Yahoozles!! Neeeewww chaaapteeeerrr!! XD I think it's a good one, though I
think I made Pippin a bit too stupid and Sam doesn't talk enough ^_^;;. Eh,
oh well, it's all in good fun.
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"LA LA LA!! WE ARE LOOKING FOR A DIIIIILDOOOOOO!! SO WE CAN HELP BIIIIILBOOOOO!! LA DEE DA DEE DA!" Pippin sang (quite off-key and obnoxiously) at the top of his lungs.
"Ahhhhhh, my ears! My beautiful, sexy, pointy ears!" exclaimed Merry, cupping his hands over his ears.
"Would you hush down a bit, Pip?" Frodo asked Pippin, "This is supposed to be sort of…secret, if you know what I mean…You DO know what a secret is, don't you Pippin?"
"Oh yes…a secret is something you shouldn't tell other people, but do if you're a sniveling gossip whore," Pippin answered and smiled proudly.
"Er…close enough…"
"I have a question!!!"
"Wha-" began Frodo.
"Answer my question!!!"
"But-"
"ANSWER MY QUESTION!!"
"O K!!!! What IS the frickin' question??"
"Where are we going?"
"Oi…." Frodo slapped himself on the forehead. "To buy a dildo, of course!!!"
"Yes, but…where?" Pippin inquired as ominous music began to play in the background.
"I know just the place…a sex toy shop," Sam answered coherently. "I go to them all the time."
"Ooooooh, sex toys! Sounds fun!" Pippin exclaimed as he clapped and jumped around a bit.
"I suppose they're what you'd call 'fun'…eh Mr. Frodo?" said Sam as he gave Frodo a nudge with his elbow.
"Er, yes Sam…" said Frodo as he began to blush.
"And where do you suppose we'd find a sex toy shop around here, ey Sammy?" Merry asked. He was trying as best he could to make Sam look bad. "All I see around here are elves, elves, and more frickin' elves!"
"Right over there, Merry," said Sam with a smirk as he pointed to a shop about 50 feet away from where they were standing. Its sign read 'Sex Toys: all shapes and sizes'.
"Oh…oh yeah, I knew that. I was just testing your intelligence…yeah. And you passed, you lucky bastard," said Merry sheepishly. "Damn I'm smooth!" he added softly to himself.
"Well, shall we go in?" asked Frodo. He began to march towards the store, and the rest of the hobbits followed. When they walked into the store, a look of sheer joy spread onto each of the hobbits faces.
"Oh blessed Meriadoc!! This is superly-duperly-super!!" Pippin exclaimed as he began dancing around incoherently. "Dance with me, Mer!!" he grabbed Merry's hands and tried to drag him along.
"Gaahh!" replied Merry in response.
"Stop playin' around, you two!" Sam ordered Merry and Pippin. "We came here for a purpose!"
"And that purpose is…?" asked Pippin in wonder.
"Damn, Pippin! You must have the memory span of a leech." Remarked Frodo,"We came here to get a DILDO, remember??"
"Oh yeah! Silly me…but what's a leech?"
Frodo didn't answer…he just looked at Pippin and walked over to a wall so he could bang his head against it.
"What are you doing, Frodo? Testing the hollow-ness of the wall?" Pippin asked.
Frodo just sighed and shook his head.
"Ok…so…now that we're here, can we just buy the 'ol dildo and get go- ooooooohhh, is that edible underwear I see, and fishnets??" Merry said as he noticed a few interesting things for sale at the store, "I think I'm gonna have to get these! Woo!"
"Oh yes, they do look quite exciting, don't they Mer? Wow, they've got whips and straps and all sorts of neat things," said Pippin. "But doesn't that kind of stuff belong in a horsie shop or something?"
"Ah…well, if we buy them, I think I can show you another sort of purpose for them, Pippin…hehehe…" Merry replied with a grin.
"Oooh that would be so much fun, Merry!" Pippin gathered up as many, um, horsie things that his little arms could carry.
"Hey Frodo, Sam, have you guys found that dildo yet?" Merry asked. He found Frodo and Sam looking at a few 'interesting' magazines…
"Oh, um, not yet…we're still looking. Hehehe…" said Frodo nervously.
