Title: Raindrops
Author: Gaudicia
E-mail: gaudy9@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: If I own it, Max would have stayed permanently dead. ;)
Rating: More like R, but I'll label it slightly NC-17
Summary: Let's just say that Tess, Max, Michael and Isabel left and Maria went with them. Read it.
Author's note: I know I have tons of fics to work on, but I had to write this. Lee got me nostalgic and I wanted to recreate something like Walls of the Mind and this pop up. So you can guess it contains angst, right? And you guys already know Nikki is my grammar savior, right?
Dedication: This fic is for Lee, hehe, she knows I can't help but write angst.
Raindrops
IDrip. Drip. Drip./I
Liz leaned her forehead against the window, and with her finger traced the raindrops that slid down the window. How long had it been since they had left? A week? Two? A month or two maybe? What day was it anyway? Her mind silently wondered.
IDrip. Drip. Drip./I
There was no thunder, no lighting, just endless rain. Liz had her arms wrapped around her legs, a thick sheet dropped over her shoulders. She was staring at the raindrops that hit her window and slowly poured down it. It had turned into a hobby. Her vision was getting blurry, but she kept staring at them, trying to count them, but she kept loosing count as a raindrop blurred into another. She was tired, her eyelids were heavy, she had dark circles around her eyes, they were empty and no life sparkled in them. How long had they been gone? She pondered again. How long ago had Maria, Valenti, Kyle, Isabel, Max, Tess, …and Michael left?
IDrip. Drip. Drip./I
Liz sighed, and a tear she couldn't stop fell down her check. They were all gone, she was the only one left and she just wanted to rest, to hide in her room.
How long had it been raining? Probably as long as she hadn't slept.
There were no dreams now; they left with them…with Michael. There was no use sleeping now. Her sleep was empty, just like her life. Strange how Michael had been tied to them, he had been the center of her dreams, her fantasies, her purpose in life and she hadn't known it, and now he would never find out.
A little raindrop sparkled, and suddenly she had a glimpse of her dreams.
IDrip. Drip. Drip.
She ran her hands down his naked back. Their breathing was shallow and heavy, they were both panting. Her back arched and she threw her head back, giving him access to her neck. She gripped his hair as she felt him thrust into her, and she groaned out his name. "Michael…"
The raindrops blurred.
Drip. Drip. Drip./I
Liz sadly smiled, what a sweet, sweet dream that had been. She remembered her shock, how she hadn't dared to look at anyone in the eye, thinking they would have been able to see her dream.
Who needed sleep when you had raindrops to remind you of your dreams?
IDrip. Drip. Drip./I
Liz allowed her eyes to close for a moment as a pain ripped through her, remembering her dreams, meant remembering and feeling the loneliness, she had forgotten that, but in her dreams she wasn't alone.
How she wished she could always stay in her dreams, but now even sleep was impossible.
IDrip. Drip. Drip./I
Yes, from a girl that used to have many friends that she even had trouble-keeping track off, she was reduced to a lonely girl, her only company being raindrops and a sheet over her shoulders.
Kyle and the Sheriff had left. She was, in a sad way, happy for them. They needed to move on, to get their life back on track, and she hoped they were able to do it. She recalled the unopened letters from Kyle lying on her desk. She didn't dare to read them. She feared she would write back. It was best if they put Roswell and everyone in it behind them.
Liz pressed her hand against the window and tried to concentrate on something other than the raindrops. The window fogged with her breathing, but she could still see the empty street. She tried to remember what it was like to be outside, how things were outside of Roswell's barriers. She couldn't remember and she knew then that she would never leave Roswell, she was trapped there, she could probably move to another state, but her heart and soul would always be trapped there. There were no more dreams, no dreams for the future, no dreams to haunt her sleep.
In surrender and acceptance, Liz turned back to her task and kept tracing the raindrop with her finger.
I]Drip. Drip. Drip.
