Hi!! Here's the last part! Thanks bunches for reading and thanks for the FB, I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY glad you're enjoying it! =D
~ Part Seven: Overcoming Obstacles ~
Obi-Wan:
Fear solidified in the pit of my stomach as I realized exactly what was going on. With the soldiers on either side of me, holding me back, it left my chest and stomach completely open and defenseless to whatever they had planned for me. And judging by the wicked gleam in their eyes, it wouldn't be pleasant.
Desperately, I used every bit of my strength to push back against their hold but as soon as they felt my muscles tense they leaned in even further and kept me completely pinned back. I felt like I was smashed against the wall and I was beginning to loose the sensation in my arms and lower legs. They were much too strong for me.
The man who had originally held me against the wall was standing less than a foot away from me and a grin of pure anticipation had formed to cover his lips. "Mintra scum," he spat out viciously, "you rape our women, murder our children, massacre our wounded, and then expect that by sending in a child we will let you live," he laughed loudly and a moment later was joined by the cackling of his companions, "tell me, boy, how does it feel to know that *you* are responsible for the deaths of more than four hundred wounded soldiers?" he stepped closer to me until our noses were less than an inch apart and bore into me with the intensity of his gaze.
"Do you hear their screams at night?" he hissed, "in your dreams do you see their bloodied bodies? Do you enjoy picturing the horror and pain in their eyes as the fire, the hot, ruthless fire, sinks its burning tendrils into their helpless bodies?" With every word the man barked out I could feel his anger increasing, and it scared me, as did the images he was evoking.
I snapped my eyes shut. Flashes of dancing, merciless fires appeared in the blackness of my mind, cracking and cackling at me as they threatened to consume my mind. The man's words wrung in my mind, increasing the intensity of the vicious illusion of my imagination until fear coursed through me.
I was weak. I was so weak. I felt pathetically pitiful. How could I ever hope to become a great Jedi Knight if the very mention of fire would send sparks of terror cascading through my pulsing veins?
My heart leapt up into my throat and left me breathless when I felt the sharp nails of hatred sinking into the skin of my cheeks. I struggled to pull my head back but the grip on my face only increased as the fingers dug in further. Five points of bitter pain flared as he twisted his hand, breaking the skin but still not releasing his hold.
"Look at me, vermin!" he snapped loudly, jerking my head forward painfully and then slamming it back against the wall. Sparks flashed in the night of my vision and pain exploded in the back of my head, raw and throbbing.
I opened my eyes and stared into the dark green gaze of hatred of the infuriated soldier. "You're a monster!" he yelled, tearing his hand away from my face and showing me the blood on the tips of his fingers. "You go around killing our defenseless and innocent, our untrained civilians, and for that we will exterminate you from this planet!"
My face stung and I could feel the imprint of where his fingers had been. Blood trickled from the five small abrasions in my skin and rolled down my face like the tears of confusion that I wanted to shed.
How could these people hate each other so much? I had spent hours helping to heal hundreds upon hundreds of Ritnal soldiers and for some reason my mind had classified them as "the good guys". I had known from the beginning that they were as guilty as prolonging the bloody war as the Mintra were but I had mistakenly thought that they weren't *as* bad because of the kindness of the doctors I had worked with. It reality, that wasn't true.
The Mintra were ruthless and had no sense of mercy but neither did the Ritnal. The Ritnal didn't attack hospitals or innocent civilians but I knew they were responsible for the deaths of millions of Mintra. They were as blinded by their hate as the Mintra were. I could see it as clearly as the loathing in these men's eyes. They didn't care about justice – they hadn't even let me explain the situation. All they wanted was blood.
"You filthy creatures don't even *feel* guilt!" he raged on. "You're a parasite and that is why, boy, it brings me no guilt at giving you what you deserve."
I shrunk back against the wall, fear making my mind swim in thoughts of panic. I simply did not understand how they could be this way. I didn't understand how they could hate to passionately despite all the lives they had lost because of it. Unfortunately, my confusion would not save me.
The Ritnal soldier stepped forward and without even blinking, brought his fisted hand slamming into the tender skin of my belly. I jerked in the men's grasp as the pain exploded across the skin and muscles of my stomach. Automatically I tensed in response to the blow which only served to increase the throbbing, sending sparks of agony all the way up to my empty lungs.
