***
Simon stood by the side of the road, dumbfounded, looking at the card in his hand. Jack's name was printed above the words "Head Bartender, McSweeney's", and his phone number. There was a trippy tie-dye color design in the background that looked cool, almost hypnotic.
He could not allow himself to get hypnotized by the design, though, because he had to get home immediately. He pocketed the card and quickly walked the remaining blocks to his house, hoping none of the neighbors would see him and report to his parents that he had come home at 5:30 in the morning.
Before long, he reached his kitchen door. Quietly he pulled his keys from his pocket, found the right key, and unlocked the door, hoping that Happy would not start barking if she heard him.
Silence.
He cautiously closed the door behind him, re-locked it, sneaked through the kitchen to the back staircase, and climbed it.
Silence.
He sneaked across the hallway into his room, gently closed the door, took off his shoes and jacket, and hopped into bed.
Silence.
This was surreal.
Simon had been more than half-expecting Mom, Dad, Matt, Ruthie, or any combination of them to be waiting for him in the kitchen or the living room. On any other night they would have been. In fact, on any other night he wouldn't have made it to the bar in the first place. He wouldn't even have made it two blocks in Morris's jeep without someone following him, watching him, stalking him, making sure he did the right thing – the Camden thing.
But things had been different lately. Simon wondered exactly when things had started changing to the way they had become; was it Matt's engagement, Mom's banishment of her children to the garage treehouse, Mary's exile to Buffalo, Dad's heart problems?
Things had been so much better when he was just a kid; he really wanted to figure out precisely when things had started changing for the worse. His head ached too much to fully revisit his many painful memories, though, and he fell asleep again. He fell asleep – feeling extremely lucky that his secret seemed so safe – in the comfort of his own bed.
***
He was in his house, only the rooms didn't look the same. It was home, but not.
Almost everyone was there – Mom, Dad, Matt, Ruthie, Lucy, Robbie, and Mary. The twins and Happy were absent. Everyone looked a few years younger, save for him.
They were in the kitchen. Eating at the table. Nothing seemed wrong, except there was a spot on the floor, a strange circle Simon had never noticed before. It was orange and big, about a foot in diameter, maybe more.
While everyone else ate, Simon stared at it. He couldn't help but stare at it. Nobody else at the table seemed to perceive it.
Then, without speaking, Matt stood up from the table. No one seemed to notice Matt's movement, except for Simon. Matt walked to the spot, stood directly on top of it, then turned to face Simon. Simon could not tell if Matt even knew the spot was there.
Then Matt was gone. Vanished.
Then Ruthie stood up. She walked to the spot. She faced Simon. Vanished.
One by one, they all walked to the spot, Mom, Dad, Mary, and Robbie, all turning to face him. Vanished.
-Lucy. No, please, not you. Don't desert me too, Lucy!-
Vanished. One by one, until Simon was alone.
***
He woke with a start and checked his surroundings to make sure it had been just a dream. Of course it had been, but nonetheless, what a relief.
His head still hurt, but the ache was dull and distant now, not nearly as splitting as it had felt earlier. There was an awful smell in his nose. After thinking for a minute, Simon figured out the odor was probably a mixture of various forms of alcohol, dried kugel, and digestive juices. Disgusting.
Simon felt dirty and slimy over every inch of his body. Never had he wanted a shower more. He looked at the clock by his bedside…11:05 A.M. His family usually didn't let him sleep this late, even on Saturdays. Had they vanished? No, he heard voices outside his door, distant. Was everyone downstairs? If so, the shower should be available.
As he stood in the shower washing away the stench of last night, Simon noticed that his balance was imperfect. More than once, he had to steady himself to keep from toppling. Simon worried that he still wasn't completely sober, and that something might happen to expose him in front of his family.
He remembered what Jack had said about drinking water and eating fruit. After dressing, he went downstairs to the kitchen and got a glass of water, an apple, and a banana. Then he checked the floor to verify that no strange orange spots had appeared.
Simon noticed that Mom sat at the table, quietly sipping coffee while Sam and David played with blocks on the floor. It seemed a bit later than usual for Mom to be drinking coffee. She looked a little rough, with the bags under her eyes standing out more than they normally did.
"Good morning, Mom," he said, sitting down next to her.
His words appeared to snap her out of deep thought. Jerking her head to face him she said, "Good morning, Simon, I didn't even hear you come downstairs."
Weird. Simon had expected to get yelled at, or interrogated about where he had been last night. Instead she had not even noticed him when he had been right in front of her. Simon checked the floor, again confirming that no orange spots had suddenly appeared.
"What's going on?" he asked.
"Not much right now. Your father's working on tomorrow's sermon, Lucy and Mary are upstairs working on homework together, and Robbie and Ruthie went to the grocery store to pick up some things for me. I don't really know where Matt is…" she trailed off, and the faraway look returned to her face.
Nothing. No 'Simon where were you last night.' No 'What time did you get home.' Nothing.
"Mom, are you OK?"
She was snapped back to reality from her thoughts again, "Oh, me? Yes, I'm fine, just fine. I'm worried about your father, though. I'm very worried. He's having such a difficult time with Matt's engagement."
