Hey! Sorry that I haven't been updating as much and that the chapters have been short lately Rembrandt77. I've been busy with school work- damned SOLs, all day vocational functions (thrice damned thing kept me at school from 8 am to 10pm one night!) and then the power went off. Exams are soon and the teachers are assigning as much homework as they can in the last two weeks we're stuck with them. I'll neglect some of it so I can write more instead, okay? Thanks for sticking with my story, Slrmoon- and Sano's not going to die. What, you think I'm a completely heartless bitch? (Well I am, but that's beside the point) Here's the next chapter like you, Rembrandt77, and Aya14 asked for. Hope you like it (though I doubt you will).
@-- Rose C*est la V
What's Wrong With A Little Insanity?
"You're not going to fight him!" Kaoru snapped. "He's too dangerous."
"He is too dangerous," Sanosuke agreed, "But that's why I have to fight him, Kaoru."
"Who IS he?" Yahiko wanted to know. "I know he was in the Sekihotai, but was he some big shot or just another armed farmer?"
Sanosuke closed his eyes and leaned against the wall. Kaoru had insisted on bandaging his wound, and Sanosuke had rewrapped his usual bandages around his ribs and stomach to hide his scars. "His name is Sozo Sagara. He was the leader of the Sekihotai. My captain."
"Sagara?!" Yahiko demanded. "He's related to you?!"
"No," Sanosuke opened his eyes but didn't really see out of them. "I ran away from home at so young an age that I couldn't remember my real last name. An hour before the Sekihotai was destroyed, Sozo and I were talking. He was repeating his speach to me about how someday everyone will be equal. I asked him if when everyone was equal if I could have a last name, and if I could take his. He told me that I shouldn't, since Sanosuke Sagara sounds weird. Then he died- or he didn't die but I thought he had. I took his name anyway."
"What happened to him?" Kaoru asked softly.
"I don't have a clue in hell," Sanosuke said, miserably. "He's nothing like he used to be- he used to be kind and wise, compassionate, strong, and above all else, sane. Now he's a completely different person. Gods, what must have happened to change him so drastically?"
"He said he took out your lung," Yahiko reminded him. "Are you sure he was so sane back then?"
Sanosuke smiled bitterly and shook his head. "It was about two years before the Sekihotai was destroyed when that happened. We ran into one of the Shogun's armies and had to fight our way through- not that I ever did much fighting. I was too little. One of our enemies came at Sagara from behind while he was fighting another. I, being young and believing I was invincible, kicked him in the shins. For some reason he took offense to that and ran me through with his spear. On the left side of my chest, of course. The spear must have been cheap because it splintered. One of the splintered ends got dragged across my stomach, which is why I have all those wonderful scars you just saw."
"No wonder you keep them covered up. They're ugly," Yahiko commented. Kaoru smacked Yahiko in the back of his head. "OW! Just like you, you stupid ugly!"
"The Sekihotai won the battle with minimal casualties. Only two dead, five slightly wounded, and me. The doctor told Sagara that I wouldn't live since my lung had been punctured and was filling up with blood. I should have drowned in it, but Sozo didn't give up on me. He didn't know what would happen if he cut the lung out, but he tried it anyway, hoping maybe you only need one to live. Turns out you do. Imagine that," Sanosuke continued speaking as though he couldn't hear Yahiko. "I was sick for a long time after that. Couldn't sit, couldn't stand, couldn't even talk. I wouldn't have eaten if Sozo hadn't forced soup down my throat. Everyone thought that I was going to die, but Sozo still refused to give up on me. He refused to even leave me with one of the families we encountered who promised they'd take care of me. He didn't trust them not to give up on me. Eventually, I got better. Everyone was surprised. I doubt even Sagara thought I'd live. But now. . ." Sanosuke's eyes were unfocused and he left the thought unfinished. Now he might have to kill Sagara.
Kaoru tried to stop Sanosuke from leaving, of course. Sanosuke thought that he might have actually been disappointed if she hadn't. It was Kaoru's nature to worry, always had been. Sanosuke remembered the fuss she made each time Kenshin went up against anyone else. Thankfully she hadn't raised as much fuss for Sanosuke, and he'd even gotten her and Yahiko to promise to stay in the Kamiya Dojo until he returned. And if they kept that promise, it would be a miracle.