I barely had enough time to regain my breath before the fist was back, pounding itself directly into the same spot of the first blow. This time white and black patches floated before my eyes to blind my vision as the air was wrenched from my lungs. A cold pain rolled up from my stomach to invade my chest and cold prickles covered my entire body, causing my hair to stand up on end.
I gasped air into my burning lungs and had enough time to take several deep breaths to ease the sting. My lungs felt empty, despite the air that was filtering in and out of them. The cold hand of helpless fear had gripped my heart and chest in its ruthless fingers and that was an ache I could not rid myself of.
Swallowing any excess pride I let myself slump forward in my captors' arms and let myself cough convulsively. I hoped that the soldiers would become over confidant and think me weaker than I was. Then they might loosen their hold on me and give me the chance I needed to escape.
A rough hand tried to grab hold of my hair but it was too short so instead he settled for gripping my braid and wrapping it around his fingers. I grimaced before the man even moved for I knew what was coming. I tried to raise my head before he could move but he was too fast for me and even as I was moving he jerked his hand up and forward.
Pain erupted in my ears as my braid pulled against my skin and sent spikes of pain throughout the skin of my head. Even before my head had finished moving along the course that the soldiers dictated he released his hold. His sudden action caused my head to snap back painfully and a wave of stinging agony flared down my neck and spine.
I struggled to control the throbbing pain that had settled at the base of my head but the cackling laugh of the soldiers served only to increase it. Their joy of bringing me pain was as stabbing as their loud guffaws.
The hateful enjoyment that wracked the men's body as they shook in mirth disgusted me. How could they enjoy hurting other people so much? Did they not realize that the people on the other side of this war were just like them? Both the Mintra and the Ritnal had been misled into thinking that the other people were monsters. In truth, they were both the same. They were all of the same planet and had, at one time, been brothers. Couldn't they see that?
"What's wrong, can't you take a little of your own medicine?" the soldier in front of me snapped snidely, "As you enjoyed the screams of our brothers, so we will enjoy yours."
Instead of tensing in anticipation of the next blow I focused my gaze behind the my tormentor and again called back to mind the memory of my sixteenth birthday. I had learned so much about Qui-Gon as a person instead of a Jedi Master. It was a day I would never forget.
The movements of the Mintra man caught my attention. Force, he was still here! I had forgotten about him in face of the Ritnal soldiers. What was he doing? He was standing about fifteen feet away from us, glancing at the soldiers every few seconds as he fumbled with something. He had a small devise in his hands, what was it? It was cylindrical like a lightsaber but less than half the size. Oh Force, it was a lighter – a small electronic device that could cause a large ball of fire with just the flick of a switch. He was still going to set the compound on fire!
I had to stop him.
Suddenly empowered I struggled to weaken the men's hold on me. I pushed back against the wall and surged forward but it was no use. My heart thudded in my chest and adrenaline pumped through me but I had not managed to even budge. I just wasn't strong enough.
I would have to use the Force, but how? I couldn't reach past the pain and hatred to harness its power. But I had to. *Through the darkness there is always light.* My Master's wisdom echoed in my mind, giving me the strength to try and fight my way through the devastation. I had failed once, now for the patients, Qui-Gon, and myself, I had to do this.
I touched the Force but this time when I felt the bitter anger and hatred that the soldiers were filling it with I did not pull back. Instead I threw myself into it, blindly searching for the light that I knew would be there.
*There is a great deal of evil in the universe but there is so much more good, remember that.* There was always more good than evil – always more light than darkness. I calmed my mind and heart and just as I took a deep, peaceful breath I felt the brilliance of the Force flow through me like a gentle wind amidst a howling tempest.
Now, I had to use the Force to break away from the soldiers. I had always found it easy to Force-shove a single person away but had trouble projecting a wave of power that would send everyone within a certain radius flying back. It was much easier to focus on a single thing and knocking them all back would take a considerable amount of energy and a skill that I hadn't yet acquired. It was, however, my only hope and I had to try.
