Cool. My story's been up less that a day and I already got three reviews! Thanks for your support. This is a Sano/Kaoru fic, Slrmoon, and Kaoru and Sanosuke are going to find themselves looking after each other a lot from now on. Zackire, the world IS a pretty sad place when the Zanza doesn't rebell. I'll work on it. And Cool Camzy Blue, here's the next chapter like you asked for. Thanks for your support!
@-- Rose C*est la V
What's Wrong With Leaving
Kaoru insisted that Sanosuke be checked by Dr. Gensai, and Sanosuke's head still hurt too much for him to refuse. While they were there, Kaoru talked with Gensai about beginning to train Ayame in swordsmanship after the tournament. Naturally Suzume wanted to learn too, but Kaoru and Gensai had to explain that Suzume was still too young to learn a martial art. Suzume ran off crying while Kaoru, Gensai, and Ayame talked. No one noticed when Sanosuke left the room.
Sanosuke found Suzume in the garden she was still crying. He sat down beside her and watched her until she noticed his presence.
"It's not fair!" she wailed when she finally realized that she wasn't alone. "Why does Ayame get to learn and not me?! Just because she's older?!"
"I don't know," Sanosuke answered. "Because your sister's been alive longer she does know more. She's stronger than you and more coordinated. She knows more. I guess that's why Kaoru and Gensai think she's ready to move on."
"But that's not fair!" Suzume wailed.
"Tell me about it," Sanosuke muttered, resting his one elbow on his knees and his chin in his open hand.
"Huh?" Suzume did not understand the question.
"Dumbing it down, I agree with you completely. It sucks that the people who are older get to have all the fun. It sucks that they're stronger because they'd lived through more than we have. And it really sucks when you run into a cocky old geezer who insults you for your youth and lack of experience. It really sucks."
"Yeah, it suckses!" Suzume agreed.
"What sucks the most is being friends with someone older and stronger than you," Sanosuke wasn't sure if he was talking to himself or to Suzume anymore. "Because sooner or later they go off to fight even stronger opponents and leave you behind. That's what sucks the most about the older, stronger people you care about leaving. Being left behind."
"Mr. Sanosuke?" Suzume stared up at him with huge eyes.
"Yeah, kid?"
"Did someone leave you behind? Someone bigger and stronger than you?"
Sanosuke gave a strained smile. "Someone stronger than me and older. Not bigger though. He was shorter than I am."
"Why didn't you follow him, then?" Suzume asked. "You're big enough to do what you want without anyone stopping you. No one can really tell you what to do because you're so big."
"I wanted to follow," Sanosuke said, closing his eyes. "And I could have. But there were more important things than not being left behind. Someone I cared about would have been a lot worse off if I had gone and left her behind. And I'm never leaving behind anyone that I care about again- until I die at least. I don't have much of a choice then. But as long as I'm capable of living, I'm not going to leave behind people who need me."
"Did you ever leave behind someone who needed you who you loved?" Suzume asked.
Sanosuke resisted the urge to frown. What was it about little kids and lots of questions? Suzume was just a kid, he knew, and didn't know that it was rude to pry. Sanosuke wondered how he was going to answer her. She certainly didn't need to know the whole story about him and the Sekihoutai. Sanosuke didn't want to tell her about that anyway. He didn't want to tell anyone about that. But would the little girl accept a simple 'Yes' as an answer and leave it at that? Probably not.
"When I was about your age I was taken in by a man and his militia-type army because my mother had died. The man's name was Sagara and he was like a father to me. I took his last name because I couldn't remember my own, even if Sanosuke Sagara does sound weird.
"When I was around nine years old out militia- the Sekihoutai, got into some trouble. There was a battle. . ." there was a massacre "and though the Sekihoutai fought, we lost. . ." and though the Sekihoutai tried to fight, they were shot like dogs. . . and I was helpless to do anything except watch as all my friends died. "Captain Sagara was injured during the battle. A small group of us managed to escape, but the bad people who were after us chased us. The few others who were with Sagara and I got lost," were murdered by the cold blooded, imperialist snakes "and so the only ones left were Sagara and I. We could hear the bad guys coming after us when we reached a river- the kind of river that has a really high bank, almost like a cliff. Sagara told me to leave him and run away. He was afraid that I would be hurt if I stayed with him. I refused. I wanted to stay with Sagara, but Sagara was determined that I would live," because he knew that he wouldn't, "he pushed me off the bank and into the river. I never saw Sagara again." I saw Sagara get shot as I fell. I saw the blood. I saw him die. But that wasn't the last time I saw Captain Sagara- I saw his head on a spike about a month later. His skin was bloated from death and his eyes had been pecked out by the damn crows. I couldn't even recognize him. But that image of Sagara's head on a spike has haunted me ever since. I was nine fucking years old. . .
"Mr. Sanosuke," Suzume crawled over to him and grabbed onto his shoulder, "You didn't leave Sagara. He sent you away so that you would be safe. It's not the same thing."
