Part 2
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*a car crashes over the side of a cliff*
Doctor: Both of the Kamiya's died in the accident, but their daughter miraculously survived.
Kid Kaoru: Mother… Father… Please, don't leave me all alone!
Kid Misao: You're not alone, I'm here with you.
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*In present time, Kaoru's in a big crystal like test tube*
Kaoru: Misao….
Misao: Rest, Kaoru, you'll be better soon enough.
Kaoru: All this time I thought you were an imaginary friend who eased away the pain of my parent's death.
Misao: Nope! That's what Kenshin's for! Yah, actually, I'm real! Ya see, I had been driftin about in space and all and finally I kinda landed on Earth. Yah, then when I came to I saw the face of this really ugly, hideous monster, and now I realize that it was you…*moment of silence* Anyway, it seems that your ugliness energy somehow sucked me there with no means to escape. I was bored, ya know, so I decided to become your friend. I couldn't stay there any longer, though, cuz your hideousness would have killed me for sure! Yah, so I was getting ready to leave and all and then you gave me a beef pot! I'd never been given food before. I'd gotten drugs from those sickos on the street, but never food. I then vowed that I would one day come back with munchies and crunchies for you!
It was when I was looking for some delectable nummies that I found the perfect yum yum that was worthy of our friendship. When I picked the Cho burger out of the gutter where I found it, a thought hit me. Those people on Earth were the reason that you are such an atrocious sight! Those Earthlings must die!
Kaoru: You're wrong…and very insulting! I've got friends on Earth!
Misao: *possessed by the Cho Burger* No longer. You will stay with me, your one true friend. Only I will give you munchies and crunchies!
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*on a street in Tokyo*
Aoshi: …………..
Sano: Ya, I know!
Saito: Okay, what are you two conversing about now, moron?
Sano: Who the hottest chick in Rayearth is.
Saito: Do you mean 'in the face' hot or 'super slut' hot?
Sojiro: Shouldn't we be talking about how to save Ms. Kamiya?
Sano: Oh yah, lets go up to that planet and kick Misao's scrawny ass!
Kenshin: There's no way! I don't want to marry her in the later future!
Saito: Yah, well, I don't exactly want to be married and would prefer to be surrounded by hordes of pretty ladies, but we can't have everything we want, now can we?
Kenshin: Yah… I guess you're right. Let's go up there and do what we've gotta do!
Sano: That's the spirit!
Aoshi: …………….
Sano: Wow, sniff that was the most snivel beautiful thing I've ever heard you say!
Kenshin: But all he said was '……………'
Sano: Because you are stupid, you cannot understand what he says!
Saito: Translate, oh wise moron.
Sano: Yah, Kenshin, Aoshi tells me that if it makes you feel better, he will willingly put himself in some type of gay situation with you if it will lighten the heavy burden you must carry.
Kenshin: *teary eyed* Aoshi, that's so sweet…
Sojiro: Well then, shouldn't we *giggle* teleport?
Kenshin: Right!
*Sailor Scouts transport to the meteor thing*
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*a Katsu Eggplant comes flying towards them*
Sano: Guys, I've got an idea!
Everyone except Aoshi and Sano: Oh shit!
Aoshi: ….. (Translation: Oh shit!)
Sano: Sailor Planet…
Everyone but Aoshi: ATTACK!
Aoshi: ……! (Translation: ATTACK!)
*the Katsu Eggplant blows up*
Aoshi: ………………..
Sano: So she's in that fortress in the distance, huh?
Aoshi: *nod*
Kenshin: Then let's get this over with.
Sojiro: You know, it's probably a trap.
Misao's Voice: You've trained well scouts, but I'd never use Kaoru as a trap.
Saito: I would.
Sojiro: Me too.
Sano: So would I.
Misao: *appears* That was cold and heartless! It seems, though, that I have underestimated you again.
Kenshin: Okay, what did you do with Miss Kaoru?
Misao: Don't worry about her. The only people you need to worry about now are yourselves. *wads of gum fly up to Misao's eye level* Do you know what these are? These are what I will create my nummies out of! They will grow on any surface. I will shoot them down on earth and suck out all of the food energy there!
Saito: I can't allow you to do that! AKU SOKU ZAN!!! *throws fire ball at Misao*
Misao: *disappears before it connects*
Aoshi: ……!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sano: What?! Aoshi says that there's a high food energy level here!
Kenshin: What could it be?
Sano: ….. The bagels…
(A/N: I forgot to mention earlier, the meteor thing they landed on was covered in bagels.)
*the bagels then began to sprout into bunches of Katsu Taffy*
Sano: Sano Cresent Beam! *takes down a fifth of them*
Aoshi: ………….!!!!!! *takes a bunch of them down*
Saito: Saito Fire SURROUND!!! *burns some to a crisp*
Sojiro: Supreme Thunder! *electrocutes them*
Sano: Sailor Kenshin, use the scepter!