"Sure…" said Merry with disbelief. "Well, I think we'd better ask up at the front counter. Come on, Pip."
Merry and Pippin walked up to the sales counter to find that the store clerk was a beautiful, sexy, young-looking elf maiden…clad in very skanky clothes. Merry couldn't seem to stop looking at certain parts of her.
"You go ask her, Pippin," Merry said as he shoved Pippin towards the counter.
"Umm…hello, Miss…we were wondering if you sold little friends, you know, like the one in my pants, but fake?" Pippin asked nervously.
"Whoah…you keep whores in your pants? Damn, they must be pretty small to fit in there," said the elf maiden in surprise. "But yeah, we sell manikins. Would you like to see them? We've got some pretty hot ones."
"Umm…" started Pippin, who was interrupted by Merry.
"The stupid git means a dildo, Miss," said Merry with his head turned away.
"Oh! Hah, you guys should have fun with that. I'll go get one for you," said the elf maiden as she walked into the back room of the store to retrieve their product.
"That wasn't so bad," said Pippin.
"You don't even know how hard that was, Pippin…" said Merry shaking his head.
The elf maiden returned with the box that held the dildo. "Alright, here you go. Anything else for you two today?"
Pippin handed her the 'horsie' things and Merry gave her his fishnets, edible underwear, etc. The elf maiden calculated the price for them. Merry paid her, trying not to glance at her, and then he and Pippin went off to find Frodo and Sam.
"C'mon you guys, we've got the dildo…can we just leave and get this over with?" asked Merry impatiently.
"Fine, fine," said Frodo, putting down one of the interesting magazines. "But we have to come back later, ok? Sam and I might get a few things."
"Sure, sure, let's go."
So the hobbits left the store and returned to see Bilbo. Soon Bilbo would have his fair share of pleasure, and the hobbits would have more pleasure than they could handle that night…
==========
Yesss, almost done :D. Just one more chapter, and the story will be COMPLETE!!! It will be up VERY soon, I promise!! If it isn't up, harass me by e-mailing me (lauren@nekostar.net).
-Lauren
==========
"LA LA LA!! WE ARE LOOKING FOR A DIIIIILDOOOOOO!! SO WE CAN HELP BIIIIILBOOOOO!! LA DEE DA DEE DA!" Pippin sang (quite off-key and obnoxiously) at the top of his lungs.
"Ahhhhhh, my ears! My beautiful, sexy, pointy ears!" exclaimed Merry, cupping his hands over his ears.
"Would you hush down a bit, Pip?" Frodo asked Pippin, "This is supposed to be sort of…secret, if you know what I mean…You DO know what a secret is, don't you Pippin?"
"Oh yes…a secret is something you shouldn't tell other people, but do if you're a sniveling gossip whore," Pippin answered and smiled proudly.
"Er…close enough…"
"I have a question!!!"
"Wha-" began Frodo.
"Answer my question!!!"
"But-"
"ANSWER MY QUESTION!!"
"O K!!!! What IS the frickin' question??"
"Where are we going?"
"Oi…." Frodo slapped himself on the forehead. "To buy a dildo, of course!!!"
"Yes, but…where?" Pippin inquired as ominous music began to play in the background.
"I know just the place…a sex toy shop," Sam answered coherently. "I go to them all the time."
"Ooooooh, sex toys! Sounds fun!" Pippin exclaimed as he clapped and jumped around a bit.
"I suppose they're what you'd call 'fun'…eh Mr. Frodo?" said Sam as he gave Frodo a nudge with his elbow.
"Er, yes Sam…" said Frodo as he began to blush.
"And where do you suppose we'd find a sex toy shop around here, ey Sammy?" Merry asked. He was trying as best he could to make Sam look bad. "All I see around here are elves, elves, and more frickin' elves!"
"Right over there, Merry," said Sam with a smirk as he pointed to a shop about 50 feet away from where they were standing. Its sign read 'Sex Toys: all shapes and sizes'.