Sanosuke's eyes stung. He hung his head to try to hide it, then put one hand over his eyes. "I didn't want to leave Sagara." His voice cracked. Sanosuke felt disgusted with himself.
"It wasn't your fault," Suzume wrapped her arms around Sanosuke's neck in a hug. "He left you, Mr. Sanosuke, not the other way around."
"I didn't want to leave Sagara," Sanosuke choked. He couldn't think of anything else to say.
"It wasn't your fault," Kaoru said, putting a hand on Sanosuke's shoulder.
"Kaoru?" Sanosuke was humiliated. It was one thing for a three year old child to see him nearly in tears. It was completely different for a woman nearly his own age, who would actually remember this conversation tomorrow, to see him fighting back sobs.
"It's alright, Sanosuke," Kaoru kelt beside him. "You kept going, didn't you? Remember what you told me? 'You keep on going so that someday everything will be alright'? Well everything's alright again, isn't it? The meamory still hurts but time has dulled the pain, hasn't it?"
"Yes," Sanosuke gasped, turning his face away from her.
Kaoru grabbed his chin in her hand and forced him to look at her. "You've never talked about this before, have you?" she asked. The question was probably rhetorical, but Sanosuke nodded as an answer anyway. "No wonder it's hurting now," Kaoru patted his shoulder. "You never bled the poison off of the meamory." She moved her hand again and touched the sleeve of her kimono to Sanosuke's face to wipe away his tears.
"The poison's receeding now, at least," Sanosuke tried to smile. If he succeeded, he knew his smile was shaky.
"As it should be," Kaoru returned his smile.
"Kaoru? Do you think I could have a moment with Suzume? I'll talk with you on the way to your home. And at your home. But there's something I need to tell Suzume here, now." Sanosuke carefully put his hand on Suzume's shoulder, very gently so he wouldn't accidentally hurt this little girl.
"Alright," Kaoru looked a little reluctant, but stook anyway. "Yahiko and I will be waiting at the door. And don't worry, we won't leave you behind. I won't leave behind anyone who won't leave me."
"I know," Sanosuke was able to give Kaoru a more convincing smile this time. Kaoru nodded at him and went back inside. "So, Suzume-chan," Sanosuke turned his smile to the little girl. "You still don't want to get left behind, do you?" Suzume shook her head fervently. "Well, Kaoru would probably try to kill me if I started teaching you fist fighting, and your grandfather wouldn't like it either. But there are a few things that I can teach you that they shouldn't have a problem with. They'll help you get ready for when you're old enough to train. This way we don't piss Kaoru off and you don't get left behind. What do you say?"
Suzume grinned up at him. "I say it's good, but Mr. Sanosuke?"
"Yes?"
"What's piss?"
@-- Rose C*est la V
What's Wrong With Leaving
Kaoru insisted that Sanosuke be checked by Dr. Gensai, and Sanosuke's head still hurt too much for him to refuse. While they were there, Kaoru talked with Gensai about beginning to train Ayame in swordsmanship after the tournament. Naturally Suzume wanted to learn too, but Kaoru and Gensai had to explain that Suzume was still too young to learn a martial art. Suzume ran off crying while Kaoru, Gensai, and Ayame talked. No one noticed when Sanosuke left the room.
Sanosuke found Suzume in the garden she was still crying. He sat down beside her and watched her until she noticed his presence.
"It's not fair!" she wailed when she finally realized that she wasn't alone. "Why does Ayame get to learn and not me?! Just because she's older?!"
"I don't know," Sanosuke answered. "Because your sister's been alive longer she does know more. She's stronger than you and more coordinated. She knows more. I guess that's why Kaoru and Gensai think she's ready to move on."
"But that's not fair!" Suzume wailed.
"Tell me about it," Sanosuke muttered, resting his one elbow on his knees and his chin in his open hand.
"Huh?" Suzume did not understand the question.
"Dumbing it down, I agree with you completely. It sucks that the people who are older get to have all the fun. It sucks that they're stronger because they'd lived through more than we have. And it really sucks when you run into a cocky old geezer who insults you for your youth and lack of experience. It really sucks."
"Yeah, it suckses!" Suzume agreed.
"What sucks the most is being friends with someone older and stronger than you," Sanosuke wasn't sure if he was talking to himself or to Suzume anymore. "Because sooner or later they go off to fight even stronger opponents and leave you behind. That's what sucks the most about the older, stronger people you care about leaving. Being left behind."
"Mr. Sanosuke?" Suzume stared up at him with huge eyes.
"Yeah, kid?"
"Did someone leave you behind? Someone bigger and stronger than you?"
Sanosuke gave a strained smile. "Someone stronger than me and older. Not bigger though. He was shorter than I am."
"Why didn't you follow him, then?" Suzume asked. "You're big enough to do what you want without anyone stopping you. No one can really tell you what to do because you're so big."