Kenshin: Right! Kenshin Rurouni Halation! *mows down a helping heap*
Misao: Retreat, regroup, and really nail them!
Katsu Taffies: *multiplying* Hahahahahahahahahaha! *start to rain down on scouts*
Saito: *throws Kenshin out of the way for some odd, out of the character reason*
*the scouts are buried under all of the Katsu Taffy (which now is turning back into bunches of bagels*
Kenshin: You guys! *starts digging through bagels*
Misao's Voice: How pathetic!
Kenshin: *looks up to see Misao* Kenshin Rurou-
Misao: Just one minute there junior!
*cream cheese vine comes up with scouts attached*
Misao: Sailor Kenshin! Give up your scepter or else…
*vine electrocutes scouts (not enough to kill them, though)*
Kenshin: I…
Sano: Don't do it Kenshin!
Sojiro: You mustn't give up the scepter.
Aoshi: ……..
Saito: You must fight them.
Misao: What will it be, oh misguided gay boy?
Kenshin: *drops scepter* You win. I surrender.
Saito: Y-you weakling! My, have I been waiting for the right occasion to say that!
Kenshin: This, I guess, was that perfect occasion. I know I could beat him, b-but… then you'd all get hurt… and I couldn't ever bear that!
Misao: *getting swept up in emotions* Ugh, my head…
*Katsu Taffy disappear and the vine holding the scouts captive disintegrates*
Kenshin: You guys! *runs to scouts*
Misao: What are all of these… emotions?
Cho Burger: You lil' idiot! Don't cha realize you all bein fooled! The batousai tricked ya into letting them go, ya hear? I'll lend ya my powers an' all if ya'll kicked their damn asses for me once n' for all!
Misao: *transforms into the Misacho Burger (with cheese!)*
Kenshin: Eep!
Misacho Burger: *attacks Kenshin and restrains him* You'll never know what it is like to be me, ya know! *starts draining his energy* You'll never know what true loneliness is!
Aoshi: *has flash back*
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Student 1: There's Aoshi, reading that book all by himself again!
Student 2: How stupid! I can't stand guys who rub it in our noses that we're illiterate bastards!
Student 1: Ya!
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*out of flash back*
Misacho Burger: You don't know what it's like to be shunned because you are different!
Sojiro: *has flash back*
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Student 1: That kid never stops smiling!
Student 2: I know! I karate chopped a teacher before but never anything that horrid!
Student 1: Let's not bother with him!
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*out of flash back*
Misacho Burger: You don't know what it's like to not be appreciated!
Sano: *has flash back*
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Student 1: I can't believe he's drunk again!
Student 2: What's wrong with him? Even I can stay sober longer!
Student 1: There he goes, trying to act like one of the Sekihoutai!
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*out of flash back*
Misacho Burger: You don't know what it's like to have a gift and not liked for it!
Saito: *flash back*
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Saito: Lady, where's my plain hot soba?
Waitress: Oh, here ya go Mr. Saito! I just want you to know that you're my biggest role model! Would you like a side of the western style dessert known as ice cream?
Saito: Okay.
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*out of flash back*
Misacho Burger: *finishes sucking out energy* Now you will die!
Sano: WAIT! Kenshin has done more for me than anyone else ever has!
Saito: If it weren't for Kenshin, I'd be living a happy peaceful life!
Sano: URGH! What he meant to say was 'We'd all be alone!', right Saito?!
Saito: Maybe you guys would…
Misacho Burger: You are all being fooled! Sailor Kenshin is full of crap! DIE KENSHIN! *shoots cream cheese daggers but they all miss* W-what?
Kaoru: I finally got out of that crystal thing!
Sano: Should we be rejoicing or mourning?
Aoshi: *shrug*
Misao: *goes back to normal self (with elf ears)* Kaoru, y-you threw a beef pot at me!
Cho Burger: Don't ya see, ya dumb gal? She's been fooled by that cross dressin freak! Get rid of Sailor Kenshin already!
Misao: I can't…. because Kaoru threw a beef pot at me. Even Kaoru has left me all alone!
*the bagels all disintegrate and the threat seems to be over*
Aoshi: ………..
Sano: Ya, now we can get back to our quest for G-strings!
Aoshi: ^_________^
Saito: You two disgust me.
Misao: Muwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! I forgot to mention! Now this meteor will be crashing into Earth and destroying your precious planet!
Cho Burger: Ya, then I can go n' start my plans there n' all so HA!
Kenshin: I won't allow you to do that! *brooch thing turns into silver crystal*
Sojiro: *still smiling* Don't Sailor Kenshin!
Sano: If you use the Silver Crystal, you'll die!
Saito: USE IT!!!! *looks at everybody else glaring at him* What?
Kenshin: Don't worry. Everything will be alright!
Misao: *grabs brooch* I don't think so!
*Kenshin's clothes disappear and pink ribbons are flowing about*
Sojiro: Eek!
Saito: Oh the horror!
