I decided to head over to Morgan's, to see how she was doing. Eoife, of
course, had given me the report, but Morgan didn't know that, and I wanted
to see her. Unfortunately, she'd probably be fully clothed this time.
She must have sensed me coming up the walk because she opened the door before I got there. Her dark hair was braided, as usual, and she was wearing her regular jeans and a sweatshirt. She never went out of her way to look attractive, like Sky, Raven, or Bree. Somehow, she still looked better. "Hi," she said, as I neared.
"Hi," I said absently, sweeping my gaze self indulgently up her body and face. She looked fine, considerably better from last night. Which made sense, considering this time she wasn't vomiting into a toilet. "How are you feeling?" I thought to ask.
"Fine. Thanks for your help the other night," she looked a little embarrassed and avoided my gaze.
"You're welcome," I said, trying to seem Seeker-like. Adult and cold. "I'm here to receive your report. Can we go inside?"....and make out, I added silently, even though I knew she'd never go along with that. Not anymore, anyway.
She frowned at me, thinking, then seemed to remember that I'd asked her something. "No, you're not supposed to be in the house." I thought, I've been in before....when we were still together. She reached into her pocked and pulled out car keys. "Here, let's sit in Das Boot." Das Boot was what she'd named her enormous, sad excuse for a car. Not that mine was much better.
She brushed past me, and I let my gaze run over the back of her form as we both got in. You couldn't really blame me. It looked like that was the closest I was ever going to get. It was freezing inside, but she put on the heater, so it warmed up in a couple minutes.
"You met with Eoife this morning," I asked, even though I already knew the answer. I peeled off my gloves.
"Yes. Is Suzanna Mearis still in a coma?" She sounded worried.
I shook my head, staring out the window. "They did healing spells all day, and she woke up a little while ago."
She sighed, sounding relieved. "Thank the Goddess."
"Yes," I said nodding. Then I brought my gaze up to hers. "So tell me about Killian."
She shrugged, uncaring. "I saw him yesterday at Bree's. Practically everyone from Kithic as there. I asked him if he had contacted Ciaran, and he said he hadn't. Didn't Eoife tell you this?"
She had, of course, and I frowned, hoping Morgan wouldn't catch on. She looked down, and I knew she had. Oh, damn, I thought. But she didn't say anything.
"Anyway," she said, staring at her hands, self conscious. "I was about to send him a witch message, asking to get together."
I felt strangely compelled to express my dislike to her half-brother. I'd hated mine, after all.
"He's unbelievably slippery," I said, speaking to no one, really.
"Excuse me?" She sounded offended.
"He gets out of everything, like an eel," I went on, pretending I didn't hear her. "He got out of New York before the ritual, he got off scot-free the night you were sick. He careens through life, having a good time, and not worrying about anyone else." I also didn't mention what a hard time Sky had been having with Raven since we'd met him.
"I think that's a little harsh," she said. "Killian's---incredibly fun." I remembered when I first met him, how unhappy I'd been that Morgan liked him. We hadn't, of course, known they were siblings. I thought back, trying to remember if I had felt any sort of kinship with Cal when I'd first met him. No, actually, I'd disliked him. And after he nearly murdered Morgan, I hated him. "He's irresponsible," she went on, "but I don't think he's hurtful." Tell that to Sky, I thought, but bit my tongue. "There's no reason to think he's deliberately keeping Ciaran from meeting me."
I just looked at her, trying to figure out what was going on inside of her head. Did she still love me? I couldn't tell anymore. She swallowed hard and looked away.
"Give up the mission," I said quietly. I wasn't about to forget that she was in danger of getting herself killed....and was being so bloody stubborn about it, as usual.
"No, I'm getting it done."
"I don't think anyone can do it. It's too dangerous. I think Starlocket needs to disband and get out of town.
"Why don't they?" she asked.
I sighed, hopeless. "Covens never do. When they're in danger, they stay together, no matter what. A coven never splits up in they can help it. Almost never," I added, thinking of Mum and Da. "Most covens think they're less at risk if they stay together---the dark wave can't divide and conquer them."
She challenged me, of course. "We still have nine days. This could still work."
I shook my head, frustrated with her stubbornness. "Want to go have something to eat" I asked her. Why are you so goddamn pathetic, I asked myself. I was doing anything I could to spend time with someone who'd just barely broken up with me.
She shot me down, as usual. "I already ate. I've been studying all afternoon, trying to get caught up."
Good, studying, it's about time, I thought. "Deities? Correspondences? Basic forms of spellcraft?"
She looked embarrassed. "Uh, American History. For school."
I nodded, looking away from her. She made it easy to forget she was seventeen and still in school, but I still knew she should be studying more.
"I flunked a test today, so I'm trying to catch up. I'm so tempted to do a tath meanma on my teacher so I wouldn't have to study for the rest of the year."