Sanosuke arrived in the clearing right on time. Sozo Sagara didn't. After an hour he'd started to worry. What if Sozo had gone to the Kamiya Dojo to hurt Kaoru and Yahiko? Sozo had been a formidible swordsman during the revolution, but Sanosuke had absolutly no way to know how good he really had been. Sanosuke had been too young to view Sagara's skills without any bias. Sagara had been his hero, who Sanosuke had believed the best in the world. Because he'd been so young during the revolution, Sanosuke had no way of knowing if Sagara was really as good as he remembered him being.
Another half hour crept by. Sanosuke paced to keep warm, but worry made him cold inside. He didn't believe that Sagara would attack a woman and a boy. Sozo had been too dead set against involving noncombatants in any kind of violence- yet he'd been doing it to the families of his victims. Sanosuke debated whether he should stay and wait longer or rush back to the dojo.
A light flickered through the dark forest. Sanosuke frowned. "Sagara?" he called. There was no answer. "Sagara!" The light was moving away from him. Sanosuke swore. He wondered if it would be foolish to follow the light, but stopped wondering when he realized he was going to follow it anyway.
The light was moving away much quicker now. Sanosuke ran after it as fast as he could, knocking a couple trees down in his haste. "Sagara!"
The light disappeared.
"Damn it!" Sanosuke ran on, blindly making his way to where he'd last seen the light. "Sagara!"
Suddenly the ground dropped out from under Sanosuke. Sanosuke yelped and flung an arm out, grabbing onto the ground that he'd just been standing on. "Damn it again!"
Light blazed suddenly and Sozo Sagara was standing over him. "My sentiments exactly. Unless you plan to change your mind about helping me exact reveange for our fallen comrades." He put his foot over Sanosuke's fingers, but didn't put any weight on them.
"I haven't," Sanosuke growled, grabbing onto the ledge with his other hand. He could hear water rushing far below him. Damn.
"Then it seems that I have no choice then but to kill you. How ironic that you'll now die exactly the way you almost did ten years ago." Sagara stomped down on Sanosuke's hand.
Sanosuke growled and hung on tight with his other hand. Before Sozo knew what had happened, Sanosuke had swung himself back onto the ledge and swept Sozo's legs out from under him.
"Damn you!" Sozo recovered quickly and lunged at Sanosuke. Sanosuke had grown faster than his old friend and rolled aside, springing to his feet as he completed his second roll. "You bastard!"
"Better a bastard than insane!" Sanosuke snarled. He could have attacked Sozo then and perhaps flattened him before he got to his feet. But that would have been cheap. Sanosuke allowed his former mentor to stand.
"What's wrong with a little insanity?" Sozo sneered back, drawling his sword that he'd hidden inside his coat.
"Those things are illegal, you know," Sanosuke remarked of the sword.
"Which is why I identify with them," Sozo ran his hand along his sword's finely temered blade. "The existance of this sword is illegal, much as my own existance is. Your existance too. The Sekihotai was supposed to have been completley destroyed, just like every sword not owned by a damned government official!" Sozo charged.
Sanosuke stepped aside and caught Sozo's wrist, twisting it so Sagara released the sword. "You can't keep on killing people, Sozo. I can't allow that."
"You can't stop me!" Sozo's other hand brought forth a tanto- the shortest of all traditional swords, hardly longer than a dagger, catching Sanosuke by surprise. He tried to jump back, but knew he was too late. The sword bit into the left side of his chest directly over his heart- then stopped.
Sanosuke didn't stop backing up though. Once clear of the blade he blinked at Sozo. "You had me dead," he said grimly.
Sozo shook his head. "You're fast. I'll have to make a note of that for the next time I try!" Sozo charged forward again, but couldn't catch Sanosuke off guard this time. Sanosuke back handed Sozo in the face, then lashed out at his wrist. The tanto went flying. "Damn."
Sanosuke didn't press his advantage. He only stared at his old friend. "You could have killed me, Sagara. You could have put that blade straight through my heart."
