hear Duo's startled snigger, but he seem more focused on my ass than on my words.
I stride quickly out of the hangar and to the mansion, unable to keep from fondling Duo's behind. Hello, that sweet, tight ass I've been having fantasies about from months is right there, you think I'm gonna let an opportunity like that pass by?
Inside, Quatre bolts up from where he and Trowa were snuggling on the couch. He looks at us, startled, and I keep my expression and voice bland. "Something wrong, Quatre? Wufei kicked us out of the hangar. We're going upstairs to finish our hank-panky." The look on the blond's face in priceless, and I hear Duo's choked snigger of amusement from behind me, as he catches the expression too – only at an upside down angle.
I hurry upstairs and into my bedroom. I lock the door behind us and deposit Duo on the bed. I settle atop him, hips in the cradle of his thighs, arms tight around him, burying my face into the sweet-smelling hair. God, I'm in heaven! "Duo, ai shiteru…eien ni…baku no itooshi…" I breath into his hair.
Duo giggles beneath me, I can feel the vibrations all through me.
. "Hee-chan, if you're gonna make declarations of love in Japanese, I'm gonna have to hire a translator. The only words I know is 'omae wo korosu', 'baka', 'sugoi', 'hai', 'iie', and maybe a couple curse words.. And that's only because you call me a baka or threaten omae wo korosu at me, or curse at me about forty times a day!!" He says. I know he knows more than that – he's been studying Japanese for months. Now, in hindsight, I can see it was an attempt to get closer to me. No, he understands me. He just wants to hear it in English. Baka. *My* baka.
I lift my head, and meet his eyes. "Ai shiteru – I love you."
He hugs me so tight. "*That* one I got."
"Eien ni – forever, eternally." I strip his shirt off as I speak. I press a kiss to the bared skin of his chest. "Baku no itooshi – my beloved." I whisper against his skin, feeling his muscles tremble beneath me.
"Heero…" Duo sighs my name happily. "I love you." I stop kissing his chest and rise to claim his mouth. My hands find the tail end of the magnificent braid, and I break the tie off with one snap. Duo laughs into our kiss. I lift my head, and slowly unbraid Duo's hair, running my fingers through it. I am absolutely captivated by it. It's so soft and beautiful, full of depths and highlights, chestnut with reddish and blond hints gleaming deep with it I raise fistful of the long, silky, thick mass and bury my face in it, breathing deeply. "K'so, I love your hair."
"Mmmm…that's why you threatened to cut it off more times than I can remember." Duo smiles at me, as I rub my face against that wonderfully-soft and heavenly-smelling hair of his.
"That's one threat even the Perfect Soldier couldn't go through with." I mutter.
I drop the fistful of his hair and gather him up in my arms, pulling him as close to me as I can possibly get him. "Love me Duo. Forever."
Duo wraps his arms around me, his embrace as tight and intense as mine. "I will. I love you. Death and beyond, you are mine and I am yours." I inhale sharply at the feelings his words have sent shivering through me, then I repeat, "Death and beyond, you are mine and I am yours."
This is a sacred promise, Duo. It can never be broken.
OWARI
SAPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SAPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!