I glanced at her. She knew she shouldn't be joking about things like that. "Morgan. Doing tath meanma with a regular human would likely leave that person a drooling vegetable."
"I was just kid-," she started, but I interrupted her.
"Rules about things like that exist for a reason. Witches with far more experience than you have created these guidelines to benefit everyone. They saw what could happen in magick went unchecked."
"I was just kidding," she said, stiff with anger. Great job of winning her back, Niall.
"Things are very clear for you, aren't they?" She asked, her voice soft and wistful. "Decisions are very clear, the right path is in front of you. You don't have to agonize with what's right or wrong."
I thought about that for a while. I wasn't fully Woodbane, and I didn't have Ciaran for a father, so the temptation of dark magick was probably much less than it was for her. But at the same time, I was half-Woodbane, and it wasn't as if I'd never been tempted to abuse my powers before. It would be insane to think that I hadn't. Was that why she'd broken up with me? I dismissed the thought. That was stupid. I was being stupid.
"Is that how I seem to you?" I asked softly.
She nodded.
"It isn't true. Sometimes nothing is clear. Sometimes there is no right path, no correct decision. Sometimes I absolutely want what I shouldn't have," Like you, I thought. "and to do what I shouldn't do. Sometimes I want to reach out, grab power from the air, and bend everything around me at my will." I gave a slight smile. I hadn't smiled for real in Goddess knows how long. "Most of the time I do all right. But not always, and not without struggle."
I waited, letting the words sink in. Her brown, uptilted eyes were large.
"That's what magick is," I continued. "Many choices, through your lifetime. How you make them determines who you are. And who you are determines how you make them."
She looked tired, rubbing her hands down her jeans. "I'll go call Killian," she sighed.
"All right. Be careful. Call me if you need me. Don't do anything that feels unsafe." My protective instinct kicking in.
She smiled weakly. "Yes, Dad," she joked.
Without even realizing it, I was across the sit, with my arm wrapped around her back and holding her roughly against me, abandoning all thoughts of being cold or civil. She gasped, her eyes wide, and I closed my own, and kissed her urgently. All the anger of her leaving me had evaporated, just leaving me with a bitter, unrequited, desire. The taste of her just made me bitter and even more hungry for her, so when she didn't respond, I'll pulled back.
Her eyes were huge, her breath coming in rapid gasps.
I stared at her. "I'm not your dad," I said pointedly. Then I willed myself out of that car and back into my own.
She must have sensed me coming up the walk because she opened the door before I got there. Her dark hair was braided, as usual, and she was wearing her regular jeans and a sweatshirt. She never went out of her way to look attractive, like Sky, Raven, or Bree. Somehow, she still looked better. "Hi," she said, as I neared.
"Hi," I said absently, sweeping my gaze self indulgently up her body and face. She looked fine, considerably better from last night. Which made sense, considering this time she wasn't vomiting into a toilet. "How are you feeling?" I thought to ask.
"Fine. Thanks for your help the other night," she looked a little embarrassed and avoided my gaze.
"You're welcome," I said, trying to seem Seeker-like. Adult and cold. "I'm here to receive your report. Can we go inside?"....and make out, I added silently, even though I knew she'd never go along with that. Not anymore, anyway.
She frowned at me, thinking, then seemed to remember that I'd asked her something. "No, you're not supposed to be in the house." I thought, I've been in before....when we were still together. She reached into her pocked and pulled out car keys. "Here, let's sit in Das Boot." Das Boot was what she'd named her enormous, sad excuse for a car. Not that mine was much better.
She brushed past me, and I let my gaze run over the back of her form as we both got in. You couldn't really blame me. It looked like that was the closest I was ever going to get. It was freezing inside, but she put on the heater, so it warmed up in a couple minutes.
"You met with Eoife this morning," I asked, even though I already knew the answer. I peeled off my gloves.
"Yes. Is Suzanna Mearis still in a coma?" She sounded worried.
I shook my head, staring out the window. "They did healing spells all day, and she woke up a little while ago."
She sighed, sounding relieved. "Thank the Goddess."
"Yes," I said nodding. Then I brought my gaze up to hers. "So tell me about Killian."
She shrugged, uncaring. "I saw him yesterday at Bree's. Practically everyone from Kithic as there. I asked him if he had contacted Ciaran, and he said he hadn't. Didn't Eoife tell you this?"
She had, of course, and I frowned, hoping Morgan wouldn't catch on. She looked down, and I knew she had. Oh, damn, I thought. But she didn't say anything.
"Anyway," she said, staring at her hands, self conscious. "I was about to send him a witch message, asking to get together."
I felt strangely compelled to express my dislike to her half-brother. I'd hated mine, after all.