Time and time again Qui-Gon had attempted to show me how to do it but I had never been able to. What had he always said? *Gather the Force into yourself and when you release it don't throw it like a weapon but let it flow from you like a river.* For the longest time I had never understood what he was trying to tell me but now I did. All I had to do was let go of the Force with the same gentleness that I drew it in. If I unleashed it as some terrible weapon it wouldn't work for the Force wasn't some instrument of destruction but the very energy that surrounded it us.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Holding the air in my lungs for a few moments I gathered the Force that flowed through me and then let if filter from my body with the air I was breathing out.
I opened my eyes.
What had left me as wave of gentle light raced forth to slam into the soldiers with a brutality that surprised me. No sooner had I released it that the men who were holding me were sent flying back in the air. Both of them cried out, startled, as they sailed through the air – ungracefully flaying their arms about in an idle attempt to slow their flight – and careened into the far wall. Upon landing they slid into motionless heaps on the floor, unconscious.
As a ripple the wave expanded with me as the focal point. Shortly after it hit the first two soldiers it reached the one who had been beating me and the two who had stood to the side and watched. Just like their companions they too were sent flying back against the wall and were knocked out by the impact.
The Mintra soldier, being the furthest from me was the last one to be affected. Upon hearing and seeing the commotion my Force-wave had caused he had immediately frozen in his actions. He now stood, openmouthed, staring at me with something close to surprised horror reflected in his eyes. He hadn't realized that I was a Jedi – none of them had or they surely would not have treated me as 'Mintra scum'.
The man took half a step back but even if he had turned and run it would have been useless – the Force-wave was much to close for him to escape. Before he could even make an attempt to flee a startled look crossed his face as he was pushed back into the air. Unlike the others he did not thrash his arms about in an attempt to slow his fall but remained almost stoically still until the moment his back slammed into the back wall.
It was not until that moment – until he was slumping down to the floor – that I noticed what I had missed before. I had let out my Force-shove just as he was going to use the lighter to start the fire. He had been holding the device in his hand as he fell and just before hitting the wall he had flicked the switch on to activate it. The strength of the impact had knocked the device from his hand and it was now falling – its head spouting off a ball of fire – towards the floor.
Instinctively, without any conscious thought, I reached out with my hand and summoned the lighter to me. The small device moved towards me with alacrity, its flame extinguishing in flight, but my reaction had not been fast enough. In the split second it had taken me to react the bright, burning flame had reached out greedily with its fangs of destruction.
The fire, eager to accomplish its purpose, leapt the distance to the wall – latching itself onto it as surely as a cat to the bark of a tree. Slithering against the wall the tentacles of fire reached out in every direction to consume and destroy the very thing that sustained them. As fast as a flame following the course of a rope the sea of read expanded to engulf the wall, readily moving to either side to envelop the rest of the hallway.
A loud slap resounded in the air as the cold metal of the lighter flew into my outstretched hand, shocking me out of my thoughtless stare. At first I had been too surprised to clearly understand what had happened – to do more than just watch – but a cold wave of nauseating reality had washed over me the moment my finger had closed around the device. In that instant of realization I was catapulted from surprise to paralyzing horror.
My reaction differed from my previous encounter with fire. This time I didn't shake and fall to the floor, unable to think or breathe. Instead I stood there, incapable of moving, staring at the cascading mass of rippling flame. The orange-red glow of leaping and falling colors mesmerized me in a horrifically compelling way. I couldn't tear my eyes away. My fear was like an ocean's tide, rising to grip my heart and soul.
Heat reached me almost immediately, flowing forth in waves to bathe my skin in warmth. The air was already beginning to thicken and turn uncomfortably humid due to the smoke that filtered forth to darken my vision. I was barely aware of either of these things though. They were background elements of a greater foe, a foe that held me sickeningly riveted to its haunting glow and insidious crackling.
My heart pounded furiously against my chest; I could hear its fast beat in my ears and feel it pulsing through my body. It sounded like an inescapable drum of fear, coursing thickly through my veins with the power of my terror. My blood ran cold, turning my body and emotions brumal. A layer of frigid sweat formed on my forehead and turned my skin insufferably clammy. The hot air cascading against the chill of my body did nothing to heat me for this was a coldness of the spirit, one caused by fear.