They were by the rock formation, he was sitting against a rock, her back pressed against his chest and she tried something she hadn't dared to do before. She spoke. "Why are you here?"
He ran his hand down her arm, and gave her a quick kiss where her shoulder joined with her neck. "Because you want me to be here."
"Are you real?" She inquired, sighing in content as she rubbed his outer thigh.
"Do I seem real to you?" He moved his hand to cup her breast.
She shuddered at the contact. "You feel real enough."
She felt him smile. "Then I guess I am." He continued to caress her breast through her clothes, and with his other hand began to unbutton her dress.
"Tell me this isn't a dream, Michael."
"This isn't a dream."
The raindrop blurred again, just like her dream had just after he had said those words.
Drip. Drip. Drip./I
They would never be anything but dreams. They could be nothing more than that. She knew it, but how she had hoped they could have turned to reality. Those dreams had kept her strong; they had given her a reason to move on, to fight, to live. She had known, that the moment he left, they would leave with him. It was unexplainable. They were her dreams, there was nothing alien about them, yet they left with him. She could have gone with them. Maria did. But she couldn't. What did she have to look forward to there? Maria would be with Michael. Max would be with Tess. Isabel would discover her roots, accept them, and she had no doubt, she would find someone to share the rest of her life with. And she would be out of place and in the way, so she stayed behind. Fear had nothing to do with it…she silently insisted.
Maybe one day they'll return. No one knew. At least she didn't know. Maybe it even was better that way. She didn't want to hope and in the end all have been in vain. It was better not to hope.
IDrip. Drip. Drip.
Every little raindrop had a story, but they seemed to be reminding her of her dreams, of her fantasies.
Her room seemed to have come out of a fairy tale; the glow of the candles was the only thing that illuminated the room. A vanilla scent lingered in the air mixed with the scent of the red, white, and yellow roses; there wasn't a spot in the floor or bed that wasn't covered with the petals. She could tell there was music, but she couldn't hear the lyrics or the beat of the song, but she knew it was there.
He came into the room, and she gave up on trying to figure out who was singing, and what were the lyrics. She waited for him to approach her, no words were exchanged, he just took her into his arms and they began to sway at the beat of the silent music.
She felt at peace, as if she were floating on water. She felt like a princess. She felt alive.
"We can do and be anything you want," he whispered close to her ear.
"Then just let us be…" She leaned her head against his shoulder and continued dancing.
And they had just been, if only for a few seconds.
Drip. Drip. Drip./I
The clock ticked and for a second she stared at it, 3:32 a.m. it read. A few more hours before dawn, in two and half hours she would slip inside her bed, and pretend to be asleep, then her parents would sneak into the room, and draw the sheets up to cover her. They'll stare at her wonder what was wrong and how they could help, they'll sigh and close the door behind them. She hated making her parents worry, but there was nothing she could do to stop them. She couldn't get out of her mellow mood. She wasn't living, she was existing, she had forgotten how to live. There was a time when she knew exactly what living meant. Before Alex died, before they left.
IDrip. Drip. Drip.
The sea breeze made her smile; she knew she was at her favorite spot in Florida. She could find calm any time she went there. She felt an arm wrap around her waist and she smiled, there was no need for fear. They were safe.
"How did we get here? How did you get here?" She asked.
He smiled. "You control this world. And I guess you wanted to show me this place. I certainly agree with you. It's calming."
She entwined her fingers with his. "Don't ever leave me, Michael."
He's grip tightened. "Never. I'll be here as long as you want me to."
Drip. Drip. Drip. /I
He did leave her. She wanted him there with her. Why wasn't he there now?
She had been so heartbroken over Max and she hadn't even loved him. She guessed it had turned into a routine. She didn't know exactly when she stopped loving him, it didn't matter how much she tried, she could never come up with the exact day, so she just assumed it was when her dreams started.
IDrip. Drip. Drip.