"He's unbelievably slippery," I said, speaking to no one, really.
"Excuse me?" She sounded offended.
"He gets out of everything, like an eel," I went on, pretending I didn't hear her. "He got out of New York before the ritual, he got off scot-free the night you were sick. He careens through life, having a good time, and not worrying about anyone else." I also didn't mention what a hard time Sky had been having with Raven since we'd met him.
"I think that's a little harsh," she said. "Killian's---incredibly fun." I remembered when I first met him, how unhappy I'd been that Morgan liked him. We hadn't, of course, known they were siblings. I thought back, trying to remember if I had felt any sort of kinship with Cal when I'd first met him. No, actually, I'd disliked him. And after he nearly murdered Morgan, I hated him. "He's irresponsible," she went on, "but I don't think he's hurtful." Tell that to Sky, I thought, but bit my tongue. "There's no reason to think he's deliberately keeping Ciaran from meeting me."
I just looked at her, trying to figure out what was going on inside of her head. Did she still love me? I couldn't tell anymore. She swallowed hard and looked away.
"Give up the mission," I said quietly. I wasn't about to forget that she was in danger of getting herself killed....and was being so bloody stubborn about it, as usual.
"No, I'm getting it done."
"I don't think anyone can do it. It's too dangerous. I think Starlocket needs to disband and get out of town.
"Why don't they?" she asked.
I sighed, hopeless. "Covens never do. When they're in danger, they stay together, no matter what. A coven never splits up in they can help it. Almost never," I added, thinking of Mum and Da. "Most covens think they're less at risk if they stay together---the dark wave can't divide and conquer them."
She challenged me, of course. "We still have nine days. This could still work."
I shook my head, frustrated with her stubbornness. "Want to go have something to eat" I asked her. Why are you so goddamn pathetic, I asked myself. I was doing anything I could to spend time with someone who'd just barely broken up with me.
She shot me down, as usual. "I already ate. I've been studying all afternoon, trying to get caught up."
Good, studying, it's about time, I thought. "Deities? Correspondences? Basic forms of spellcraft?"
She looked embarrassed. "Uh, American History. For school."
I nodded, looking away from her. She made it easy to forget she was seventeen and still in school, but I still knew she should be studying more.
"I flunked a test today, so I'm trying to catch up. I'm so tempted to do a tath meanma on my teacher so I wouldn't have to study for the rest of the year."
I glanced at her. She knew she shouldn't be joking about things like that. "Morgan. Doing tath meanma with a regular human would likely leave that person a drooling vegetable."
"I was just kid-," she started, but I interrupted her.
"Rules about things like that exist for a reason. Witches with far more experience than you have created these guidelines to benefit everyone. They saw what could happen in magick went unchecked."
"I was just kidding," she said, stiff with anger. Great job of winning her back, Niall.
"Things are very clear for you, aren't they?" She asked, her voice soft and wistful. "Decisions are very clear, the right path is in front of you. You don't have to agonize with what's right or wrong."
I thought about that for a while. I wasn't fully Woodbane, and I didn't have Ciaran for a father, so the temptation of dark magick was probably much less than it was for her. But at the same time, I was half-Woodbane, and it wasn't as if I'd never been tempted to abuse my powers before. It would be insane to think that I hadn't. Was that why she'd broken up with me? I dismissed the thought. That was stupid. I was being stupid.
"Is that how I seem to you?" I asked softly.
She nodded.
"It isn't true. Sometimes nothing is clear. Sometimes there is no right path, no correct decision. Sometimes I absolutely want what I shouldn't have," Like you, I thought. "and to do what I shouldn't do. Sometimes I want to reach out, grab power from the air, and bend everything around me at my will." I gave a slight smile. I hadn't smiled for real in Goddess knows how long. "Most of the time I do all right. But not always, and not without struggle."
I waited, letting the words sink in. Her brown, uptilted eyes were large.
"That's what magick is," I continued. "Many choices, through your lifetime. How you make them determines who you are. And who you are determines how you make them."
She looked tired, rubbing her hands down her jeans. "I'll go call Killian," she sighed.
"All right. Be careful. Call me if you need me. Don't do anything that feels unsafe." My protective instinct kicking in.
She smiled weakly. "Yes, Dad," she joked.
Without even realizing it, I was across the sit, with my arm wrapped around her back and holding her roughly against me, abandoning all thoughts of being cold or civil. She gasped, her eyes wide, and I closed my own, and kissed her urgently. All the anger of her leaving me had evaporated, just leaving me with a bitter, unrequited, desire. The taste of her just made me bitter and even more hungry for her, so when she didn't respond, I'll pulled back.
Her eyes were huge, her breath coming in rapid gasps.
I stared at her. "I'm not your dad," I said pointedly. Then I willed myself out of that car and back into my own.