Despite my relatively deep breathing the air seemed to thin out before reaching my lungs and a slight burning in my chest made it feel as if I wasn't getting enough oxygen. My body's instinctual panicked response to this was lost to the fear that already pulsed in my heart. Instead of desperately trying to gasp air into my lungs I continued to stare at the growing fire, any thought of doing something never reaching past my fear.
My stomach and chest tightened, terror making the very muscles of my body ache. A gripping hand was crushing my heart in its fingers, sending a shiver of fear to the very tips of my toes. Pain swelled in my temples, slowly expanding to devour my entire head. The thudding against my ears made me feel dizzy, like I was spinning and falling, plummeting to the earth from an impossible height even though I knew I wasn't even moving.
Half-formed thoughts battled with each other tumultuously inside my head. I had to do something! I had to move! The fire was still small enough for me to put out if I could only take *action*! No, my fear spoke back. I couldn't move. If I moved I might lose what small shreds of calmness I had and collapse to the floor. I might be subject to another panic attack where tremors racked my body and a cold hand closed the passages to my lungs, making it impossible to breathe.
I had to do something though! I couldn't just stand here watching the tendrils of fire ripple up the walls and consume the hallway. I couldn't just wait until I could feel the flaming heat charring my skin, torturing me with its burning touch. My life wasn't the only one that was at stake. If I didn't stop this fire it would proceed to destroy the compound and this time the doctors would have no place to take the wounded. I couldn't let Qui-Gon's brush with death be for nothing!
I had to do something!
But I couldn't. Even for the sake of the entire universe I couldn't force myself to move with the fire looming so close. When Qui-Gon had been unconscious and within the clutches of the flames I had been unable to save him. My own Master. He was the one I trusted and loved the most. My best friend and I had been unable to help him. He had nearly died because of that. What made me think that this would be any different?
People's lives were in my hands! I couldn't let my fear overcome me. I couldn't let them all die. They had nowhere else to go, I *had* to put the fire out lest they all die. Qui-Gon was depending on me. Even once I told him of my failing he would still believe in me. Despite my weakness he would never be angry, would never be harsh with me. As much as that very gentleness would magnify my guilt, his caring was always something I would be grateful for. He trusted me, believed me. I couldn't let him down again.
I had to do something, but the question was how? How could I overcome my fear?
*When confronted with a situation that tests both your physical and mental skill do not think that you can do it, know that you can.* As always, Qui-Gon never left me. Even when I was alone physically, he was always there. His lessons always guided me. Now his words reminded me of what I had forgotten. Before, when my Master's life had been at stake, I hadn't rescued him, I had *tried* to. Instead of knowing that I had the strength within myself, I hoped I did. I couldn't doubt myself. It was my doubt that was preventing me from releasing my fear.
*Fear is a formidable opponent, but like any foe it can be beaten.* As an initiate and for the first few years of my Padawanship I had problems controlling my anger. I always let myself be easily goaded into a fight. It had been one of the reasons Qui-Gon was hesitant to take me as his apprentice – he had seen the same problem in Xanatos and had ignored it. However, under his gentle, demanding tutelage I no longer suffered from that problem. I could now easily control my anger. Fear, my Master had often told me, was the same as anger. It was just as dangerous and one could overcome it in the same way. Just as I released my anger into the Force I had to release my fear.
With a supreme effort I closed my eyes, shutting out the surging fire from my vision. In the darkness of my mind I could still see it, the eerie glow that chilled me to the bone, but for the first time since fire had nearly taken my life, it wasn't a consuming vision but rather an extension of my fear. A fear I was about to rid myself of.
I took several deep breaths. After gently inhaling the air I held it in my lungs for several seconds before releasing it in a soft sigh. Then I repeated the process several times. With each breath the tightness in my chest and stomach eased until it no longer felt like my body was squeezing itself in from the outside.
Continuing to let air filter in and out of my body I reached out to the Force. Again I pressed on past the desperation and fear and touched the beautiful light that filled all living things. Even now, even in this place, it was as wondrously brilliant as ever. In fear and seemingly hopeless situations I often forgot that. This was the second time I had to remind myself of that fact.