Sozo hissed. "You were too fast. Don't think I refrained from killing you because I care about you. I just didn't think you were quite so quick."
"Liar," Sanosuke accused. Sozo's eyes flared up dangerously and he attacked again, this time with his bare hands.
Sanosuke dodged and slapped Sozo away, surprised at Sozo's lack of skills. Had Sozo always been this. . . weak? Or was his old captain holding back? Sanosuke couldn't tell, but knew one thing for certain: If Sozo had really wanted to, he could have cut Sanosuke's heart out. What was Sozo playing at?
"You've gotten stronger," Sozo growled, struggling to his feet again. "I underestimated you. For some reason I thought you were still the weak and foolish little boy who followed the Sekihotai like a puppy."
"It's been ten years," Sanosuke responded, trying to keep his voice even. "A lot has changed, Sagara."
"You have changed," Sagara agreed. "I have changed. It was the Sekihotai that changed us you know."
"It was the Sekihotai's destruction that changed us," Sanosuke said softly.
"Yes," Sagara grinned. "That night changed everything forever, you know. I was so happy that evening. I thought that my dream of a world where everyone was equal would soon be realized. I couldn't believe it when I found out that the government was using us as scapegoats. I couldn't believe that my troops were being shot to death. Couldn't believe that I had been shot."
Snowflake drifted down from the sky as they had ten years ago, on a night very similar to the one that Sanosuke was trying to live through now. He knew he'd hate snow ever after because of this.
"You were such a stubborn kid," Sozo muttered. "You tried to save me for all you were worth. If only you'd just run away like I'd told you to! Then maybe this wouldn't have happened!"
"What?!" Sanosuke demanded. "What do you mean 'maybe this wouldn't have happened?' What happened to the Sekihotai was NOT MY FAULT and if I had run away, absouletley nothing would have changed!"
"But it would have!" Sozo screamed at him. "I wouldn't have had to live ten years thinking that I had killed the boy who I considered MY LITTLE BROTHER!"
"You didn't kill me!" Sanosuke shouted back.
"I thought I had!" Sozo yelled. "Don't you get it?! I threw a seven year old boy off a cliff, into a river in the middle of the winter! It was a hell of a long way down and I didn't stop to think that the water might not be deep enough to keep you from breaking your neck! Any number of factors about my desperate attempt to save you could have killed you! Aside from a broken neck, the impact could have knocked you out and you could have drowned! Or you could have drowned simply because you couldn't swim or couldn't fight the current! Your body could have been dashed against any number of rocks, crippling and killing you! And if by some miracle you survived all of those, the cold should have frozen you to death! You can't get dunked in ice water on a night that cold and live! I THOUGHT THAT I HAD KILLED YOU, SANOSUKE!!! NO CHILD COULD HAVE SURVIVED THAT ORDEAL!!!"
"But I did!" Sanosuke screamed at the top of his lungs when Sozo paused for a breath. "And I was about eight, not seven. I survived. You don't have to feel guilty about that anymore, Captain!"
"Thinking your blood was on my hands was more than I could bear," Sagara said grimly. "That and having to cut the heads off every one of my men and bag them, then later put them on spikes. Then listening to all the weaklings badmouthing the Sekihotai, believing that we were wicked like the government told them. It broke me."
Sanosuke fought against the lump forming in his throat. That would have broken anyone. Now he could see why Captain Sagara had gone mad. Having to put the heads of their friends on stakes. . .
"I wanted reveange! I've been taking reveange! But now I'm tired of this life," Sagara glared at Sanosuke.
"You never wanted to kill me," Sanosuke stated.
Sagara gave a bitter laugh. "I wanted to force you to kill me."
"I can't do that," Sanosuke said softly, realizing that what he said was the truth. He had come here tonight thinking he would kill Sozo. That he could kill Sozo. And he could have. Sozo had turned into a madman, prepared to slaughter the weak that he had once been so adamant about protecting. But now, after Sagara's confession, Sanosuke knew he couldn't kill his friend anymore. Listening to people call the Sekihotai evil for ten years had been a strain on Sanosuke as well as Sozo. But having to bear that after putting all his friends' heads on stakes had been too much for Sagara. Would have been too much for Sanosuke. And all that time, Sagara had been tormented by the fact that he had thrown the boy who had been like his little brother off a cliff to his death.
