I'm dedicating this story to the best friend the world could ever have blessed me with. This one's for you, Denise—for ignoring me completely when I told you that I didn't need another TV show to obsess over. I tried to cater to your M/L taste, as much as my M/A heart would let me….don't hate me if it came out incorporating a bit of both. Love always!!!
Author's Note II:
This story has changed slightly since I first posted in. It's now the prologue to an extended series I plan to write. I have the series planned from start to finish, but I make no promises about how long it may take me to actually write it all. Obviously, the more raving reviews I get, the more incentive I have to finish it quickly… ;-)
I'm not sure that Denise would appreciate it if I dedicated the full series to her, since I finally decided it couldn't remain M/L-friendly. In fact, rabid M/L 'shippers would probably be well-advised to steer clear of this story…you're not gonna like where it eventually goes. As the series progresses, it will be partly Max/Alec, partly Logan/Asha. With apologies to those who wanted more M/L from me, I've gotta go where my heart lies. So, Denise, this one's still for you—the rest of it is for me.
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{{Spiral}}
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Prologue - Sympathetic Character
I have as much rage as you have
I have as much pain as you do
I've lived as much hell as you have
and I've kept mine bubbling under for you
you were my keeper
you were my anchor
you were my family
—@—@—@—@—@—
"Love sucks."
If he'd expected to hear bitterness in her tone, he would've been disappointed. Her voice was matter-of-fact, colored by only the gentlest shades of defeat.
It hurt Alec's heart to hear.
Thereby possibly proving its existence… An inner voice sniped pointedly at him. Oddly enough, the voice sounded like Max's. Some utterly masochistic part of his genetically-enhanced brain had apparently awarded her the role of his Conscience.
Alec had to fight down a laugh at a sudden vision of a small, green cricket in a top hat and tails, speaking with Max's voice and kicking some serious ass in post-apocalyptic Seattle. Watching too much TV again, Alec…
That time, he actually found himself glancing over at her out of the corner of his eye, just to make sure she wasn't messing with his head…practicing ventriloquism or something. He wouldn't put it past her.
But she was just sitting there, staring out over the intermittent lights of the city under its palpable cloak of cloud and night. Manticore's years of training had taught all of the X-series transgenics the habit of perfect posture…but somehow, Max's lithe figure conveyed the appearance of a depressed slouch, despite her ramrod-straight spine. The syrupy black of the city's night-struck corpse was nothing compared to the darkness and pain swimming in her eyes.
He knew she'd been to see Logan. Joshua had described her reaction to the necklace with the Familiars' symbol on it, and it didn't take someone like Brain to put the pieces together and figure out where she'd run off to in such a rush. The pieces that would tell him what had happened at Logan's apartment to drive her up here…well, those were still missing from Alec's little puzzle.
He contemplated the girl at his side again. She seemed to have imparted the sum total of the day's accumulated wisdom in the nice, neat package of those two words, and showed no inclination to speak any more…
There it was again…that air of defeat about her. It was…unsettling, to say the least.
In all the time Alec had known Max, he was pretty sure he'd witnessed her entire spectrum of emotion—from 'royally pissed off,' all the way through 'anguished,' to 'frighteningly gentle' and caring. But never once had he seen her give up. Ever.
A part of him—a part not speaking with Max's voice—scoffed cynically that this was a perfect example of why it was a better idea to keep the world at arm's length. Don't let anybody get too close, it reminded him, or somebody will end up hurt. But that didn't quite track, now did it? If he really wanted to live like that, then why was he perched seven hundred feet in the air in the dead of the night, checking on the mental state of a girl who'd turned his entire life upside down?
And why was he feeling so damned guilty?
That was the worst of it….to see that lost, defeated expression on Max's face, and feel like some part of it was all his fault. What had possessed him to put on that little show for Logan, in front of her apartment building?
Oh, you know perfectly well…
Damn conscience.
He just couldn't pass up the chance to throw something back in Logan's face, could he. The almighty Eyes Only, champion of the downtrodden and helper of the hopeless everywhere, had never made a secret of the fact that he didn't care for Alec. And unlike Max, Logan didn't carry traumatic memories of Ben around as an excuse.
Yeah, alright…so Alec had sort of been on the side of devils during the whole "kill Logan with the virus" episode. But hadn't he helped out enough since then to make up for it, at least a little? Still, the guy never seemed to cut him any slack.