Sano: AAAAAHHHHH NUDITY! GUY NUDITY!!! AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Aoshi: !!!!!!! *shields eyes*
Misao: *looks at Kenshin* Hey… when I last took a bath, I didn't remember having one of those.
Kenshin: Um… could you please stop looking at that… *Misao doesn't move* STOP LOOKING, YOU PERVERT!!!
Misao: Okay! Geez! You don't need to yell at me!
Kenshin: Know what? I'm gonna show you how Kaoru became my friend!
*go into flash back*
Kid Kaoru: *crying*
Kid Kenshin: Are you alright?
Kid Kaoru: Who are you?
Kid Kenshin: Oh, I'm here with my master Hiko. He drank a lot and is suffering from liver poisoning. I brought this big ol' beef pot for him… Here. *gives Kaoru beef pot*
Misao: That beef pot you gave to Kaoru… is the same one she gave to me… It was a symbol of your friendship?
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*out of flash back*
Misao: *crying*
Cho Burger: Don't be fooled by him Misao! MISAO!! AAAAAHHHHHHH!! *gets killed by the silver crystals light*
Misao: The crystal changed into… a piece of pizza… *disappears*
Kenshin: Right! *uses the Pizza Silver Crystal to get that new pretty dress thing*
Kaoru: Aw man! Why'd he have to put some clothes on? I was gonna get out my camera, too.
Saito: Here are some words of advice for you. Use Kodiak™ . It's the film that lasts forever.
Sano: Let's go help Kenshin!
*Sailor Scouts stand in a line and focus their energy on Kenshin*
Aoshi: *has flash back*
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Kenshin: Wow! You can read?!
Aoshi: *nod*
Kenshin: That's so cool! Can you read me a story?
Aoshi: ………..
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Sano: *has flash back*
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Kenshin: You're one of the Sekihoutai! I've been waiting to meet someone like you!
Sano: Why…. Thank you! Buy me food.
Kenshin: Oro….
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Sojiro: *has flashback*
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Kenshin: You look so pretty when you smile!
Sojiro: *giggle* I know! It's people like you who make me want to… SING!
Kenshin: Let's do a duet!
*start singing off key*
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Saito: *has flash back*
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Fan girl 1: I LOVE YOU SAITO!
Fan girl 2: KISS ME!
Fan girl 3: BE MINE!!!
Fan girl 4: OH SAITO, YOU'RE SO COOL!
Saito: Ladies, please, there's plenty of Saito to go around! Now start a line, starting with leggy blondes followed by brunettes.
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Sano: This has to work! SANO STAR POWER!!!
Sojiro: SOJIRO STAR POWER!!!
Saito: SAITO STAR POWER!!!
Aoshi: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kenshin: *thinking to himself* I have the power of my friends and… the ugliness monster… all with me now. I can feel their energy. *out loud* KENSHIN CRYSTAL POWER!!!
*the Pizza Silver Crystal shatters and a life less Kenshin falls to the ground*
Saito: He's dead… YAY!!!
Sano: It looks like we've lost the one thing that matters to us the most.. ISN'T THAT RIGHT SAITO???!!!!
Saito: … What matters is that the Earth is now safe and that this dreaded fic is about over. I'm dying to put on a pair of pants again!
Kaoru: *crying like a loser* Kenshin! KENSHIN!!! WAKE UP!!! KKKKEEEEENNNNNSSSSHHHIIIINNNN!!!!!!!
Misao: Kaoru… Sailor Kenshin saved me in the end from the Cho Burger's evil grasp. Here. *gives Kaoru celery stick* This is my life force. Give it's vitamins to Sailor Kenshin. *disappears*
Kaoru: I get to kiss Kenshin! YYYYYAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!
Aoshi: *snatches celery stick from Kaoru*
Kaoru: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR????!!!!
Aoshi: …………………..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sano: He says that he earlier made a promise to Kenshin that he'd ease the burden of his having to marry you in the future. Therefore, Aoshi promised that he would act gay for Kenshin to make him feel better.
Kaoru: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Aoshi: *eats celery stick and then kisses Kenshin*
*the silver crystal goes back to normal and Kenshin is revived*
Kenshin: Aoshi, everyone… I promised you all that I would protect you, didn't I?
Aoshi: *nod*
Sojiro: We love you Kenshin!
Saito: What do you mean 'we'?
Sano: Shut up! You've been a pain in the ass during the whole fic!
Kaoru: I was so close!! Just SO close! *bawls*
Kenshin: Is the fic over?
Sojiro: Seems like it!
Saito: Thank Buddha!
Sano: AOSHI! We can now go on our quest for lingerie!!!
Aoshi: *waving victory flags* ^_________________^!!!!!
Kenshin: Just one question… How do we get back to earth?
Saito: Uh..
Sojiro: Um…
Sano: Er…
Aoshi: ??
The Sailor Scouts then went into pondering this for the longest time. To be kind, the fic ends here and they can all put on their pants again.
The End