The sheets were on the floor, and the both of them were on the bed, naked. They had just made love. He was on top of her, still filling her, she hadn't let him move, she welcomed his weight. She couldn't get enough of him. He was lazily running his tongue over her nipples, and she was playing with his hair. They were relaxed; she wanted more of him. She moved her hips and that was all it had taken. Their movements were slow but hard, and they had taken their sweet time looking for completion.
"I love you, Michael," she confessed.
"I love you too, Liz," he had whispered.
He had said her name.
Drip. Drip. Drip./I
She had immediately awaken, with the agony of knowing that it all had been a dream indeed. She had done the unthinkable; she had fallen in love with a dream. She licked her lips and tasted her salty tears. She had been crying. Had she been crying all night? Had she been too tired to notice?
She wiped her face and a maddening laugh was bubbling up inside of her, but she held back for her parents' sake.
Suddenly it was becoming so hard to breathe inside her room that she needed to step out. Her chest felt too heavy. She needed air. Making up her mind, she opened her window and stepped outside. The first few raindrops felt cold, but she quickly got used to them. For a moment she just stood there, her chest moving, indicating her breathing pattern was her only movement. She was soaked from head to toe, she didn't mind. She stretched her arms towards the sky and welcomed them. When she licked her lips it was hard to tell if it was her tears or the rain.
Having a sudden burst of energy she began to twirl, until she became dizzy and began laughing, her laughter turned to sobs. She stopped twirling and wrapped her arms around herself; she felt her strength leaving her and she let herself fall to the floor and curled in the corner. She cried and wailed, begged and questioned until she was too tired to do any of those things. Her tears turned silent again and she let her eyes close and she knew she would rest now. She would sleep for eternity, and for eternity be dreamless. She smiled, yes, she would finally rest, and there would be no need to look for something to look forward too. She could give up now; she had finished grieving. Where she was going she didn't need to dream and hopefully she'll forget about the dreams, they had been so vivid and seemed so real, but she would finally rest.
IDrip. Drip. Drip./I
Somewhere a cross the stars, on another planet, Michael was finally able to fall asleep. The days there went by differently than that on Earth, a day there meant probably a month on Earth. He threw himself on the bed not bothering to take off his clothes.
He ignored the granites hitting his window. He had learned that that they called granites rain.
IDrip. Drip. Drip.
He smiled when he felt the sea breeze hit his face. He knew exactly where they were; this was her favorite place to be after all. This time she had a long white dress and was sitting on a beach chair, sleeping. With his usual quietness, he approached her and kneeled besides her. She was his angel, she looked so peaceful, and a smile was tugging her lips, he wondered what mysteries she knew.
"Liz…" He whispered as he bent down to kiss her lips and shudder as he felt them cold as ice. He touched her face and felt it was cold, her face didn't have any color and finally got the courage to pay attention to little things, like her breathing.
He moved back and studied her and noticed her still chest, it wasn't rising or falling it was just still. No breath stirred inside of her, she wasn't breathing and he knew--she was dead.
He cradled her in his arms and began to rock her. Rain began to pour and with trembling fingers traced the raindrop that slid down her lips. He was waiting for that raindrop to stir life into her, but none did.
He heard a chirp, and saw a white pigeon fly over. The rain hadn't driven it away. It was circling over them, in a small way comforting. He was entranced by the pigeon, he watched it come down and land besides her lifeless body, the pigeon chirped again and began to circle over them again.
He let his tears fall, there was no use hiding them, no one would find them there, and no one would know the difference, no one would be able to tell if it was his tears or just the rain. But he knew and it burned a hole in him, in his soul. "I love you," he whispered, and kissed her cold, hard lips once again.
Drip. Drip. Drip./I
Michael's dream had turned into a nightmare, a nightmare he couldn't wake up from. A nightmare he knew that if he were to wake up it would be reality, but at least there he could hold her lifeless body.