"You always looked up to me, as a child," Sozo said suddenly.
"I did," Sanosuke agreed. I still do, he thought, but didn't say aloud. If I had gone through what you did, I'd have turned out a hell of a lot worse.
"I failed you as a role model," Sozo said, his voice growing softer. "I have no right to ask anything of you, but I'm going to anyway. Kill me, Sanosuke."
"I can't," Sanosuke said flatly.
"Kill me!"
"I can't."
"KILL ME!!!" The madness was back in Sozo's eyes.
"I CAN'T!!!" Sanosuke screamed.
Just as suddenly, Sozo's madness was gone. "I understand," he said, his voice even softer than before. Sozo Sagara turned, took two swift steps, and lept off the cliff.
"NO!" Sanosuke howled, darting forward to grab ahold of his friend. Snow made the ground slick. Sanosuke slipped on it and suddenly found himself plummeting from the cliff, after Sagara.
This fall was similar to Sanosuke's last one, ten years ago. Would the landing be as safe as the last one? Sanosuke was about to find out.
The water rushed up at Sanosuke, seemingly faster than a slice of Kenshin's reverse blade sword. One heart beat Sanosuke was staring down at the flat surface of the river with wide eyes, then next it was shoved into his face, pressing on his eyes and making them sting. The water was deep, thank Buddha and all the gods of Shintoism. But by all the little hells, was it cold!
Sanosuke surfaced quickly, and looked around for Sagara. His eyes hurt and his vision blurred. For a moment Sanosuke couldn't see. "Sagara? Sagara?!" His vision cleared and he saw Sozo floating nearbly, his face still in the water. Blinking rapidly in a vain attempt to see better, Sanosuke pulled himself through the frigid water toward his old friend and rolled him onto his back.. "Sagara?"
Darker water dripped off of Sagara's forehead. Blood? Sanosuke tried to wipe it away with his hand, but froze as his fingers felt a crevice at the top of Sagara's head. His skull had been cracked open. . .
"Sano?" Sagara blinked at him.
"Captain," Sanosuke choked. "It's okay, I'm going to get you out of this water, then we're going to get a fire going-"
"My. . . head."
"It's just a little bruised-"
"Bull shit," Sagara laughed and touched it. "It's split wide open. I hit it on a rock. And I'm dying."
"No you're not!" Sanosuke shouted, holding his captain with one arm and using the other to pull them toward the nearest bank. "I won't let you, damn it!"
"You can't stop it, Sanosuke," Sagara said, as Sanosuke drug them both onto the shore.
"Damn it!" Sanosuke shouted, punching a rock and shattering it.
"Damn, you have gotten strong," Sagara commented. "Sanosuke," he said then, urgently, his voice changing strangely.
"Captain?"
"I'm sorry."
"No."
"I am. Sorry for the innocents I killed and for bringing my madness into your life."
"It's not your fault," Sanosuke said hoarsly. "It's mine. If I had never been born then you couldn't have thrown me off the cliff. My supposed death wouldn't have tormented you. If I had never been born-"
"If you had never been born I would have been killed by that second spearman at that battle so many years ago. Remember it?" Sagara asked.
"Yes. But you would have survived. He didn't kill me and I was a child. He wouldn't have killed you. It would have been better if I'd never been born!" Sanosuke choked. Grief was overwhelming him. He was losing his older brother again! "If you had never been born my life would have been so much bleaker," Sagara said, reaching up for Sanosuke. Sanosuke took his hand. "Many lives would have been much bleaker. If you had never been born, I would have lost my sanity so much sooner. There were some children I let live because of your meamory. If you had never been born I would have lost myself completely."
"Captain Sagara," Sanosuke coughed to mask a sob. His eyes were burning terribly.
"Good bye," Sagara sighed, his eyes going dim. There was no trace of madness in them anymore. "My. . . brother. . ." There was no trace of life in his eyes anymore.