Simon exhaled loudly through his nostrils and angrily bit the tip off the banana.
Of course it was Matt, Matt and his big fat announcement. That's why everyone was so off-balance right now. Any time Matt had ever done anything as small as taking a crap it had always been big Camden news, so of course his engagement had everyone acting as if the end of the world were near.
Simon wondered why no one seemed to care what he did any more. It seemed like lately any time he ever did anything – whether it was deserving of praise or scorn – it might get acknowledged, but it would certainly be overshadowed by whatever Matt was doing. Hell, after Matt had made his engagement announcement, Simon's family had even seemed to forget he had gotten drunk at the senior party – and that might have been the worst thing Simon had ever done until last night. Nobody seemed to have noticed he had been missing last night either…not yet, anyway. Indeed Simon thought it strange, what with his historically nosy family, that neither his siblings nor his parents seemed to care what he was doing anymore – unless, of course, it directly affected them or the Camden family image.
With Matt's upcoming graduation and his full scholarship to graduate school, he had, in his parents' opinions, been the only Camden child properly maintaining that image lately – up until the engagement announcement. But then again, it had always been that way, hadn't it? Matt could do no wrong.
For a long time, Simon had accepted the fact that Matt was his parents' favorite child – maybe accepted was not the right word, but he had at least gotten used to it. He had also gotten used to their double standard when it came to Matt. He knew that he, Lucy, and Mary had received less praise their whole lives for doing the same things as Matt. Getting confirmed, making the honor roll – for Matt announcements were mailed, phone calls were made, gifts were received, and parties were thrown. Mere pats on the back, handshakes, hugs, kisses, and ice cream were given to the others.
Conversely, his parents had always punished the others more sternly than Matt for doing bad things. Granted, Matt never really did anything bad, but there's no way they would have sent him to live with the Colonel for a year the way they had done with Mary.
It bothered Simon, but he had never blamed Matt for it. Matt had always been good to him – always, that is, up until that one moment when everything in the house had changed.
Aha! Simon had stumbled upon that point he had been trying to think of earlier, the time when things had started noticeably changing in the house. It was the time when everyone had started going a bit nutty, when his parents got their first taste of empty nest syndrome, and when his siblings and he began to feel a shift in the power structure of the Camden household.
It had been when Matt first decided to move out. Simon recalled how excited he had been, both for his big brother and himself. Matt was finally going to start the exciting life of a single bachelor residing away from home, and Simon was going to become "the man of the house".
Only it hadn't worked out that way. Mom, Dad, Mary, Lucy, and Ruthie had sneered at or ignored Simon's attempts to be "the man". And Matt had laughed at him. He had just plain laughed.
Simon felt rage smoldering inside him, even now, recalling how much Matt had hurt him then. Over the following years, he had tried so hard to forgive the brother he had loved for so long before then. But since that moment, he had never been able to feel quite the same about Matt. The pain and humiliation had been too strong for Simon ever to forget.
How could his own brother have had such a low opinion about his ability to act like a man, especially considering that he and his father had been the only two examples of "men" Simon had ever really looked up to? Worse, how could Matt have laughed in Simon's face so callously, knowing that Simon was right in the middle of an already awkward adolescence?
Come to think of it, what made Matt so much better than him anyway? The loser had been through a nearly boundless procession of girlfriends, stalking each one with an obsessiveness bordering on psychosis. Then he had come back to live at home, letting his parents treat him like a ten-year-old again and actually seeming to enjoy it. That was the sickest part. At age twenty-two, Matt actually seemed to like sleeping on Hello Kitty sheets and having a curfew to obey.
Of course, it was possible that Matt had just been acting the way his parents wanted him to while he was under their roof, secretly subduing his true desires all along. Maybe he had finally snapped under all the pressure from the silly rules, the self-restraint, and the lack of sex, and that's why he had run out and gotten engaged to someone he barely knew.
Maybe, but who actually knew why Matt was doing anything? He hadn't really bothered to explain himself to anyone, especially Simon – in fact, he never seemed to have time for Simon anymore, always studying, working at the hospital, kissing his parents' asses, stalking girlfriends, proposing to women he didn't know.
If living under one's parents' roof and not "getting any" made an adult resort to that kind of behavior, Simon vowed he would never go the same route as Matt. The first sexual opportunity that presented itself, Simon would not turn away – to hell with getting married or engaged first. And he would sure as hell leave home the minute he knew he could sustain himself on his own.
***
Simon finished his water and fruit while sorting through all these thoughts, but he still felt sluggish. He needed coffee. He poured himself a mug from the pot his mother had made, sat back down at the table with her, and resumed thinking about Matt.
Oh well. At least while the family was obsessed with Matt's engagement, then Simon could begin to live under the Camden roof – yet outside the Camden rules – without facing harsh consequences. Indeed it was a convenient time for Matt to have introduced this distraction….
Both Annie and Simon were distracted now. As they sat at the table sipping coffee, absorbed deeply by their thoughts, Happy strolled through the kitchen. Having just eaten her mid-day meal, she sloppily smacked her lips and a stray piece of dog food dropped from them to the floor. Sam picked it up and ate it while David clapped and laughed.