The End.
Author: Gaudicia
E-mail: gaudy9@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: If I own it, Max would have stayed permanently dead. ;)
Rating: More like R, but I'll label it slightly NC-17
Summary: Let's just say that Tess, Max, Michael and Isabel left and Maria went with them. Read it.
Author's note: I know I have tons of fics to work on, but I had to write this. Lee got me nostalgic and I wanted to recreate something like Walls of the Mind and this pop up. So you can guess it contains angst, right? And you guys already know Nikki is my grammar savior, right?
Dedication: This fic is for Lee, hehe, she knows I can't help but write angst.
Raindrops
IDrip. Drip. Drip./I
Liz leaned her forehead against the window, and with her finger traced the raindrops that slid down the window. How long had it been since they had left? A week? Two? A month or two maybe? What day was it anyway? Her mind silently wondered.
IDrip. Drip. Drip./I
There was no thunder, no lighting, just endless rain. Liz had her arms wrapped around her legs, a thick sheet dropped over her shoulders. She was staring at the raindrops that hit her window and slowly poured down it. It had turned into a hobby. Her vision was getting blurry, but she kept staring at them, trying to count them, but she kept loosing count as a raindrop blurred into another. She was tired, her eyelids were heavy, she had dark circles around her eyes, they were empty and no life sparkled in them. How long had they been gone? She pondered again. How long ago had Maria, Valenti, Kyle, Isabel, Max, Tess, …and Michael left?
IDrip. Drip. Drip./I
Liz sighed, and a tear she couldn't stop fell down her check. They were all gone, she was the only one left and she just wanted to rest, to hide in her room.
How long had it been raining? Probably as long as she hadn't slept.
There were no dreams now; they left with them…with Michael. There was no use sleeping now. Her sleep was empty, just like her life. Strange how Michael had been tied to them, he had been the center of her dreams, her fantasies, her purpose in life and she hadn't known it, and now he would never find out.
A little raindrop sparkled, and suddenly she had a glimpse of her dreams.
IDrip. Drip. Drip.
She ran her hands down his naked back. Their breathing was shallow and heavy, they were both panting. Her back arched and she threw her head back, giving him access to her neck. She gripped his hair as she felt him thrust into her, and she groaned out his name. "Michael…"
The raindrops blurred.
Drip. Drip. Drip./I
Liz sadly smiled, what a sweet, sweet dream that had been. She remembered her shock, how she hadn't dared to look at anyone in the eye, thinking they would have been able to see her dream.
Who needed sleep when you had raindrops to remind you of your dreams?
IDrip. Drip. Drip./I
Liz allowed her eyes to close for a moment as a pain ripped through her, remembering her dreams, meant remembering and feeling the loneliness, she had forgotten that, but in her dreams she wasn't alone.
How she wished she could always stay in her dreams, but now even sleep was impossible.
IDrip. Drip. Drip./I
Yes, from a girl that used to have many friends that she even had trouble-keeping track off, she was reduced to a lonely girl, her only company being raindrops and a sheet over her shoulders.
Kyle and the Sheriff had left. She was, in a sad way, happy for them. They needed to move on, to get their life back on track, and she hoped they were able to do it. She recalled the unopened letters from Kyle lying on her desk. She didn't dare to read them. She feared she would write back. It was best if they put Roswell and everyone in it behind them.
Liz pressed her hand against the window and tried to concentrate on something other than the raindrops. The window fogged with her breathing, but she could still see the empty street. She tried to remember what it was like to be outside, how things were outside of Roswell's barriers. She couldn't remember and she knew then that she would never leave Roswell, she was trapped there, she could probably move to another state, but her heart and soul would always be trapped there. There were no more dreams, no dreams for the future, no dreams to haunt her sleep.
In surrender and acceptance, Liz turned back to her task and kept tracing the raindrop with her finger.
I]Drip. Drip. Drip.