"Oh…oh yeah, I knew that. I was just testing your intelligence…yeah. And you passed, you lucky bastard," said Merry sheepishly. "Damn I'm smooth!" he added softly to himself.
"Well, shall we go in?" asked Frodo. He began to march towards the store, and the rest of the hobbits followed. When they walked into the store, a look of sheer joy spread onto each of the hobbits faces.
"Oh blessed Meriadoc!! This is superly-duperly-super!!" Pippin exclaimed as he began dancing around incoherently. "Dance with me, Mer!!" he grabbed Merry's hands and tried to drag him along.
"Gaahh!" replied Merry in response.
"Stop playin' around, you two!" Sam ordered Merry and Pippin. "We came here for a purpose!"
"And that purpose is…?" asked Pippin in wonder.
"Damn, Pippin! You must have the memory span of a leech." Remarked Frodo,"We came here to get a DILDO, remember??"
"Oh yeah! Silly me…but what's a leech?"
Frodo didn't answer…he just looked at Pippin and walked over to a wall so he could bang his head against it.
"What are you doing, Frodo? Testing the hollow-ness of the wall?" Pippin asked.
Frodo just sighed and shook his head.
"Ok…so…now that we're here, can we just buy the 'ol dildo and get go- ooooooohhh, is that edible underwear I see, and fishnets??" Merry said as he noticed a few interesting things for sale at the store, "I think I'm gonna have to get these! Woo!"
"Oh yes, they do look quite exciting, don't they Mer? Wow, they've got whips and straps and all sorts of neat things," said Pippin. "But doesn't that kind of stuff belong in a horsie shop or something?"
"Ah…well, if we buy them, I think I can show you another sort of purpose for them, Pippin…hehehe…" Merry replied with a grin.
"Oooh that would be so much fun, Merry!" Pippin gathered up as many, um, horsie things that his little arms could carry.
"Hey Frodo, Sam, have you guys found that dildo yet?" Merry asked. He found Frodo and Sam looking at a few 'interesting' magazines…
"Oh, um, not yet…we're still looking. Hehehe…" said Frodo nervously.
"Sure…" said Merry with disbelief. "Well, I think we'd better ask up at the front counter. Come on, Pip."
Merry and Pippin walked up to the sales counter to find that the store clerk was a beautiful, sexy, young-looking elf maiden…clad in very skanky clothes. Merry couldn't seem to stop looking at certain parts of her.
"You go ask her, Pippin," Merry said as he shoved Pippin towards the counter.
"Umm…hello, Miss…we were wondering if you sold little friends, you know, like the one in my pants, but fake?" Pippin asked nervously.
"Whoah…you keep whores in your pants? Damn, they must be pretty small to fit in there," said the elf maiden in surprise. "But yeah, we sell manikins. Would you like to see them? We've got some pretty hot ones."
"Umm…" started Pippin, who was interrupted by Merry.
"The stupid git means a dildo, Miss," said Merry with his head turned away.
"Oh! Hah, you guys should have fun with that. I'll go get one for you," said the elf maiden as she walked into the back room of the store to retrieve their product.
"That wasn't so bad," said Pippin.
"You don't even know how hard that was, Pippin…" said Merry shaking his head.
The elf maiden returned with the box that held the dildo. "Alright, here you go. Anything else for you two today?"
Pippin handed her the 'horsie' things and Merry gave her his fishnets, edible underwear, etc. The elf maiden calculated the price for them. Merry paid her, trying not to glance at her, and then he and Pippin went off to find Frodo and Sam.
"C'mon you guys, we've got the dildo…can we just leave and get this over with?" asked Merry impatiently.
"Fine, fine," said Frodo, putting down one of the interesting magazines. "But we have to come back later, ok? Sam and I might get a few things."
"Sure, sure, let's go."
So the hobbits left the store and returned to see Bilbo. Soon Bilbo would have his fair share of pleasure, and the hobbits would have more pleasure than they could handle that night…
==========
Yesss, almost done :D. Just one more chapter, and the story will be COMPLETE!!! It will be up VERY soon, I promise!! If it isn't up, harass me by e-mailing me (lauren@nekostar.net).
-Lauren