"Captain Sagara," Sanosuke moaned, shaking. "Brother. . ." He reached out with the hand that wasn't holding Sozo's and closed his friend's eyes. Then he knelt there for what seemed like the longest time, clenching his dead brother's hand and shaking. That was how Kaoru and Yahiko found him.
@-- Rose C*est la V
What's Wrong With A Little Insanity?
"You're not going to fight him!" Kaoru snapped. "He's too dangerous."
"He is too dangerous," Sanosuke agreed, "But that's why I have to fight him, Kaoru."
"Who IS he?" Yahiko wanted to know. "I know he was in the Sekihotai, but was he some big shot or just another armed farmer?"
Sanosuke closed his eyes and leaned against the wall. Kaoru had insisted on bandaging his wound, and Sanosuke had rewrapped his usual bandages around his ribs and stomach to hide his scars. "His name is Sozo Sagara. He was the leader of the Sekihotai. My captain."
"Sagara?!" Yahiko demanded. "He's related to you?!"
"No," Sanosuke opened his eyes but didn't really see out of them. "I ran away from home at so young an age that I couldn't remember my real last name. An hour before the Sekihotai was destroyed, Sozo and I were talking. He was repeating his speach to me about how someday everyone will be equal. I asked him if when everyone was equal if I could have a last name, and if I could take his. He told me that I shouldn't, since Sanosuke Sagara sounds weird. Then he died- or he didn't die but I thought he had. I took his name anyway."
"What happened to him?" Kaoru asked softly.
"I don't have a clue in hell," Sanosuke said, miserably. "He's nothing like he used to be- he used to be kind and wise, compassionate, strong, and above all else, sane. Now he's a completely different person. Gods, what must have happened to change him so drastically?"
"He said he took out your lung," Yahiko reminded him. "Are you sure he was so sane back then?"
Sanosuke smiled bitterly and shook his head. "It was about two years before the Sekihotai was destroyed when that happened. We ran into one of the Shogun's armies and had to fight our way through- not that I ever did much fighting. I was too little. One of our enemies came at Sagara from behind while he was fighting another. I, being young and believing I was invincible, kicked him in the shins. For some reason he took offense to that and ran me through with his spear. On the left side of my chest, of course. The spear must have been cheap because it splintered. One of the splintered ends got dragged across my stomach, which is why I have all those wonderful scars you just saw."
"No wonder you keep them covered up. They're ugly," Yahiko commented. Kaoru smacked Yahiko in the back of his head. "OW! Just like you, you stupid ugly!"
"The Sekihotai won the battle with minimal casualties. Only two dead, five slightly wounded, and me. The doctor told Sagara that I wouldn't live since my lung had been punctured and was filling up with blood. I should have drowned in it, but Sozo didn't give up on me. He didn't know what would happen if he cut the lung out, but he tried it anyway, hoping maybe you only need one to live. Turns out you do. Imagine that," Sanosuke continued speaking as though he couldn't hear Yahiko. "I was sick for a long time after that. Couldn't sit, couldn't stand, couldn't even talk. I wouldn't have eaten if Sozo hadn't forced soup down my throat. Everyone thought that I was going to die, but Sozo still refused to give up on me. He refused to even leave me with one of the families we encountered who promised they'd take care of me. He didn't trust them not to give up on me. Eventually, I got better. Everyone was surprised. I doubt even Sagara thought I'd live. But now. . ." Sanosuke's eyes were unfocused and he left the thought unfinished. Now he might have to kill Sagara.
Kaoru tried to stop Sanosuke from leaving, of course. Sanosuke thought that he might have actually been disappointed if she hadn't. It was Kaoru's nature to worry, always had been. Sanosuke remembered the fuss she made each time Kenshin went up against anyone else. Thankfully she hadn't raised as much fuss for Sanosuke, and he'd even gotten her and Yahiko to promise to stay in the Kamiya Dojo until he returned. And if they kept that promise, it would be a miracle.