So the troubled X5 had taken advantage of the moment. Not only to suggest that he was on his way to stealing away Logan's girl—although if the guy had any brains, he should've seen right through that in a microsecond—but also to twist the knife a bit. After all, even if Logan had been on speaking terms with Max…he still couldn't do what Alec had. Couldn't casually drape an arm over the her narrow shoulders, or speak closely into her ear in low, sexy tones, or tap her arm in a gesture of farewell.
It had been cruel, and Alec was more than a little disturbed to discover that he was capable of purposefully stooping to such cruelty.
It smacked of Ben, and his insanity…
He wanted to apologize. He wanted to tell Max that he'd only done it because he knew Logan was standing there…that the whole mess was his fault, and that he'd do anything to make it up to her. But he was cursed to wear the mask—the face not quite his own, that kept people at a distance with its "devil-may-care" attitude and cocky wisecracks. It was a useful disguise, most of the time—protection from the World—but it could also be a prison. The words he wanted to say to the girl at his side were too big, and the mask too solid to let them escape.
So instead, he decided on some smaller, less difficult words. He had a nonchalant, "You okay?" on the tip of his tongue, when she beat him to the punch.
"Alec, I'm sorry…" She didn't turn to look at him, and remained staring sightlessly out over the dim hulk of the skyline…but somehow her attention had shifted in his direction.
He eyed her askance, not quite believing that this was the real Max. The real Max didn't apologize—and especially not to him. She rolled her eyes…she threatened…she threw death-glares…she kicked ass and took names. She never apologized.
Having no clue how to respond, Alec fell back on his trademark sarcasm. "Well, this is new…you saying 'sorry' to me, instead of the other way around? Gee, Maxie, you feelin' alright?"
She went on as if she hadn't heard him. "I did something really awful tonight…I don't know what made me do it. But I'm sorry."
In the face of her utterly serious mien, all his flippancy vanished. "What is it, Max?" His voice grew serious, and shadowed by concern.
She turned her pain-filled eyes toward him for the first time. "If I were you, I'd stay out of Logan's way for a while."
Alec was now utterly bewildered. "Okay, you lost me a couple of sectors back. What happened, and why would Logan not want to see me? I mean, there's no reason for him to hate me any more than he already—" He stopped very suddenly, not even daring to breathe.
It was remarkable, really, how long a startled and suddenly terrified X5 could go without taking a breath.
I must be channeling Brain or something. It all makes sense now. "Logan…he thinks…and you let him…" He couldn't put the words together; the sentences just seemed to evaporate, crushed under the massive weight of his shock and disbelief. He took a deep breath. "Tell me how it happened, Max."
If it was possible, her shoulders seemed to slump even further as she gave in to his request. "When you left my apartment this morning, Logan was there…he saw you…" Her spine still stiff and straight, she described the whole scene in Logan's apartment. She spared no painful details, and edited nothing from her confession.
"…And then I walked out…I just left him there, staring at the spot where I was standing, thinking that I…you…" A good ten minutes after she first started speaking, Max's voice finally broke, and she bit her lip to keep the tears from flowing. She'd cried too many tears already. They were an expensive luxury, a self-indulgence—and she had been selfish enough for one night.
It took Alec several long moments to recover the use of his brain. He stared at Max, but all he could see was the expression on Rachel's face, as he told her the hard truth—you were my job…—and watched her run from him. He could envision the same look in Logan's eyes—those Eyes that offered hope and truth to thousands across the city, suddenly dimmed and extinguished by the cruel claws and fangs of a love betrayed, now chilled and twisted into a pain beyond measure….
After a long silence, Max saved him from asking the "why" that could not squeeze past the tightness in his throat, by answering anyway.
"Right then, all I could think was, I would never be able to do this, if it was just me…I'd never be strong enough to stay away from him for good. So when he asked…it was easier to just let him think that we…" She looked down at her bent knees. "That way, he could hate me, and it wouldn't hurt as much." She swallowed convulsively. "And he wouldn't want to see me, so I wouldn't have to worry about giving in…"
Alec looked away from her, out over the skyline again. He heard her breath shudder in her throat as she wound down from her long monologue.
"But now…now I think maybe it hurts worse, this way…and I wish I hadn't…and I'm so sorry, Alec—just when you and I could be in the same room without fighting…"
She buried her face in her hands as the forbidden tears finally escaped. "God, Alec, I miss him so much…and I can't see anything but the look on his face…like I'd slit open his lungs with a knife and he couldn't hold on to any air…" Her words were finally swallowed by the sobs wracking her small body.