They were by the rock formation, he was sitting against a rock, her back pressed against his chest and she tried something she hadn't dared to do before. She spoke. "Why are you here?"
He ran his hand down her arm, and gave her a quick kiss where her shoulder joined with her neck. "Because you want me to be here."
"Are you real?" She inquired, sighing in content as she rubbed his outer thigh.
"Do I seem real to you?" He moved his hand to cup her breast.
She shuddered at the contact. "You feel real enough."
She felt him smile. "Then I guess I am." He continued to caress her breast through her clothes, and with his other hand began to unbutton her dress.
"Tell me this isn't a dream, Michael."
"This isn't a dream."
The raindrop blurred again, just like her dream had just after he had said those words.
Drip. Drip. Drip./I
They would never be anything but dreams. They could be nothing more than that. She knew it, but how she had hoped they could have turned to reality. Those dreams had kept her strong; they had given her a reason to move on, to fight, to live. She had known, that the moment he left, they would leave with him. It was unexplainable. They were her dreams, there was nothing alien about them, yet they left with him. She could have gone with them. Maria did. But she couldn't. What did she have to look forward to there? Maria would be with Michael. Max would be with Tess. Isabel would discover her roots, accept them, and she had no doubt, she would find someone to share the rest of her life with. And she would be out of place and in the way, so she stayed behind. Fear had nothing to do with it…she silently insisted.
Maybe one day they'll return. No one knew. At least she didn't know. Maybe it even was better that way. She didn't want to hope and in the end all have been in vain. It was better not to hope.
IDrip. Drip. Drip.
Every little raindrop had a story, but they seemed to be reminding her of her dreams, of her fantasies.
Her room seemed to have come out of a fairy tale; the glow of the candles was the only thing that illuminated the room. A vanilla scent lingered in the air mixed with the scent of the red, white, and yellow roses; there wasn't a spot in the floor or bed that wasn't covered with the petals. She could tell there was music, but she couldn't hear the lyrics or the beat of the song, but she knew it was there.
He came into the room, and she gave up on trying to figure out who was singing, and what were the lyrics. She waited for him to approach her, no words were exchanged, he just took her into his arms and they began to sway at the beat of the silent music.
She felt at peace, as if she were floating on water. She felt like a princess. She felt alive.
"We can do and be anything you want," he whispered close to her ear.
"Then just let us be…" She leaned her head against his shoulder and continued dancing.
And they had just been, if only for a few seconds.
Drip. Drip. Drip./I
The clock ticked and for a second she stared at it, 3:32 a.m. it read. A few more hours before dawn, in two and half hours she would slip inside her bed, and pretend to be asleep, then her parents would sneak into the room, and draw the sheets up to cover her. They'll stare at her wonder what was wrong and how they could help, they'll sigh and close the door behind them. She hated making her parents worry, but there was nothing she could do to stop them. She couldn't get out of her mellow mood. She wasn't living, she was existing, she had forgotten how to live. There was a time when she knew exactly what living meant. Before Alex died, before they left.
IDrip. Drip. Drip.
The sea breeze made her smile; she knew she was at her favorite spot in Florida. She could find calm any time she went there. She felt an arm wrap around her waist and she smiled, there was no need for fear. They were safe.
"How did we get here? How did you get here?" She asked.
He smiled. "You control this world. And I guess you wanted to show me this place. I certainly agree with you. It's calming."
She entwined her fingers with his. "Don't ever leave me, Michael."
He's grip tightened. "Never. I'll be here as long as you want me to."
Drip. Drip. Drip. /I
He did leave her. She wanted him there with her. Why wasn't he there now?
She had been so heartbroken over Max and she hadn't even loved him. She guessed it had turned into a routine. She didn't know exactly when she stopped loving him, it didn't matter how much she tried, she could never come up with the exact day, so she just assumed it was when her dreams started.
IDrip. Drip. Drip.