Sanosuke arrived in the clearing right on time. Sozo Sagara didn't. After an hour he'd started to worry. What if Sozo had gone to the Kamiya Dojo to hurt Kaoru and Yahiko? Sozo had been a formidible swordsman during the revolution, but Sanosuke had absolutly no way to know how good he really had been. Sanosuke had been too young to view Sagara's skills without any bias. Sagara had been his hero, who Sanosuke had believed the best in the world. Because he'd been so young during the revolution, Sanosuke had no way of knowing if Sagara was really as good as he remembered him being.
Another half hour crept by. Sanosuke paced to keep warm, but worry made him cold inside. He didn't believe that Sagara would attack a woman and a boy. Sozo had been too dead set against involving noncombatants in any kind of violence- yet he'd been doing it to the families of his victims. Sanosuke debated whether he should stay and wait longer or rush back to the dojo.
A light flickered through the dark forest. Sanosuke frowned. "Sagara?" he called. There was no answer. "Sagara!" The light was moving away from him. Sanosuke swore. He wondered if it would be foolish to follow the light, but stopped wondering when he realized he was going to follow it anyway.
The light was moving away much quicker now. Sanosuke ran after it as fast as he could, knocking a couple trees down in his haste. "Sagara!"
The light disappeared.
"Damn it!" Sanosuke ran on, blindly making his way to where he'd last seen the light. "Sagara!"
Suddenly the ground dropped out from under Sanosuke. Sanosuke yelped and flung an arm out, grabbing onto the ground that he'd just been standing on. "Damn it again!"
Light blazed suddenly and Sozo Sagara was standing over him. "My sentiments exactly. Unless you plan to change your mind about helping me exact reveange for our fallen comrades." He put his foot over Sanosuke's fingers, but didn't put any weight on them.
"I haven't," Sanosuke growled, grabbing onto the ledge with his other hand. He could hear water rushing far below him. Damn.
"Then it seems that I have no choice then but to kill you. How ironic that you'll now die exactly the way you almost did ten years ago." Sagara stomped down on Sanosuke's hand.
Sanosuke growled and hung on tight with his other hand. Before Sozo knew what had happened, Sanosuke had swung himself back onto the ledge and swept Sozo's legs out from under him.
"Damn you!" Sozo recovered quickly and lunged at Sanosuke. Sanosuke had grown faster than his old friend and rolled aside, springing to his feet as he completed his second roll. "You bastard!"
"Better a bastard than insane!" Sanosuke snarled. He could have attacked Sozo then and perhaps flattened him before he got to his feet. But that would have been cheap. Sanosuke allowed his former mentor to stand.
"What's wrong with a little insanity?" Sozo sneered back, drawling his sword that he'd hidden inside his coat.
"Those things are illegal, you know," Sanosuke remarked of the sword.
"Which is why I identify with them," Sozo ran his hand along his sword's finely temered blade. "The existance of this sword is illegal, much as my own existance is. Your existance too. The Sekihotai was supposed to have been completley destroyed, just like every sword not owned by a damned government official!" Sozo charged.
Sanosuke stepped aside and caught Sozo's wrist, twisting it so Sagara released the sword. "You can't keep on killing people, Sozo. I can't allow that."
"You can't stop me!" Sozo's other hand brought forth a tanto- the shortest of all traditional swords, hardly longer than a dagger, catching Sanosuke by surprise. He tried to jump back, but knew he was too late. The sword bit into the left side of his chest directly over his heart- then stopped.
Sanosuke didn't stop backing up though. Once clear of the blade he blinked at Sozo. "You had me dead," he said grimly.
Sozo shook his head. "You're fast. I'll have to make a note of that for the next time I try!" Sozo charged forward again, but couldn't catch Sanosuke off guard this time. Sanosuke back handed Sozo in the face, then lashed out at his wrist. The tanto went flying. "Damn."
Sanosuke didn't press his advantage. He only stared at his old friend. "You could have killed me, Sagara. You could have put that blade straight through my heart."
Sozo hissed. "You were too fast. Don't think I refrained from killing you because I care about you. I just didn't think you were quite so quick."
"Liar," Sanosuke accused. Sozo's eyes flared up dangerously and he attacked again, this time with his bare hands.