Without even drawing in it the Force surged forward and flowed through me, filling every portion of my body with its beauty. My soul expanded and floated with its power and my heart slowed its pounding in response to its gentle touch. As I had not been able to do before I let the Force calm me until only a small trickle of fear filled my body. However, this wasn't terror, but rather the anxiety I normally would have felt in such a situation.
I opened my eyes.
The fire had spread substantially. The wall was a rippling mass of orange and red flames and the fire was quickly expanding to the ceiling and roof. Was I already too late? Was the fire already too big to be stopped? No. I could not – would not – believe that. There had to be some way, but how?
*The Force is your ally in all things, let it guide you.* Qui-Gon always told me to let the Force guide me but I still had trouble knowing the difference between what it was telling me to do, and what my heart was telling me to do. Since Melida/Daan I had grown much more careful but I was not a Jedi Master yet and my emotions often got in the way. How could I be sure?
*When you are truly in tune with the Force you will not have to think about your actions, you will simply know that they are correct.* Well, hopefully he was right. The Force was pulsing strongly inside me, bringing me to life with its enchanting song. Reaching within myself I opened myself to the 'words' of the Force, tried to 'understand' what it was telling me. I listened to its soundless beat in a way I never had before and for the first time I truly understood that the Force wasn't just alive, it *was* life. In that instant it didn't just thrum through my veins, it engulfed me.
The lighter. The answer came to me in a flash of light and left me wondering how I ever could have missed it. The lighter not only created large amounts of fire in relation to its small size but also had an extinguisher within it. I looked down at the small devise in the palm of my right hand and saw that it indeed did have two buttons – a red one and a blue one.
I pointed the head of the lighter towards the growing mass of fire and held down the blue button. A powerful spray of white, airy foam shot out in a broad ray, reaching out towards the flames. The fire hissed and sizzled loudly as the substance came in contact with it and seemed to shrivel up as rapidly as it expanded. Clouds of grey smoke filled the air as the fire extinguished.
I moved the direction of the lighter so that it was pointing towards another section of the fire and continued to methodically put out every flame until all that was left was a thick column of smoke. The lighter was a powerful little device and it took less than minute to quench the fire.
Soon I found myself starring at the charred black wall and rapidly thickening air wondering why I had ever been so afraid. I had done it. I had overcome my fears and now all that was left of them was the smoke that the dying fire had left behind. I had reached beyond the terror and found the courage that I thought I lacked.
I had been just as terrified this time as I had been last time but instead of letting that fear control my actions I had surged forward. For the first time in my life I had truly *felt* the Force, had let it guide my actions and felt the certainty in my movements. Not only had I conquered my fear but I had touched the Force in a way I never had before.
I grinned, unable to keep the joy from bubbling forth from me in the form of laughter.
Now I understood what Qui-Gon had been trying to tell me. My previous 'failure' wasn't something to be ashamed of for it had been that failure that had spurred me to release my fear and put out the fire. I had been scared – terrified – but that wasn't a sign of weakness for it had tested my will and bravery to be able to overcome that. Qui-Gon was right. It had taken courage to stand up to my fears. I had fallen but the important thing was that I had found the strength to rise up again.
I reached out through my bond with Qui-Gon and let my emotions flow through to him. In response my Master opened himself to me so that I could feel his pride and never-dying belief in me. He had felt my success and triumph and even though I couldn't see him I knew he was smiling.
Thank you, Qui-Gon, I sent to him in a wash of gratitude. Your lessons gave me the strength to succeed.
I felt, rather than heard his laugh. You're welcome, Obi-Wan, but the strength and courage were within you. I merely showed you the way.
My heart soared, knowing that it was true. Qui-Gon was my friend and guide in all things and he would always show me the path he courageous followed, but the strength was mine because I was the one who decided to walk it.
The End
I know I left some stuff unresolved…like, mainly, what happened on the planet and stuff, but this story was really about Obi and his fear of fire, so that's why I decided not to worry about it and post it as it is. I may have a short sequel dealing with what happens next and Obi's feelings regarding what he's seen on the planet…but that'll be after I finish the stories I'm working on now.
Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it! =D