"I wanted to follow," Sanosuke said, closing his eyes. "And I could have. But there were more important things than not being left behind. Someone I cared about would have been a lot worse off if I had gone and left her behind. And I'm never leaving behind anyone that I care about again- until I die at least. I don't have much of a choice then. But as long as I'm capable of living, I'm not going to leave behind people who need me."
"Did you ever leave behind someone who needed you who you loved?" Suzume asked.
Sanosuke resisted the urge to frown. What was it about little kids and lots of questions? Suzume was just a kid, he knew, and didn't know that it was rude to pry. Sanosuke wondered how he was going to answer her. She certainly didn't need to know the whole story about him and the Sekihoutai. Sanosuke didn't want to tell her about that anyway. He didn't want to tell anyone about that. But would the little girl accept a simple 'Yes' as an answer and leave it at that? Probably not.
"When I was about your age I was taken in by a man and his militia-type army because my mother had died. The man's name was Sagara and he was like a father to me. I took his last name because I couldn't remember my own, even if Sanosuke Sagara does sound weird.
"When I was around nine years old out militia- the Sekihoutai, got into some trouble. There was a battle. . ." there was a massacre "and though the Sekihoutai fought, we lost. . ." and though the Sekihoutai tried to fight, they were shot like dogs. . . and I was helpless to do anything except watch as all my friends died. "Captain Sagara was injured during the battle. A small group of us managed to escape, but the bad people who were after us chased us. The few others who were with Sagara and I got lost," were murdered by the cold blooded, imperialist snakes "and so the only ones left were Sagara and I. We could hear the bad guys coming after us when we reached a river- the kind of river that has a really high bank, almost like a cliff. Sagara told me to leave him and run away. He was afraid that I would be hurt if I stayed with him. I refused. I wanted to stay with Sagara, but Sagara was determined that I would live," because he knew that he wouldn't, "he pushed me off the bank and into the river. I never saw Sagara again." I saw Sagara get shot as I fell. I saw the blood. I saw him die. But that wasn't the last time I saw Captain Sagara- I saw his head on a spike about a month later. His skin was bloated from death and his eyes had been pecked out by the damn crows. I couldn't even recognize him. But that image of Sagara's head on a spike has haunted me ever since. I was nine fucking years old. . .
"Mr. Sanosuke," Suzume crawled over to him and grabbed onto his shoulder, "You didn't leave Sagara. He sent you away so that you would be safe. It's not the same thing."
Sanosuke's eyes stung. He hung his head to try to hide it, then put one hand over his eyes. "I didn't want to leave Sagara." His voice cracked. Sanosuke felt disgusted with himself.
"It wasn't your fault," Suzume wrapped her arms around Sanosuke's neck in a hug. "He left you, Mr. Sanosuke, not the other way around."
"I didn't want to leave Sagara," Sanosuke choked. He couldn't think of anything else to say.
"It wasn't your fault," Kaoru said, putting a hand on Sanosuke's shoulder.
"Kaoru?" Sanosuke was humiliated. It was one thing for a three year old child to see him nearly in tears. It was completely different for a woman nearly his own age, who would actually remember this conversation tomorrow, to see him fighting back sobs.
"It's alright, Sanosuke," Kaoru kelt beside him. "You kept going, didn't you? Remember what you told me? 'You keep on going so that someday everything will be alright'? Well everything's alright again, isn't it? The meamory still hurts but time has dulled the pain, hasn't it?"
"Yes," Sanosuke gasped, turning his face away from her.
Kaoru grabbed his chin in her hand and forced him to look at her. "You've never talked about this before, have you?" she asked. The question was probably rhetorical, but Sanosuke nodded as an answer anyway. "No wonder it's hurting now," Kaoru patted his shoulder. "You never bled the poison off of the meamory." She moved her hand again and touched the sleeve of her kimono to Sanosuke's face to wipe away his tears.
"The poison's receeding now, at least," Sanosuke tried to smile. If he succeeded, he knew his smile was shaky.
"As it should be," Kaoru returned his smile.
"Kaoru? Do you think I could have a moment with Suzume? I'll talk with you on the way to your home. And at your home. But there's something I need to tell Suzume here, now." Sanosuke carefully put his hand on Suzume's shoulder, very gently so he wouldn't accidentally hurt this little girl.
"Alright," Kaoru looked a little reluctant, but stook anyway. "Yahiko and I will be waiting at the door. And don't worry, we won't leave you behind. I won't leave behind anyone who won't leave me."
"I know," Sanosuke was able to give Kaoru a more convincing smile this time. Kaoru nodded at him and went back inside. "So, Suzume-chan," Sanosuke turned his smile to the little girl. "You still don't want to get left behind, do you?" Suzume shook her head fervently. "Well, Kaoru would probably try to kill me if I started teaching you fist fighting, and your grandfather wouldn't like it either. But there are a few things that I can teach you that they shouldn't have a problem with. They'll help you get ready for when you're old enough to train. This way we don't piss Kaoru off and you don't get left behind. What do you say?"
Suzume grinned up at him. "I say it's good, but Mr. Sanosuke?"
"Yes?"
"What's piss?"