Sanosuke dodged and slapped Sozo away, surprised at Sozo's lack of skills. Had Sozo always been this. . . weak? Or was his old captain holding back? Sanosuke couldn't tell, but knew one thing for certain: If Sozo had really wanted to, he could have cut Sanosuke's heart out. What was Sozo playing at?
"You've gotten stronger," Sozo growled, struggling to his feet again. "I underestimated you. For some reason I thought you were still the weak and foolish little boy who followed the Sekihotai like a puppy."
"It's been ten years," Sanosuke responded, trying to keep his voice even. "A lot has changed, Sagara."
"You have changed," Sagara agreed. "I have changed. It was the Sekihotai that changed us you know."
"It was the Sekihotai's destruction that changed us," Sanosuke said softly.
"Yes," Sagara grinned. "That night changed everything forever, you know. I was so happy that evening. I thought that my dream of a world where everyone was equal would soon be realized. I couldn't believe it when I found out that the government was using us as scapegoats. I couldn't believe that my troops were being shot to death. Couldn't believe that I had been shot."
Snowflake drifted down from the sky as they had ten years ago, on a night very similar to the one that Sanosuke was trying to live through now. He knew he'd hate snow ever after because of this.
"You were such a stubborn kid," Sozo muttered. "You tried to save me for all you were worth. If only you'd just run away like I'd told you to! Then maybe this wouldn't have happened!"
"What?!" Sanosuke demanded. "What do you mean 'maybe this wouldn't have happened?' What happened to the Sekihotai was NOT MY FAULT and if I had run away, absouletley nothing would have changed!"
"But it would have!" Sozo screamed at him. "I wouldn't have had to live ten years thinking that I had killed the boy who I considered MY LITTLE BROTHER!"
"You didn't kill me!" Sanosuke shouted back.
"I thought I had!" Sozo yelled. "Don't you get it?! I threw a seven year old boy off a cliff, into a river in the middle of the winter! It was a hell of a long way down and I didn't stop to think that the water might not be deep enough to keep you from breaking your neck! Any number of factors about my desperate attempt to save you could have killed you! Aside from a broken neck, the impact could have knocked you out and you could have drowned! Or you could have drowned simply because you couldn't swim or couldn't fight the current! Your body could have been dashed against any number of rocks, crippling and killing you! And if by some miracle you survived all of those, the cold should have frozen you to death! You can't get dunked in ice water on a night that cold and live! I THOUGHT THAT I HAD KILLED YOU, SANOSUKE!!! NO CHILD COULD HAVE SURVIVED THAT ORDEAL!!!"
"But I did!" Sanosuke screamed at the top of his lungs when Sozo paused for a breath. "And I was about eight, not seven. I survived. You don't have to feel guilty about that anymore, Captain!"
"Thinking your blood was on my hands was more than I could bear," Sagara said grimly. "That and having to cut the heads off every one of my men and bag them, then later put them on spikes. Then listening to all the weaklings badmouthing the Sekihotai, believing that we were wicked like the government told them. It broke me."
Sanosuke fought against the lump forming in his throat. That would have broken anyone. Now he could see why Captain Sagara had gone mad. Having to put the heads of their friends on stakes. . .
"I wanted reveange! I've been taking reveange! But now I'm tired of this life," Sagara glared at Sanosuke.
"You never wanted to kill me," Sanosuke stated.
Sagara gave a bitter laugh. "I wanted to force you to kill me."
"I can't do that," Sanosuke said softly, realizing that what he said was the truth. He had come here tonight thinking he would kill Sozo. That he could kill Sozo. And he could have. Sozo had turned into a madman, prepared to slaughter the weak that he had once been so adamant about protecting. But now, after Sagara's confession, Sanosuke knew he couldn't kill his friend anymore. Listening to people call the Sekihotai evil for ten years had been a strain on Sanosuke as well as Sozo. But having to bear that after putting all his friends' heads on stakes had been too much for Sagara. Would have been too much for Sanosuke. And all that time, Sagara had been tormented by the fact that he had thrown the boy who had been like his little brother off a cliff to his death.
"You always looked up to me, as a child," Sozo said suddenly.