There were tears on Alec's cheeks, as well. Tears for Max…for Logan…for Joshua and his blind Annie…for Asha…for himself and his part in that whole, sorry mess of a day. He reached out one hand as if to pat Max comfortingly on the back…then stopped. The hand hovered in mid-air for a moment before dropping back onto his bent knees.
I can't do this…not again.
He refused to examine that thought too closely. He didn't want to know what mistake it was, exactly, that he couldn't permit himself to repeat. Whether it was betraying Logan, by touching Max when the other man could not, or betraying another girl he cared about, by getting too involved in her life…
No more emotional entanglements.
No more betrayals.
No more…
I can't…
He scrambled frantically to his feet, as though some small, pesky creature had sunk a mouthful of tiny fangs into his ass. He paced back and forth for a long moment, two or three heedless steps at a time, before turning back determinedly to Max, who was drying her eyes on the sleeve of her shirt. In the back of his mind, Alec registered the fact that she looked remarkably like a cat grooming its face.
"You have to tell him the truth."
Max turned to gaze up at him like a Manticore escapee suddenly caught in the beams of a bank of floodlights. "Wh-what? No—I can't see him again! He…he must hate me…"
"C'mon, this is Logan we're talking about, right? He's no more capable of hating you than I am of taking up knitting as a full-time job," Alec scoffed. Then he took in the wild, frightened look in her eyes, and softened his attitude slightly. "Look…your insinuation is, uh, flattering, I guess, but really, Max…you know you're not going to feel right about any of this until Logan knows the truth. It doesn't have to change your original decision…but after all that you two have been through together, doesn't he at least deserve to know the truth?"
Her eyes were still moving too fast. She looked like a cornered rabbit, that can only watch and wait as the wolves close in. "But…I can't…"
"You said it yourself, Max," he reminded her gently. "It'll hurt him less to find out the truth, than to go on believing a lie…"
He watched her turn that over in her head. She grew very still and silent for a long, long moment. Neither X5 dared to breathe, waiting to see what the other would do next.
Finally, she let out a painful sigh that seemed to go on forever, and began to breathe again. She used her rather damp sleeve to roughly scrub the last few tears from her cheeks, and stood up in a single, liquid motion. She threw a last, longing look at the grey cityscape before turning to face him.
"You're right."
Her words were low and gruff. If he hadn't been watching her face as she spoke, he might have missed them entirely.
He nodded in approval at her decision. "Go now," he said gently. He knew that if she put off her confession to Logan, she would find a way talk herself out of it.
She nodded in reply.
He watched her as she steeled herself for the task ahead, and began to walk back up the sloping metal toward the Space Needle's central cylinder, and the route down into the filth and populace of the streets.
He never expected her path to veer in his direction. Nor did he expect the lithe arms that slipped around his shoulders, or the soft cheek that pressed against his neck for a moment. Her words were a mere whisper, carried on the wings of the wind that never stopped blowing at that great height above the earth.
She sighed against his shoulder. "You're a good man, Alec…and a better brother than Ben could ever be. Thank you…"
And then she was gone, slipping into the central disc of the Needle and vanishing like a wraith in a fog. The wind felt suddenly colder, in the places where she had touched him, and Alec closed his eyes tightly—whether to help him forget, or always remember, he couldn't be sure.
He waited until he was sure she was long gone, before taking a last look at the greying city hundreds of feet beneath him. He felt oddly apprehensive about turning his back on it, as if it were a crouching Nomly, that might strike at him in a moment of inattention. He was loathe to descend back into its foreboding grip. He could even imagine, in a moment of fancy, that the city resented those few, privileged souls such as himself, who could escape its feral clutches, even for a few moments, by ascending to the Highest Place and gazing down upon the lesser beings like gods from mighty Olympus.
Up here, they could be free. Nothing to fear but the fall, nothing to fight but the wind. Nothing to restrain any one who found that the World could no longer hold him, and chose to fly.
In the High Place, there was distance.
With a sigh, Alec turned his back on the World and climbed back into the center of the Needle, but avoided the descendin stairway in favor of circling the upper platforms.
As he wandered idly through corridors of twisted metal strewn with the tattered debris of a world gone mad, the memory of her breath still fresh upon the skin of his neck, he tried to remind himself that it was better this way.
No entanglements.
—@—@—@—@—@—
Coming soon!!!!!!!
Chapter 1 - Flinch