The sheets were on the floor, and the both of them were on the bed, naked. They had just made love. He was on top of her, still filling her, she hadn't let him move, she welcomed his weight. She couldn't get enough of him. He was lazily running his tongue over her nipples, and she was playing with his hair. They were relaxed; she wanted more of him. She moved her hips and that was all it had taken. Their movements were slow but hard, and they had taken their sweet time looking for completion.
"I love you, Michael," she confessed.
"I love you too, Liz," he had whispered.
He had said her name.
Drip. Drip. Drip./I
She had immediately awaken, with the agony of knowing that it all had been a dream indeed. She had done the unthinkable; she had fallen in love with a dream. She licked her lips and tasted her salty tears. She had been crying. Had she been crying all night? Had she been too tired to notice?
She wiped her face and a maddening laugh was bubbling up inside of her, but she held back for her parents' sake.
Suddenly it was becoming so hard to breathe inside her room that she needed to step out. Her chest felt too heavy. She needed air. Making up her mind, she opened her window and stepped outside. The first few raindrops felt cold, but she quickly got used to them. For a moment she just stood there, her chest moving, indicating her breathing pattern was her only movement. She was soaked from head to toe, she didn't mind. She stretched her arms towards the sky and welcomed them. When she licked her lips it was hard to tell if it was her tears or the rain.
Having a sudden burst of energy she began to twirl, until she became dizzy and began laughing, her laughter turned to sobs. She stopped twirling and wrapped her arms around herself; she felt her strength leaving her and she let herself fall to the floor and curled in the corner. She cried and wailed, begged and questioned until she was too tired to do any of those things. Her tears turned silent again and she let her eyes close and she knew she would rest now. She would sleep for eternity, and for eternity be dreamless. She smiled, yes, she would finally rest, and there would be no need to look for something to look forward too. She could give up now; she had finished grieving. Where she was going she didn't need to dream and hopefully she'll forget about the dreams, they had been so vivid and seemed so real, but she would finally rest.
IDrip. Drip. Drip./I
Somewhere a cross the stars, on another planet, Michael was finally able to fall asleep. The days there went by differently than that on Earth, a day there meant probably a month on Earth. He threw himself on the bed not bothering to take off his clothes.
He ignored the granites hitting his window. He had learned that that they called granites rain.
IDrip. Drip. Drip.
He smiled when he felt the sea breeze hit his face. He knew exactly where they were; this was her favorite place to be after all. This time she had a long white dress and was sitting on a beach chair, sleeping. With his usual quietness, he approached her and kneeled besides her. She was his angel, she looked so peaceful, and a smile was tugging her lips, he wondered what mysteries she knew.
"Liz…" He whispered as he bent down to kiss her lips and shudder as he felt them cold as ice. He touched her face and felt it was cold, her face didn't have any color and finally got the courage to pay attention to little things, like her breathing.
He moved back and studied her and noticed her still chest, it wasn't rising or falling it was just still. No breath stirred inside of her, she wasn't breathing and he knew--she was dead.
He cradled her in his arms and began to rock her. Rain began to pour and with trembling fingers traced the raindrop that slid down her lips. He was waiting for that raindrop to stir life into her, but none did.
He heard a chirp, and saw a white pigeon fly over. The rain hadn't driven it away. It was circling over them, in a small way comforting. He was entranced by the pigeon, he watched it come down and land besides her lifeless body, the pigeon chirped again and began to circle over them again.
He let his tears fall, there was no use hiding them, no one would find them there, and no one would know the difference, no one would be able to tell if it was his tears or just the rain. But he knew and it burned a hole in him, in his soul. "I love you," he whispered, and kissed her cold, hard lips once again.
Drip. Drip. Drip./I
Michael's dream had turned into a nightmare, a nightmare he couldn't wake up from. A nightmare he knew that if he were to wake up it would be reality, but at least there he could hold her lifeless body.
The End.