"I did," Sanosuke agreed. I still do, he thought, but didn't say aloud. If I had gone through what you did, I'd have turned out a hell of a lot worse.
"I failed you as a role model," Sozo said, his voice growing softer. "I have no right to ask anything of you, but I'm going to anyway. Kill me, Sanosuke."
"I can't," Sanosuke said flatly.
"Kill me!"
"I can't."
"KILL ME!!!" The madness was back in Sozo's eyes.
"I CAN'T!!!" Sanosuke screamed.
Just as suddenly, Sozo's madness was gone. "I understand," he said, his voice even softer than before. Sozo Sagara turned, took two swift steps, and lept off the cliff.
"NO!" Sanosuke howled, darting forward to grab ahold of his friend. Snow made the ground slick. Sanosuke slipped on it and suddenly found himself plummeting from the cliff, after Sagara.
This fall was similar to Sanosuke's last one, ten years ago. Would the landing be as safe as the last one? Sanosuke was about to find out.
The water rushed up at Sanosuke, seemingly faster than a slice of Kenshin's reverse blade sword. One heart beat Sanosuke was staring down at the flat surface of the river with wide eyes, then next it was shoved into his face, pressing on his eyes and making them sting. The water was deep, thank Buddha and all the gods of Shintoism. But by all the little hells, was it cold!
Sanosuke surfaced quickly, and looked around for Sagara. His eyes hurt and his vision blurred. For a moment Sanosuke couldn't see. "Sagara? Sagara?!" His vision cleared and he saw Sozo floating nearbly, his face still in the water. Blinking rapidly in a vain attempt to see better, Sanosuke pulled himself through the frigid water toward his old friend and rolled him onto his back.. "Sagara?"
Darker water dripped off of Sagara's forehead. Blood? Sanosuke tried to wipe it away with his hand, but froze as his fingers felt a crevice at the top of Sagara's head. His skull had been cracked open. . .
"Sano?" Sagara blinked at him.
"Captain," Sanosuke choked. "It's okay, I'm going to get you out of this water, then we're going to get a fire going-"
"My. . . head."
"It's just a little bruised-"
"Bull shit," Sagara laughed and touched it. "It's split wide open. I hit it on a rock. And I'm dying."
"No you're not!" Sanosuke shouted, holding his captain with one arm and using the other to pull them toward the nearest bank. "I won't let you, damn it!"
"You can't stop it, Sanosuke," Sagara said, as Sanosuke drug them both onto the shore.
"Damn it!" Sanosuke shouted, punching a rock and shattering it.
"Damn, you have gotten strong," Sagara commented. "Sanosuke," he said then, urgently, his voice changing strangely.
"Captain?"
"I'm sorry."
"No."
"I am. Sorry for the innocents I killed and for bringing my madness into your life."
"It's not your fault," Sanosuke said hoarsly. "It's mine. If I had never been born then you couldn't have thrown me off the cliff. My supposed death wouldn't have tormented you. If I had never been born-"
"If you had never been born I would have been killed by that second spearman at that battle so many years ago. Remember it?" Sagara asked.
"Yes. But you would have survived. He didn't kill me and I was a child. He wouldn't have killed you. It would have been better if I'd never been born!" Sanosuke choked. Grief was overwhelming him. He was losing his older brother again! "If you had never been born my life would have been so much bleaker," Sagara said, reaching up for Sanosuke. Sanosuke took his hand. "Many lives would have been much bleaker. If you had never been born, I would have lost my sanity so much sooner. There were some children I let live because of your meamory. If you had never been born I would have lost myself completely."
"Captain Sagara," Sanosuke coughed to mask a sob. His eyes were burning terribly.
"Good bye," Sagara sighed, his eyes going dim. There was no trace of madness in them anymore. "My. . . brother. . ." There was no trace of life in his eyes anymore.
"Captain Sagara," Sanosuke moaned, shaking. "Brother. . ." He reached out with the hand that wasn't holding Sozo's and closed his friend's eyes. Then he knelt there for what seemed like the longest time, clenching his dead brother's hand and shaking. That was how Kaoru and Yahiko found him.