Part One: The Waiting Room
"It is fast approaching the point where I don't want to elect anyone
stupid enough to want the job."
~Erma Bombeck
"Whose bright idea was this anyway?" Madelyne Pryor asked, impatiently tossing the year old magazine back down on the table.
"The Professor's," Scott answered. He hadn't taken his eyes off the seaside painting on the wall across the room. Maybe if he just wished a little bit harder, he would end up there. Anywhere but here would be preferable.
"Ha! I should have known," Madelyne said bitterly, her voice grating on Scott's nerves. "You're just his lapdog, you realize that? A lying, cheating, two-timing--"
"Maddie, you're getting redundant," Nate Grey interrupted.
"That's only because there's no word good enough to capture the full--" Maddie continued.
"Mom, you promised." Scott thought Cable's voice was actually bordering on a whine just then. It had been pulling teeth to get him to agree to come.
To get any of them to agree to come.
"Don't get me started on listing what's wrong with you!" Jean growled, wrapping her hand possessively over Scott's arm.
"Butt out, sow," Maddie snapped.
"Oh, as Rogue would say, that tears it," Jean said, standing up as she shoved her sleeves up to her elbows. "You're tangling with the wrong X-Man!"
"Gee. I'm scared now. Miss Goodie Two-Shoes is having a hissy fit," Maddie said blandly.
It took the combined efforts of Scott, Nate, and Cable to keep Jean from tackling her.
"Jean! Stop it!" Scott ordered.
"That goes for you too, Mom," Cable said.
"Yeah, the receptionist is looking at us funny," Nate whispered, giving the wide-eyed brunette behind the desk a wan smile.
"Not to mention I will personally rip off your heads if you don't shut up," Stryfe snarled from his seat in the corner on the other side of the waiting room, peering at them from behind his hand, which he kept over his eyes. "Just looking at you people is giving me a headache."
"I've got a cure for that headache. C'mere and I'll show you," Cable said, with a grin much too feral for Scott's taste.
"Oh, lord, Nate. Don't you start too," he said.
"What did I do?" Nate Grey demanded.
"You--? Oh, I was talking to him," Scott said, pointing to Cable.
"Scott, get it right. He's Cable. I'm Nate."
"I'm older than you so it was my name first," Cable said.
"Oh, this is delightful," Stryfe groaned. "Dumb and Dumber's mommies didn't teach them to share."
"You're one to talk, Stryfe," Jean snapped.
"Why did you have to give us the same name?" Nate complained.
"Oh, quit whining," Jean told him, and sat down in a huff.
"I didn't name you!" Scott protested. "I didn't name Cable either."
"That's because you were too busy running around with that hussy!" Madelyne snapped.
"Hussy? The Goblin Queen who tried to sacrifice her son is calling me a hussy?" Jean asked incredulously.
"Oh, geez, do you have to bring up that little incident again? Past is past. My boy's forgiven me, haven't you Nathan?"
When Cable didn't answer immediately, everyone glanced at him.
"Nathan!?" Maddie screeched.
"Well, actually, now that you mention it...."
"Oh, I don't believe I'm hearing this!" Maddie said, throwing up her hands, exasperated.
"I only wish I wasn't," Stryfe complained.
"Mental note to self, find Blink and hitch a ride home," Nate muttered, sinking into a chair. "At least it was more peaceful there."
"What? Are you trying to leave me too?" Maddie's voice was nails on a chalkboard. "You're just like that no-good, lying father of yours!"
"Am I the only one here who thinks this is just sick?" Stryfe asked.
"Humpty Dumpty's calling us cracked?" Jean retorted.
Scott tensed as Stryfe stood up and took the empty seat next to Nate, draping his arm across his shoulder. Nate responded by leaning in the opposite direction far enough that he was practically in Maddie's lap, all the while looking at Stryfe as one might look at a slice of six month old meatloaf.
"Nate, brother, pal," Stryfe said, his tone clearly implying he thought of Nate as anything but, "let me explain something to you. Jean's your mother. Maddie's her clone. That makes Maddie your mother of sorts by default."
"That would be like me and Jean," Cable said.
"And that's just ... ew!" Jean agreed, shuddering for emphasis. At Cable's slightly wounded look, she hurriedly added: "not that I don't find you attractive ... err ... I mean, you're good-looking, umm ... I'm shutting up now."
"Please do," Stryfe growled. "You're going to make this guy rich trying to rid me of these mental images."
Scott merely rested his head in his hands and wondered what possessed him to follow up on Charles' suggestion.
"I have a question. What are we doing here?" Nate asked. "I mean, isn't Xavier a psychiatrist?"
"He's not crazy enough to try this himself," Jean muttered.
"Please, give this a chance," Scott begged. "I really think this would be beneficial to all of us, to work out unresolved issues in a safe environment."
"What, you mean killing Stryfe in the Danger Room doesn't apply?" Cable asked. Scott glared at him.
"Just promise me none of you will try to kill the therapist," Scott said.
"That's a lot to ask from this crowd," Stryfe said, then grinned wolfishly. "Especially me."
"You're not killing anybody today, Stryfe."
"Like you could stop me? You've never been able to in the past."
Before Stryfe was finished talking, Cable was at the very bottom of a dog pile in a frantic attempt to keep him away from Stryfe.
"I rest my case," Stryfe goaded.
"Stryfe, muzzle it!" Jean snapped.
"Yes, please!" Scott grunted, struggling to hold onto Cable, buried underneath the two women and Nate. "The therapist wouldn't appreciate brains splattered on the walls."
"What brains?" Cable growled.
"Nate, do you mind not sitting on me?" Jean snapped. "If you're going to participate in the dogpile, then do it!"
"I don't mind in the slightest," Nate said from somewhere on top of the heap. "I'm helping. It's called telekinetics. Try it sometime."
"Get offa me and I'll show ya a few tricks," Jean growled.
Suddenly Scott yelped. "OWW!!! MADDIE!! Knees do not go there!!"
And that was how the therapist found them in his waiting room. Stryfe sitting in a chair calmly, Cable struggling to get away from everyone ranting on about how he'll kill Stryfe, Nate sitting on top of everyone, reading a magazine, Scott exploring new realms of pain, Maddie kicking Jean in the kneecaps while Jean ripped at her hair....
And all Scott could do was wonder was why that poor man didn't turn tail and run the first chance he got.